WORDS OF WISDOM AND OTHER JUNK

Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble-wrap is cheap.

I don’t have an attitude problem; you have a perception problem.

Tell me what you need and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.

Don’t bother me; I’m living happily ever after.

If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.

If at first you don’t succeed, remove all evidence that you ever tried.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

A single fact can ruin a good argument.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then they beat you with experience.

*stares at the audience unblinkingly for a long, long time* ….*dramatically raises her middle finger* And that should explain everything for the moment.

(Borath: Pilfered off of one of Serendipity's fic's disclaimers. Take it as a complimenting relocation of humerous words...)

Borath: (In regards to the above) I live by the rule of BBB: Bullshit Baffles Brains.

Borath: Back here by popular demand;
Pachelbel: My demands included...

CHILDREN’S BOOKS THAT DIDN’T MAKE IT

are Different and That’s Bad
2.The Boy Who Died From Eating All his Vegetables
’s New Wife Timothy
Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
5.Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6.The Kid’s Guide to Hitchhiking
7.Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8.Curious George and the High Voltage Fence
9.All Dogs Go to Hell
10.The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11.Some Kittens Can Fly
12.That’s It, I’m Putting You Up For Adoption
13.Grandpa Gets a Casket
14.The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15.Garfield Gets Feline Leukaemia
16.The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17.Strangers Have the Best candy
18.Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get your Way
Were An Accident
20.Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21.Pop! Goes The Hamster, and Other Great Microwave Games
22.The Man in the Moon is Actually Satan
23.Your Nightmares are Real
24.Where Would You Like to be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper and Your School
26. Why Can’t Mr Fork and Ms Electrical Outlet be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
29. The Attention Deficit Disorder Association’s Book of Wild Animals of North America. Hey! Let’s Go Ride Our Bikes
30. When Mommy and Daddy Don’t Know the Answer, They Say God Did It
31. Bi-Curious George
32. What is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?
33. Mister Policemen Eats his Service Revolver
34. Testing Home-made Parachutes Using Only Your Household Pets
35. The Hardy Boys, The Barbie Twins and the Vice Squad
36. Babar Meets the Taxidermist
37. Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Mom’s Purse
38. The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead
39. How to Become the Dominant Military Power in Your Elementary School

If you laughed at that, then you are fortunately just as sadistic as we are. ;p

Borath: Another act of coathored genius: One weird conversation led to another until finally this was born. Would be officially posted if it wasn't in script format, but we've got 'Spawn' (which is alive by the way. Look suitibly shocked now.) so what the Hell, it's going here. Hope you all enjoy it!

‘The Story of the PuppyDog Eyes’

Yugi: o.o

Yami: "Aaaaagh! No, I won't give in!"

Yugi: O.O

Yami: *blind*

YUGI: X.X

JOEY: I did warn ya: if ya keep doin' that, you're just gonna break 'em.

Yugi: *at the doctor's* Yes, I just need to have them fixed! Doctor: *does so* That'll be...oh, a really obscene amount of money.

Yugi: But...I don't want to pay! O.O

Yami: If I ‘‘encourage’’ him to fix them for free, will you promise not to use them on me ever again?

Yugi: Yes Yami, I promise.

Yami: ^_^ Alright then……

Yugi: ...D *thinking* He falls for it every time...*polishes his eyes with Extra Puppy Shine*

Yami: *wiping doctor-goo off his hands* Now, do you also promise not to use them to take over the world? I’ve seen your scheme-diary.

Yugi: *Crosses fingers behind back* No Yami, of course not. I am sweet and innocent and Light.

Yami: Bollocks, but alright. I trust you. *Walks away*

Yugi: *Fiendishly evil grin* Sucker.

Yami: *thinking* I wonder if Yugi's a leprechaun? *reads myth* Hmm...gold? *looks at Puzzle* Check. Small keeper of the gold? *looks DOWN at Yugi* Check. Tricky, manipulative, fiendish aspect of his personality? ...Awww, not my Yugi!

Yugi: *shopping with new eyes* I bet I’’d look fabulous in green! *Goes into Irish shop. Stares at shopkeeper* Give me everything I want free. ‘‘O.O’’

Shopkeeper: Yes Master…… *Goes off and eats insects*

Yugi: *resumes gathering everything he wants, and quite a few things he doesn't*

Malik: ...*snigger* He's gotta be the best thief I've ever seen *sneers at Bakura*

Yugi: You! *Points at Malik* Join me! O.O

Malik: *Drooling a teensy bit* Yes Master……

Bakura: I’m getting that funny ‘doomed’ feeling in my gut again. Might have been that sushi though……

Yami: *looks at Malik* Ew. Yugi, you’d better get him out of here before he drools on the berber.

Bakura: No, let him...you need an excuse to do some redecorating.

Malik: *slobber* Master Yugi...must serve Master Yugi...and bugs...

Yugi: *Nodding at Bakura* I agree, there isn’t enough green around here. I know! I’ll grow many plants! Those are green. Ooh, it’ll be just like Duelist Kingdom!

Yami: Now Yugi, what did I say about reliving past glories and egotistical power trips?

Malik: *Shivering with wide eyes* The ladybirds are my friends…

Yugi: *hides shrine of Accomplishments and Victories* ...I’m not reliving my past, Yami! *whimper*

Yami: *Stroking Puzzle lovingly and admiring his tan* yes, it is bad to relive your past……

Bakura: *caught up in the Past* *hits Yami over the head with an ancient artifact and tries to steal the Puzzle*

Yami: *Shaking bits of vase from his head* Owwie.. (Gasps) The world! In colour! *Sees reflection in shop window* What the Hell is going on with my hair?!

Yugi: *Munching stolen candy* It’s always been those colours. What did you think it was like?

Yami: *Staring at Yugi’s freaky eyes* A 70s retro black, grey and white.

... This could have gone on forever... Seriously... ^^;;

New list! A little feminist, but bugger it, Girl Power is fashionable!

Appreciating Womanhood

1. Being safe in the knowledge that getting kicked down south won’t cripple us.

2. We can choose to give birth and consequently life. No man, anywhere, can. Which means we can threaten existence. Ooh, the balance of life on our shoulders...

3. We can go out and have a good time without ending up throwing up on ourselves or pissing in a shop doorway.

4. We may not be able to pee on a fence, but at least that way we won’t get arrested for "revealing" ourselves. Plus, people seem to like it when we flash the public...

5. We can celebrate a victory without swearing at each other or slapping each other on the arse.

6. We can put paint on our faces and then not feel the least bit obligated to go to a birthday party to tie balloons.

7. When we get a cold, we don’t feel the need to lie in a bed announcing that we’re dying and expecting to be waited on hand and foot. Essentially, we have self-respect.

8. We’re always going to be a secondary suspect. If an innocent man is within a block of a murder, he’s going to be pinned down for it, whereas the woman will be given a month to run off.

9. If we break down, we don’t feel the need to open the bonnet and stare at the engine with absolutely no idea what we’re doing, scratch our heads in confusion and when another guy comes over say: "I used to know how to work all this before they started putting bloody microchips in".

10. Liberated or not, the general rule is still that we don’t have to open our own doors or pay for our own meals. We get to save our strength and money for world domination.