Welcome to my profile.
Better to write for yourself and have no public than to write for the public and have no self.
Quotes (Some are funny, some are not but I bet you'll love them all anyway :D)
If you can't beat them, join them.
I know when to stop. I know when to let things go. I know when to move on. But "I know" is different from "I can".
Gaston: "How can you read this? There are no pictures in it."
It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose someone you love with your useless pride.
Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence and thrice is enemy action.
Hurt me with the truth. But never comfort me with a lie.
A scar simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.
Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them nearly as much.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
It's not illegal if you don't get caught.
Innocent until proven guilty.
There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is full
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
They say "guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled "BANG", I don't think you'd kill too many people.
No law works unless money is spent to enforce that law.
When life hands you lemons, make grape juice, sit back and let the rest of the world wonder how you did it.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
There are three kinds of people: Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the Universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a chair has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch it to be sure.
You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
Whoever said that words don't hurt never got hit by a dictionary.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.
A repair shop: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... if you throw it hard enough.
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved their countries' problems?
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.
Calling someone fat doesn't make you skinnier, and calling someone ugly doesn't make you prettier.
Nobody is worth your tears. And the one that is won't make you cry.
Be insane... because well-behaved girls never made history.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Never knock on Death’s door; ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.
To the world, you are just one person; but to one person, you are the world.
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected.
You know it's a bad day when you fall out of bed and you miss the floor.
I was gifted but the psychiatrist took away my superpowers.
Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited, imagination encircles the world.
Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not.
Every cloud doesn't have a silver lining. Don't fall for this drivel. It's just deeply unscientific propaganda put out by optimists. In fact, it's more likely that every cloud has a lead lining which means all our reservoirs are full of poisoned water.
There are two ways to slice easily through life; to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking.
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
The road to success is always under construction.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep... not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
Being a woman is a terribly difficult task; it consists principally in dealing with men.
Lots of your friends want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.
Flirting is the art of keeping intimacy at a safe distance.
Some say the glass is half empty. Some say the glass is half full. I say, "Are you gonna drink that, or stare at it all day?"
I'm a nobody. Nobody's perfect. Conclusion: I'm perfect!
Always laugh when you can. It's cheaper than medicine.
Love is like a fire, but whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house; you can never tell.
Life is not the amount of breaths you take; it’s the moments that take your breath away.
The easiest way to teach children the value of money is to borrow some from them.
A recent study shows that men who are married live longer than single men, but they’re a lot more willing to die.
Best friends are those who, when you show up at their door with a dead body, say nothing, grab a shovel, and follow you.
When people ask dumb questions, I feel obligated to give sarcastic answers.
Power corrupts. Knowledge is power. Study hard. Be evil.
I found life’s answers in my room;
The fan said, "Be cool."
The roof said, "Aim high."
The window said, "See the world."
The clock said, "Every minute is precious."
The mirror said, "Reflect before you act."
The calender said, "Be up to date."
The door said, "Push hard for your goals."
The carpet said, "Kneel down and pray."
In Remembrance to Severus Snape:
Fire and Ice
Some say the world will end in fire,
Do you remember an Inn,