Age: If I told you that I'd have to kill you.
Weight: If I told you that I'd have to kill my self. XD
Me: The alphabet and the numerical system shouldn't be used together!
If ignorance is bliss, then why is there school?
Dumb man fish on land, smart man fish on boat, dead man fish in middle.
Good deeds are things you do to get out of prison.
It’s only a matter of time before the king of the hill trips and rolls down.
If time is so valuable, then why are we always looking to kill some?
The solution to skin cancer…become nocturnal.
Strange is only a matter of perspective.
When you're little, toys are colorful chunks of plastic. When you're older, they're something that's potentially dangerous.
I reject your reality and substitute it with my own. (Mythbusters)
Those who can't sing, rap. Those who can't rap do it anyways. (My friend)
Finding exactly where a bruise, bandaged area, or injection site is, is the real human sixth sense.
I have short term memory loss. I have short term memory loss. I have short term memory loss.
Murphy's 15 Other Laws...
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
3. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
4. A day without sunshine is like. . . well, night.
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting
9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end,
10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish
13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.
15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of
Lucky in Love
Tucker: [as Sam's staring daggers at Danny and Paulina, who are now a couple] You okay? Sam: Of course I am! Why would I not be okay? LOOK how HAPPY he is! [punches a hole in a locker]
Danny:Why are dreams so important?
Nocturne:Ask the ghost boy who dreams about the goth girl.
Danny:Aw man!That was private!
Super Danny:Dueling doppleganger!Have you last half of our minds!
Fun Danny:Dude,I'm not the one wearing a bed sheet.
After Jazz sucked Danny in the thermos by accident
Jazz:Don't worry Danny.We'll get you out,eventually.
My Brother's Keeper
Jazz: ...You know, you can stop me at any time.
Danny: I know.
Jazz: [sighing] All I'm saying is I'm your sister and I care about you. [putting a hand on his shoulder] And even though you don't think I'll understand, you can talk to me about anything.
Danny: [Looking away, like he's seriously considering it] Um...
[Suddenly there is a loud crash, startling both Danny and Jazz. They run to the opening overlooking the living room to find the couch half destroyed and smoking. The camera zooms out to show Jack wielding the Fenton Peeler and Maddie looking on.]
Jack: I'm just saying, if we can find that ghost at Jazz's school, we're gonna peel that ghost like an onion!
Maddie: Well we can't completely vaporize it. Don't you want to at least examine the remains?
[Pan back to Jazz and Danny, looking vaguely alarmed, with Jazz's hand on Danny's shoulder. Danny frowns and shrugs it off.]
Danny: I don't feel like talking about it. [walks away and crosses his arms sulkily]
Jazz: [resignedly] Yeah, I'd imagine not.
[Going over to him, she kisses the top of his head then walks away. Danny looks surprised for a moment then smiles after her. Then, on second thought]
Danny: Oh, gross!
Super Danny: Say, you wear an awful lot of black for a superhero sidekick. Have you considered switching to bright primary colors!
Sam: Tucker, wait up!
Fun Danny: [on a roller coaster] Oh, man, this is the life. I wish I could stay on this ride, like, forever.[All of the rides in the fair suddenly stop and the sky darkens.]
Sam: And you may just get your wish.
Tucker: Why couldn't you wish for super models?
Super Danny: Did someone say, "super"?!
Sam: Ah, somebody kill me.
Jazz: You're toast!
Danny: Oh yeah? You and what toaster?
Kitty: Lemme get this straight. Johnny and Skulker just took off for Amity Park to blow off steam because Ember and me had a fight with them?
Bertrand: What do you expect?! You told Johnny his bike wasn't as important as you were. And (turns to Ember) you told Skulker he was a lousy hunter.
Ember: He is! He can't even find the TV remote!
Danny: Bye Vlad! And as a lonely single man in your 40's, might I suggest internet dating? Or a cat!
Jazz: Danny, I don't know why you're mad at me. I'm not the one who trashed the lab blasting imaginary ghosts.
Danny: It was one ghost! And a parrot . . .
Jazz: Was it a ghost and a parrot? Or a projection of your own fears . . . and a parrot.
Sam: It's nice up here. Flying's nice. *hits billboard of Ember* Falling stinks.
Tucker: (after Danny wakes up) You passed out. We took you home. You've been asleep for four days!
Danny: Four days?!
Tucker: (laughs) Nah. It's only been a couple of hours.
Danny: (Crawls out of a pile of clothing wearing a dress)
Tucker: Whoo hoo! Take it off! (Sam glares at him) No, seriously, he should take it off. That's weird...
Tucker: Hmm... I wonder how Dash would feel if he had a frog in his throat?
Danny: Or twelve, in his pants!!
Poindexter: You're the bully from where I'm standing!!
Danny: (raises eyebrow) Floating...
Poindexter:(look's at his feet) Floating!!!
Dash pulls his underpants out from his jacket and shoves it in Danny's face*
Tucker: I don't know what's scarier, the underpants, or the fact that he carries them around in his coat.
Super Danny: Curse this infernal messy room! This looks like a job for... THE VACUUM CLEANER!
Danny: Great, now I'm crushed by space and guilt. ... Listen Jack- Cool, I just call my dad by his first name!
Danny: You are one crazed up Fruitloop!!
Vlad: *Eye Twitches*
Maddie: And boys, she's single!
Jazz:(Looks at Maddie with pure horror) MOM!
Please don't drop you're cigarette buds on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer.
Don't play stupid with me...I'm better at it!
Your laughing now because your older than me by mere months, but when you 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?
Its not until you're broken that you know what you're made of.
Forecast for tonight: darkness
If you try to fail and succeed, which one did you do?
If everything seems to be going well, you obviously overlooked something
We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!
-The below statement is true
-The above statement is false
PMS: Every woman's legal right to be a bitch.
Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them as much
I'm mature and you're not. Nah nah nah nah nah!
Eat healthy. Work right. Die anyway.
Everyone is beautiful on the inside. If you think bones and guts are beautiful.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!
Looking for a perfect girl? Go buy yourself a barbie doll.
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhh its a secret!
Quick, whats the number for 9-1-1?
You should always proofread what you write in case you any words.
Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up.
The tooth fairy teaches kids it's okay to sell body parts.
I'm not crazy. My reality is just different then yours.
Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot.
Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
People who don't know me think I'm quiet. People who do wish I was.
I didn't slap you, I high-fived your face.
Ever notice that studying is "student" and "dying" put together?
On a scale of 1 to crazy I'm a penguin.
I see no good reason to act my age.
Be a dork!! Because being cool is overrated.
At this moment, you're the oldest you've ever been. Pretty deep huh?
Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.
Hey you! Yeah you! No, not you, the other guy. You right there! Do you like tacos?
Worst time to have a heart attack; during a game of charades.
Out of my mind. Be back in five minutes.
Flying is not inherently dangerous- crashing is.
The trouble with real life is that there is no background music
I have not lost my mind; its backed up on a disk somewhere
There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line
I'm the kind of person who walks into a chair and apologize
If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with nonsense
I ran into my ex today. Then I put it in reverse and hit him again.
I don't need your attitude. I got one of my own
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.
Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics
A good girl is just a bad girl who's never gotten caught.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is my ceiling?
I'm not a complete idiot - some parts are missing.
When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.
If you always stop to smell the roses sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.
You say physco like it's a bad thing
I hear voices, and they don't like you
Education is important, school however, is another matter.
I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me.
I think they named oranges before they named carrots. "Hey, what are these?" "They're Orange." "What about these?" "Ah Shit!"
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods; Because Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN.
I intend to live forever *looks at watch* so far, so good
Old enough to know better, young enough to do it again
You're awesome... but when the zombies come, I'm tripping you
God created men first because you always make a rough draft before a masterpiece.
The next time you think your perfect, try walking on water.
Don't follow in my footsteps. I tend to walk into walls
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
I smile because I have no idea what's going on!
The trouble with alarm clocks is that they always go off when you're asleep.
It's funny--the people who want quiet are always the loudest getting people to shut up.
I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you... you're just not laughing.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
Borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect to get it back!
One way to find out if something works: push all the buttons.
If at first you don't succeed, change the rules.
Tell the truth and run.
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research.
Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.