Poll: What is your favorite TV bromance? Vote Now!
Author has written 11 stories for Merlin, Zoey 101, Radio Dramas, Supernatural, and White Collar.
To my fellow Merlinions out there: Hey! This is DeleaMarie (In case you'd forgotten whose profile page you clicked on!). I'm here to address a serious problem in the Merlin fandom: Character-Whumping. (Cue gasps of horror) Yes, I know, we've all seen it! It is the guilty pleasure of a great many of us, myself included! Whether they write it, read it, or just plain THINK about it, whumpers are everywhere. Some of us, though, recognize the need for change. That is why I have organized a support group known as 'Whumpers Anonymous'. It is for all those fanfiction writers everywhere who know of their problem and are willing to work towards a common goal. Feel free to PM me for any information regarding 'Whumpers Anonymous'.
BELOW ARE THE MINUTES TO AN ACTUAL 'WHUMPERS ANONYMOUS' MEETING (Note: names--except for mine--have been changed to ensure privacy):
DeleaMarie: (stands up, staring at her feet) "Hello, my name's DeleaMarie, and... I'm a whumper."
Other Members: (mutter in a bored monotone) "Hi, DeleaMarie."
Smart Aleck Member: (sarcastic) "Oh, well that clears things up! Be specific- we're all whumpers here!"
DeleaMarie: (blushes) "Oh! Well... um... I'm a Gwaine-whumper..."
Other Members: (gasp in unison) "A... A Gwaine-whumper?" (begin to mutter amongst themselves)
DeleaMarie: (nods miserably) "It's true! I- I've threatened to cut his hair... I've hit him with a frying pan... I even insulted the odor of his socks!" (starts to tear up)
Sympathetic Member: (pats back soothingly) "There, there... It'll be alright! We all have whumping problems!"
DeleaMarie: (sobs) "But most of you are Merlin-whumpers! At least then you can say that you do it for the sake of Merlin/Arthur bromance! I don't have that excuse! I do it because... because... Because I think it's funny!" (buries head in hands)
Other Members: (more muttering)
Gwaine-Megafan Member: (glares and takes a step towards DeleaMarie) "You think it's funny? You enjoy seeing Gwaine hurt? What kind of a monster are you? What has Gwaine ever done to you besides blind you with his awesomeness and great hair?"
DeleaMarie: (sniffles and thinks about it) "Well... He does kind of intrude on the Merlin/Arthur bromance a bit... Maybe whumping him is my way of telling him to back off?" (looks around hopefully at other members)
Other Members: (raise eyebrows at this new information and mutter some more)
Shy Member: (hesitantly) "She does have a point... I've always kind of thought that about him... I've just been too scared of what other people would think to actually do something about it!"
Other Members: (appear to not be able to do anything other than mutter and so do that some more)
Gwaine-Megafan Member: (looks shocked) "That's no excuse at all! Gwaine has gone his whole life without a friend, and now, when he's finally found Merlin, you just want to take that away from him!"
DeleaMarie: (smiles sheepishly) "Well, when you put it like that..."
Gwaine-Megafan Member: (shakes head in disgust) "You sicken me, DeleaMarie!"
Sympathetic Member: (holds up hands placatingly) "Now, girls! Remember: We all have problems! Only from each other can we receive the support we need to change our whumping ways! Now, please- stop judging, and let's focus on DeleaMarie!"
Gwaine-Megafan Member: (rolls her eyes angrily) "It's too late for that! She obviously doesn't regret her actions, and I'm not going to go to class with a Gwaine-whumper! They're even worse than all the Arthur-whumpers out there!"
Arthur-Whumping Member: (stands and scowls menacingly at her) "What? Well, at least I'm not an Uther-whumper like some people I could name!"
Uther-Whumping Member: (outraged) "Oh yeah? What about Fangirl-whumpers? You got a problem with those?" (rolls up sleeves and steps forward threateningly)
Sympathetic Member: (steps between them) "Whumpers, please!"
Random Member: (snarls) "Shut it, Gaius-whumper!"
Sympathetic Member: "Oh, that's it!" (tackles Random Member)
All Members: (stand and start yelling, screaming, kicking, punching, muttering, and just generally whumping each other)
New Member: (sticks head through the doorway and interrupts) "Excuse me, is this where 'Whumpers Anonymous' is meeting? 'Cuz I have this Percival problem..."
All Members: (freeze and stare at her with open mouths)
Remember: 'Whumpers Anonymous' is a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping all of those fanfiction writers and readers who want to make a difference in their fandom. In our group, you will find the support and encouragement you need to give up whumping for good (or at least feel vaguely guilty every time you use it). We promise not to judge you or your whumps (Unless, of course, you whump Percy, in which case we shall probably attack you with all things pointy.).
PM me if you would like to join or apply to be a group leader. Please include a list of references or mention a story you have written in which you have whumped the character whose group you are joining (Or, if you haven't written a whumping story, mention one of your favorite That-Character-Whumping fics). Thank you for your time and consideration.
Stop Whumping Before It Stops You (Or Your Favorite Merlin Character) Permanently
P.S. If you are a proud whumper and have no desire to change your violent ways, feel free to check out our meetings anyway! We welcome all newcomers, and refreshments are provided! Just come prepared to laugh and share your favorite whumping memory!
Alright! If you made it through all that, you are clearly either extremely bored or as crazy as I am (I hope it's the second! I'm always looking for kindred spirits...). Now, you probably clicked on my page because you actually wanted to find out a bit about me. Other than my inherent insanity, here are some things you should know...
I'm a Christian and proud of it!
I'm quirky (You may or may not have already figured this out...).
Because I am quirky, I enjoy having conversations with quirky people (Especially if they involve diabolical plots and bad-guy monologues!). If you are quirky, we shall most likely have great fun and take over the world (Though, not necessarily in that order.).
I have a bit of an obsession problem (But you probably already knew that--why else would I be writing fanfiction?).
I was dropped as a baby. Off the Cliffs of Insanity.
I've been writing stories and poems since I was knee-high to a grasshopper, and it is my goal to one day become a published author (If you ever read a story with a character named Delea, it was most likely written by me. Unless it's horrible. Then it was written by someone else. ;P).
I'm always the Mafia. Just saying.
ABOUT MY STORIES:
Because I'm bored, here's a little poem I wrote about the content of my stories:
No slash or smut
(Not my best work, but it gets the message across.)
Humor-wise, my stories will be pretty diverse. I've got my All-Humor/All-the-Time Merlin drabble series that I'm writing, and that includes everything from random silliness to witty wordplay (Well, my attempts at wit, anyway...). My personal humor is mostly snarky sarcasm and deadpan jokes, which, unfortunately, means that a lot of people can't tell if I'm being serious or not (Hint: I'm never serious. Ever.).
I write bromance mostly, due to the simple fact that it's one of the greatest things in the world. I may try my hand at romance from time to time (such as with my Quogan story), but my biggest literary love has always been friendship- and family-centric fics.
RANDOM FAVORITE STUFF:
Eh, if you're really interested, just check out some of my favorite fics--that'll give you the gist of my favorite movies/shows/bromances/pairings/etc.
A COUPLE THINGS I'VE LEARNED IN LIFE:
1. If you get someone shot, you apologize.
2. In basketball, the other guy getting the ball in the hoop is bad.
3. Duckies are the horsies of the ocean.
4. Most 7th grade relationships end in marriage.
5. When the hamster comes off its wheel, it is wise for the gerbil to flee.
6. Don't trust the pineapple.
7. You're always playing Yellow Car.
8. A man who is alright does not pace.
9. Killing people doesn't make them like you. It just makes them dead.
10. Polar bears are BRILLIANT!
11. Thirty is a gathering, not a throng.
12. Historically, very few hijackings have been carried out by otters.
13. Orange is the scariest of all the colors.
14. When hunting a shapeshifter, always shoot the corpse first. Just in case.
15. Being buried alive is not the same thing as locking yourself in a woodshed.
16. Turducken is like the perfect storm of your top three edible birds.
17. We may be different, but we are all fruits.
18. Windex cures any injury.
19. The heart stores memories.
20. Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock is the only way to settle a dispute.
21. Dead people should be dead.
22. The moon is really just the back of the sun.
23. An analogy is a thought with another thought's hat on.
24. One needs perfect quiet when one is expressing oneself.
25. October 19th isn't just a date, it's a state of mind.
26. There is no such thing as a random series of robbery-murders by your evil twins.
27. If someone tries to kill you, you try and kill them right back.
28. Dogs are not allowed in the dog park.
29. Naked carjacking is the worst kind of carjacking.
30. Sometimes you just bend spaghetti to watch it break.
31. A book is nothing more than a painting of words, which are the notes on the tapestry of the greatest film ever sculpted.
That's it for me, I suppose... If you've made it this far, all that's left is for you to check out the stories at the bottom of this page! So don't be shy! Read. Review. Repeat.
Hugs and Butterfly Kisses,
EDIT 4/19/13 P.S. I didn't feel it was necessary to add this before, but since I keep receiving applications (and I can't tell if these people are being serious or not), let me just tell you once and for all: Whumpers Anonymous isn't real. I mean, I'm perfectly fine with chatting with anyone who's interested about whumping and the need for change and all that jazz, but as for an actual organization? With meetings and cookies and daily affirmations? Nope. Sorry.
(That being said, Whumpers Anonymous is a registered trademark of DeleaMarie Industries, Inc. Any usage of said term without the CEO's written legal consent is a violation of copyright laws and could result in imprisonment and a fine of up to $27,439.67)
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