Poll: So... Detective Conan Vampire AU. Anyone interested? Vote Now!
Author has written 17 stories for Detective Conan/Case Closed, Phineas and Ferb, Gravity Falls, Code Lyoko, Soul Eater, Doctor Who, and Homestuck.
Tumblr: Vexatiousreaper (all homestuck there, sorry)
Hi. I'm DetectiveLion, Lion, DL, etc. I'll skip all the about me crap that no one reads. Have some feels and funnies!
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar o f Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On a can of cashews: Warning: May contain cashews. (Really? I never would have guessed!)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity copy and paste this into your profile! XD
This is a story about God. Read if you believe in him, and read even if you don't.
A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.
As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.
The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?
Repost this if you truly believe in God
Some random quotes
"Do you need a reason? ...Do you need a reason to save someone's life? ...People kill each other and I don't understand why, but for saving a life, is a logical reason necessary?"
-Kudo Shinichi, Detective Conan
"I'm in shock; look, I've got a blanket!"
Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock
“If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence of trying.”
“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
“In my world, everyone's a pony and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies!”
“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?”
“You’ll miss the best things if you keep your eyes shut.”
“I'm afraid that sometimes you'll play lonely games too. Games you can't win 'cause you'll play against you.”
“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."
“I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees. I speak for the trees for the trees have no tongues."
“Remember me and smile, for it's better to forget than to remember me and cry.”
“I know, up on top you are seeing great sights, but down here at the bottom we, too, should have rights.”
“Oh the places you'll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all."
"Adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them"
"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not."
-Dr Seuss (If you haven't noticed yet, I idolize this guy)
1. Being Gay Is Not Natural
And real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, air conditioning, tattoos, piercings and silicon breasts...
2. Gay Marriage Will Encourage People To Be Gay
In the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3. Legalizing Gay Marriage Will Open The Door To All Kinds Of
People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has
4. Straight Marriage Has Been Around A Long Time And Hasn't Changed At All
Hence why women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5. Straight Marriage Will Be Less Meaningful If Gay Marriage Were Allowed
And we can't let the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage be destroyed.
6. Straight Marriages Are Valid Because They Produce Children
So therefore, gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our population isn't out of control, our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7. Obviously Gay Parents Will Raise Gay Children
Since, of course, straight parents only raise straight children.
8. Gay Marriage Is Not Supported By Religion
In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9. Children Can Never Succeed Without A Male And A Female Role Model
Which is exactly why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10. Gay Marriage Will Change The Foundation Of Society; We Could Never Adapt To New Social Norms
Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
Add This To Your Profile If You Think LOVE Makes A Marriage!
Warning: the following poem could make you cry.
My name is Tiffany
And if you read this and don’t pass it on. I pray for your forgiveness. Because you would have to be. One heartless person. To not be effected. By this Poem. And because you are effected. Do something about it! So all i ask you to do.Is pass this on! IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE
If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven
4 REASONS NOT TO MESS WITH CHILDREN AND WHY THEY ARE CONSIDERED DIABOLICAL
1. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
2. One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the sink. She suddenly notices that her mother had several strands of white hair on her head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Momma?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time you do something to make me sad or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl pondered this revelation for a while, then said, "Momma, how come ALL of Grandma's hairs are white?"
3. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'that's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
4. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
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