Author has written 21 stories for Twilight, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Hunger Games, Shake It Up!, and Hetalia - Axis Powers.
my FictionPress account: Link isn't working so, just search for author: Selera Rae Austin
a link to my Quotev profile:
favorite couples (books)
Katniss/ Peeta (obviously)
Katniss/Cato(yeah, I'll admit it, Kato's cute together.)
School of Fear
Wizards of Waverly Place
Sonny with a chance
Austin and Ally
Shake it up
For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST hear crazy God voices in my head.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker. (not fully a fangirl... Somewhat of one)
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems.
I am an HONOR STUDENT, so I MUST be a NERD.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
My name is May
I am but three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can't speak at all
I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up
All the day long
When I awake
I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home.
When my mommy does come
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just
One whipping tonight
Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar.
I hear him curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall.
I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm starting to cry.
He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault
That he suffers at work.
He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door.
He's already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.
"I'm sorry," I scream
But its now much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate.
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor.
My name is May
And I am but three,
Tonight my daddy,
Hush, little sister
Please don't cry
I wish I could be there
To sing you a lullaby
I can see your arms
Bloodied and bruised
That's strange, little sister
Mine were like that too
I know you scream
When Daddy's there
Hush, little sister
I know you're scared
I can see the way
He's hurting you
I'm sorry, little sister
He did that to me too
I know that people
Ignore what's going on at home
That makes me angry, little sister
You shouldn't have to be alone
Hey, little sister
You want to know why I'm not there?
It's a sad story, little sister
But people should care
You see, little sister
One day Daddy got high
You were asleep in your crib
So you didn't hear my cry
He screamed at me
And smashed my head against the door
While you slept, little sister
I died on the floor
You know, little sister
I don't think that I would have died
If someone had only bothered
To listen to my cries
But hush, little sister
Daddy's coming home
Quick, get into bed
You don't want him to find you alone
I'm sorry little sister
He's in a bad mood
Run while you can
Uh oh little sister
He's lifting his belt
Scream while you can, little sister
Call for help
Hush little sister
You don't need to cry
No one can hurt you
You're in my arms tonight.
How to know if you are obsessed with the Hunger Games!!! :D (bold are me :)
1. Whenever you are having any kind of competition, you state the rules, and then say "And may the odds be ever in your favor!"
19. If someone asks for your address, you say "District 12"
Your Godly Parent is...(bold what you are)
You like being in charge.
You often wish you could just zap someone with a thunderbolt.
You were voted Class President.
You try to do what’s best for everyone.
You think you have what it takes to run for President.
You think every problem has a solution.
You love showing off.
You like plane rides
You are hydrophobiac
You feel at home in the water.
Your favorite vacation place is at the beach.
You enjoy snorkeling, scuba diving, surfing, etc.
You want to do something about the marine species being abused today.
You visit the local pool on a regular basis.
You swim professionally.
You hate seafood.
You never get seasick.
You’d rather ride a boat than a plane.
You are acrophobic
You’re not that much of a people person.
You like staying in the dark and writing poems.
You experience bad moods on a regular basis.
You like listening to loud, angry music.
You spend most of your time alone.
You think parties are sometimes loud and annoying.
You like to keep to yourself.
All your closets are padlocked.
You write in diary/journal.
You feel most active at night.
You own a garden.
You like the great outdoors.
You have a green thumb.
You’re an environmentalist.
You have a special connection with animals.
You’re a vegetarian.
You like going hiking, camping, and looking at the natural wonders of the world
You always check a product if it’s environmentally-friendly.
You love going to flower shops.
You think global warming is a threat that must be dealt with.
You often start fights.
You’re a very aggressive type of person.
You like watching wrestling.
You like reading about war.
You don’t take crap from anybody.
You have anger management.
You never back away from a fight.
Everyone does what you say.
You don’t always think before you do something.
You have an insatiable thirst for knowledge.
You’re probably the only person who visit the library on a regular basis.
Half of your Christmas presents last year were books.
You like reading about war, mostly about the reasons and controversies behind it.
You’re the valedictorian in your class.
You’ve never gotten a grade below 90 in your report card.
You get political jokes without asking people to explain them.
You think it would be better if you were the President.
You have a huge shelf of books at home.
You think vinyl pocket protectors are useful.
You’re very creative and artistic.
You like listening to all kinds of music in general.
You always feel sunny and optimistic.
You are talented at drawing.
You like writing poetry.
You can play at least 3 musical instruments.
You like going to art museums.
You almost always win 1st Place in Art Contests.
You have straight As in Art on your report card.
Your school notebook has more doodles than notes.
HUNTER OF ARTEMIS
You dislike boys in general.
A deer is one of your favorite animals
You can shoot targets
You like silver.
You like the moon better than the sun
Zoe Nightshade is awesome
You love wild animals
You spend most of your time outdoors.
You love to move around the place
Hunting is not cruel if it's to hunt down monsters.
You have a way with tools.
You build awesome things during your free time.
You’re the best at Woodshop in your class.
Metalworking is your forte.
You have your own toolbox.
You often search the Internet to look for pictures of robots.
You’re a techie.
You often have carpentry projects.
You dream of being a carpenter.
You aren’t afraid of fire.
Every guy/girl swoons for you.
You like putting on makeup.
You naturally smell good.
You never experience a bad hair day.
Your favorite activity is clothes-shopping.
You’re always at the front of every trend.
You’re the popular girl/guy at your school.
You’re often invited to parties.
Your motto is ‘It’s never a party without me.”
You look at yourself in the mirror on a regular basis. (sort of have to pass the mirror everyday)
You like pick pocketing your friends.
You’re a prankster.
You’re a speed demon.
You consider yourself restless.
You’re the best speaker in the class.
You like thinking on your feet and using your wits.
You’re inventive and resourceful.
You often start arguments.
You’ve never lost a debate.
You like making witty and sarcastic statements.
You’re the life of the party.
You like wine.
You’ve probably tasted every alcoholic drink out there.
You can finish a martini in less than a minute.
You have a happy, cheerful disposition
You’re a foodie.
You like going to social events and mingling with people.
You like trying out new food.
You feel that you’re abundant in life.
You think that too much of anything is bad.
I'm that girl The one that likes books more than boys.
The one who pretends not to be sad, just to make others happy
The one who always wonders what she did wrong
The one who writes to escape
The one who just wants to help
The one that really wants to make a difference
The one that sticks to her values
The one that refuses to believe that this is it
The one that will do anything to make a better tomorrow
The one who won't give in
The one who won't give up
What's your element?
You have a short temper(only around my youngest brother)
You often act on your emotions without thinking first
You are very competitive
You like to play with fire
You are not a strong swimmer or you can't swim at all
You prefer warm weather over cold weather
You often lose control over yourself(only around the aforementioned)
You can be quite reckless
You sometimes hurt people without realizing it
People have often called you insane
You have a calm, laid-back personality
You like to go to the beach
You rarely get angry
When you do get angry, you know how to control it(except for around you know who)
You think before you act.
You are good at breaking up fights.
You are a great swimmer.
You like the rain.
You can stay calm in stressful situations.
You are very generous.
You are physically strong.
You have a close connection with nature.
You don’t mind getting dirty.
You form strong opinions on issues that concern you.
You could easily survive in the wild
You care about the environment.
You can easily focus on your work without getting distracted.
You rarely get depressed.
You aren’t afraid of anything.
You prefer to have a strict set of rules.
You have a free spirit. You hate rules.
You prefer to be out in the open rather than in small, enclosed spaces.
You hate to be restrained.
You are independent.
You are quite intelligent.
You tend to be impatient.
You are easily distracted.
You can sometimes be hyperactive and/or annoying.
You wish you could fly.
That sucks, I’m dead!
I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday
ow let’s see how many stupid things I've done!!( bolded)
1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5-year-olds off the fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation...)
On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this.)
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief!
Things to ponder...
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? W
hy is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
So what's the speed of dark?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?
Things You Do NOT Wanna Hear On An Airplane Intercom:
1. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore
2. We're cruising at an altitude of... Ah hell I don't know
3. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?
4. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Just kidding.
5. Would the fight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em comin'
6. This is... uh... This is... uh... your... Hmm, I seem to have lost my memory...
7. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?
8. Good God Steve! We’re going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?
9. We'll be on the ground in ten minutes. One way or another...
10. This is your captain speaking: I'm depressed, suicidal, and I'm taking you all with me. By the way, I've already killed the co-captain.
YOUR GUY SIDE:
You love hoodies.
YOUR GIRL SIDE:
You wear lip gloss/You love to shop.
It's OK to prick your finger, just don't finger your prick. (this one is so dirty. )
I am not going back in the closet. Too cramped, and the skeletons aren't much company - even with the huge collection my family has!
of all objects, batteries are the worst of all...objects can break but be fixed...batteries DIE!
"I am never late...so time better slow the fuck down!"
"Ow"--whats wrong--"i swear someone just snacked on my ankle"
"You think he'd notice if we turned his cat pink?"
"You better not pout, you better not cry, hey guess what I'm telling you why, Santa Claus is Dead."
"They always say that a murderer is a loner; Well of course he is a loner! HE HAS BEEN KILLING PEOPLE!!"
"Absolutely NO ONE is too refined to tell you where to shove it, pal!"
"You can't fight the fangirls! - JUST LET ME KILL THE ANNOYING ONES!! Aww, you should be so happy you have any!!"
I'm a compulsive liar, honest!
I want a jacket that lets me hug myself.
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Please don't interrupt me while I’m ignoring you.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid people who ask questions.
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."
"You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them."
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
When life gives you lemons...
When life gives you lemons, throw them back at life and say, "Give me chocolate!"
When life gives you lemons, throw them back at life until life falls down.
When life gives you lemons, squirt lemon juice at people you don't like.
When life gives you lemons, demand to speak with life about their ripeness.
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, asshole!
I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
When in doubt, push random buttons!
There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.
There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.
They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people...
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’re good.
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.
Stupid people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.
Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.
I wish you were here.. In my room... On my bed... The lights are off... We go under the blankets... AND I SHOW YOU MY NEW WATCH THAT GLOWS IN THE DARK!!... What on earth were you thinking?! YOU PERVERT!! X3
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?
Who's the fool who said "nothing's impossible"? They never tried slamming a revolving door...
Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to.
"Are we fighting?" "No, if we were fighting, you'd be on the floor, bleeding."
boys are like purses, cute, full of crap, and easy to replace.
My friends are the type of people who would try to drown a fish, but I love them anyway
A day without sunshine is like... night.
"Go forth and set the world on fire." screw the metaphorical, literal all the way
It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it?
I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.
I’m not clumsy…the floor just hates me.
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good either.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. If the doctor's cute, screw the fruit.
Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!
I smile because I have no idea what's going on!
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
I'm not insane... i just do whatever the voices tell me to.
The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
Normal is just a setting on washing machines.
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
"I didn't lie! I just created fiction with my mouth! "
Dear girl talking about how "that stupid deaf retard will never get a girlfriend",
He may not be able to hear you, but I can.
Sincerely, his girlfriend- who's about to punch your face in.
Please tell me how when we were both locked out you were still able to get back in the house.
Sincerely, we don't even have a cat door
Dear people giving me judging stares,
Yes I am 14 with 1 year old twins, I support myself by whoring around on street corners and make all of my purchases at dollar stores and walmart
Sincerely, just kidding I'm babysitting
Dear purple crayon,
Why must you look EXACTLY like the blue crayon?
Sincerely, my ocean is now purple
Dear girl in my biology class,
Yes, I'm pale. Yes, I have above average grades. Yes, I occasionally miss school. Yes, I rarely speak. No, I am not a damn vampire!
Sincerely, I hate this generation.
So Santa has the same wrapping paper as us, the same handwriting as you, and an elf named China that makes most of the toys?
Sincerely, seems legit...
Dear world ,
Why do you only blame girls?
Sincerely, it takes two to get pregnant
Dear parent giving me a dirty look because their six year old saw me making out with my boyfriend in the movie theater,
Well, maybe you shouldn't have brought them to an R-rated movie in the first place...
Sincerely, I cannot have possibly scarred him as much as Paranormal Activity 3.
Dear one-year-old brother,
You are staring right at me. I can see you taking that chocolate chip cookie. Yes, even though you are slowly backing away, I can still see you. No, putting it into your mouth and chewing as slowly as you can does not help. Ah ha! Finally noticed I caught you, didn't you? Wait, what are you...? Oh, this cookie is for me? Is this our agreement not to tell mom?
Sincerely, you fit right into the family!
Dear Moms Everywhere,
When you say we will leave in a minute, we think we are going to leave soon, and not in a half-hour.
Sincerely, Teenagers Everywhere
Girls are red, guys are blue if you make purple I will kill you.
Sincerely, your loving father.
Gay also was originally used to refer to feelings of being "carefree" or "happy".
Sincerely, Are you against happiness too?
Dear 4,153,237 people that got married in the past year,
Sorry, but shouldn't that be an even number?
Sincerely, who kept count?!
Please stop saying that bisexuals don't know what they want. It's a real orientation, and you saying otherwise hurts.
Sincerely, secretly bisexual
Dear guy who took down the sign about my lost puppy,
Sincerely, is a wet t-shirt contest really more important?
Dear English Teacher that just gave me a D on my exam,
Why did you have to assign me to the seat next to your pet salamander AND your giant coffee mug?
Sincerely, Attention Deficit ...IS THAT A LAVA LAMP I SEE?
Dear Boys who wish they could understand girls,
So do we.
Only we are supposed to hook up behind your girlfriend's back.
Dear Fairy Godmother,
So where were you when both my parents died, the only family I had left enslaved me, abused me and hid me away from the world for years? But hey - thanks for the pretty dress!
Oh my god you're late! What if I'm pregnant? What will my parents say? I'll have to drop out of college! I'll have to tell my boyfriend!! Oh wait...
Dear chemistry teacher,
Why is the class amused? I believe it's quite self-explanatory...
Sincerely, "Rutherford concluded that his balls could be tiny or massive."
Dear United States of America,
The only argument against gay marriage is that it is religiously incorrect, however, our laws clearly demonstrate a seperation between Church and State, thus, it is unconstitutional to ban gay marriage.
Dear Nutrition Facts,
Please stop lying about serving sizes.
Sincerely, this is definitely a one-person box of mac and cheese.
Dear sisters's boyfriend,
Please keep in mind before you cheat on her, that I am one of the only people in the world who could kill you and get away with it.
Sincerely, her forensic scientist older brother
Dear parents who forgot my birthday,
Please explain to me how you remembered my brothers, and not mine.
Sincerely, born on the same day.
Dear Movie Makers,
Please stop changing important thing when you make a book into a movie.
Sincerely, we like the book for a reason
Dear "drink plenty of fluids",
OK, I'll try not to drink too many solids or gasses.
Sincerely, what else would I drink?
So... all your printers break the night before you have to hand in your assignment?
Sincerely, amused teacher.
Being a single guy who likes musical theater doesn't make me gay.
Sincerely, you strip in front of 20 guys while I'm backstage with 30 girls.
Dear windshield-wiper making companies,
You seriously can't figure out how to get that one little triangle?
Ten years ago we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have no Jobs, no Cash and no Hope. What are you going to do when I die?!
Sincerely, Kevin Bacon.
If I answer the home phone it's a pretty clear indication that I am, in fact, at home.
Sincerely, Why did you ask?
Please don't steal my partner...
Sincerely, lonely single sock\
Dear online website that asked if I was human,
What do you think I am?
Sincerely, a tiger with thumbs
Dear teenagers buying condoms,
Trust me, I am not judging you. I am, however, judging the 22 year old mother who buys three bottles of vodka and two bottles of baby formula.
Sincerely, your cashier
Dear band teachers,
Please don't look at us weird when we laugh after you say, "Use more tongue and blow harder".
Sincerely, students cracking up
Please send some clothes to the poor ladies on my dad's computer.
Sincerely, 6-year-old daughter
Dear Optimist Pessimist and Realist,
While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it!
Sincerely, the Opportunist
Dear people I don't like,
Please stop having good names.
Sincerely, I wanted to name my kid that
Dear girl with only one hand,
Thank you so much for holding the door for me.
Sincerely, you are the nicest person at our school.
Did you really just ask me if I wanted to go spin donuts in the local grocery store parking lot at 9 at night?
Sincerely, I like when mom is on vacation.
Dear Judgemental Shop Assistant,
Yes I am buying a pregnancy test because I think I might be pregnant.
Sincerely, I'm 23 ... and married
Dear Embarrassed Boy buying tampons,
Relax...I know they're not for you.
Sincerely, I think it's cute
Dear health teacher,
Please don't take off points because my oral presentation didn't include any images.
Sincerely, my topic was pornography
Dear older brother singing loudly in the shower when he thought he was home alone,
I was going to complain, until I caught the lyrics,.
Sincerely, your Timone is wonderful but your Pumba needs work. Keep it up.
Dear little girl,
Thank you so much for grinning and saying, "You've got a robot's leg!" when you saw my boyfriend's prosthetic leg. It's the first time his laugh and smile have been genuine since he came back from Afghanistan.
Sincerely, his girlfriend who's eternally grateful.
Dear ignorant person that told me that clarinets are gay,
Elton John is gay, a clarinet is a clarinet.
Sincerely, I'm a band student, and you're an idiot.
Dear girls that are afraid of blood,
What do you do during your period?
Dear Selena Gomez,
Somebody told me that you had a boyfriend that looked like a girlfriend.
Sincerely, The Killers.
I named you, Titanic.
Sincerely, syncing you now...
Congratulations on becoming a verb!
Dear guy who accidentally dialed my number,
Just because a young female answered the phone does NOT mean you have permission to text me back to ask if I'm single.
Sincerely, "you have the wrong number" is not a flirtatious statement whatsoever!
Please explain to me why you are so happy and purring one second and the next your claws are in my skin and your hissing uncontrollably.
Sincerely, someone has mood swings.
Dear Disney Channel Original Movie "My Babysitter's a Vampire",
Sincerely, Disney Channel Original Movie "Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire".
Dear Edward Cullen,
You stay young forever and sneak into the rooms of young girls? How original.
Sincerely, Peter Pan.
Writing whole albums about boys who break hearts is kinda my thing...
Sincerely, Taylor Swift.
Dear Stephanie Meyer,
No, it is not okay to make your characters fall in love with infants and toddlers and say "But it's alright, because he's a mythical creature and it's true love".
Sincerely, human pedophiles claim it's love, too...
I sparkle too!
Sincerely, Edward Cullen.
Dear underage partiers,
Do you really think that when you post a picture of you at a party holding a beer can and blur out just the beer can that that suddenly makes a difference? Do you think we are all going "oh theres a little blurred out spot on the picture that just happens to be placed over everyones hand in every picture, well that couldn't possibly be a beer can. Nah, it was probably soda and they just didn't want people to know what kind."
Sincerely, laughing at your pathetic attempts. Dear mom,
I have been sick off-and-on for years now. The doctor may not know what's wrong, but I do...
Sincerely, throw away your cigarettes before one of us dies!
Dear parents who name their kids "Christian",
I'd like to introduce you to my son Muslim, my daughter Jew and my cousin Athiest.
Sincerely, it is the same thing...
Please add a "nobody cares" button.
Sincerely, I don't care what you ate for breakfast.
Dear teacher who says "I don't know CAN you?" after a I ask if I can go to the bathroom,
When I was using can, I was using it's secondary modal form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought that since you were a teacher, you would know that.
Are you sure hangman is a child-friendly game?
Sincerely, dead man hanging from a pole.
Remember how you said a black guy would be president when pigs flew? You're welcome.
Sincerely, swine flu.
Dear "it's the thought that counts",
What exactly were your thoughts when buying me this gift?
Sincerely, no, you're right, I DID need a new ladle
Yes, of course I'm pregnant. What did you expect?
Sincerely, you were at the wedding...
When you say "Write in complete sentences", the majority of the class assumes you are saying "write incomplete sentences".
Sincerely, minor formalities.
Yes, it is super cute how you can attack and shred a roll of toilet paper in 15 seconds. However, I am super sick and needed it.
Sincerely, now I have to blow my nose on your fluffy tail
Dear inspirational posters,
Yeah, there's no "I" in "TEAM", but there's a "ME"...
Sincerely, better rethink that one.
If you're going to act like a tool, you can sleep in the shed.
Dear boy who just asked me to sit on his lap,
Boy you ain't no Santa Claus, I don't wanna be yo ho ho ho!
Sincerely, that might have been the cleverest thing I've ever though of on the spot!
Dear GAP clothing,
Do you really think someone is going to buy a shirt that says "69" all over it?
Sincerely, observant customer.
Dear group in California...,
So, you want to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death? That's like punishing someone for being on a hunger strike by sending them to bed with no supper.
Sincerely, how dumb are you?
Your Mom thought I was big enough.
Dear fellow schoolmates,
I was so proud when all four hundred of us left the gym when the DJ played a Justin Beiber song.
Sincerely, Never been prouder
Dear Microsoft Word,
No, I did not spell my last name wrong!
Dear "family planning" isle,
So you stock products to prevent getting a girl pregnant, tests that tell you the products didn't work, and drugs to stop a pregnancy...
Sincerely, shouldn't you be called the "not planning on starting a family" isle?
Dear person who just said that "we make a cute couple",
He's my brother.
Sincerely, you disgust me...
Go to school, get married, THEN have kids.
Sincerely, don't do it backwards.
Dear clueless mom who just told me my scarf looks gay,
Thanks! I found it when I was in the closet!
Sincerely, proud homosexual son.
Ruining good songs was OUR idea!
Sincerely, Kidz Bop
For the tenth time, yes I'm sure I'm not pregnant.
It doesn't matter if you have the same parts as me.
Sincerely, your daughter that would like to get dressed without you walking in.
Dear girls who's prom dresses look like two pieces of cloth held together by a beaded string,
Are you dyslexic??
Sincerely, it's "Prom" not "Porn".
Dear girl in my civics class,
Did you seriously just ask the teacher why Alaska is so cold if it's next to Hawaii?!
Sincerely, Trying to conceal my laughter and wondering how you made it past the 2nd grade at the same time...
Today in class the girl next to me was trimming her split ends and the two people in front of me were having a breath holding competition.
Sincerely, I'm in med school... Meet your future doctors.
Please stop criticizing my 30 minute showers when you leave the TV on all day for the dog.
Sincerely, your daughter.
You are just my oversized Sims game
Pi r not squared. Pi r round... Cornbread r squared.
Dear parent suspiciously looking over my shoulder as I browse a baby name website,
Please realise that it is not what it looks like.
Sincerely, aspiring author who needs names for her characters.
Dear boy's everywhere,
Since girl's bra's are called 'over the shoulder boulder holder'...does that mean your underwear is called an 'under the butt nut hut'?
Sincerely, Just curious
Dear Prince Charming,
Come on...I danced with you all night and the only thing you could remember about me were my glass slippers?
Dear adults who tell teenagers to stop 'whining' about our lives because we 'have no real responsibilities',
I go to school for 7 hours a day, then go to work for another 5 hours, then go home and do my homework for 4 more hours! I have to get good grades to get into a good college and then decide on a major, and find a way to pay for it all. Don' tell me that I have no responsibilities.
Sincerely, clearly you've either forgotten the stress or were just too big of a slacker to notice it all
Dear rewind button,
Thank you for making Jaws the quirky comedy about a bulimic shark that barfs up so many people the town has to open a beach.
Sincerely, life is nicer backwards.
He forbids you from seeing your best friend, he intimidates you into doing whatever he wants, and he won't give you anything in return.
Sincerely, honey, that's an unhealthy relationship.
Next time you're lecturing me and ask, "Do I look stupid to you!?" make sure you aren't wearing that sweater with the penguins all over it.
Sincerely, just being honest.
Dear people who "love music so much",
Listening to whatever is popular and then forgetting about it a month later, declaring it sucks because it's old, and repeating the cycle a month later shows how much you don't appreciate music.
Sincerely, real music fans.
If you said ,"My nose will grow now," and it doesn't, that would mean you were lying. But if you were lying, that would make your nose grow. Thus, making your nose grow by telling the truth.
Sincerely, ultimate paradox.
Dear Secret Life of the American Teenager,
Having Nike sponsor your show with the slogan "Just Do It" probably isn't sending the best message...
Sincerely, yet another reason to laugh at that show
You managed to turn on my phone, decipher my screen lock code, put it on speaker, AND call Pizza Hut in the middle of class?
Sincerely, I'm impressed.
Dear character in movie about to be hit by a car 20 feet away,
Instead of just standing there with a gaping O face, how about running?
Sincerely, seriously, what are you waiting for?
Dear church women,
Please stop diguising gossip in your prayer circle...
Sincerely, "let us pray for tanya who is now pregnant at age 15 with no father in sight..."
Dear English teacher,
How can I get a question wrong that was asking for my opinion?
Sincerely, fed up
Dear person who invented salt,
What made you decide to combine two deadly poisons and put it on your food?
Dear mom and dad,
Please stop shouting at each other and take a look at your daughter. You can see the scars on her arms, right?
Sincerely, a worried older brother.
Fortune cookies aren't from China, Swedish Fish aren't made in Sweden, Danish rolls aren't from Denmark, French bread isn't from France, German chocolate cake isn't from Germany, and French fries are actually from Belgium.
Sincerely, what is wrong with this picture?
Dear Egnslih tecaehr,
Did you konw taht as lnog as the fsrit and lsat lteter are in the smae palce, hmauns are albe to raed the wrod?
Sincerely, slpelnig is not taht ipmrontat.
Dear elderly driver,
Red means "stop," green means "go" and yellow means "slow down." Notice that there is not a color or a light for "please run over the teenage girl because you can't see over the dash."
Sincerely, the girl that you almost ran over today.
Dear father who just asked if the showers in the dorms are co-ed,
Yes, they are, because this school's all about saving water and promoting rape.
Sincerely, your tour guide.
I do in fact know those people on the side of my page, and there is an excellent reason I have not added them as friends.
Sincerely, I don't like them.
Stop telling me to, "turn off my phone and be social!"
Sincerely, I'm talking, just not to you.
Dear Pythagorean Theorem,
Because I can't wait for that moment in time when I will have a ruler to measure two sides of a triangle but not the third.
Sincerely, oh, wait...
Dear ice at the bottom of the cup,
Please stop surprise attacking my face every time I try to take the last sip of my drink.
Sincerely, you get me every time.
Dear people who ask questions during movies,
The awesome thing about movies is that they tend to make sense and answer the questions you ask if you watch for 5 more seconds.
Sincerely, seriously, I just want to watch the movie in peace.
$1.29? Really? What is the extra $0.30 for, shipping and handling?
Sincerely, you jerks.
There IS a difference between butt dialing and a booty call.
Sincerely, just so you know.
You scream at me when I don't answer the phone... I've called you eleven times now.
Sincerely, your annoyed child.
If I knew where I last saw it, I wouldn't have asked you where it was.
Sincerely, annoyed teen.
People Eat Tasty Animals and they always will.
Sincerely, stop making me feel guilty about it.
So... You're a doctor, and you can't even tell when I'm faking a sickness?
Sincerely, should I be worried about our healthcare system?
Tell me that nursery rhyme all you want, I know the Dish isn't my real dad.
Poetic talent is easy to fake when thy sentence doth no freaking sense make.
Sincerely, unconvinced English student.
Dear douche bag,
You're mean to gay boys, but think it's awesome when two girls make out?
Dear Kardashian family,
Remind me again why you're famous?
Sincerely, confused TV watcher.
Please realize that those clothes on my floor are part of my new invention... the horizontal closet.
Sincerely, your teenager.
Please explain why your name is shortened to Dick.
Dear Skittles manufacturer,
What rainbow are you tasting that doesn't include blue?
Sincerely, confused consumer.
Dear unborn son,
Please note that your name will be Luke purely so I can say "Luke, I am your Father" when you question my authority.
Sincerely, soon to be father.
Dear parents who tell your kids, "That’s why you go to college" when they see the pizza guy,
I have this job so I can pay for my textbooks FOR college.
Sincerely, the educated pizza guy.
Are you purple and eat people, or eat only purple people?
Sincerely, confused child.
Dear people judging me on the bus,
Please stop. This 8 month old baby is my nephew.
Sincerely, 16 and still a virgin
Dear Wicked Witch of the West,
So... how exactly did you shower?
Jasmine was in a relationship with a dirty homeless boy named Aladdin. Snow White lived alone with 7 men. Pinocchio was a liar. Robin Hood was a thief. Tarzan walked around without clothes on. A stranger kissed sleeping beauty and she married him. Cinderella lied and snuck out at night to attend a party.
Sincerely, it's not our fault; it's how you raised us
I've known 'what happens when two people love each other' since third grade.
Sincerely, just let me watch my PG-13 movie
Dear people who name their kids after places they were conceived,
That is by far the worst idea I have ever heard...
Sincerely, Back O. Car
Dear math teacher,
If there are 11 students in the algebra class and 9 of them are failing, how long will it take for you to realize that you suck as a teacher?
Sincerely, how's that for a math question?
You can't read my handwriting on your papers because I needed an entire bottle of vodka before your paper made any sense.
Sincerely, your professor
You really need a W.
Sincerely, Who, What, When, Where, and Why
We have called off the apocalypse after realizing that there are no brains left.
How can you be mad at my report card when it spells your name twice D A D D A D??!!
Sincerely, your failing son
Dear Sesame Street,
Please go back to the way you were, when Oscar lived in a trash can not a recycling bin, Vegetable monster was Cookie monster, and Bert and Ernie were still on the show because everyone thought they were brothers.
Sincerely, Sick of political correctness
Dear Justin Bieber,
An autobiography? Seriously? You just barely reached puberty. Let me guess, it consists of: 'I was born. The end.'
Sincerely, Fed up
Dear slut that goes to an all-girls school,
Please put your boobs away. We know what they look like, we have them too.
Sincerely, your disgusted classmates
Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers,
If you do find one, what's your plan?
Sincerely, not very well thought out
If you're so curious, why is it you haven't figured out my real name yet?
Sincerely, The Man in the Yellow hat
CARROT TOPS ARE GREEN!
Dear lady in front of me with the six screaming kids under the age of 9,
You see that box of condoms that mysteriously appeared in your cart? You're welcome.
Sincerely, A Good Samaritan
Dear hormone-crazed teenage boys,
I hope you still appreciate slutty Halloween costumes when they start showing up on your thirteen-year-old daughters.
Dear Google Image Search,
That WAS NOT what I was looking for.
Sincerely, Scarred for Life
Dear Math Teacher,
Your ceiling has 86 1/2 tiles, 9 mysterious black stains on said tiles, 4 sprinklers, and 4 lights. Oh, and I forgot to mention... 2/3 of your students aren't paying attention. They're trying to figure out what I'm staring at.
Sincerely, Your Bored Student
You tell us WE need to text first, WE need to pay for food, WE need to ask you out. But we ask you for ONE sammich and what do we get? A slap to the face.
Dear DJ who played 'Love the Way You Lie',
It's probably inappropriate to play a song about domestic abuse at a wedding. Just my two cents.
Sincerely, a concerned cousin of the groom
How many plants had to die to make your salad?
Sincerely, An Honest Carnivore
Dear Angry Parents,
Please stop getting mad at us when we answer your question. Its not backtalk, its called answering your question.
Sincerely, Pissed Off Grounded Teen
If actions are stronger than words, then why is the pen mightier than the sword?
Sincerely, Deep thinker
This isn't funny. I can't find the baby...
Dear people who say "it's cold as hell",
What part of "fire and brimstone" don't you understand?
Dear Stephenie Meyer,
Having an extra chromosome gives you Down Syndrome, not Vampirism.
Sincerely, The Medical Community
Dear jerk ex-boyfriend,
Please continue to tell me repeatedly that I'm never going to find anyone else like you.
Sincerely, that's kinda what I was hoping for when I dumped you!
Taking the TV remote doesn't stop me from watching TV. I can manually turn it on and change the channel as I please.
Sincerely, just because I'm from the age of technology doesn't mean my IQ is 40.
Dear countries who like boys better than girls,
Where do you think boys come from?
Sincerely, girls who want some credit.
Dear Mr. Left,
She doesn't want you because you are never around.
Sincerely, Mr. Right
Dear guy who shouts "not appropriate!" every time you see me hug my boyfriend,
Look who's talking!
Sincerely, saw you eating your girlfriend's face five minutes ago.
Dear friends with benefits,
Not dating but lots of sex huh? How original.
Sincerely, no strings attached.
Dear Selena and Justin,
She was a punk, he did ballet, what more can i say?
Sincerely, Avril Lavigne.
Did you ever think that maybe the reason you can't read Bella's thoughts is because SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANY?
Sincerely, makes sense to me...
Dear morons in charge of our school system,
Please explain why you say high school students need the most sleep, but insist on tasking us with hours of homework and making us wake up before our parents.
Sincerely, something is wrong with this picture
Red hair: redhead, brown hair: brunette, white/yellow hair: blonde, no hair: bald. What do you call someone with black hair?
Sincerely, a "black-head?"
I was wondering if I could get my "M" back... you know, since you're not using it?
Dear boys in my Geography class,
No, London isn't a country.
Sincerely, this would be funny if you weren't in high school, and completely serious.
Humans are annoyed with you too? You drink blood? You follow people around when they don't want you too? Join the club!
If Kayne managed to steal the mic, is Taylor really swift?
Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one.
Sincerely, you don't see me being a boob.
Don't ban Wikipedia. You say it's horribly wrong, but still give us A's on our papers...
Sincerely, where do you think that information came from?
Dear pregnant friend,
What's the difference between you and a lightbulb?
Sincerely, a lightbulb can get unscrewed.
Dear SpaghettiO's Alphabet Version,
Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of SpaghettiO's?
Sincerely, just wondering...
Dear people staring,
Yes I am 22, and have four little girls with me at the zoo.
Sincerely, get a grip I am babysitting and the oldest is 10!
Dear people who think my 5 year old brother is my son,
I'm fourteen. I hadn't even hit puberty when he was born.
Sincerely, how old did you think I was?
Dear people staring,
I am 15. The kid I am with is 8. Of course she's not my daughter. She's my sister. I was not pregnant at 7.
Sincerely, you're all idiots.
Dear girlfriend of two years,
You're confused as to how you are pregnant?! Me to...
Sincerely, virgin boyfriend.
Dear Black Music Awards,
Please tell me why it's ok that you have your own award ceremony, but if we had our own it would be racist.
Sincerely, average white person who thinks the concept of equality is skewed.
Dear teenage girls,
You wear a neon green pin saying FREE HUGS! then look at my 6-year-old sister like she's crazy when she asks for a hug?
Sincerely, she just learned how to read...
Dear person who previously had my biology book,
It was really hard not to laugh when I opened the front cover on the first day of school.
Sincerely, Name: Michael Jackson. Issued: Black. Returned: White
My lunch - salad with no dressing and an apple. Result? Fat. Boyfriend's lunch - three double cheeseburgers and a milkshake. Result? skinny..
Dear long distance boyfriend,
You said you started loving me because of my honesty, so I'll be honest. We've never had sex, so it is defintly NOT my bra I can see on the floor.
Sincerely, yeah, whoops is right.
If your man only wants your breasts, legs and thighs send him to KFC.
Sincerely, don't waste your time with him.
Dear manly 6 foot 7 older brother,
... you do know I can hear you singing from outside the bathroom door, right?
Sincerely, you're a Barbie girl? in a Barbie world?
Dear Justin Bieber,
Please don't teach our kids that they can be in love when they're only 13.
Sincerely, just told my daughter the normal time to have sex was when she was in love!
So all I have to do is lie?
Sincerely, Lord Voldemort!
Dear deadbeat mom,
Stop using "I never had a mother" as an excuse.
Sincerely, nor do I.
Dear Miley Cyrus,
Well this is awkward you actually weren't invited to the party...
Sincerely, the USA.
Why dont you just take a picture of Phineas and Ferb?
Sincerely, common Sense...
I liked you when you didn't ask me for anything that night I slept over. I fell in love with you when you kissed my cheek when you thought i was asleep.
Sincerely, girlfriend who was nervous about sleeping at your house.
Please stop putting such big words in your definitions.
Sincerely, we already looked up one big word, we don't need to look up another!
Dear Lucky Charms,
Please change the marshmallow to wheat ratio from 1/10 to 10/1.
Dear New Orleans,
Seriously, I'm not allowed to tie my alligator to a fire hydrant?
Sincerely, where am I supposed to tie her now?
Don't use logic against me!
Sincerely, I'm trying to be the parent here!
Dear owner of the shoe in the lost and found,
Please. How do you manage to leave school with 1 shoe?
Please never say "grapes" in pig-Latin.
Next time your parents ground you for lying, look them straight in the eye and say, "Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny."
Sincerely, parents lie too
Please never make a legitimate "who's viewing your profile app."
Sincerely, my ex boyfriend would get a restraining order.
Dear Edward and Jacob,
I have to tell you two setting important... I recently found this out... I'm... A lesbian
Dear parents who tell me not to talk to strangers,
So now you want me to sit on this random old man's lap, and tell him what I want.
Sincerely, rethinking this whole mall Santa thing, aren't you?
Dear Justin Bieber,
The country music awards? Really?
Sincerely, and how are you country?
Dear guy in my Social Studies class,
Please think before asking what Obama's last name is...
Sincerely, even the teacher laughed.
Dear parents who say looks don't matter,
If looks don't matter, then why do you get upset when I go out to dinner in sweats?
Sincerely, teenagers everywhere.
Dear guy I like,
I was so disappointed when I heard you say "I love you" to someone else on the phone...
Sincerely, ...then you ended the sentence with "Mom." :)
Please stop telling me, "you're next" at weddings.
Sincerely, or I will start saying the same thing to you while we are at funerals...
Dear girl who says she wants a guy like me,
I'M A GUY LIKE ME.
Sincerely, I've had a crush on you for three years...
Dear who ever said "just picture the audience in their underwear",
Not the easiest thing to do with your crush in the front row.
Sincerely, nervous and turned on.
Can you not find the spacebar?
Sincerely, it is the biggest button on the keyboard...
Dear girl wearing a white dress to prom,
I am taking you to prom and not to the alter, right?
Sincerely, your scared, prom date.
Dear math teacher,
Now I lay me down to rest, a pile of math books on my desk, if I should die before I wake, that's one less test I have to take!
Sincerely, bored student.
Dear kid tripping over his pants,
Did a famous rapper die and you have to wear your pants at half-mast?
Sincerely, just trying to understand...
You gave us Nickelback, we gave you Miley Cyrus. You gave us Justin Bieber, we gave you Rebecca Black... Your move.
Dear feminist who got mad at me for making my boyfriend a sandwich,
He's a professional chef and by the time he gets home, he's not in the mood to cook anymore.
Sincerely, calm down.
Of course I will love another girl!
Sincerely, ...in ten years, and she'll call you "mommy."
It's said that the most common way a woman kills a man is with food posioning.
Sincerely, you still want that sandwich?
Dear girlfriend I just killed the spider for,
I hope you realize now how much i love you.
Sincerely, your boyfriend who's also afraid of spiders.
If you know the whole class is going to see your computer screen, it would be smart to delete the email verifying your eHarmony account.
Sincerely, we all know that you have a wife.
Just helping you reel in a vampire boyfriend.
Sincerely, your period.
Dear "Secret Life of an American Teenager" writers,
I WANT TO HAVE SEX, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX, SHOULD I HAVE SEX? SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX!!
Sincerely, maybe try mixing up the script sometime?
Dear tough guy that isn't afraid of anything
Sincerely, pregnancy test.
Dear non-virgins at my high school,
I can be like you in less than five minutes, but you can never be like me again.
Sincerely, still a virgin and ok with it
Dear "two wrongs don't make a right",
Two negatives equal a positive...
Sincerely, just saying.
I know what you were doing...
Sincerely, nobody just stares at Google.
Dear People who say "real vampires don't sparkle,
Sincerely, real vampires don't exist.
Dear girl in my class,
"What's an IQ?"
Sincerely, clearly something you're missing...
Dear women who complain about sexism,
Isn't it a little sexist to say that boys can't hit girls but girls can hit boys?
Sincerely, a reasonable woman.
Dear "popular" people,
You buy contacts, and then buy fake glasses. Then you wear the fake glasses without lenses while wearing your contacts.
Sincerely, on what planet does that make sense?!
Dear old ladies,
Please stop looking so disgusted. I'm just holding him while my mom finishes the grocery shopping.
Sincerely, THIS IS MY BABY BROTHER
Please make up your mind.
Sincerely, A, E, I, O, and U.
Dear A E I O and U,
I never liked you guys anyway...
Dear car full of guys driving around campus with the windows rolled down,
Thank you for singing "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry at the top of your lungs. It made walking in the rain a little more bearable.
Dear jerk who asked my clearly anorexic 16 year old little sister when the baby's due,
This morning, for the first time in nearly two years, she willingly ate half a grilled cheese. Thanks to your cruel, ignorant comment, she is again refusing to eat and won't come out of her room. You had better hope I never, ever see you again.
Sincerely, little brother just trying to help her.
Please never, NEVER, create a way for users to see who visits their profiles...or how many times.
Sincerely, not a stalker, just curious about my crush.
Dear 4 year old who just asked his friend if I was his mommy,
Contrary to what MTV might have you believe, even as a 17 year old, I still don't have kids.
Sincerely, am I flattered or disturbed?
Just because you saw me naked as a baby, and we have the same parts, does NOT make it okay for you to just walk in to talk to me while I'm in the shower.
Sincerely, your freaked out 17-year-old daughter.
I'm so sorry, but I need to get this off my chest. I was home alone with my boyfriend, and, well...I disobeyed you. I know you've told me time and time again to never do it, and you always tell me how wrong it is, but we couldn't resist. We had everything we needed. And, it wasn't my first time, either. ...the taste in your mouth is something you'll never forget. I can assure you though, it won't affect my health. I feel terrible for going against your rules, but I can't promise that it won't happen again.
Sincerely, ate a whole bowl of raw cookie dough with him.
Yes, I will get mad when you call me a spoiled brat for having a new iPad.
Sincerely, works 40 hours a week and decided to treat myself.
Dear lesbian couple on the airplane,
I noticed that you stopped talking to me when I mentioned I was a Bible major. My aunts are lesbians. I didn't judge you; please don't judge me.
Sincerely, sad Christian girl.
Dear teacher who asked the class whore to stop wearing her work clothes to school,
Sincerely, you made my day.
It's sad when I can't take my 4-year-old brother out places without me getting stares or being called his mom.
Sincerely, sixteen-year-old girl.
Yeah, we knew you were gay when you told us you were going to make another boy your "wife" when you were in preschool...
Sincerely, you didn't have to hide it for so long...
Dear people who think only white people are racist,
There's a black history month. If there was a white history month, that would be considered racist. There are Facebook pages titled, "I love being black!" if there was an "I love being white!" one, that would be racist. There are scholarships for college you can receive simply by being black. I don't see any scholarships for being white. It's not okay for a white person to call a black person the N word, but it's perfectly acceptable to call a white person a "cracker."
Sincerely, you're NOT entitled to everything because you're black.
I bought a Michael Jackson album, he died. I watched the Dark Knight, the Joker died. I bought an iPad, and Steve Jobs died...
Sincerely, I just bought a Justin Bieber album...
Dear Urban Dictionary,
Thank you SO much.
Sincerely, I was not about to ask my parents that...
Thank you for saying "Yeah, like YOU'VE never done that" to Mum while she was screaming at me!
Sincerely, her face was priceless.
Dear person whispering stuff behind me in the store,
No, the newborn in the cart is not mine, she is my moms. Just because I am the one pushing the cart doesn't mean that i gave birth to her.
Sincerely, im only 14...
Dear Democrats and Republicans,
I really don't care what party your in. I just want you to get something done.
Sincerely, a U.S. citizen
Dear "I could never get tired of that song" ,
Sincerely, radio stations.
Dear 30 tabs and counting,
One of you is playing music...
Sincerely, BUT WHICH ONE?!
Dear elderly woman that says we look cute together,
Thank you. So much.
Sincerely, the gay couple holding hands
Dear Mom and Dad,
Please stop saying "Don't play with your food!" You spent the first two years of my life convincing me this spoon was a plane...
Sincerely, your fault.
Why is there an option for an expected child as a family member?
Sincerely, do you really think my unborn baby has a Facebook?
Dear 16-Year-Old Sister,
Why won't you tell me your boyfriends name?
Sincerely, I see the bruises on your arm and the way you flinch when I raise my hand...
If you wanted to "straighten me out," an all boys boarding school was not the way to do it.
Sincerely, your gay son.
Dear "Are you pregnant?",
Not that I'm aware of...
Sincerely, a 16 year old boy who just wants a sports physical.
"Gay" means happy or jolly, "queer" means odd or strange, "retarded" means slowed or hindered, "dumb" means unable to speak, and "lame" means incapable of walking.
Sincerely, go read a dictionary.
Dear Sound of Music,
So the kids' mother's been dead for seven years and the youngest child is five?
Sincerely, Sneaky, Captain von Trapp.
Do you want me to eat your chips or not?
Sincerely, how am I supposed to eat them when my hand doesn't fit into the container.
Dear kids who bully the quiet girl in class,
It's ironic how I am the only one who can hear her cry for help.
Sincerely, deaf kid who can see the scars on her wrists.
Dear stereotypical "mean girl",
Thank you for sitting with me in the back of the class and asking me about myself, saying how cool of a person I am, and even commenting on my heavy metal music. I won't judge you since you didn't judge me.
Sincerely, the stereotypical "goth chick."
Dear Facebook addicts,
If Facebook shuts down, are you going to be roaming the streets shoving pictures in people's faces saying "DO YOU LIKE THIS?! DO YOU?!"
Sincerely, just asking.
"Because I said so" does not qualify as a reason.
Sincerely, it just makes us more angry.
Dear people who hate gays because it says so in the Bible,
Please tell us all about how you were a virgin until after marriage, didn't lie, and never disrespected your parents.
Sincerely, I'm sure your not perfect either.
Dear old lady Wal-Mart cashier who told me she doesn't approve of teen moms,
Good thing that little girl's my niece then, huh?
Sincerely, but seriously... you work at Wal-Mart.
Dear homophobic dad,
You hate gays? Phew, thank goodness, I thought I was in trouble.
Sincerely, I'm bisexual!
Wait, so you named me after bread? Seriously?
Dear people who think friend-zoned is bad,
Sincerely, Gale Hawthorne.
Dear "you're just wearing that braid because of the Hunger Games",
Yes, I love the book. Yes, I saw the movie.
Sincerely, No, Katniss did not invent the French braid
Dear "All the good guys are gay",
Are you kidding me? All the good guys are straight!
Sincerely, gay men everywhere.
Do you ever Google your names and look at all the things people say about you?
Dear fat lady at McDonalds,
Yes, people were watching when you told your son he could only eat his carrots if he finished his chicken nuggets first. And you didn't have to yell at him for it.
Sincerely, thanks for contributing to the obesity problem in America.
Dear nosy neighborhood moms,
Yes, I'm 19, and the three year-old girl who lives with me? She's not my daughter. She's my little sister.
Sincerely, I adopted her when our parents died.
Dear 4 year old sister,
When I asked what you wanted to be when you grew up, I expected you to say princess.
Sincerely, but you're right... who wouldn't want to be a duck?
Yes. My name is Bella. Yes. My husband's name is Edward. Yes. He is older than me. Yes. I am from Arizona. The difference is, I'm 64 and have been married to Edward for 43 years.
Sincerely, Stephanie Meyer stole my life!
Dear boys who won't buy tampons for their girlfriends,
It could be worse - they could be asking you to buy a pregnancy test.
Sincerely, amused girl.
Yes that call was from my mom. Yes I call her mommy. Yes I said "I love you" before hanging up. No I'm not a "retard."
Sincerely, teenage boy who doesn't care what you think.
Dear woman who told me "there's a place for girls like you",
This is my brother, not my son, I'm 17 he's 4, I'm taking him to the zoo so he can draw the monkeys.
Sincerely, yeah there is a place for me, it's called awesome town!
No my bed did not break from me having sex.
Sincerely, jumping and dancing on it.
Dear girl who my boyfriend was flirting with over text,
Thank you! I have so much respect for you!
Sincerely, just looked through his texts and saw you telling him to piss off and love what he has.
Dear Identical Twin Sister,
Maybe you should rethink saying "I'm so ugly" in front of me.
Sincerely, you just ruined my self esteem.
Dear teacher who just yelled at me for using my phone in class,
Actually, I was texting my little brother, wondering how his first chemo treatment is going.
Sincerely, may I continue?
Dear guy who called me gay for being in a musical,
Just wait till opening night.
Sincerely, Your girlfriends an awesome stage-kisser
Please locate the nearest dictionary. Now look up the definitions of mom, mother, and parent. Then proceed to look up the definition of dictator. Please note that they are not the same.
Sincerely, Your irritated second-born.
Dear girls who wear lots of glitter eyeshadow,
You leave me no choice but to rate you from Ke$ha to Edward.
Sincerely, seriously, tone it down.
Dear 50 people who have posted on my Facebook wall for my birthday,
I wonder how many of you actually KNEW my birthday?
Sincerely, considering changing my Facebook birthdate for fun.
Maleficent taught me that when the popular kids snub you, make your own party. Cruella taught me to express myself. Jafar taught me never to let go of my dreams, even if they're as big as being sultan. Dr. Facilier taught me that you're lost without your friends. And Yzma taught me never to lose my flair.
Sincerely, ...wait, I learned all the WRONG lessons, didn't I?
Dear judgmental woman,
I am twenty-seven and happily married with a wedding ring I can't wear because this pregnancy is making my fingers too swollen.
Sincerely, the "knocked-up teenager" you were warning your kid about.
Dear movie theater worker who just asked me if I'm old enough to see a PG-13 movie,
I'm short not FIVE!
Sincerely, 16 year old girl
Stop making fun of the marching band or I'll beat you with my French Horn.
Sincerely, Head QB
Dear Manufacturers of the Straw,
Please make your straws longer than the bottles
Sincerely, reaching for it with my tongue like a retarded chicken
You know something's wrong when calling someone a Virgin is considered an insult.
Sincerely, Virgin - And Proud of It!
Dear teacher who called me a spoiled brat in front of the entire class,
You eavesdropped on me venting to my best friend how pissed I was that my mother got me a Tiffany necklace for my birthday. Here's what you didn't hear: What I had asked for my birthday present was to spend more time with her. Instead my mother bought the necklace.
Sincerely, a spoiled nobody.
Dear family who won't let me attend the funeral,
I'm a lesbian, not a leper.
Sincerely, I loved her, too...
The longer you leave me unattended in your office, the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar.
Sincerely, where are you?!
Please be so kind as to explain to me how on earth you are pregnant.
Sincerely, your infertile boyfriend.
Dear mom and dad,
Please don't hang up rainbow flags everywhere. I get it, you'll love me no matter what.
Sincerely, wanting to go back in the closet.
If you are called exotic dancers then shouldn't drug dealers be called exotic pharmacists?
Sincerely, makes sense to me...
Dear teacher who asked me what I was day-dreaming about,
boobs, BOOBS, sammich, boobs, SEX, hooters, dieing puppies, failing a test, OMG BOOBS, sammich, is she winking at me?
Sincerely, should I have lied?
Dear mom and dad,
Why am I in trouble for jumping on my bed? I hear you jumping on yours every night...
Sincerely, innocent eight year old.
Dear people who say they just had a newborn baby,
The newborn part is implied. No one thinks you just popped a 12-year-old out of your snatch.
Sincerely, irritated by your redundancy.
Dear little sister,
I am so glad I took you to the library to help you learn sign language so you could befriend the deaf kid at school.
Sincerely, just watched you sign "I do" to him.
Dear guys in the locker room
I apologize for checking you out during gym class, but try to understand my situation. If you were in a room with twenty naked chicks, you would look too.
Sincerely, still in the closet
I'm not pregnant, I am not sexually active, nor have I ever been. I am not being bullied, I'm not anorexic and I don't make myself puke to get thinner. I have friends, my teachers aren't mean, my parents are not abusive and the absolute only thing stressing me out is all your stupid questions!
Sincerely, can't a girl just have a stomach ache?
Please help, I'm 20 years old and I can't get a better job than at a fast food place. I'm socially awkward, and my only co-worker hates me. I'd complain, but my boss only cares about money. I'd leave, but I can't pass my drivers test, or any test I've ever taken. I'm in love with one of my only friends; she's a smart, athletic, gorgeous southern belle, but, I'm stuck in the friend zone. My only other friend is this guy who i'm pretty sure only talks to me, because he's mentally handicapped. To top it all off, I live in a freaking pineapple.
Sincerely, Spongebob S Pants.
Dear Christians who protest everything,
Please go back and reread your Bibles. It's "love thy neighbor" not "condemn thy neighbor to hell just because you don't agree with them on something."
Sincerely, a loving Catholic girl.
so I'm supposed to say something about myself
AU: ALTERNATE UNIVERSE (COUPLES, SETTING, ETC) SYNOMONOUS WITH NON- CANON
AH: ALL HUMAN ( FANDOMS WITH SUPERNATURAL CHARACTERS ONLY
OOC: OUT OF CHARACTER(WHEN A CHARACTER DOESN’T ACT RIGHT)
OC: OWN CHARACTER (WHEN SOMEONE CREATES THEIR OWN CHARACTER IN A PRE-EXISTING FANDOM. )
SYOC: SUBMIT YOUR OWN CHARACTER (WHEN THE READERS SUBMIT THEIR OC’S)
SYOT: SUBMIT YOUR OWN TRIBUTE (SYOC HUNGER GAMES STYLE)
CANON: FROM THE ORIGINAL BOOK. (COUPLES, SETTINGS)
FANDOM: Anything associated with the book universe
PAIRING: A COUPLE. SYNOMONOUS WITH ‘SHIP’
OTP: ONE TRUE PAIRING
ONE-SHOT: A ONE CHAPTER STORY. ALMOST SYNOMONOUS WITH ‘FICLET’
DRABBLE: STORTER THAN A ONE-SHOT. TYPICALLY INSIGHTFUL AND/OR DEEP
FLUFF: BASICALLY FLIRTING
CRACKFIC: BASICALLY A PARODY
R&R: READ & REVIEW
MPREG: MALE PREGNANCY
LEMONS: DETAILED SEX
FLAMES: REVIEWS SENT BY HATERS
FLAMERS: REFER TO ABOVE
MARY-SUES: PERFECT CHARACTERS WHO HAS POWERS THAT NO ONE ELSE IN THE FANDOM DOES AND EVERYONE IS IN LOVE WITH THEM.
A/N: AUTHOR’S NOTE
BETA: STORY EDITOR’S
CLIFFHANGER: WHEN THE AUTHOR ENDS WITH AN ENDING THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO READ MORE
POV: POINT OF VIEW
SONGFIC: FIC BASED OF A SONG
Milky O Awesomeway: WIP
Gold Turns to Crimson: Temp. Hiatus.
These Little Vents: WIP(never have inspiration or time to do these)
Revelations: Temp. Hiatus
These Are The Moments: Finished
Renesmee I'm Angel: Finished, Under Construction
Aro's Revenge: Sequel to Renesmee? I'm Angel, finished. Under Construction
Behind These Crimson Eyes: Finished, Sequel WIP
the Forbidden Fruit Trilogy. Finished. Under construction
Just For Him: Finished, possible second chapter
My Sparkly Stalker: Finished
50 years of silence: Finished
Kashmir Kathleen Volturi: Daughter of Wisdom: Under Construction. As of now finished. May add more.
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