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Author has written 4 stories for Pokémon.
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Okay, if you haven't read the announcement by now, too bad.
Gender: I'm a girl. Learn it.
Age: Between 3 and 82
Name: You wish!
A wise person once said to me, "A satisfied person is a dead man. A satisfied human is impossible to find; it's the definition of being human. But a satisfied being, now that is quite possible."
Happy Little Quotes
Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days"
Guns don't kill people. I do.
Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Assassinations is an extreme form of censorship.
I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet.
I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem. . . Tomorrow. Or maybe as a New Year's resolution.
To put it nicely, I hope you choke. But not here. It takes ages to get the corpse stench out of the floor.
If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem, and I can't help.
Would you like a cookie? So would I. Go get me one.
You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear. Unless you're alone. Then you have to be faster than the bear.
Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot, plus they take tips from TC.
Don't make me mad...I'm known to bite at random!
Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls. The walls don't enjoy it.
If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth, or if it was for the guy next to you to be killed by the big space rock.
Someday my prince will come he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. Or he's gone AWOL.
I'm not good at empathy, will you settle for sarcasm?
This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.
The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER.
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then it's freakin' hilarious.
You say I'm mean. But one question; when was I ever nice?
I don't suffer from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it.
Our health teacher told us that "1 out of 3 people who start smoking will eventually die." The other two apparently became immortal.
It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it?
What ever doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiousity was framed.
- Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.
- I used all my sick days, so I called in dead...
- They say, "Guns dont kill people, people kill people.' Well, I think the gun helps, because if you just stood there and yelled, "BANG" I dont think you'd kill too many people.
- So, if guns kill people, can I blame misspelled words on my pencil?
- Yeah, I'm a loser. But the coolest loser you'll ever meet.
- Save the Earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.
- No, I won't go to Hell! It has a restraining order against me.
- You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
- When Life gives you lemons, throw them back, because, I mean, really? Who likes lemons?
- When Life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.
- When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.
- Life isnt passing me by; it's trying to run me over.
- Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
- I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept!
- Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap... you decide.
- I live in my own little world. But it's okay, they know me there.
- The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
- Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend.
- If electricity comes from electrons, where do you think morality comes from?
- Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking leeches?
- You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
- Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable. But that is called 'cannibalism' my dear children, and it is in fact frowned upon in most societies.
- I used to be normal... until I met those freaks I call my friends.
- I got you a present; it's a CD. I hope you haven't got it, because I don't have a receipt... and I didn't exactly buy it...
- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!
- When in doubt, make up words!
- Home is not where you live, but where they understand you.
- If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you!
- If you're gonna be two-faced sweetie, at least make one of them pretty.
- All work and no play means you will die in seven days... dun dun duuun.
- I run with scissors; it makes me feel dangerous.
- Don't worry about the world coming to an end today; its already tomorrow in Australia.
- Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
- You say I'm not cool. Cool is just another word for cold. If I'm not cold then I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thank You for embracing it!
- Come to the Dark Side... we have cookies!
- One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
- Give a person a fish and feed them for a day, teach them how to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks!
- Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!
-The statistics of insanity is that 1 of every 4 people have a mental illness. Look at your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.
- When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
- A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.
- Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
- There is no "I" in team but there is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...
- Music is like candy: You throw away the (w)rappers.
- The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
- Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.
- What happens if you get scared half to death twice? That's a really good question... I wonder...
- My mind works like lightning... one brilliant flash and it's gone.
- Do not take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
- If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
- Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
- Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
- I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly.
- Don't hit kids. No, seriously, they have guns now.
- WARNING: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus.
- If your heart was really broken you'd be dead, so shut up.
- I don't have a dog... I eat my own homework. I'm not random, I just have many tho- OOH, LOOK! A SQUIRREL!
- Please: Don't throw your cigarette butt's on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer.
- There are three kinds of people: Those who can count, and those who can't.
- Welcome to the internet, pants optional.
- Warning: Trespassers will be shot, Survivors will be shot again.
- I dream of a perfect world were a chicken can cross the road without its motives questioned.
-No im not weird i'm just not normal
-An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.
-Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
-I'm not always a dork- sometimes I'm asleep.
-I'm not insensitive, I just don't care.
-Oops! I appear to have fallen on your lips...
-The only reason I'm here is because heaven wouldn't have me and hell was afraid I'd take over.
-A good girl is just a bad girl who's never gotten caught.
-I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.
-Very few personal problems can't be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
-If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.
-Never do anything you don't want to explain to the paramedics.
-The cops never find it as funny as you do.
Taste the rainbow - Eat CRAYONS!
-I ran with scissors - and lived!
-Slinky Escalator = Endless fun!
-Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is my ceiling?.
-Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, I'm too old for glow in the dark stickers.
-Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
-He who laughs last thinks slowest.
-The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
-When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
-I'm not a complete idiot - some parts are missing.
-Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.
-I see regular people! Run for your lives!
-Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
-A secret admirer is only a stalker with stationary.
-If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete.
-You say psycho like it's a bad thing...
-He Said: "I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it." She Said: "You wear pants don't you?"
-People are like slinkies; basically useless, but ever so amusing to watch fall down stairs.
-I find 'good morning' a contradiction of terms.
-Cute but psycho - things even out.
-Hell issued a restraining order on me...oh the fun to be had!
-I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me.
-What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding.
-I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
-Oops! Did my sarcasm hurt your feelings?
-If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
-I intend to live forever...so far so good.
-Embrace the inner rebel - don't sit up straight.
-You're awesome... but when the zombies come, I'm tripping you.
-I am not weird... just plotting.
-I'm a paranoid schizophrenic...or so THEY say...
-I don't obsess! I think intensely!
-I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my super powers.
-Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
-When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
-Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried to slam a revolving door.
-From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.
-Shit happens. But mostly to me, so don't worry.
-"Let's eat Grandpa!!""Let's eat, Grandpa!!"
How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity:
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN”
5. Put Decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Expresso.
6. Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy.”
8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
9. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
10. Specify that your drive-through order is “To Go.”
11. Sing along at the Opera.
12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why all the poems don’t rhyme.
13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
14. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
15. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I WON! I WON!”
16. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling,"Run for your lives, they’re loose!!"
17. Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
18. Go in front of your classroom and shout "I like pie!"
19. Greet all your friends with a tackle.
And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...
20. Copy and end this list to someone to make them smile... It's called therapy.
Something to remember: When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch them in their smug, arrogant face.
This Profile's flagship story, currently in progress. Expect updates every now and again. Currently on brief hiatus while I solve a problem.
In a Future of Ash:
As anybody who has read Fire Before Ashes can tell you, LoR saved Ash, Red, and Mewtwo. What if she didn't? This is the story of a world long dead and in ashes. Random updates, whenever my Muse gets back from vacation. Namely, when FBA is nearly done.
Ketchum of Sandgem
moving along at a steady pace now, I'm going to be focusing most of my attention on this right now.
I'm sorry, but I had the plot bunnies in my head breeding. I needed to get rid of some of them. And I will put out more chapters whenever I need to get rid of more. So, be prepared for a Multiple-Personality Squirtle, motivational speaker Ash, British snorlax, and more. In other words, it's crack.
A sampling of the kind of humor in FM:
"I swear that I didn't choose to! He made me do it!"
"Tell it to the judge, kid."
"Sir, you are the judge."
"I am? Oh, well then. Kid, tell somebody who actually cares in the slightest."
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