Author has written 7 stories for Harry Potter, and Ouran High School Host Club.
COME TO THE DARK SIDE! WE HAVE MALFOY!
WARNING WARNING WARNING!!! ALICE2EPIC HAS CHANGED HER USERNAME!
Birthday: August 16, 1998
Strangely, it's harder to be funny in real life than on paper -Andy.
101 Scenes with the Marauders; Will be updated as fast as possible as soon as I get an idea. It's more of a muse-remover project then a story. Each chapter should take around two-four days for the editing (done by the fabulous WitAngerandBravery) and the actual writing (Which takes the most time) -IS ON HIATUS BUT WILL STILL BE UPDATED WITH LARGE AMOUNTS OF TIME GAPS BETWEEN EACH UPDATE!
The Diary; One-Shot. Completed.
Blue Shirt; One-Shot. Completed.
Imitations; In the Founders Era; Dropped.
Imitations; In the Marauders Era; Completed.
What Truly Happened to Sally-Anne; One-Shot. Completed.
Never Hurt Usa-Chan; Two-Shot. Completed. Has potential for more chapters.
Oh and most of those little snippets down there aren't from me, they're just stories that I was fond of, but sadly, I wasn't thinking and didn't ask the authors permission, so I'll probably do that soon. And delete ones from people who refuse to give me permission, but really, it's just free publicity... kinda. Considering not many people read my profile.
OH! And I DO NOT roleplay, but thanks for asking.
I think that's all you need or will ever want to know about me I guess...
REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join add this list to your profile):
1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate, marshmallows, and ice cream too)
Superman: I'm Superman!
Ironman: I'm Ironman!
Batman: I'm Batman!
Draco Malfoy *smirking and pointing wand at them* And I'm going to kick your arses.
Before the darkness took him, Harry briefly thought nostalgically of Voldemort. Maniac was probably laughing his arse off from hell. "Ha ha Harry," he imagined him saying. "I died in a super-cool, ultra-dramatic battle to the death. You *snicker* died from cleaning."
You'd better watch out
You're going to die!
Better bow down, I'm telling you why.
VOLDEMORT IS COMING TO TOWN.
He's killing the Squibs,
He's taking their lives!
No need for a knife.
VOLDEMORT IS COMING TO TOWN.
He knows you're in the Order
And he will make you pay.
If you're a Mudblood,
better run Cause you know death is today!
With little Wormtail,
Lucius, Barty and Bellatrix, too.
VOLDEMORT IS COMING TO TOWN!
*insert evil laugh*
Contact me at:
Harry and Dudley sat quietly on the stairs listening to Petunia and Vernon. "America'll be perfect for the boy, there's a huge population of magic people. They even have a magical military! If that Volde person tried to mess with the American's they'd nuke his ass!" Vernon said.
Love, Life and Lies by shedevil628
(I totally agree with you Vernon! Alice2Epic)
"I knew it you are God. Sasuke tried to lie to me."
"Why yes I am." I say sarcastically.
"I want a unicorn."
"I don't have one."
"What kind of God are you?"
"The selfish kind."
"Well, selfishly give me a unicorn."
"How does that work?"
"We do not question these things."
It seems like everybody is in a relationship or in love. Then I'm just here like, "I like that tree. That's a very nice tree.''
"Are you sure you can do it right?" Harry asked nervously. "Only, if you accidentally blow up the last remaining copy of this book I might have to gut you and use your entrails to make violin strings which I will then play as I watch the rest of your remains being savaged by starving hyenas."
"If at first you don't succeed, try the Slytherin way."
"What way is that?" James muttered with Harry's voice, "cheat, repeat until caught, then lie?"
"Yeah, you can consider me impressed," he shrugged, "…with your continued display of stalking skills. Seriously, did you take a class? Or are you just naturally a creep?" -Harry Potter-
"I took a class," the other deadpanned. "Stalking 101. It was quite popular - lots of teenage fangirls clutching their witch weekly smile award posters." -Tom Riddle-
"Please note," Harry added, rubbing his forehead as a fuzzy, blinding headache began to build, "that when Remus discovered himself in an unfamiliar body, he thought 'Oh dear, I accidentally took Polyjuice Potion', not 'Oh my God, I must cut my cock off!'" He gave his mother a pointed mental poke.
It's hard to be scared of someone with a sexy voice. Unless they say something like "Muahaha this isn't really my voice. My friend here is a ventriloquist. Now I kill you!" but even then you can always elope with the friend.
“That’s okay,” Scorpius shrugs, “My dad listens to a lot of Country and Bluegrass. Metal makes a nice change.”
All of a sudden I get a mental picture of Draco Malfoy wearing a straw hat and dungarees, playing a banjo. Officially the second freakiest thing I’ve ever seen, right after Laura Phelps’ mother.
"Don't joke anymore," I said rather bluntly. "It's terrifying for someone like you to joke around."
His eyebrow rose at this. "And why is that, Moore?"
You're gonna be a raging psychopath without a nose. "I don't know. Just . . ." I waved my hands awkwardly at him, "don't do it."
We were getting dizzy when something distracted us. Hand in hand, with pompous grins on their faces were Sirius and James, dramatically doing the tango.
"What the-" I said as they walked passed us, as Remus danced by doing the cha-cha with a large pillow, leaving Luna and I stunned as the three marauders dances absurdly in the rain.
Sweet little Neville, the pansy of Gryffindor, was mad. And it scared the shit out of everyone.
"They really are that bad," she said looking at Luna, "This one time Becca invited me to her cousin's wedding. For the whole evening her aunt and mother were obsessed about everything being perfect but they caught her older brother in the broom closet with a bridesmaid, her uncle was so drunk on fire whiskey he had mistaken me for the bride, and her little brother made a face imprint in the cake. Oh! Also during the ceremony when they were giving their vows the same drunken uncle called out 'Objection' and claimed his love for the groom in the form of a song."
"Addy Mae? Could you tell me why it is important to concentrate on the spells you are performing while you do so?"
"Huh?" said Addy looking up at the sound of her name, "Oh, that is me, umm… what was the question again?"
"Ms. Mae, were you even paying attention?"
"Of course I was paying attention, I was just testing you! You see the answer is forty-two."
"Ms. Mae, what was the question?"
"How do you not know what the question was, you asked me, you should know! I'm sorry if you're not paying attention to yourself! McGonnie, you should give yourself detention. You see the answer is clearly forty-two. Now if this doesn't make sense to you, you need to take a piece of paper and give it to Filch and ask him to write the ABC's on it. He will conveniently miss one letter and you will then have to bring another piece of paper to the Professor whose name starts with that letter. Upon receiving the paper, the Professor will reward you with a large salmon. You will then send the salmon wrapped in a howler professing your undying love for the polka to Professor Slughorn, who will then give you a book that will explain everything."
If You Wish To Flame Me - By: Anonymous
If you wish to flame me,
For no good reason at all,
You couldn't help but blame me,
If you "accidentally" fall.
For if you say it's too short,
And write a letter of complaint,
I'm afraid I'll have to retort,
Without a bit of restraint.
And if you say it came late,
And bug me about the next chapter,
You will (on a later date),
Be run over by me on a tractor.
Should you happen to think,
My grammar is askew,
I'll have to tell you without a blink,
"Hey buddy- (insert 4 letter curse word here) you!"
So if you wish to flame me,
And call me all sorts of names,
I'm afraid you'd have to blame me,
If you find your house in flames.
"Oh, and I also learned about who Ava's first kiss was," Sirius said, casting a wink in my direction.
"Don't," I warned.
"Who was it?" Lily asked curiously, brightening up. "We've always wondered, ever since that night. None of us could remember who it was. Did you know him, Sirius?"
"Oh, did I ever," Sirius replied. I punctuated his sentence with a less-than-a-little-bit-subtle smack in the head. "But…he…died."
I stared at him, my mouth gaping open. What kind of a lie was that? What a moron!
"Oh Merlin!" Lily gasped, her hand on her heart. "Oh that is just horrible! Did you know him well?"
Sirius wiped non-existent tears from his eyes. "Yeah," he sniffled. "We grew up together. I invited him over to Hogwarts, you know, just for the day (he goes to a different school, you see). And so Ava just snogs the life out of him. And then she threw up all over his face."
Lily stared at me with wide eyes. "You didn't!"
"Oh but she did!" Sirius interjected, before I could answer her. "She threw up on his clothes and laughed in his face. He was so humiliated."
"Oh, that is so sad," Lily said. How the hell did she believe any of this? "What was his name?"
"…Bobby," Sirius said. "Bobby Morty."
I tried my best not to laugh.
"Well, Bobby Morty lived a nice life, even though it was short," Lily said, shaking her head.
"Oh, his life wasn't short," Sirius noted. "He was thirty-four."
"I thought you guys group up together and that he went to a different school," Lily pointed out, the story not adding up.
"That's because he was held back many years. And he was like a second dad to me, you see..." Sirius just shook his head sadly.
"I am going to make you wish you were never born," I hissed into Sirius' ear. In my regular voice, I said, "Lily, Sirius just lied."
Lily stared at him with wide eyes. "You didn't."
"Oh but he did," I said, glaring at Sirius. Woah, flash-back to a few seconds ago. Didn't this situation just happen, but in reverse?
"You see, I didn't kiss Bobby Morty," I said, with a serious face on. I then patted Sirius on the back. "Black did."
The reaction was amazing.
Lily was spluttering all over the place, Sirius was yelling words of denial and passerby's were telling us to "shut the bloody hell up, you weirdly dressed teenagers".
"Okay, okay, I know!" I yelled over their shouts, waving my hands out. "I know that Bobby's death has been hard on you Sirius." I patted his back some more as he stared at me in disbelief. "I know that his death shattered you, him being your first-love, your first-kiss, your first-"
At this point, Lily's eyes were popping out of her head, so I just skipped all the "first's" and went on: "But the past is the past. You can't change history. All that you have are memories. So I understand why you lied about me kissing Bobby. It would've been too hard on you to admit it yourself that you, Sirius Orion Black, was in love with a man. A middle-aged, bearded man, who was really your uncle." I shook my head sadly.
"His uncle?" Lily questioned.
"Sirius did say he was like a second dad to him." I shrugged helplessly. "Somehow, love just conquers all."
There was a moment of silence, when Lily finally said, "Did you really think I'd believe any of that nonsense?"
"Eventually what?" Ron butt in, his banter with Blaise put on hold for a moment.
"You'll realize I'm pregnant." Harry said seriously.
"Ah." Ron nodded somberly. "I thought you were showing, but I didn't want to say anything in case I was wrong."
"You want to be godfather?"
"I'd be delighted." Without any sort of preamble, Ron went back to his conversation with a bemuse, yet amused, Blaise. Harry joined in, just as calm and serious as Ron.
He needed a plan. He needed to channel his inner Slytherin; to bring the cunning, Malfoy-Gets-What-Malfoy-Wants side of him to light. He needed—Professor McGonagall to conveniently come running in and ask Snape for his assistance with some random emergency.
"Professor Snape, you're assistance is needed at once! Mr. Longbottom has been hit with a curse that turned him into a half-goat, half-human hybrid and he is currently being chased around by Aberforth! You must help me catch him before he is molested by our resident goat-lover!" Professor McGonagall, who had conveniently come running in, grabbed Snape's arm and proceeded to drag him out of the classroom.
"Well, no effin dur I am 'here'! WHERE THE HELL IS HERE? AM I DEAD? IS THIS GOD TALKING TO ME? DAMN YOU GOD! WHY THE HELL DID YOU CURSE ME WITH THE VOICES STUCK IN MY HEAD! CONNY TEASES ME, INSULTS ME, LAUGHS AT ME—"
"No, I am not god you dolt."
I live on reviews *hint hint*
The sorting hat says that I belong in Gryffindor!
Favourite houses: Gryffindor (although a bit overused) and Slytherin!
Said Gryffindor, "We'll teach all those with brave deeds to their name."
Students of Gryffindor are typically brave, daring, and chivalrous.
Take the most scientificever created.
Harry killed Voldemort, Voldemort killed Cedric, and Cedric = Edward. So, Harry killed Voldemort who killed Edward. Therefore, Harry killed Edward. So, Harry Potter pwns Twilight. If you agree with this form of logic, copy and paste this into your profile.
This is a tribute to all who died fighting Tom Marvolo Riddle Aka: Voldemort
First off, I must say, Rest in Peace:
James and Lily Potter, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black (The True Mauraders) Nymphadora Tonks, Ted Tonks,Professor Snape, Fred Weasley, Colin Creevy, Dobby, Hedwig, Regulus Black, Charity Burbadge, Mad-Eye Moody, Cedric Diggory, Grindewald, Sturgis Podmore, Gregorvitch, Benjy Fenwick, Edgar Bones, Gideon and Fabian Prewitt, Dorcas Meadows, Marlene McKinnon, Caradoc Dearborn, and all the brave souls that were lost to the War against Voldemort. May you all rest in Peace, and Remember you're never forgotten
To James and Lily,
…In Remembrance to Severus Snape….
….A Slytherin who died like a Gryffindor…
...without all the red and gold crap.
…In Remembrance to Fred Weasley…
…Who fought bravely to the very end….
…And whose jokes will forever brighten his other half…
…And will loyally await his soul mate and brother…
… with many jokes…
...he's got forever to think of them, right?
…In Remembrance to Dobby…
…Who was more free and full of love…
...than any elf, and most humans.
….In Remembrance to Remus J. Lupin….
...the last real Marauderer...
…who was not just a wonderful father…
….a incredible husband and brave hero…
...as well as a freakin' awesome werewolf.
….In Remembrance to Nymphadora Tonks…
…who died for ‘the greater good’…
...and would probably hex me for calling her Nymphadora.
…In Remembrance of Alastor ‘Mad-Eye’ Moody….
…who’s motto ‘constant vigilance’ kept him alive…
...and scared the crap out of some kids too.
…In Remembrance of Tom Marvelo Riddle a.k.a. Voldemort….
…who was pretty cool, and cute when he was younger…
…but who got his ass thoroughly kicked in the end
…In Remembrance of Albus Dumbledore…
…whose past and wisdom confused us…
…whose seeming betrayal shocked us…
…but actually who turned out to be an okay guy in the end...
...despite the whole 'almost killing Harry' thing.
In Remembrance to Bellatrix Lestrange…
… because it’s was awesome how Molly slapped her with that Avada Kedavra!
She deserved everything she got and more.
…In Remembrance of Colin Creevey…
…who we really didn’t know too well…
…but took a lot of pictures and died fighting in a war…
…so he must’ve done something good…
…besides stalking Harry.
…In Remembrance of Hedwig…
...Harry's actual first friend…
...who lived and died soaring.
At last, the desserts too disappeared, and Professor Dumbledore got to his feet again. The hall fell silent. Dumbledore smiled smugly. He had skill.
You say Twilight
Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength, and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend. Stephen King
For a moment, it felt like the world stopped. The longest silence I have ever experienced. The look she was giving me would have stopped Lord Voldemort dead in his tracks. He would have wet his trousers. They would have been nice and wet, completely ruined.
I puffed out my chest and pretended that I wasn't scared, not one bit. It was all a lie.
Cute guys make you:
That awkward moment
When everyone in your class is laughing and you're like "What just happened?"
When people fall in horror movies:
Me: Get up!
If you never jumped from one couch to another
After insulting someone I say
"just kidding" even if i was being dead serious.
YOU GUYS WOULD
Britian: Excuse me.
America: Get the f.ck out of my way!
Using the word "thingy" when
If I could remember
school material like I do song lyrics
I'd be the next Albert Einstein.
We are all mature untill somebody brings out the bubble wrap
I miss the days when
That Amazing Moment
Senior Citizen Texting Codes:
I love when I say,
something rude to someone & they think I'm kidding,
"What are you thinking about?" Sirius asked me, his gaze scanning my face.
"I was thinking about how you remind me of lasagna." I cannot believe I actually said that.
"That's great! I can't wait to see them! We can have another Quidditch battle!"
"Oh, Merlin, no." Caleb says, shaking his head, "Last one was fight to the death and you literally almost killed Beaumont."
"You exaggerate!" I exclaim, "He only broke his arm and that was because Alaisdair pushed him off his broom accidentally. He's meant to give him a high five!"
"In the face?"
"He was only slightly off." I defend.
"How was your first night watch?" Harry asked to fill the silence that had accumulated between us. It was uncomfortable, though.
"I fought off seven Death Eaters," I joked quietly. "And You-Know-Who himself. I told him if he wanted to see you he had to come during normal office hours."
"Are this strict with everyone? Even your friends?"
"I don't have to be strict with my friends."
"Are you saying we're not friends?" I asked in mock sadness, letting my mouth drop.
"You're going to be one of those insufferable students aren't you?"
Something I got off someone's profile:
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.
BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.
FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"
FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.
FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.
FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"
FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.
FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN! We messed up!"
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!
FRIENDS: Would read ignore this.
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this crap
I promise to remember Tonks
Each time time I knock something down.
And I promise to remember Charlie Weasley
Whenever I'm out of town.
I promise not to obey traffic laws
For Sirius's sake of course.
And I promise to remember Lupin
When my heart fills with remorse.
I promise to remember Arthur
Whenever I am at St Mungo's Room.
And I promise to remember the Weasley Twins
Every time fireworks boom.
I promise to remember Lily
When I see someone that holds pure beauty,
And I promise to remember Dobby
Whenever a pair of socks spots me.
I promise to remember Teddy
When I see someone with turquoise hair.
And I promise to remember Molly
When someone tells me they care.
I promise to remember Ginny
Whenever bogey hexes are unfurled.
And I promise to remember the Death Eaters
When someone speaks of dominating the world.
Yes I promise to love Harry Potter
Wherever I may go.
So that all may see my obsession
Because I know what the wizards know.
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