Author has written 5 stories for Fullmetal Alchemist, Harry Potter, Twilight, and Inception.
Hello! I am Greedling, or you can just call me Emma :P I'm not one for serious fanfiction, mostly parody or humor, so if you want a dark, long adventurous fanfic, you're in the wrong place. However, if you like short funny drabbles...well...scroll on down! I only have one up so far, and it was supposed to be relatively short...but...it's not xD Oh well. I hope you like it anyway.
Don't read on if you don't have a sense of humor.
Spread the Stupidity:
Only in America do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in America do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. Only in America do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. Only in America do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. Only in America do we use the politics to describe the process of economy so: Poli in latin meaning many and tics meaning bloodsucking creature. Only in America do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. Only in America do they drive to the gym and park in the spot closest to the building in order to walk less.
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State building, and after 50 floors says, "So far, so good!"
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do say will be misquoted and then used against you in Court.
If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings such as this one.
Nothing can confound a wise man more than the laughter from a dunce - Lord Byron.
Join the Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill 'em.
Boys are like trees. They take fifty years to grow up.
Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the human race.
When everything is coming your way, you know you're in the wrong lane.
You tried your best and failed miserably - Homer Simpson.
Silence is golden, and yet duct tape is silver.
I live in my own little word. But that's okay; they know me here.
Confidence is the feeling you get before you understand the situation properly.
"Good morning," is a contradictory sentence.
If you never succeed on the first try, never go skydiving.
A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge.
Most people I know are alive because it's illegal to shoot them. And vice versa.
Earth first. We'll screw up other planets later.
Never do anything that you can't explain to the paramedics.
All generalizations are bad.
80% of statistics are made up.
4/3's of the earth's population have trouble with fractions.
Eagles soar through the clouds, but at least weasles don't get sucked into jet engines.
Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
Boys are like slinkies: Useless, but it's fun to watch them fall down the stairs.
I'm not afraid of Death. What's he going to do, kill me?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
When life gives you lemons, you make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. When life gives you more, you throw them back, because really, who likes lemons? And when it gives you even more, squirt them in life's eyes and see how much life likes lemons then.
A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend/girlfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.
I used all my sick days so I called in dead.
You're just jealous becasue I'm the only one the voices talk to.
Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.
An idiot is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire their work.
Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss!
Newscasters are the people who tell you "Good evening," and then procede to tell you why it's not.
Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible?
Don't you dare tell me that the sky is the limit while there are footsteps on the moon!
I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly.
There are three kinds of people- those who count, and those who can't.
You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.
IMPORTANT- Teenage girls who are NOT in love with Edward Cullen and Jacob Black are fast becoming an endangered species. If you are part of this endangered species, copy and paste this in your profile. Quick, we need sponsors!
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator!
I stopped fighting with my inner demons; we're on the same side now.
I agree with the dictionary: girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.
I don't obsess! I think intensely.
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled "BANG," I don't think you'd kill too many people.
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 muscles to smile, but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone.
Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.
It doesn't matter whether the glass is half empty or half full, just drink it and get it over with.
One day your life will flash before your eyes, so make sure that it's worth watching.
Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Education is important. School, however, is another matter.
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more.
Don’t mess with me- I've got a stick.
I do not suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.
I smile cause I don't know what the hell is going on.
98 of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels.
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
Someday your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he took a wrong turn, got lost, and was too stubborn to ask for directions.
Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.
I’m not insensitive, I just don’t care.
I'm not saying you’re stupid...I'm just implying it.
God made men...then he had a better idea...
Getting older is inevitable – growing up is optional.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink.
Observe the art of getting what you want. Watch, learn, and don't eat my banana.
Time is a good teacher. It's just bad he kills all his pupils.
Rules are like paperclips. Meant to hold things together, fun to bend, and easy to twist out of shape.
Just when I think you said the most stupid thing ever, you keep on talking.
When people say, "It's always in the last place you look." Say to them, "Well of course it is! Why would I keep looking for it after I found it?!"
Better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you’re a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. (Mark Twain)
Don’t take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
If you don’t laugh at yourself, I’ll be glad to do it for you.
Take candy, not drugs.
Be insane … because well behaved girls never made history.
If you’re gonna be two faced, sweetie, at least make one of them pretty.
Dementors: Turning people emo since 370 B.C.
Guitar, for sale … Cheap … no strings attached.
Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.
Don't count the days, make the days count.
I'm not crazy, you're just more sane than I am.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you.
My door is always open, so feel free to leave.
We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box.
Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun!
If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?
Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?
"I swear to drunk I'm not God!"
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Secret Admirer? More like a stalker with stationary.
When I say 'LOL,' I'm not 'laughing out loud.' I just have nothing better to say.
The one fault in perfection is that it's so damn boring!
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Heaven doesn’t want me, and Hell’s afraid I’ll take over.
If Walmart is lowering prices daily, then how come none of it is free yet?
Why does the psychic hotline ask for your credit card number? Shouldn't they already know it?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?