Author has written 9 stories for Pirates of the Caribbean, Tuck Everlasting, Smallville, Misc. Books, and Beauty and the Beast.
"It's just an ordinary day. I'm much too strange for this ordinary world"
("Ordinary", Greg Jones, Smallville lyrics)
Hello to the general public, i'm chef13 and I.., wait this is boring. Let's try again...
/clears throat/ yes...anyway!
Before we begin, let's get one thing straight; i am a nerd. Actually, i'm sort of a nerd/dork/geek/wierdo mixed breed. allow me to explain:
the nerd part comes from being on the computer 99 percent of the time, but not actually having much knowledge of how the machine works (if i did, i would be a total nerd), having about every non-food allergy in the world, and not being very social (At least around people i don't know...pity me partially deaf friends. LOL)
the geek part comes from wearing glasses, reading a lot and doing my homework all the time
the dork part comes from having a VERY unique fashion sense and blabbering like an idiot whenever an attractive person gets within 3 feet of me (getting better on that front, actually; have down-stepped to gibbering like a mad loon)
and the weirdo part comes from...well, you'll find out soon enough, if you read the rest of this.
in short, if i were a sitcom character, i would be the smart, funny girl, who ends up solving the conflict, but nearly ruining it by getting everyone trapped in a meat locker or something. (Like Steve Urkel on "Family Matters", only people aren't baracading the door to keep me out of their house)
i am all these things AND I AM PROUD! NERDS RULE!
(it's true, you know; in the future, you'll probably end up working for one.) and now, with out further adue...
ON WITH THE BIO!
Name-my name is chef13... well actually it's just a penname (duh) but you already knew that! (Hopefully, otherwise you weren't paying much attention, now were you?)
Age-OK now listen carefully. these instructions will tell you the mystery of my age; first, order some Chinese take out. (Pork Fried Rice and Lo Mein. No beansprouts, extra egg.) Then, eat the Chinese take out. Then, go for a jog to work off the extra calories. Then, come back to your house. Now open the fortune cookie. the first lucky number is my age. :) (What do you mean it says "Learn to say 'kosher pickle' in Chinese"!)
Aspired Career- i would like to be a movie Cinematographer/Editor. i've always been obsessed with movies and TV; i like to desect the plot and characters, find the symbolism in everything and and put all the events together to figure out the climax. i like to be transported to different worlds; places that don't really exist, but when you're watching a movie, they're real. now, you might say that a book could do the same thing, but, for me, movies do it in the best way. i'm a very visual person, and sometimes when i read a book, i just can't picture what the author is trying to illustrate. but when i watch a movie, i see it right in front of me and i seems so much more real that way. when i'm watching a really good movie, it makes me forget about everything else in my life becuase, in my mind, i'm in a whole other place and time.
i had originally thought about being an author, partially due to the work i did on this site,but i had never really been confortale with just handing a page of what i had written to somebody and saying "Here; tell me what you think." Becuase i wasn't really sure how the person was going to percive it. i really want people to see my creations the way that i do. and with movies, i can do that. people will know how i saw the material becuace that's exactly how they're seeing it. i can take the audience into my mind and hopefully give them the same feeling i love so much myslef; to be drawn into a different world that truly seems real.
Anyways, i really love movies. i have a lot of respect for them, they're a big part of who i am and i would really just like to be a part of that someday.
Favorite Movie- (Goes without saying seeing my career choice) My favorite animated movies are like ANY Disney/Dreamworks/you get what i'm sayingmovie! Plus The Nightmare Before Chirstmas, Spirited Away, stuff with the Muppets, and any other movie based on a Disney/fariy taletheme. (Ex.- Hook; Peter Pan based, Ever After; Cinderalle based. Are you getting the concept? good.) Basically, i love kid movies.
My favorite unanimaed movie is just about any comedy movie you can think of! Also Man in The Iron Mask, The Breakfast Club, and A Cinderella Story, and any movie with Johnny Depp in it that's not rated R. (Accept Ed Wood and Sleepy Hollow, but that goes without saying becuase Ed Wood is funny as hell and Sleepy Hollow is the only horror movie i like becuase it actually has a plot, and isn't just a random demon eating people for no reason like most scary movies!)
Favorite Movie Character- Can't decide! probably one of Johnny Depp's characters because they're so bizzare. _
Favorite Book- The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales. No question.
...Oh, you mean books that have chapters and are actually at my reading level? Well, OK, if that's the way you want it.
i think my favorite REAL books would probably be the Harry Potter Series, Holes, books by Roald Daul, the Series of Unfortunate Events, the Artemis Fowl series, His Dark materials, the Narnia series, Greek Mythology or any other kind of legend; basically any fantasy story out there! (I hate non-fiction! i mean, anybody can write down facts! sure, research is an important writing aspect, but it takes a REAL author to be able to make up a whole different world or something!) i love the movie versions of these as well, but they were books first, so they don't count for that.
Favorite TV Show- Basically anything on Nickelodeon, with a few acceptions. also, Who's Line is it Anyway, Smallville, Survivor, Red Dwarf (It's on the BBC; get with it, people!), House M.D., and Good Eats! (Alton Brown RULES!) Also stuff like the Simpsons, Will and Grace, That 70's Show, Boy Meets World, Family Guy, all that jazz.
Favorite Actor/Actress- Basiclly anyone who does comedy; Adam Sandler, Rob Schnieder, Mike Myers, Robin Williams, etc. (And, teehee, Jim Carrey)
Also... Jackie Chan (Loved him in Shanghi Noon and Shanghi Knights!)
And Johnny Depp (Ed Wood, Benny and Joon, Sleepy Hollow, POTC, Edward Scissorhands,Finding Neverland, What's Eating Glibert Grape, Chocoalt, and Don Juan Demarco! ALL INCREDIBLY AWESOME!) Plus, even though he's, like 40 years old, he is still SOOO hot! saWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON
Favorite Website- Probably this one. i also like homestarrunner.com (Strong Bad E-mail section!) and comedycentral.com because the videos are hularious. and rhymezone.com because it's my GOD! when it comes to content and vocabulary.
Favorite Food- Any starch with A1 sauce or vinegar on it. (if your starting to think i'm weird, you must have a VERY short attention span, because you should have started thinking that after the first paragraph of this bio!) Also, basically any other type of condiment. (Ketchup, mustard, mayonaise, other various sauces.) Oh, and anything chocolate or containing a HUGE amount of processed sugar (sugar high! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!)
Favorite Music: It depends on how i'm feeling; If i'm really hyper, then it's the Baha Men,the Beatles, Elton John or something you can sing or dance to; if i'm tired and don't want to do anything, then it's Clay Aiken, Ben Jelen or something slow. I don't have just one favorite band or singer. Anything i think sounds good at the time, really. (I usually first hear all the songs on my iPod from movies or TV; that's how big of a dork I am, as previously stated.)
Favorite Quotes (Warning; there are only about a million of them. :P):
"Evil is boring. Cynicism is idiotic. Fear is a bad habit. Despair is lazy. Joy is fascinating. Love is an act of heroic genius. Pleasure is our birthright." (Rob Brezsny, Secrets of Pronoia, an article)
"1) the world is not always nice, so sometimes you need to buck up, shut up, and spit in it’s face, and 2) humor is always good." (Mine, the lessons i learned from "House M.D."; watch it people!)
"Imagination is more important than knowledge" (Albert Einstein)
"I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it." (I found this one in piglet12345's bio And the previous one as well and she doesn't know who said it either.)
"I'm your second breakfast!" (my friend, Theresa.)
"God answers your prayers, but sometimes the answer's 'no'" (Theresa again)
"That cloud formation looks like a swann...That one looks like Satan." (Moi)
"Better late than making a bad decision based on stomach-flipping." (My Aunt Chelsea in regards to guy's. trust me; more effective than it sounds)
"Listen to the relish!" (again mio)
" OK, and now back to you, Bob." "My name is not Bob, my name is George." "I thought i was George." "YOU ARE BOB!" "But i thought Barb was the smart one...BARB!" (Me and my friend, Dominique)
"Now, when you talk to these people, don't tell them how weird you are." (My loving father :P)
"Screw you guys; i'm going to Stewart." (Ray, from oceangraphy class)
"I don't get why people cheat. I mean, if I wanna start seeing other people, I'd at least have the decency to dump you on your ass first." (Moi; i know you all love it, but you can't have it! it's all mine!)
"This is normal; it's just kind of weird." (Liz again)
"I'm sorry, i was thinking about lashes." (My friend, Jill)
"I like the little folk." (Andrew from art club)
"Misplaced work! That calls for a good slamming!"(Actually me, but it was inspired by a slip of the tounge by my insane Italian teacher, Mr Bruno)
"Avast ye, scotty windbag!" (This was either said by me, OR my friend Jill. i forget.)
"YOU THINK SHE DOESN'T KNOW THE RULES? Well, she doesn't know the rules, BUT I DO!" (My friend, Shailan)
"Look it up online." "What line?" (Me and my idiot kid brother)
"I ... think of the Bible as great literature rather than great history; great imagination rather than reliable witness." (Ian McKellen)
"Dolores, I have 5 days to complete this picture. Don't get goofy on me." (Edward D.Wood Jr., Ed Wood)
"Subtle...zesty...discusting!" (Johnny Depp, Chocolat)
"Why won't you die!" (Mike Myers, Austin Powers 2)
"Stop looking at me SWANN!" (Adam Sandler, Billy Madison)
"Here am I, dying of a hundred good symptoms." (Dying words of Alexander Pope)
"It comes in pints! I'm getting one." (Pippin, LOTR)
"Since the beginning of time, men have been idiots." (Eric Matthews, Boy Meets World)
"You gotta help me, Jimmy! If you don't, I'll have to ask complete idiots to help me! And you know how unreliable they are!" (Sheen, The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron)
"Sometimes my pants, uh, they talk." (Arnold, Hey Arnold)
"Yes Satan?...Oh, I'm sorry sir; you sounded like someone else." (Jim Carrey, Ace Ventura)
"That guy with the green hair looks WAY smarter than Timmy's Dad!" (AJ, Fairly Odd Parents)
"And the elephant that couldn't stop laughing was put to death." (News Reporter guy, The Simpsons)
"You seem somewhat familar. Have i threatened you before?" (Johnny Depp, POTC)
"So if you care to find me, Look to the western sky, As someone told me lately -, Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly, And if I'm flying solo, At least I'm flying free, To those who'd ground me, Take a message back from me -, Tell them how I, Am defying gravity, I'm flying high, Defying gravity, And soon I'll match them in renown, And nobody in all of Oz, No wizard that there is or was, Is ever gonna bring me down!" (Wicked; the musical, Defying Gravity)
"I liked the opposition between a character with no head and a charcter who lives entirly in his head." (Tim Burton,about Sleepy Hollow)
"She's nuts, but she's cool." (Claire, The Breakfast Club)
"Tragedies happen! If you think turning yourself into a disposable incubator is going to protect your kid from all the crap in this world, go ahead! Die happy! I have no problems with people killing themselves but don't think it makes you a hero." (Gregory House, House M.D.)
"Man, this bird is dry. Haven't you people heard of basting?" (Bernard, The Santa Claus)
"Your father; may he rest in peace until I get there!" (Sophia, The Golden Girls)
"Visions are worth fighting for. Why spend you life making someone elses dreams?" (Orson Wells, Ed Wood)
"In my experince those who do not like you fall into two catagories: the stupid and the envious. The stupid will love you in five years, the envious, never." (Johnny Depp, the Libertine)
"All families are embarrasing. And if they're not embarrasing, they're dead." (Kitty, That 70's Show)
"Death sucks." (Sophia, The Golden Girls)
"I'm through accepting limits, 'Cuz someone says they're so, Some things I cannot change, But 'till I try, I'll never know" (Wicked; the musical, Defying Gravity)
"I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am that good."(Gregory House, House M.D.)
"Hey! Have you seen these toilets!" (Will Farrel, Elf)
"Oh, if only we had an electric beaver!" (Colin, Whose Line is it Anyway?)
"I wasn't talking to you. i was talking to that squirrel over there." (Crazy Eyes, Mr. Deeds)
"WHY'S THE RUM GONE?" (Johnny Depp, POTC)
"A family of freaks is better than no family at all." (Lois, Falmiy Guy)
"Tomorrow i will begin conquest of the world." (Jadis, The Magician's Nephew)
"Once a King or Queen of Narnia, always a King or Queen of Narnia." (Aslan, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe)
"When i wake up, i'm getting a cat scan!" (Scott Calvin, The Santa Claus)
"Buddy the elf, what's your favorite color?" (Will Farrel, Elf)
"Are you dating a chocolate bunny?" (Chip, Whose Line is it Anyway?)
"TANZY CAKES!" (Wat, A Knight's Tale)
"Most comedians do not come up with 60 full minutes of material every year! Any Comedian knows that. You come up with about 10 minutes of good Material, everything else is crap." (eddie-130, Dat Phan message board post)
"Is that it Dad? Did the penguin tell you to do this?" (Adam Sandler, Billy Madison)
"The penguins are psychotic!" (Alex, Madagascar)
(A/N: PENGUINS RULE!)
"I'm not fat. it's all this fur; it makes me look...poofy." (Manfred, Ice Age)
"I forget things almost instantly, it runs in my family...At least, I think it does...Where are they?...Can I help you?" (Dory, Finding Nemo)
"And I still can't belive that I'm down here and you're up there. And in your undergarmet's, no less!" (Prince Henry, Ever After)
"Whane's got a tickly butt!" (Drew Carrey, Whose Line is it Anyway?)
"Great. Now all I can think about is Ryan Stiles in a French maid outift!" (another Drew, Whose Line is it Anyway?)
"I'll put it in my date book; 12:30, lunch with God." (Cat, Red Dwarf)
"I'm old; i'm supposed to be colorful." (Sophia, the Golden Girls)
"Sir, one more outburst and i will strangle you with this microphone cord." (Adam Sandler, The Wedding Singer)
"Achoo! I think I've got a bug! And I've got the jitters! Hey, jitter bug!" "Nice segway." (Ryan and Colin, Whose Line is it Anyway?)
"Hey, look. 'Esc-a-pay'. I wonder what that means? That's funny, it's spelled just like the word 'escape'." (Dory, Finding Nemo)
"Why did you put my dead dog into that big, hairy ice hole?" (Brad, Whose Line is is Anyway?)
"Ya gotta love high school." (Carter, A Cinderalla Story)
"You have a very cruel sence of humor." (Sid, Ice Age)
"You mean the miles and miles of machinery running through the entire course of the inside of this planet? Not a clue!" (B.E.N., Treasure Planet)
"Are you my concince?...Hey, concince, am I dead?" (Dory, Finding Nemo)
"...He said 'I found out 2,000 ways how not to make a lightbulb.' But he olny needed to find one way to make it work." (Nicolas Cage, National Treasure)
"Don't die Shrek! And if you see a tunnel, stay away from the light!" (Donkey, Shrek)
"Donkey! You have the right to remain silent! What you lack is the capacity." (Shrek, Shrek 2)
"We're Dead! We're dead, we're dead, we're dead!" (Morph, Treasure Planet)
"How many cats can wear boots? Honestly?" (Shrek, Shrek 2)
"Stop letting him hit you!" (Wat, A Knight's Tale)
"I like that boulder. That was a nice boulder." (Donkey, Shrek)
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." (Matthew Broderick, Ferris Bueller's Day Off)
"If you were waiting for the opprotune moment...that was it." (Johnny Depp, POTC)
Friends- this is a list of all my friend i want to give a shout out to!
Dominique, (HI COWS/Awkward pause/ I am Bob, AAAAAAHHHHHH!)
Theresa, (/In a really stupid voice/ You're a miricale child!...LARD! OOZE!)
Kelly, (LISTEN YOU TWO! THERE'S A ROLL OF DUKT TAPE IN ONE OF THESE DRAWERS AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!)
Liz, (CLAY AIKEN, CLAY AIKEN /Begins going into wild acts of forplay with a pillow as not to lose her last shread of sanity with desire/)
Dave, (Previously the boyfriend, now the...uh...person...yeah, you all know how it works; "Get the bleep away from me, you ewie person i dumped because i don't like you anymore!" Yeeeeeeeah. Flame me all you want, but all know it's true)
Steve, (ChiLouFongYangWu Bob, ChiLouFongYangWu Bob, ChiLouFongYangWu Bob! PLAGERISM!)
Colleen, (Mmmmmmmmmm. Corn.)
Jill, (GOOD LORD AND A HALF! I CAN NOT STAND THE LAUGHTER OF CHILDERN!)
Maddy, ( PEPTO BISMAL! For stomach aches and birthing the anti-christ.)
Lauren, (it's ALWAYS the time for beverages! and brownies w/ walnuts!)
Ray, (...Can i have some juice?...ROFL! BACON!)
ANYWAY! So WOOT! that's me, you guys_ PLEASE, READ MY FIC.'S!
"I'm strange and I like it! That's just the way I am!"
("Just the Way I am", Skye Sweetnam)