Poll: Girl names for my new story. (Non-fanfiction) Vote Now!
Author has written 5 stories for Twilight, Maximum Ride, Het Huis Anubis/House of Anubis, and Percy Jackson and the Olympians.
Things about ME!!!
Profile Name: HOATTSTHG
Age: Like I'm gonna tell you
Where I live: Stop stalking me!
Fav book(s):Maximum Ride,Twilight,The Hunger Games,and Percy Jackson
Fav Food(s):Watermelon and PRETZELS!!!!!(preferably soft pretzels)
Fav Color(s):Baby Blue and Lilac Purple
Fav Animal(s):Horses,dogs, and wolves
Fav TV Show(s):House of Anubis
Fav Movie(s):Barbie Collection,Twilight,The Hunger Games
Fav Musical(s):Les Miserables,RENT,Wicked
If you have written a fanfic, copy and paste this into your profile.
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Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile
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90 prosent of teens today would die if Facebook had a system failure and was completely destroyed If you are one of the 10 prosent that would be laughing, copy and paste this to your profile.
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There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE then it's weird. If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, Vert9411, pinkcherryblossom225CherryBlossoms016, SakuraUchiha14,Sakura-Cherry-Blossom-Chan,Sasusakufan2357, Itachi'sbestfangirl, The New Legendary Sannin, Neko Graphic, XeverythingXseemsXwrongX, Kawaii Chibi-kun, Xx Falcon's Eye xX, SaturnXK, Silverleaf2157, HOATTSTHG
They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill very many people.
You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?
An apple away keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff
Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's schizophrenia, but when a child has imaginary friends it's cute?
Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.
Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.
Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Don't waste a minute not being happy. If one window closes, run to the next window or break down a door.
I used to have a life but, that was before Fanfiction.
Don't look for inspiration. Start working and inspiration will come to you.
Take risks, if you win you will be happy; if you lose you will be wise.
There are 3 kinds of people, those who make it happen, those who watch it happen and those who don't know what the heck is happening.
The evening news always starts off by saying Good Evening and then procede to tell you exactly why it isn't.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and dark side, and holds the universe together.
Why are wrong numbers never busy?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Doesn't 'expecting the unexpecting' make the unexpected expected?
I do visit reality, although it's only on a tourist visa.
I used to have a handle on life; then it broke.
Normality will be restored as soon as we're sure what it is.
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Before you critisize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
THE BOY/GIRL QUIZ
YOUR GUY SIDE:
You love hoodies.
YOUR GIRL SIDE:
You wear lip gloss/stick.
Be OPTIMISTIC... all the people you hate are eventually going to die!!
-Sometimes I Wonder, "Why is that Frisbee getting bigger?" and then it hits me!! (Yup. My friend threw it at me and I turned around BOOM it hit me!!)
-Boys: can’t live with em, and it’s illegal to shoot em.
-What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?
-Heh. I'm looking forward to regretting this
-Life is like a pack of chewing-gum; I've yet to figure out why
-I have PMS and a gun... now what were you saying?
-A friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!"
-They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
-It's always the last place you look. Of course it is. Why the heck would I keep looking after I found it?
-When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and watch as the world wonders how the fuck you did it.
-When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like hell.
-Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away. He hates that.
Take time and read each sentence
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is retard cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now read the THIRD word of ever line
You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.
I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!
Out of my mind. Be back in five minutes.
I do visit reality once in a while. Want to see my tourist visa?
Normality will be restored as soon as we figure out what it is.
Be yourself. That's crazy enough
I have not lost my mind; its backed up on a disk somewhere
Beware the letter 'G'. It is the end of everything.
I used to have super powers, but my therapist took them away.
If everything seems to be going well, you obviously overlooked something
There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line
I'm not random. I just have many bluebird waffles
I'm the kind of person who walks into a chair and apologizes
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it
The below statement is true
The above statement is false
In a world of cheerios, be a frootloop!
There is no great genius without a mixture of madness
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them as much
If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with nonsense
When life gives you lemons make grape juice, lay back, and let the world wonder how you did it.
When life gives you lemons squeeze them in somebody's eyes and RUN!
If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete.
I'm mature and you're not. Nah nah nah nah nah nah!
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems
If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why are you so scared?!
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
I know KUNG-FU! And 42 other dangerous words
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhh its a secret!
I will temporarily rule the world, forever.
Quick, whats the number for 9-1-1?
I burst laughing out in class today...I got that joke you told yesterday
Hi! I'm human. What're you?
Have you considered suing your brain for non-support?
I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
I don't have a short attention span, I just... Oh look a kitty!
I haven't lost my marbles, they're under my bed somewhere.
Don't take life too seriously -You'll never get out of it alive.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Give me chocolate and nobody gets hurt!
I AM NOT CRAZY! My reality is just different than yours
I am the girl that people look through when I say something.
I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal.
I am the girl that people call weird, and a freak either behind my back or to my face.
I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cellphone or regular phone.
I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year.
I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.
BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who can express herself better with words than with words, and knows the importance of the little things.
Copy and Paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are diffrent and unique can know in their weakest times that they are unique, but not alone.
PrettyFanGirl, Truth Be Told 13, creative-writing-girl13, Jasper 1006, DubbleV,GwenFan22, Miss Peppy,Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocker, Fangalicious, Bellafan123, universe.disturber, XxThe Best Damn ThingxX, Lov Rox, ShylyOutgoing, Silverleaf2157, HOATTSTHG
Love vs. Sex
A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit
She ended up staying longer than
As she walked along under the tall elm
When she reached the alley, which was a
However, halfway down the alley she
She became uneasy and began to pray,
Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness
When she reached the end of the alley,
The following day, she read in the
Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and
Thanking the Lord for her safety and to
She felt she could recognize the man, so
The police asked her if she would be
She agreed and immediately pointed out
When the man was told he had been
The officer thanked Diane for her bravery
She asked if they would ask the man one
Diane was curious as to why he had not
When the policeman asked him, he
Amazingly, whether you believe or not,
Repost this as Love vs. Sex if you truly
25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
This story is Amazing
I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back."The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."
Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''
The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''
Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.
She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."
I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.
But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."
His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''
My heart nearly stopped.
The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."
Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me."
"I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."
Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.
I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''
"OK" he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.
The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"
Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''
"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''
"My mommy loves white roses."
A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.
Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.
The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.
Was this the family of the little boy?
Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.
I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.
She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.
I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.
And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
Now you have 2 choices:
1) Repost this message, or
2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart.
For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake.
I'm a BURNETTE so I MUST think I'm better then redheads, blondes, and other dark haired people.
I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problem
"Don't worry, I'm so over him. I honestly don't ca--"
I didnt fall for him...
When you find a real man...
Him: What time should i ask to be home?
Trying love a second time is like eating a hamburger, throwing it up, and then eating it again.
Girl: your amazing
Boy: who do you like
Guys are horrible creatures
Love is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it but only you can feel it's true warmth.
Ohh my, you clearly are oblivious to the fact that your eyes do so much damage.
I love him,
Love is a stalker, it just never leaves you alone.
I was sad when i found out that you were taken...
They say kissing is the language of love. Care to indulge in a little convo?
Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
I didn't fall for you... You tripped me.
We have a communication problem and I don't wanna talk about it.
Its hard to pretend you love someone when you dont but its even harder to pretend you dont love someone when you really do
I just want one guy to come up and say to me "sorry my whole entire gender sucks"
He broke my heart...So I broke his JAW!!
I wish they sold hearts at walmart. I would buy them in bulk so when one gets broken I can shug it off and say it's ok I got more... then I would never feel this pain again. (Cheesy, yes. True? Yes.)
"Guys are like babies, you never really know exactly what they want, but we can make a pretty good guess."
Pass the liquor... the boy is still ugly!
he Said "i love you" and i sneezed and said "ohh sorry;; But im Alergic to :.B.u.l.l.s.h.i.t.
Every time i walk pass you my words jummble into something stupid ...so i come out with somthing like...i like your phone...it's very small..(ackward silence)
I have skittles in my mouth... wanna taste the rainbow?
Virginity is like a bubble, one tiny prick and it's gone.
.heres to the guys that have us.the losers that lost us.& the lucky b-astards that will meet us.
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up.
GUY: you look familiar
If nothing lasts forever, can i be your nothing?
Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.
Men are like roses, you got to watch out for all the pricks.
When life gives you lemons trade them for guys.
Friends aren't suppose to be jealous
A secret admirier is only a stalker with stationary.
Girls don't make mistakes, we date them.
The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else.
16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
HOW TO SUCCEED AT BEING A NORMALTEENAGER (In 15 easy steps):
1. The first step in becoming a normal, bland, and spineless individual is very simple. Never think. About anything. Ever. If you have a thought, let it go. Let someone else think for you. Thinking is hard. Let someone else do it. Save your little conformist brain cells for something less difficult.
2. Now let's talk about music. You like unique music? Not anymore! You get to listen to the same generic, repetitive sound that everyone else does. You know, that one beat over and over with the words "Yeah", "baby" and "ooh" being repeated. Lucky you!
3. To be normal, you've gotta dress normal. If you're a girl, that means you wear leggings as pants and cut up your t-shirts so they just barely cover your chest. Uggs are a must, for any time of the year, including midsummer. If you're a guy, you wear the hem of your pants on the back of your knees. Overly violent band t-shirts for bands that you only know one song for is highly recommended. Jerseys and shorts are the number one choice for extremely cold weather.
4. Now that you're dressed like the little snowflake you are, it's time to talk about relationships with your parents! The next time they ask you to perform a non time-consuming chore or a small favor, be sure to throw a complete tantrum in the kitchen. Tell them how much you hate them and how they don't accept your individuality, as they can see by your intuition in fashion. Be sure to include that they don't love you and that they wish you were never born. Follow this by running to your room and slamming your door off its hinges. If they attempt to speak to you at any time after this, lay face down on your bed and scream at them through your pillow. Scream about how no one loves you and let your excessive eye makeup run down your face, too.
5. To ensure that you're everyone's favorite person in the morning, don't ever sleep. It's recommended that you should stay up all night on Facebook chat, having the exact same conversation with nine different people. It should be going something like this: YOU: hey "FRIEND": hi YOU: wassup "FRIEND": nm, u YOU: nm "FRIEND": im bored YOU: same "FRIEND": wat r u doin YOU: nothing u "FRIEND": nothing YOU: lol "FRIEND": lol …And should continue this way until the wee hours in the morning. During this time, no homework should be done, and only caffeine and sugar filled foods should be consumed.
6. If someone offers you an alcoholic drink, TAKE IT. CHUG IT DOWN. YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO LOOK LIKE A LOSER WHO DOESN'T DRINK. YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT. DRINK IT. DRINK IIIIIIIIIIT.
7. Speaking of your amazing friends that are so nice to you and you to them, you must remain in contact with them at all times. They have to know everything that's happening in your life, just like you need to know theirs. Every time you start and finish a meal, update your Facebook status. Each time you borrow your mom's car to drive to someone's house to do nothing but sit on their couch for three hours, you should tweet when you left, while you drive there, when you get there, while you're there, when you leave, on your way home, and when you get home. Your phone must be in your hand, or within five inches of it at all times. You can't afford to not have it. What if you miss an important tweet? Your friend could be eating a cheeseburger and you won't know about it! YOU NEED THAT PHONE. Treat it like your child. No, treat it BETTER than your child, which you'll likely have in the next two years. *Important Note: Don't forget to do it while you drive!
8. Go beat up/ridicule a gay kid. Even a kid you think is gay and really isn't. Assume that every guy in the school play and any girl not dressing like a slut is gay.
9. You must use these words/phrases a minimum of five times per minute: - 'Like' - 'Um' or 'Uh' - 'Ohmigod' - 'Literally' - 'Legit' - 'I know, right?!' - 'Dude' - A swear of some kind - 'THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!' - A misinterpretation of the word 'Irony' (And for those familiar with internet vernacular) - 'Derp' and/or 'Herp' - 'Fail' - 'FFFFFFUUUUUU' - 'ASDFASDFASDFASDFASDF' - 'WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN' - Sentences that begin with 'Y U NO' - 'UR GAY' - 'FIRST!'
10. No matter how pretty, thin, and beautiful your outward appearance is, you must always dismiss yourself as "ugly", "disgusting", "hideous", etc.
11. Interpret EVERYTHING you see and hear as sexual.
12. You should ALWAYS expect sympathy from others no matter WHAT you do. Expect that your friends will cry and hug you when you tell them about that tragic weekend your mom took your phone away, ALL because you were caught driving drunk and having sex.
13. The only words you read should come from a TV, a computer screen, or your phone. Reading is for losers who don't have friends to text.
14. If you are doing poorly in any class, expect that the teacher secretly hates you. They really, really hate you. Even though you're doing awesome in that class, they give you bad grades because they are secretly trying to destroy you, and keep from you getting into the party school you want to go too, even though mommy and daddy will buy your way in there anyway. It's NEVER your fault. That teacher WANTS to see you crash and burn. Don't forget to say that to their face and to complain to all of your friends!
15. What's that? SOMEONE IS ACTING DIFFERENTLY FROM YOU! They are assaulting your individuality with individuality of their own! They don't listen to the music you do! They're a girl, and you can't even see their bra straps! How can she hope to be respected when she's not even a d-cup?! They're a guy and you can't even see their boxers! The smell of Axe body spray isn't activating your gag reflex! You know what you must do? ATTACK! DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY! How dare they act more intelligent and insightful than you, even though they are! DESTROY THEM PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY! What's this?! THEY'RE GAY TOO? NO! THAT GOES AGAINST THE RELIGION YOU SAY YOU FOLLOW BUT REALLY DON'T! NOOOOOOO!*explode*
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE NOW A COMPLETELY NORMAL TEEN. Go cry now. (sad, but so true for about half of my highschool...)
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Kids Are Quick
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
TEACHER: Glen, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Don't play stupid with me...I'm better at it!
People are like slinkies; basically useless, but ever so amusing to watch fall down the stairs.
I find 'good morning' a contradiction of terms.
Cute but psycho- things even out.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Hell issued a restraining order on me...oh the fun to be had!
My heart is not a playground
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one
I don't need your attitude. I got one of my own
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
I'm looking forward to regretting this.
Fergie taught me how to spell delicious and glamorous. But not so much tastey!
Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later
Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.
The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous.
Join the dark side. We have cookies!
I'm not always a dork- sometimes I'm asleep
I'm not insensitive, I just don't care
I had amnesia once--or twice. You know what? I don't really even remember.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
I don't take orders, and I don't deliver death wishes. If you wish to die, kill yourself.
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
A good girl is just a bad girl who's never gotten caught.
Who doesn't love comebacks that make the other person sound stupid?
Very few personal problems can't be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS!
There are three types of people: those who can count, and those who can't.
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
Slinky Escalator = Endless fun!
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is my ceiling.
Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I'm not a complete idiot - some parts are missing.
Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.
I see regular people! Run for your lives!
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.
If you always stop to smell the roses sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.
If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!
If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete.
You say physco like it's a bad thing (some people just don't understand)
I hear voices, and they don't like you.
Normal people worry me.
Education is important, school however, is another matter.
I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me.
What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding.
I think they named oranges before they named carrots. "Hey, what are these?" "They're Orange." "What about these?" "Ah Shit!"
If you're color blind, eating sweets must be a completely different experience. "Come on starbursts, give me red!... LEMON, DAMNIT!"
I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment
Don’t mess with me. I've got a stick.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three
I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.
The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.
Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods; Because Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
I intend to live forever *looks at watch* so far, so good
Old enough to know better, young enough to do it again.
Embrace the inner rebel - don't sit up straight
Sure I have super powers! I just don't wanna show you
You're awesome... but when the zombies come, I'm tripping you
I am not weird... just plotting
I don't obsess! I think intensely!
I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my super powers.
Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
I smile because I have no idea what's going on!
One day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject
I write for the same reason I breathe; if I didn't I would die.
Don't piss me off, I am running out of places to hide bodies!
Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.
You know you're stressed out when you can hear mimes.
Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!
I'm not afraid of death! What's it going to do? Kill me?
Between two evils, I always pick the one I've never tried.
Shit happens. But mostly to me, so don't worry
Proof that the world is going to end because of Man kinds stupidity:
On Sears hairdryer:
On a bag of Fritos:
On a bar of Dial soap:
On some Swann frozen dinners:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
On Nytol sleep aid:
On a Korean kitchen knife:
On a string of Christmas lights:
On a food processor:
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
On a Swedish chainsaw:
On a child's Superman costume:
-Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5. If you have A.D.D press 6 no 7 no 8 no 6 no 7 no 9 no 0 look shiny! If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you
93 percent of teenagers would have an emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you are part of the 7 percent that would say "What was your first clue?", copy this onto your profile then add your name to the list:Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A, Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A.,Evil Genus of the C.O.C.A., Invador Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, BellaBookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, Spottedlilly, Alleyanna Cullen, hugs.for.all.the.emo.boyz, I'll have some stupid Cliche, rainxface, maximumride24,FangsGirl24601, A Silenced Angel, UNDERLANDERfromtheOVERLAND, sunshine2006578, SareRide9, XXForrestStarXX, MelRose520, Anna Ride, FireBreathingCowGirlzWithWingz, iggsplosives, Randommonium135, Silverleaf2157, HOATTSTHG
-If you talk to yourself.
Mom turns on radio:
BABY BABY BABY OOH OH BABY BABY BABY OH
Girl: TURN THAT OFF!
Mom: she has a sweet voice :)
Girl:... That's Justin Bieber
Mom: O_o Justin is a boy name
A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him. The white man said, "Coloured people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "When I was born I was black," "When I grew up I was black," "When I'm sick I'm black," "When I go in the sun I'm black," "When I'm cold I'm black," "When I die I'll be black." "But you sir..." "When you're born you're pink," "When you grow up you're white," "When you're sick, you're green," "When you go in the sun you turn red," "When you're cold you turn blue," "And when you die you turn purple." "And yet you have the nerve to call me coloured" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Things Maximum Ride has Taught Us:
1. Being different is okay.
2. Even the little things can help save the world.
3. Red-heads are evil!!
4. Love always makes itself known. Even if it takes you five books and fourteen years of your life to see it, it's there.
5. 6-year-olds do have the ability to take over the world.
6. Duct tape is a handy tool if you have a mimicking 8-year-old.
7. The loss of a vet would be a tragedy.
8. Dressing in dark clothes and never talking does not make you emo; it makes you Fang-like.
9. French is the universal language.
10. Fang-sized is an acceptable form of measurement.
11. Count your blessings.
12. Teen magazines don't help you in life or death situations.
13. Nachos and Moutain Dew are proper mind controlling devices.
14. Fang has the power to sum up your life story in nine words.
15. Even a kick-ass, leader of a merry band of mutants like Max can make mistakes.
16. Never get hooked on Valium.
17. The best breed of dogs are talking Scotties!!
18. If one cannot be corrupted by power or money, there's always Snicker's bars.
19. It is okay to sell your soul for a chocolate-chip cookie.
20. Kids are better than adults.
21. You'll know the Apocalypse is coming when Max is wearing a dress.
22. The best cooks are blind pyros.
23. Submarines are tiny tin cans of doom.
24. Desert rat should always be cooked to well-done.
25. School really is an evil place.
26. Teachers really are out to get you.
27. Remember to flap.
28. Only one bird kid could pull off preppy Top-Siders.
29. GIRLS KICK BOYS' BUTTS!!
30. The order of power: God, Jesus, Chuck Norris, Max, Fang, Angel, Iggy, Gazzy, Nudge, Total, humans, animals. NOTE: Brigid, Sam and Lissa don’t make the list.
You Know You're Obsessed With Maximum Ride When...
1. You're friends think you're crazy for being obsessed with six flying kids and their talking dog.
2. You see someone in a white lab coat then run off screaming.
3. You've called one of your siblings/friends/family members Max, Fang, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, or Angel.
4. You refuse to talk to anyone who's named Ari.
5. You claim you have wings.
6. You drool when you hear the word 'Fang'.
7. You daydream about meeting the flock.
8. You've reread Maximum Ride about 3 times or more.
9. You look for the flock's theme songs and get excited when you find one that fits perfect
. 10. You study about birds.
11. You hate science class/refuse to dissect any type of animal.
12. You have a crush on Iggy or Fang or both.
13. You read Fang's blog daily. Even though you know it's JP talking.
14. You're waiting for your 'Nick Ride'.
15. You are counting down the days for the next book.
16. You will go to the first opening for the movie, even if it's at midnight.
17. You look in the mirror cautiously to make sure your reflection is not an Eraser.
18. You hate dog crates.
19. You think scientists are evil.
20. You argue with people if Max is a girl's name or a guy's
. 21. When your spending the night at a friend's, you say you'll take first watch.
22. You've found a new respect for blind people.
23. You think MR is the best series ever and you want to meet James Patterson, author.And kill him.
24. You say 'U and A' a lot.
25. You think you have a Voice like Max.
26. You've gotten your Online Friends hooked on it.
27. You use sarcastic remarks from MR.
28. You know what 'Fax' is.
29. You were one of the characters from MR for Halloween.
30. You claim to have brain attacks.
31. You protect your thoughts. Angel might be reading them.
32. You give a crazy look to people who don't know what MR is.
33. You daydream of flying.
34. You love chocolate chip cookies.
35. You seriously felt like you were in the book.
36. If you want to become a writer because of MR
37. If they make a poster, shirt, key-chain, button, anything MR you will buy it.
38. If you love Fan-fiction.
39. In school, it's hard to concentrate because you're thinking of Maximum Ride.
40. You want a talking dog.
41. Regular book chapters seem super long
It's sad, really...
Opening credits: Set Fire to the Rain by Adele
Waking up: Friend Like Me by Robin Williams(Aladdin)
First day of school: Jump by Glee Cast
Falling in love: Wide Awake by Katy Perry
Fight song: Tell Me Something I Don't Know by Selena Gomez
Breaking up: Jessie's Girl by Glee Cast
Prom: Let's Hear it For the Boys by Deniece Williams
Life is just...OKAY: Barbie Girl by Aqua
Mental Breakdown: Snow White Queen by Evanescence
Driving: I'll be Waiting by Adele
Flashback: Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift
Getting back together: You Make Me Feel...Cobra Starship ft. Sabi
Birth of child: Good Vibrations by Glee Cast
Wedding: Halo/Walking on Sunshine by Glee Cast
Final Battle: Arms by Christina Perri
Death Scene: Another One Bites the Dust by Queen
Funeral song: Teardrops on My Guitar by Taylor Swift
End credits: Naturally by Selena Gomez
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking creatures?
When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.
Do people in England sit around and try to sound like Americans, like we try and have British accents?
1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out 2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails 3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it 4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking 5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking 6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head 7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself
8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand 9. Tried to push open a door that said pull 10. Tried to pull open a door that said push 11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion 12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else (several times) 13. Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs 14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave (I've only made them REALLY big.) 15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair 16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble 17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it 18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard 19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot ( ...jammed my finger, gotten a bruise ect. ect.)
21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on 22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle. 23. Have run into a closed door - It wasn't even a transparent/glass door! 24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else 25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it
26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke
27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan 29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk 30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock 31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it 32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside 33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else (I once peered my head inside a car I thought was my Moms. It wasn't.) 34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property 35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot. 36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on 37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in 38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard 39. Walked into a wall 40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident 41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house- and realized it after school. 42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on 43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small 44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it 45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do. 46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it 47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up 48. Have poked yourself in the eye 49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on (HAHA! Yeah.) 50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair 51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test 52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil 53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it 54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was. 55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were 56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on 57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day. 58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it 60. Have laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny or a movie 61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa 62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it 63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence 64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person 65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side (What??!!! I have 35 of these left to do????) 66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions 67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong 68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it 69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out ( that's why my face is stained red.) 70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught 71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face 72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb 73. Ran into a door jamb 74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid 75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it 76. Have purposely licked playground sand 77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band 78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't ( Dang Sprite!) 79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people 80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out 81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off 82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again 83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back. 84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about 85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair 86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone (all the time) 87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird 88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people 89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria 90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it. 91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil
92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper 94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours ( my sister still hasn't found out!) 95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story 96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs 97. You have spelled your own name wrong before 98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling. 99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class 100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth
Ablutophobia - The fear of taking showers
Anablephobia - The fear of looking up
Anglophobia- The fear of England
Aulophobia - The fear of flutes
Basophobia - The fear of walking
Cinophobia - The fear of going to bed
Geliophobia - The fear of laughter
Linonophobia - The fear of string (but string is fun!)
Omphalophobia - The fear of belly buttons (i wonder about this one...)
Scriptophobia - The fear of writing in public(how did u get through school?)
Sinistrophobia - The fear of left-handed people
Trichopathophobia - The fear of hair
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words (kinda ironic)
Panophobia- Fear of everything
Levophobia- Fear of objects to the left side of the body
Chromatophobia- Fear of colors
Kathisophobia- Fear of sitting down
Geliophobia- Fear of laughter
Eleutherophobia- Fear of freedom
Turophobia- Fear of cheese
Lachanophobia - Fear of vegetables. (half of kids would use this as an excuse...)
Arachibutyrophobia - Fear of peanut butter getting stuck to the roof of your mouth (odd...)
Unatractiphobia - Fear of ugly people. (how nice)
Pogonophobia - Fear of beards. (What about Santa Claus?)
Apeirophobia - Fear of infinity.
Didaskaleinophobia - Fear of going to school. (I'm going to use this one)
Sitophobia or Sitiophobia - Fear of food or eating (How do they survive?)
Japanohpobia- The fear of Japanese people (Why would people fear them?)
Phobophobia - fear of having a phobia (okay, this one is messed up)
Scopophobia - fear of being looked at or stared at. (depends on who is staring)
Haptephobia - fear of being touched.
Chorophobia - fear of dancing. (The dancers can be scary...)
Olfactophobia - fear of smells.
Decidophobia - fear of making decisions
Pteronophobia- Fear of being tickled by feathers (I can't stop laughing)
Homichlophobia- Fear of fog. (odd)
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