At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping it all over his lap.
When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him by never even bothering to practice.
When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to football to one birthday party after another. You thanked him by jumping outof the car and never looking back.
When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row.
When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house.
When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion. You thanked him by telling him he had no taste.
When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter.
When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked.
When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You thanked him by taking it every chance you could.
When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him by being on the phone all night.
When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked him by staying out partying until dawn.
When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.
When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you how deeply he loved you. You thanked him by moving halfway across the country.
When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him . You thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their children.
And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on your heart.
If you love your dad, post this on your profile.
(Whether you're reading this or not, dad, I love you.)
1.Put your iTunes (or iPod) on shuffle 2.For each question, press the next button to get your answer 3.YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
1.WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Sexy & I Know It (ok that's just wrong)
2. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Man Or Muppet (I'm neither! I'm a girl)
3. WHAT IF YOU GOT SO MAD, THAT EVERYONE STAYED AWAY FROM YOU AND LET YOU HAVE YOUR SPACE FOR 4 DAYS?
Kiss With a Fist (I guess that kinda makes sense)
4.WHAT IF THERE WAS A STALKER CHASING YOU?
I Kissed A Girl (that makes no sense what so ever)
5. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR FRIEND LEFT YOU?
Introducing Me (um...)
6.WHAT IF YOU SAW A BUNCH OF RANDOM PEOPLE/THINGS?
The Flood (random, but hey)
7.WHAT IF A MALE FRIEND DID EVERY THING AN ADULT CAN DO?
Dynamite (yeah he would be)
8.WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Hit The Lights (?)
9.WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Cruella Devil (I think that's kinda the opposite!)
10.WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Someone Like You (oh now that's just cruel)
11.WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Santa Baby (huh)
12. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Womanizer (excuse me?)
13.WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Kiss & Tell (that's not true!)
14. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WORKED AT A CASINO?
Do it Like a Dude (...sure)
15. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Single Ladies (some of my friends are single)
16. WHAT IS THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Bad Romance (yeah that's pretty bad)
17. WHAT IF YOUR BROTHER/SISTER NEVER STOPPED BOTHERING YOU?
Walking On sunshine (definatley not that)
18. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU WILL REGRET?
Grenade (yes I will regret throwing a grenade)
19. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO?
Smooth Criminal (is that even a place?)
20. WHAT HAS A CATCHY BEAT?
Turning Tables (no really)
21.WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Fly (I don't see what that's go to do with it)
22. What is the dumbest thing you've ever said?
Total Eclipse Of The Heart (I never said that!)
23.DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Party Rock Anthem (...)
24. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
What Doesn't Kill You (I'd stop people from dying?)
25. WHAT WILL YOU DO TO MAKE THE CLASS LAUGH?
Super Bass (um...sure)
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists. I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun. I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed. I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat. I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be smart. I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy. I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS. I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape. I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist. I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch. I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell. I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell. I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat. I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world. I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people. I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible. I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay. I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy. I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants. I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem. I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenience store. I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage. I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore... I'm a DANCER, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut. I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs. I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo. I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend. I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars. I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy. I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore. I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut. I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one". I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST! I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin. I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life. I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention. I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention. I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual. I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist. I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be going out with them all. I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player. I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe. I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer. I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser. I'm part RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll. I'm part GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi. I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO. I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT. I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited. I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13. I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy. I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy. I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas. Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction. Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude. Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent. I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy. I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid. I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat. I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly. I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff. I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks. I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7. I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals. I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up. I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist. I'm in a BAND, so I MUST be a dork. I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA. I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect. I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black. I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil. I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty. I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser. I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control. I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister. I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore. I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive. I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border. I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat. I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot. I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis. I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay. I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich. I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino. I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party. I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo. I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy. I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone. I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too. I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't. I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social. I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy. I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch. My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills. I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch. I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST be a prostitute. I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser. I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself. I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse. I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist. I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual. I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak. I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled. I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak. I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant. I'm part WELSH so I MUST love sheep. I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo. I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent. I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend. I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers. I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare. I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth. I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE. I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid. I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE. I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and A MURDERER! I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth. I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future. I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE. I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser. I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue. I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex. I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins. I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan. I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion. I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian. I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see. I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE. I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER. I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED. I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST. I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST. I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick. I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY. I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast. I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish. I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE. I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard. I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean. I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid. I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times I’m GAY so I MUST be after EVERY straight guy around. I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian. I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting. I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak. I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life. I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too. I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp. I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist. I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake. I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems. I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED. I DISAGREE with stereotypes so I MUST post this on my profile. I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist.I play VIDEO GAMES so I MUST be a LOSER.I'm a TOMBOY so I MUST be a homosexual that's looking for attention.
A guy and a girl were speeding over 100km on a motorcyle.
Girl: Slow down!
Guy: No this is fun!
Girl: No it's not! Please, it's way to scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: I love you. Now slow down.
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gave him a big hug.
Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself? It's bothering me.
In the newspaper, the next day, a motorcycle crashed into a building because of break failure.
Two people were on it and only one survived.
The truth was, that half way down the road the guy realized his breaks were out and he didn't want the girl to know.
Instead, he had her hug him and tell him she loved him one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so she would live even if it meant he would die.
If you would do the same for someone you loved, copy and paste this into your profile.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Beat the 5 o'clockrush, leave at noon!
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
There's no future in time travel.
Smith & Wesson -- the original point and click interface.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
Oh Lord give me patience, and give it to me NOW!
A good pun is its own reward.
Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humor
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
The road to success is always under construction.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he’s lost?
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
Boys should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable.
Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
He who laughs last didn’t get it.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson
The person who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? The answer is: 'Hold my purse.'
He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor.
Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.
You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
Gene Police: You!! Out of the pool!
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.
Don't worry about the world ending today! It's already tomorrow in Australia!
It's always in the last place you look. Well, duh! If you already found it, why would you keep looking?
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die.
You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
Don't help old ladies across the street. Leave 'em in the middle!
If I throw a stick, will you go away?
If you die on an elevator, make sure you press the up button.
Don't knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run; he hates that.
Failure isn't an option; it's pretty much a certainty.
We can't all be heroes. Someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
Have you ever noticed that the words in therapist are actually The-rapist?
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute. Money can't buy happiness; it can however rent it. We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over. Don't let your mind wander--it's too little to be let out alone. Do you want me to sit in the corner and rust, or just fall apart where I'm standing? Schizophernia beats being alone. Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome. I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest. I have never killed a man, but have read many obituaries with pleasure. I like long walks especially when they're taken by people who annoy me. I thought people like you shot themselves. I'll bet your father spent the first year of your life throwing rocks at the stork. Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. You would make a lovely corpse. You're a good example why some animals eat their young. Little things affect little minds. Stay with me; I want to be alone. What has a tiny brain, a big mouth, and an opinion nobody cares about? You! You've got the mind of a 4 year old, and I bet they were glad to get rid of it. Failure has gone to your head. God was bored by you. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people. Sin - I didn't invent it - I'm only trying to perfect it. My heart is in the right place, I know, because I hid it there. Everyone has the right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privlege. I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit. I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way. Your about as sharp as a bananna. You remind me of opium, a slow working drug.
I would love to beat you up, but I have a problem with cruelty to animals.I guess you prove that even God makes mistakes sometimes.Why don't you let that cut under your nose heal?Last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it.All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!Are you always as stupid or is today a special occasion?As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?Can I borrow your face for a few days while my ass is on vacation?Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?Excellent time to become a missing person.Go ahead, tell us everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.You've got that far away look - the farther away you get the better you look.I believe in respect for the dead; in fact I could only respect you if you WERE dead.Your brain is probably as good as new, seeing that you never use it.Does your mother have a loud bark?I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving.You look like something that should be digesting a small rodent.Please don't turn the other cheek. It's just as ugly.
My Promise to The Hunger Games!
I promise to remember Rue When mockingbirds’ songs wake me
I’ll think of Foxface every time I eat a strange new berry
If a little girl ever pets a goat I promise to think of Prim
And if my best friend acts depressed Then Gale; I’ll think of him
When I toss some wood in the fire I’ll think of Katniss every time
And I’ll always think of Peeta When I eat cake that is sublime
The Capitol will cross my mind when someone is unfair
I’ll be sure to think of Clove Each time I pretend to care
I’ll always think of Glimmer If someone’s pretty, but a dunce
And Thresh will occupy my mind If I spare someone, something... Once
Whenever I watch a reality show I will think of the Hunger Games
I’ll sure imagine Haymitch If someone calls me names
I swear to think of Cato When I’m homicidally inclined
I’ll make sure I think of Effie When there’s nothing on my mind
I swear to remember the Hunger Games And Catching Fire too
It’s important to think of the characters But they’re NOT mine (So, Collins, don’t sue!)
STUPID THINGS YOU DID (THE BOLD ONES I DID, SO YOU CAN SEE HOW MUCH DUMB THINGS I DO)
1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out 2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails 3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it 4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking 5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking 6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head 7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself 8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand 9. Tried to push open a door that said pull 10. Tried to pull open a door that said push 11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion 12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else 13. Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs 14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave 15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair (oh...That was the most traumatic day of my life) 16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble 17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it 18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard 19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name 20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot 21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on 22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle (yeah, a car. Luckily, no serious injuries) 23. Have run into a closed door 24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else (and that, my friends, is why my dad gave up trying to teach me to shoot in case I need to defend myself) 25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it (yeah, I was like "Where is the damn phone!" To my friend, and then wondering where the hell is my phone. She was giggling all this time) 26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke 27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer 28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan 29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk 30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock 31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it 32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside 33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else 34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property 35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot 36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on 37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in 38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard 39. Walked into a pole 40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident 41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house 42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on 43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small 44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it 45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do. 46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it 47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up 48. Have poked yourself in the eye 49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on 50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair 51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test 52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil 53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it 54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was. 55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were 56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on 57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day. 58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it 60. Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny or a movie 61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa 62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it 63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence 64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person 65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side 66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions 67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong 68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it 69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out 70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught 71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face 72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb 73. Ran into a door jam 74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid 75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it 76. Have purposely licked playground sand 77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band 78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't (haha, that was a day) 79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people (my friend got REALLY freaked out) 80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out 81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off 82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again 83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back. 84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about 85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair 86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone 87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird 88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people (when I was about five) 89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria 90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it. 91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil 92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them 93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper 94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours 95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story 96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs 97. You have spelled your own name wrong before 98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling. 99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class. 100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth.
THINGS TO DO IN THE SWIMMING POOL
1. Splash water on a random person and then say "Sorry! I thought you were someone else!" Do this constantly
2. Splash water on people who are trying to get a tan.
3. If a person is lying next to the pool, grin at them and then scream "See ya later, suckas'!" Then jump in and pretend you are swimming as fast as you can but actually swim very slowly.
4. Bring a watergun and get all the people wet.
5. Swim very slowly into the middle of the pool, then yell "Whirlpool! Whirlpool! Somebody kill the Kraken!"
6. If someone runs at full-speed and jumps in the pool, yell "Are you NUTS! You could have killed me!"
7. Swim to a person with goggles and then say "Watch this underwater!" Then dive and do the boogie dance
8. Swim in front of a person and stand on your hands underwater, and follow them around. When they say something, tell them that you are trying to practise and they are bothering you.
9. When you are swimming near a fat, old lady, sing the song "I like the way".
10. Start throwing rocks in the pool and sing "Take it off" by Kesha. Act really crazy and run all around after.
Things to do in an Elevator
Walk on with a cooler that is labeled "HUMAN HEAD" on the side.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
Crack open your briefcase of purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?
Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. (I did this one. My mom told me to knock it off because I was scaring people)
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM" and back away slowly.
Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
Annouce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
Say "Ding" at each floor.
Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Stare, grinning at another passenger for awhile, and then announce, "I have new socks on. (I also did this one. And I actually was wearing new socks)
"When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."
When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock, smile, and go back for more.
Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
Pretend to call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they hear something ticking.
Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
Swat at flies that don't exist.
Tell people that you can see their aura.
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now... motion sickness!"
Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
Leave a box between the doors.
Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.
Start a sing-along.
Do Tai Chi exercisesWhen at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
Bring a chair along.
Lean against the button panel.
While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.
20 funny things to do when about to start an exam
1)When given your exam exclaim "Yay food" and eat your exam, tomato sauce is optional.
2)In the middle of the exam stand up and rip your exam up and throw it up into the air and scream "Happy birthday, It's a white Christmas"
3) When done with your exam and the teacher asks for it hold it tightly and say "No these documents are highly classified"
4) Half way into the exam stand up and scream "And he scores!"
5) Ten minutes into the exam walk up to the teachers desk and hand her your blank exam, when she asks where are the answers say "I filled them in with invisible ink, you need invisible glasses to read them"
6) In the middle of your exam, raise your head slowly and say in a deep voice "It's time" Then stand up and exclaim "Everybody dance now!" and start dancing.
7) Miss an exam and the next day when the teacher asks where you were say "I was here but I was wearing Harry Potter's cloak of invisibility"
8) Walk to the front of the class and scream as loud as you can "COME TO THE DARK SIDE, WE HAVE COOKIES!"
9) Refuse to do your exam and say "I am trying to cut down on exams"
10) Stand up and sing "I am walking on Sunshine" and start dancing.
11) Run out screaming "Run away, Fire, Fire!"
12) Make up random answers on your exam like "I like Pickles"
13)Take one of your Bakugan into the exam and ten minutes into the test shout "Did you hear that, My Bakugan just talked to me, now I can go defeat Naga!" Then look at your watch and say "Shun can you teach me some ninja moves? Pretty pleeeeeease?!"
14) Shout random catch phrases like "To the Bat mobile" or "Take that you dirty alien scum" or "Get your hands off me you damn dirty ape!"
15) Go up to the black board and write "The curse will be with you" Then run out screaming "The curse will be with you"
16) If you didn't study, when the teacher hands out the exam say "Sorry wrong class" and walk out.
17) Shout the wrong answers out.
18) Stand up and shout "Exercise time!" and run up and down the rows.
19)Put your hand up and ask "Ms/ Mr I don't understand this question" Then when she/he says "Ok I'll help you" Say "No it's OK" then whisper to the person next to you "Gimme your exam"
20) When walking in the exam room, don't walk skip up to the teacher's desk, take an exam and skip out shouting "Skip to the lu my darling!"
OK, these things are very dumb. Just read.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one. Don't ruin a kid's dream!)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
1. Your Gangster Name! (first 3 letters of your first name and izzle) chaizzle
2. Your Detective Name (colour and an animal): pink zebra
3. Your Soap Opera Name (Your middle name and the name of the current street your living at): lucy osmund
4. Your Star Wars Name (The first 3 letters of your surname, first 2 letters of your first name and the last 3 letters of your mum's maiden name): coochrof
5. Your Superhero/heroine Name (Colour and favourite drink): orange milk
6. Your Arab Name, Though This Seems Racist I'll Do It Randomly (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your surname, any letter of your middle name (s), 2nd letter of your mum's maiden name, 3rd letter of your dad's first middle name, 1st letter of a sibling(s) first name and last letter of your mum's middle name(s): holomkt
7. Your Witness Protection Name (One of your mum's middle names): maragaret
8. Your Goth Name, I'll Do It Even Though It's Stereotypist (The colour black and one of the names of your pet(s): black bubbles
9. Your Rock Star Name (A fruit and a weapon that can injure): cherry pistol
10. Your Pirate Name (2nd favourite colour and a pirate accesory) orange eye patch
Funny Phobias If you laugh at any of these, paste it in your profile!
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia or Sesquipedalophobia- Fear of long words Doctor: "You have Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia." Patient: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!"
Androphobia- Fear of males A guy wakes one morning, "OMG!!!"
Unatractivephobia- Fear of ugly people You walk outside to your car and some old ladies walking down the street and you run inside screaming.
Venustraphobia- Fear of beautiful woman A guy looks at his fiance
Thaasophobia- Fear of sitting Teacher: "Bobby, it's time to SIT DOWN OR ELSE." Bobby: "It's alright, I'm not *yawn* tired, I'll stand."
Sophophobia- Fear of learning Mom: "Honey, what did you learn today?" Kid: "MOMMY!! DON'T SAY THE 'L' WORD!!!"
Scriptophobia- Fear of writing in public A famous person. Signing autographs. Ouch.
Scolionophobia- Fear of school Kid: "But Mommy, you're a teacher, what do you mean you don't like school?" Mom/Teacher: "I can just hear all those fingernails on the chalkboard!!"
Phronemophobia- Fear of thinking Wife: "Just think how wonderful a trip to Paris would be..." Husband: "I WON'T DO IT!! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!"
When a girl is quiet, a million things are running through her mind.
When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.
When a girl looks at you with her eyes full of question, she is wondering how long you will be around.When a girl answers "I'm fine." after a few seconds, she is not fine at all.
When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.
When a girl rests her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be her's forever.
When a girl wants to see you everday, she wants to be pampered.
When a girl says "I love you." she means it.
When a girl says "I miss you." nobody could miss you more than that.
Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts
1) I will not sing "We're Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.
2) Seamus Finnigan is not "after me lucky charms"
3) House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers
4) I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter
5) My headmaster's name is Albus Dumbledore, not "Gandalf”
6) A Muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quidditch equipment, even if it has been enchanted to fly.
7) I will not go into the forbidden forest looking for Charlie the Unicorn
8) Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not be improved by the introduction of muggle firearms.
9) I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket"
10) I will not test my Potions assignments by spiking Snape's drink with them
11) - Especially not all of them at once
12) I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.
13) I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.
14) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.
15) Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka.
16) I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.
17) Mad-Eye Moody knows his eye is creepy, he does not need to be told... again.
18) Yes, the Great Hall is extremely large, but Quidditch is an outside sport.
19) The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate.
20) -Especially in reference to Professor Umbridge.
21) Professor Lupin does not know anyone by the name of Jacob Black.
22) –Even though he was friends with someone named Sirius Black.
23) I will not recite lines from Potter Puppet Pals, as it is awkward and rude.
24) –Especially not during meal times.
25) I will not yell "Hey look It's Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade.
26) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches.
27) I will not send Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas.
28) –Or Wen Hair Care.
29) I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snape’s private chambers to watch him sing I Will Survive in the mirror, as it is disturbing.
30) "Oo ee, oo ah ah, ting tang, walla walla bing bang" is not an actual spell.
31) Gryffindor's sword is not to be used to patrol the hallways.
32) Shout "beam me up Scotty" before disapparating.
33) Yelling “to infinity, and BEYOND!” was only funny the first time I took off on my broom.
34) Making a slinky go from the top of the astronomy tower to the ground level is not an appropriate pastime.
35) - especially while singing “everyone loves a slinky”.
36) - especially while singing “everyone loves a slinky” until the slinky hits the bottom.
37) - especially while singing “everyone loves a slinky” until the slinky hits the bottom and starting the whole process over again whenever the slinky gets stuck.
38) - apparently, not everyone loves a slinky.
39) I will not sweep the Gryffindor common room with Harry Potter's prized Firebolt.
40) The Giant Squid is not to be referred to as 'my lord Cthulhu', nor am I allowed to sacrifice first years to it on the new moon.
41) No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
42) Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.
43) First-years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow.
44) I will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library.
45) Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.
46) A time turner is not a flux capacitator, and I should therefore not install one in any Muggle cars.
47) I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.
48) The muggle television show “Futurama” is fictional and describing the events of each episode while looking at a crystal ball does not count as extra credit in Divination.
49) I will not run through the halls shouting “Snape kills Dumbledore!”
50) There is no such thing as “Wizard Swears” even if I have seen it on Potter Puppet Pals and I should not shout them in the Great Hall.
51) –Nor should I teach them to first years.
52) I will not "borrow" a prefects' badge for Peeves.
53) I am not allowed out of my house dorm when anyone from the Ministry of Magic visits Hogwarts.
54) If Dumbledore wanted to tell me what Aberforth did to the goats, he would’ve told me already.
55) Centaurs do not give free rides to kids and I should stop telling the first years otherwise.
56) "42" is not the answer to every O.W.L or N.E.W.T exam paper.
57) Neither is "Yo Mamma".
58) Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in June.
59) Singing “The Mysterious Ticking Noise” in the library is rude and annoying.
60) –Especially if I get everyone in Gryffindor to sing with me.
61) –Especially if I get everyone in Gryffindor to sing with me and form a large circle around Professor Snape.
62)- Especially if I get everyone in Gryffindor to sing with me and form a large circle around Professor Snape and refuse to let him out of the circle until he finds the pipe bomb.
63) The fact that there are only three unforgivable curses does not mean that every other curse is "pretty much forgivable".
64) Shouting random Latin phrases while waving my wand is not acceptable charms research.
65) I will not shove professor Snape into a wall repeatedly while shouting “Bother” over and over again.
66) -Nor will I enchant the Whomping Willow to do so.
67) Thestrals do not resemble the Muggle toys known as 'My Little Pony'.
68) The Muggle known as George W. Bush is not related to or working for Lord Voldemort in any way, and I am to stop insinuating that he is.
69) Singing 99 Bottles of Potion on the wall nonstop repeatedly will result in a detention.
70) Hagrid is not to be referred to as “Gargamel” is not trying to capture the house elves for use in making a potion.
71) Mrs. Norris does not like playing with blast-ended skrewts.
72) If asked in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling "It does DEATH!" may be correct but is not the manner in which one should answer.
73) I will not swap Draco's broom with one out of Filch's broom cupboard.
74) I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.
75) -I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.
76) -It was not an honest mistake.
77) Despite the name, using transcripts of MuggleCast is not useful for writing essays in Muggle Studies.
78) I will not shout “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!” every time I pass Dumbledore in a corridor.
79) Professor Flitwick's first name in not Yoda.
80) Humming/singing/referring in any way to Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf" around Professor Lupin is inappropriate. It's best not to bring up "Thriller", either.
81) I am not the wicked witch of the west.
82) -I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either.
83) I will not melt if water is poured over me.
84) -Neither will Professor Umbridge.
85) "To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.
86) Asking Snape if his sister’s ok after that house fell on her is tasteless and will earn you a month of detention.
87) Shouting “Abracadabra” can be misheard and start a panic.
88) Professor Trelawney’s name is not “Madame Crack-Addict.”
89)-Neither is Professor Snape’s.
90) Dragons are not permitted inside the castle, even if you are having trouble starting a fire in the common room fireplace.
91) I will not discuss my theory that Voldemort and Michael Jackson went to the same plastic surgeon.
92) I will not loudly tell Hermione that “THE MARAUDER’S MAP ISN’T SUPPOSED TO BE USED FOR STALKING LOCKHART!” in front of a large group of Slytherins.
93) –Even if she is stalking Lockhart.
94) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.
95) I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.
96) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and take bets on who will come out alive.
97) Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count for extra credit.
98) I am not allowed to declare an official Hug A Slytherin Day.
99) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.
100) Getting everyone in the Great Hall to do the Time Warp will not earn me any house points
Hufflepuff, we will kill you with smiles and rainbows
You know you're obsessed with Harry Potter when:
You mutter nonsense Latin words under your breath.
You call your least favorite teacher Snape.
Your computer says "You've Got Mail" and you run outside looking for an owl.
You actually ask for a broom for Christmas.
You mutter "lumos" under your breath every time you turn on a flashlight.
You sort everyone you meet into the four Hogwarts houses (Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin).
You were burned when you couldn't get through the flames of your fireplace.
You had to go to the hospital after you broke your nose running headfirst into the wall between platforms nine and ten.
The wand order mistake in GoF drove you crazy, and even after it was "corrected" you still came up with dozens of theories to explain why that happened.
You point at normal things like parking meters and say "Look at the things these Muggles dream up!"
You collect plugs.
You try on every piece of silvery fabric your mom has to see if you turn invisible.
Before getting up to get something, you always try to summon it first. Accio TV remote!
You watched "Love, Actually" because two minor Harry Potter actors were in it.
You were reduced to tears when you finally had Book 5 in your hands.
You refer to your Science class as Potions.
You spend hours tapping bricks in special orders, hoping that a secret entrance to Diagon Alley will appear.
When playing chess, you yell orders to the chess players and get upset when they don't move.
You yell into the "fellytone."
You get emotional every time you hear "Hedwig's Theme".
You say "wicked" all the time because Rupert Grint does.
You get thoroughly overexcited every time you see a word somewhere that is distantly linked with HP (ie. Saint Hedwig's).
You name all of your pets after HP characters.
You get into heated arguments over how much gel Tom Felton had in his hair in the first two movies.
You know that Harry's birthday is July 31, 1980, Hermione's birthday is September 19, 1979 and Ron's birthday is March 1, 1980 even though it was never said in the books.
You refer to Voldemort as "You-Know-Who", and no one has any idea who you're talking about.
You went out and bought the latest editition of the Webster's Dictionary because they added the word "Muggle" and "Rowling".
You were kicked out of the movie theater for standing on your chair, throwing your shoe at the screen and yelling "THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN IN THE BOOK!"
You count the days until you're old enough for your Apparation license, and everyone else thinks you're talking about driving.
I was walking around in a Target store when I saw a cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.
Carmen was 17 years old when her parents decided to move to Indiana. Her father had lost his job and the only way he could find new employment was by moving to a new state. The relocation caused a lot of problems for Carmen. She had to leave her friends behind and attend a whole new school in Indiana. Carmen had a hard time making friends when she changed schools. It was the middle of the school year and most of the students had no interest in befriending the new girl. Initially, she spent many days alone, walking from class to class without speaking to anyone, but she eventually started hanging around with a group of five other girls. Carmen thought these girls were her friends, but it wasn’t long before she discovered that they had been talking about her behind her back and spreading vile rumors.
When she confronted them, the girls turned on her and began bullying her every day, making her life a misery. They started out calling her names, but then the bullying got much worse. One day, she left her school books in the classroom at break time. When she returned, she found someone had taken a sharpie and written dirty words all over her books. Another day, she opened her bag and discovered someone had poured yoghurt all over the insides. Sometimes, she would come to school and find her locker had been vandalized. The final straw came when she put on her coat at recess and found that someone had stuffed dog poop in her pockets.
There and then, Carmen decided that she couldn’t take the bullying any longer. She planned to stay behind, that evening, after school, and tell her teacher what had been happening. Unfortunately, her decision came too late to save her life.
After lunch, her teacher announced that the school was holding a fire drill. When the alarm sounded, Carmen and the other students filed out of the classroom and assembled in the yard outside. As the teachers read out the roll call, the gang of five girls decided that this was a great opportunity to embarrass Carmen in front of the whole school during the fire drill. They moved over to where Carmen was standing, near a sewer drain, and began crowding the poor girl, getting in her face and nudging her towards the open manhole.
They pushed her and she tripped over and fell head-first down the manhole. When they saw her falling, the girls started giggling and when Carmen’s name was called out, they shouted "She’s down in the sewer!"
All of the other students began laughing. But when the teachers looked down the manhole and saw Carmen’s body lying at the bottom in the muck and the poop, the laughter abruptly stopped. Her head was twisted around at an odd angle and her face was covered in blood. Worse still, she wasn’t moving. There was nothing any of the teachers could do for her. Carmen was dead. When the police arrived and went down into the sewer, they determined that she had broken her neck. Her face had been torn off when she hit the ladder on the way down and her neck snapped when she landed on her head on the concrete at the bottom.
The police hauled Carmen’s body out of the sewer and sent her to the mortuary. Everyone had to stay behind after school while the police questioned all of Carmen’s classmates. The five girls lied to the police, saying they had witnessed Carmen falling down the sewer. The police believed the girls and Carmen Winstead’s death was ruled an accident and the case was closed. Everyone thought that was the last they would hear of Carmen Winstead, but they were wrong. Dead Wrong.
Months later, Carmen’s classmates began receiving strange e-mails on their MySpaces. The e-mails were titled "They Pushed Her" and claimed that Carmen hadn’t really fallen down the sewer, she had been pushed. The e-mails also warned that the guilty people should own up and take responsibility for their crime. If they didn’t there would be horrible consequences. Most people dismissed the e-mails as a hoax, but others were not so sure.
A few days later, one of the girls who pushed Carmen down the sewer was at home taking a shower, when she heard a strange cackling laugh. It seemed to be coming from the drain. The girl started to freak out and ran out of the bathroom. That night, the girl said goodnight to her mom and went to sleep. Five hours later, her mom was awoken in the middle of the night, by a loud noise that resounded throughout the house. She ran into her daughter’s room, only to find it empty. There was no trace of the girl. The worried mother called the police and when they arrived, they conducted a search of the area. Eventually, they discovered the girl’s grisly remains.
Her corpse was lying in the sewer, covered in muck and poop. Her neck was broken and her face missing. It had been completely torn off. One by one, all of the girls who pushed Carmen that day were found dead. They had all been killed in exactly the same way and were all found at exactly the same spot. In the sewer at the bottom of the same uncovered manhole where Carmen had met her doom. But the killing didn’t stop there. More and more of Carmen’s former classmates were found dead. It seemed that anyone who didn’t believe that Carmen had been pushed, was eventually found down in the sewer with their necks broken and their faces torn off.
They say that Carmen’s ghost is still on the rampage, hunting down anyone who doesn’t believe her story. According to the legend, Carmen will get you, whether it’s from a toilet, a shower, a sink or a drain. When you go to sleep, you’ll wake up in the sewer, in complete darkness, paralyzed, unable to move, hearing cackling laughter all around you. Then, as you scream in horror, Carmen will come and tear your face off.
So be careful who you bully, because you just might find yourself on the receiving end of the curse of Carmen Winstead.
FACT: About two months later, 16-year-old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower, he heard laughter, started freaking out, and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep, but five hours later, his mom woke up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and David was gone. A few hours later, the police found him in the sewer, with a broken neck and the skin on his face peeled off.
Even Google her name - you'll find this to be true.
If you don't repost this saying "They hurt her," then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep, you'll wake up in the sewer, in the dark, then Carmen will come and kill you.
They hurt her...
Mummy... Johnny brought a gun to school He told his friends that it was cool And when he pulled the trigger back It shot with a great crack Mummy I was a good girl I did what I was told I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another And all because he got the gun from his older brother Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush And tell my little sister that she is the only one now And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class And never to forget this and please don't let this pass Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack Mummy listen to me if you would I wanted to go to college I wanted to try things that were new I guess I'm not going with daddy On that trip to the new zoo I wanted to get married I wanted to have a kid I wanted to be an actress Mummy I wanted to live But mummy I must go now The time is getting late Mummy tell my Chris I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date I love you mummy I always have I know you know it's true Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you" In memory of the Columbian students that were lost Please if you would Pass this around I'd be happy if you could Don't smash this on the ground If you pass this on Maybe people will cry Just keep this in heart For the people that didn't get to say... "goodbye"
Now you have two choices 1) repost and show you care 2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart (Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)
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