Author has written 2 stories for Naruto.
(Write the story you want to read.) (No, really, please do.)
i am feeling deeply unorigional and shall therefore go find a question sheet to think for me just in case anyone finds themselves curious or bored enough to stay here a while. (oh, and i have another account for things not-naruto related if you wanna wander. and here's my tumblr i cannot explain it i am sorry.)
Put your music player of choice on shuffle and list the first 10 songs.
- dancing with myself - nouvelle vague
- keep breathing - ingrid michaelson
- what makes a good man - the heavy
- sparks - man man
- vegas lights - panic! at the disco
- this house is a circus - arctic monkeys
- all alright - fun.
- lisa baby - walk the moon
- fly me to the moon - frank sinatra
- graveyard picnic - voltaire
If you could spend a week anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? Would you take anyone with you? i'd probably like to rough it in a great untouched stretch of forest in New Zealand or somewhere like that. just wander around and sort of not exist for a while. with me would come a toughened, likely bearded older gentleman who would be okay with long long spans of quiet but would know which parts of the immediate vicinity wanted to murder me and would kindly share these thoughts. and maybe teach me to set fires and maul large predators with my bare hands in the most safety-conscious way.
What is your preferred writing implement? (eg. Blue pen, pencil, green pen) aside from keyboards, probably black gel pens. fountain pens too, because for one i know that if you should happen to be stabbed with them it hurts like a mother and for another the ink inevitably gets all over my hands and probably face and knees and it misleads people into thinking i am endearingly artsy and studious. this is a trap.
Favourite month and why? probably august. it's a light month, but not a glaring one, not as - piercing as june or july. it starts off all warm and lazy-hazy but then it can wake you up with a wind that's finally cold enough to charge your skin up and break up it into bumps that remind you of other stuff. i think it sounds like just what it is, too, and i like that. it sounds a little burnt, and it's hard to say it without it sounding like a sigh, but it doesn't sound too tired. (i think september sounds tired. creaky. old trees losing their hair. i'm tired, i'm shutting up.) that's why??
Name 3 items you could pick up from where you are. a yellow pillow; anything on my bookcase, including but not limited to the actual, you know, books; a poorly thought-out energy drink.
A musical artist you love that isn’t well known. i really don't know what most people are actually listening to but - who knows who Marika Hackman is? if you don't i recommend her if she's not well known it's a tragedy for all involved.
A musical artist you love that is well known. let's say Fall Out Boy. or P!aTD. or Mumford & Sons. or Ke$ha. or the Arctic Monkeys. hhh h
What is your desktop background currently? it alternates bc clearly i am a technological prodigy. currently it's the (2010) Cheshire Cat.
Last person you talked to, and through what you talked to them. my mother, through our faces. she came into my room and she was like my back hurts and i was like wow go back to bed and she was like i can't my back hurts and i was like you must have made terrible decisions at some point and she was like i'm walking like i've shit myself and i was like indeed you are and then she left because i am an asshole and was laughing.
First colour name you can think of that isn’t in the rainbow. black. like my soul.
What kind of headphones do you use? big overstated ones because i am just that anime. also people don't try to talk to you they're like muffling gleaming warning signs that you're an Antisocial Troubled Youth.
Does virginity matter to you? i don't understand the question?? i think everyone should respect everyone else's opinions about sex to the point where it's not even an issue anymore - like your star sign or zodiac year or whatever. so i guess the answer is it matters so little to me i have no feelings about it except fury for those who think the presence or loss of any but their own is even remotely their business.
What pets do you have? What are their names? i have a dog his name is Ash he is a husky and more importantly an absolute knobhead of a furry disconcertingly lupine child.
Favourite item of clothing? waistcoats or combat boots.
Name at least one book you loved as a child. the monstrous regiment by Terry Pratchett was ridiculously formative.
Earliest moment in your life you can remember? i was like six or seven and i was on my grandad's lap and he was going "i wish i could say sausages but i can't say sausages" while actively saying the word sausages and after a while of this i was actually transformed into three feet of pure molten rage and i was like "grandad you are being silly bloody fucking hell" and everyone was laughing too hard to yell at me for it. bloody fucking hell, grandad. bloody fucking hell.
What did you have for dinner yesterday? a muffin.
What’s your favourite candy/chocolate? skittles.
If you were suddenly really hungry, what would you choose to eat? probably skittles.
If you could study anything, what would it be? folklore or really, really ancient civilizations. the folklore of really, really anceint civilizations.
Do you use anything on your lips? (eg. Chapstick, gloss, balm, lipstick) bitter sarcasm and profanity as balm glossing over a tortured, unhappy inner soul.
How would you describe your sense of humour? incorrect.
What things annoy you more than anything else? listening. to youths. speak at each other.
Do you wear much jewellery? just a tiger's eye stone on a string round my neck for luck or something. roman soldiers used to wear it into battle and i guess i like that perspective when i'm feeling anxious.
What is on the floor of the room you’re currently in, not including furniture? all the clothing that i own.
Is there is anything that is guaranteed to always make you happy? boys hurting themselves.
Is there anything that always makes you sad? girls being uncomfortable.
What do you associate the colour red with? blood, i guess. mouths. bloody mouths, yeah, i love that aesthetic!
Last strong smell you can remember smelling? the cold - you know when it's so cold it just kind of smells clear and it hurts a bit?
Last healthy thing you ate? a pear.
Do you drink tea or coffee, and how much per day? i try not to drink too much coffee because goddammit i want to be tall okay i want to loom, and as for tea - well, i'm british.
What do you associate the colour blue with? my hair.
What colour pants/skirt/etc are you currently wearing? black.
How often do you clear your browser history? i don't because i am not a thirteen year old boy and i know how to operate incognito mode. fools.
Do you believe nude photos can be artistic, rather than erotic? well yeah. the human body is kind of a miraculous fucking thing, like - i'm typing this with my fingers, you know? now i'm stretching, and it's lovely. it's kind of perfect. you're kind of perfect. your eyelashes catch your sweat. sharp bones stick out on the inside of your head so you can crush things and absorb their power. inside your head is also a meat tentacle. do you have any idea how excited a dragon would be about the fact that we make our own water in our mouths. do you. (also i think the human body can also be kind of gross. sex, defininately, i think of as very gross. i am so disturbed by the suspicion that it would sound like when you stir porridge. so disturbed. no. no thank u.)
Last formal event you attended. a wedding. i wore a suit. apparently i made an impression on people even though i knew hardly anyone there and spoke to even less. idk i guess i just have a face people want to smack talk about.
Would you prefer to be at a beach or in the countryside? whichever has less people there that day.
What is your least favourite colour, and why? beige. it looks like failure. if you're wearing beige and it's not to blend in with your surroundings so as not to be murdered then i just feel like you've gone wrong somewhere. name one good thing that is beige and is not a cute animal.
What’s your least favorite season? either the middle of summer or the middle of winter because i inevitably hit a point where i'm staring glumly at the central heating system convinced that i will soon die and thinking this is getting silly now this was a terrible idea.
Do you prefer to text or call? text. so much better where i can't stutter.
Do you like tacos? i have never had a taco they look quite difficult.
Are you an introvert or an extrovert? dude i write fanfition what the hell do u think.
What’s your favorite desert? probably cheesecake.
Do you enjoy walks? i do. especially early morning or late night walks because there's less people about and walking past them is a very stressful experience.
Do you watch animated shows still? ADVENTURE TIME C'MON GRAB YOUR FRIENDS WE'LL GO TO VERY DISTANT LANDS WITH JAKE THE DOG AND FIN THE HUMAN THE FUN WILL NEVER END IT'S ADVENTURE TIm e
Can you roll your tongue? my tongue is the most athletic thing about me.
Are you scared of anything? living an entirely unremarkable life. that the people i'd like to be around wouldn't ever like to be around me.
Are you fond of romantic novels? i am not.
Would you eat a live spider for one million dollars? who wouldn't what the fuck.
Would you forgive someone for cheating? i think i could understand why they did it because i really don't think actual humans were made for long-term monogamous romantic relationships but if they didn't respect me enough to tell me about it or end our thing beforehand i don't think i'd ever be able to respect them again, never mind trust. but i think i could detach myself enough to forgive?? idk i'm not really interested in relationships.
Are you superstitious? eehhh.
Do you like to read? of course i do.
Do you believe in aliens? i think it's highly self-important of people not to.
If you were the last person alive besides one other person you get to chose, who would it be? someone who knew neat stuff like how to set broken bones or preserve food and generally not die in an embarrassing way. it would also be nice if they could play poker.
Dogs or cats? i would like a small army.
Are you a grumpy person? that depends on who you ask.
What’s something you hate? certain things about myself, mostly habits i want to shake but can't. also gnats. i will not be overly fond of those who answer in the affirmative to the above.
Do you like having your picture taken? i don't think my family have solid proof of my existence since i was about nine. last year i spent an entire three-hour party reading under a table because someone was wandering about with a camera.
Do you believe in ghosts? i'd like to because that is genuinely my Ideal.
Rap or pop? eh.
Do you like math? almost as much as i like dying headphones and slow wifi.
Are you the type of person to laugh at others misfortune? it's not misfortune though omg it's not like "ha he fell up that step wow that's awkward for him ahaha" it's like. abject narrowly avoided tragedies. like no ok i was on the bus the other day and this small idiot boy child kicked his ball at it and then ran out in front and the bus hooonnnkked and the whole carriage was airless from the fucking unanimous horrified inhale, a beautiful grounding of the human condition as a whole came through in a cannon of "is he ok?!" and "what a dick" and it was a stressful moment for all and we're blessed no one was hurt truly and i tried. i tried so hard. "i swear i'm not a psychopath."
What was/is your favorite school subject? english lit.
Do you like tattoos? i would like to one day be a very large and mobile tattoo.
Are you the type of person to lie? pointlessly, all the time, but not about things that matter to people i think matter.
Are you allergic to anything? empathy makes me quite nauseous.
Do you like Lady Gaga? i want to be friends.
What about Nick Minaj? she deserves so much better from the media i think she's very brave to do what she does.
Do you like rainy days? i prefer rainy nights.
Great! What do you write about/like in fanfiction? one very in love guy - bonus if it's explicitly for more reasons than, 'damn shawty hawt' (likewise for reciprocation) more than one very in love guy angstangstangst. i don't love a character until i want to watch them suffer. and i love these ones. i do. i promise. make them cry. snark banter snarky banter idk i just don't like over-emphasis on looks, or unnecessary lines reminding us how supermegesmexyhot the respective dude is. i just don't think a relationship should be built with that as a driving factor, but then i don't. really understand actual relationships. or most people. so. i don't know it just seems like wanting to be around people because they're pretty is kinda like picking your cereal based off of which sponsor character you would most want to form a tag-team with. BAD PUNCTUATION AND GRAMMAR IS SUCH A TURN OFF IT HURTS ME. IT IS LIKE THE WHISPERED FOOT-FETISH IN AN OTHERWISE DECENT MAKE-OUT SESSION. (i assume) near death experiences for one and resulting emotional turmoil for the counterpart. because i'm stable outside friends of central female character being freaking decent and supportive dammit seriously i so genuinely cannot care about a thing unless it has well-thought out, well-written, savvy, developing lady characters all over it like for real. lovely platonic relationships and taking time to write love stories that don't end in hot animal sex but quiet cups of coffee at four in the morning and rotas of piggyback rides and blind dumb loyalty and hey keep talking but hold still you have an eyelash. well-fitted, well-written AUs with the cute little references to canon just let me AU ok
naruto-based fics that score high-points with me usually include a few of the following ahem:
What inspires you?
stuff that makes me daydream harder.
action movies, poems with their teeth left in, books, booksbooksbooks- exciting works that suck me in and get the dopamine flooding my brain long enough to last after it's finished, leading to daydreams, leading to, inevitably, me pasting a favourite character's face over the result. (Marvel movies do this a lot) sometimes it's just a line or a scene you can take out of context - like i think the most recent one was The Expendables 2 trailer. yeah. (looks as ridiculous as you'd hope, but i swear like five things got blown to hell in thirty seconds, and testosterone-fuelled, illogical destruction is oddly inspiring. "You and your psychotic little gang of mutts," indeed.)
also music. of course music. and motion. (like, okay, if i can't be bothered to leave the house one day but i want to daydream exclusively, i'll put in headphones and pace inside my own house. for hours at a time, i'm told. uh)
What setting do you write best in?
the dark-out and quiet and alone kind.
Any fanfic pet-peeves? unexplained, ridiculous OOCness. painting a female character (usually Karin or Ino) as the Big Bad with no further personality traits other than bitchiness, an outlet of slut-shaming and 'wants to ruin your otp.' i just- this is a really misogynistic thing to do, guys, and it happens so freaking often. i can understand the need for confrontation to up the drama, but, hey, if it was a guy you'd probably include development - actually, there's an article that explains this a lot more eloquently than i could - one sec: -Lamenting the Friendzone, or: The Nice Guy Approach to Perpetuating Sexist Bullshit it's nice to have someone to mindlessly hate sometimes, but nobody's one-dimensional, and the Innocent Perfect Bookworm stuck in Cardboard Slutsville and being better than them obviously xx- that's a really poisonous mentality??? excluding a female (shinobi, at least) from acting like an impulsive, violent, boisterous jackass when the boys are. they live lives centred on violence just as much as them. they're probably just as emotionally stunted, and need just as much fixing up of just as many issues. they're not your Manic Pixie Dream Girls, dammit. a character (read: Sakura. again) settling for less than they should. go flufftastic, blissed-out Disney ending or go home. (this is good for some people. that's their thing, you know, the cynicism. that's okay. but there's really a lot of it in this fandom's het fics that i've seen. so i'm making up for it with hopeless fluff. it's a hard path.) double-standards. double-standards everywhere. read a fic from a female PoV, then a male PoV, and then switch the characters. likely they're both trained killers who've had a bunch of crappy things happen to them, so wat r u doin. lack of emotional reaction. c'mon. even the tally, make a dude cry instead. or rage. rage is fun.
Mm hm - so, for a change, what ships do you most certainly not ship?
most of the popular ones...? narusasu/sasunaru (with all Naruto's done for him, Sasuke doesn't deserve his heart on top of it. Naruto is a perfect person and as such deserves worlds better. and the fans are fucking rabid) nejiten shikaino (i just don't get why people assume that two genders spending a lot of time together makes them automatically compatible...? am i missing something about them?) sasusaku (i cannot read a lot of fics because they tend to have Sakura regress (although that is canon when she'd around him, unfortunately). i love her and i just she deserves better. she's loud, and heartstrong and often violent and shouldn't have to change that for anyone - she should be with someone who challenges her and talks to her and appreciates what they fucking have, helps her grow rather than make her feel Not Good Enough (granted, we haven't had many proper interactions between them for a while so this dynamic could be applicable if he ever gets his shit together, and i'll withhold judgement). uh... i think. yeah. you have some pretty fanart, whatever. i don't want to start i ship-war here, i know most of your arguments and it's fine if you ship it that's great get inspired be productive convince us heretics otherwise that's great for you really! it just personally makes me uncomfortable don't stab me ily) naruhina (they're both sweethearts, but i'm just not getting it. it's default status in fics and largely anti-Sakura fanbase really annoys me more than the ship itself)
and don't you just know most of them will be canon eventually (in the shonen way, at least).
i don't have ships. i have a naval fleet (in no particular order): AkatSaku ItaSaku NaruSaku HidaSaku DeiSaku KimiSaku NejiSaku SakuHina KakaSaku SasoSaku ShikaSakuNeji NaruSakuSasu GaaSaku SasuSaku (in certain fics since we all know he can be a twat of the first water in canon and Kishi's kinda bad at the functional relationship type-things.) MinaKushi (and now i'm not sure i want my ships to sail because here if you're ever happy/awesome it usually means you're about to die a terrible death - au contraire, i really didn't like that it was Kushina's dream to be Hokage. and then she ended up washing his dishes. wat.) KibaKanku KibaHina ShinoIno ChoIno TemaTenten LeeHina (they would be fucking adorkable) IruAnko GenmaShizu KotetIzu (if this isn't actually canon my life doesn't make sense anymore) ShikaNeji
basically if I was in charge of the Naruto-verse everything would be beautiful.
let's go on an adventure, or something.