Author has written 1 story for Twilight.
Hi, I'm (insert name) and I'm all about books, the reading them part not writing because I hate that.
I mostly only have an account so I can review on all the amazing stories I read.
P.S. since some people asked my profile picture says "Sometimes I'm afraid you won't find me" in case you were wondering.
Age: recently 20 on December 1st!
book: House of Night series
Twi. book: Breaking Dawn
pairings greatest to least:
Edward/Bella (all AH only)
92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your asses off.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.
98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile
If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If u think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your profile!
If you've ever forgotten how old you are when someone asked you, copy and paste this onto your profile
If you went to sleep at around 2 am reading Twilight and/or New Moon and/or Eclipse, copy and pastes this onto your profile.
If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile.
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.
If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.
If you have ever said something twice, and when someone said something, you had no recollection of saying it either time, copy and paste to your profile.
If you have ever asked the same question 3 times in 5 minutes, copy and paste this to your profile.
Don't forget to add to this, cause if you think about it, its loads of fun.
If you have ever seen a movie or read a book so many times that you can quote it word for word, and do so at random moments, copy and past this to your profile.
If you believe some teachers are seriously prejudiced, copy an paste this in your profile.
If you have ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile
My mother taught me RELIGION.
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
Man "Haven't we met before?"
Man "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Man "Is this seat empty?"
Man "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Man "Your place or mine?"
Man "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Man "But I don't know your name."
Man "So what do you do for a living?"
Man "What sign were you born under?"
Man "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Man "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Man "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Man "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Man "I know how to please a woman."
Man "I want to give myself to you."
Man "I can tell that you want me."
Man "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy
Man "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Man "Your body is like a temple."
Man "I'd go through anything for you."
Man "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Reasons why girls are the best
1.We got off the Titanic first
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...(ya know he has a point)
Mental Hospital Phone Menu:
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital!
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you are blond, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
10 Commandments of a Teenager
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
A moment of silence.
Ten reasons to be team Jasper:
1. He's sensitive to your feelings, literally.
2. He doesn't take his brothers to strip clubs.
3. He fought in the civil war.
4. He didn't kill Bella.
5. He sparkles.
6. He never left anyone.
7. He showed everyone how to fight.
8. Blonds have more fun.
9. He has an amazing ability to put up with Rosalie.
10. He's just that cool. TEAM JASPER ALWAYS AND FOREVER AMEN!
10 Ways to Annoy Edward Cullen:
10. Sing “Discovery Channel” by the Bloodhound Gang in your head whenever he is near.
9. Hot-wire his Volvo and take it on a joyride.
8. Tell him the relationship he is having with Bella is practically pedophilia and he could be sent to jail for it.
7. Ask how Tanya is.
6. End every argument with “Bite me, Edward.”
5. Call him Romeo both behind his back and to his face.
4. Whenever he complains or argues, reply with “What are you gonna do Edward? Go to Italy?”
3.Tell him his hair isn't bronze, it’s ginger, and he should stop denying himself – he’s a ranga.
2.Whenever he leaves a room or says goodbye, get down on your knees and beg him not to go, not again.
And the Number One way to annoy Edward Cullen?
1.Take his silver cell phone and change the ring-tone to “Like a Virgin” by Madonna.
I promise to remember Bella
Golden Lemon Awards:
Fav. Song Links:
Where'd You Go: (unclean version)
Fall for You:
Carry On My Wayward Son:
The Adventures of Rain Dance Maggie: (unclean version)
Eyes On Fire:
Unsafe External Link