jasperhale DUHHH
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Joined 02-16-12, id: 3729085, Profile Updated: 02-20-12
Author has written 1 story for Underworld.

I'm 15, i love to read. I love Harry Potter and Twilight but i HATE Isabella Swan. She's all" OMG i have a super hot vampire and a Fuck Me Gorgeous werewolf fighting over me help." Sometimes i just say bitch shut up and sit the fuck down

Anywho I write poetry and want to be an author you know the type that gets rich writing about someone's fucked up super natural relationship and i'm not pointing finger *cough* Stephanie Meyer* cough*

Pick the ones that fit you (ones in bold fit me)

I'M SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.

I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.

I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm ATHEIST so i MUST hate the world.

I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.

I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...

I'm a DANCER, So I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I wear SKIRTS, so I MUST be a slut.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.

I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a big DICK.

I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!

I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay.

I have BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.

I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.

I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.

I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.

I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.

I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.

I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.

I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.

I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.

I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so i must be violent.

I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.

I'm BI so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.

I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.

I'm MIXED so I must be fucked up.

I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.

I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.

I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA

I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect.

I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black

I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.

I Love SHOPPING so I must be rich.

I'm an OG so I must be Mexican.

If you hate stereotypes and think people should just shut up and stop, POST THIS AND PASS IT ON.

Favourite quotes from the Twilight saga :

OoOoOoOoO

Edward: And so the lion fell in love with the lamb...

OoOoOoOoO

(from the movie) Bella: What is it?

Edward: I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore.

Bella: Then don't.

OoOoOoOoO

(from the movie) Edward: So thats what you dream about? Becoming a monster?

Bella: I dream about being with you forever

OoOoOoOoO

Bella: About three things I was absoloutly positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him- and I didn't know how dominant that part might be- that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and erovocibly(I know for a fact I did not spell that right, but whatever) in love with him.

OoOoOoOoO

(from the movie) Edward(to Bella):Where else am I going to go?

There are loads more but I can't remember them right now.

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and then you'll understand."

Twilight Oath-
I promise to remember Bella
Each time I carelessly fall down
And I promise to remember Edward
Whenever I'm out of town
I promise to obey traffic laws
For Charlie’s sake of course
And I promise to remember Jacob
When my heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Carlisle
When ever I am in the Emergency Room
And I promise to remember Emmett
Every time there's a huge boom
I promise to remember Rose
Whenever I see someone that holds pure beauty
And I promise to remember Alice
When I'm at a mall and a cute outfit spots me
I promise to remember Nessie
When I see that beautiful curly hair
And I promise to remember Esme
When someone tells me they care
I promise to remember Jasper
Whenever my emotions are unfurled
And I promise to remember the Volturi
When someone speaks of dominating the world
Yes I promise to love Twilight
Wherever I may go
So that all may see my obsession
Because I know what the Twilighters know

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I've had Enough by SpritelyGryffindor reviews
Ron runs away from the burrow at the age of nine, meets Harry, and helps him escape Privet Drive. Simple? Not when they've got half the ministry looking for them, not to mention the fact that Sirius has escaped Azkaban to look for Harry.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Adventure - Chapters: 9 - Words: 33,887 - Reviews: 172 - Favs: 323 - Follows: 442 - Updated: 3/16 - Published: 9/25/2011 - Ron W., Harry P.
True Mate by Dragons-Twilight1992 reviews
What if Jasper slipped up and killed someone? What if he locked himself in his room and refusing to speak to anyone? What if Edward refused to let Bella come to the house? What if when they go away on a long hunting trip Bella goes to see Jasper feeling that she can help him? What if Bella takes Jasper away to help him? What if they fall in love? What will the consequences be?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 32 - Words: 39,664 - Reviews: 1343 - Favs: 1,121 - Follows: 1,277 - Updated: 3/12 - Published: 7/8/2011 - [Jasper, Bella] [Charlotte, Peter]
Change by KittyVortex reviews
Something happened to Bella when James attacked her and now, after her eighteenth birthday, the Cullen's have decided to leave and she is facing the consequences. But surprising to her one has stayed, to help her understand, to protect her and to give her the answers she needs. But will it really be that easy? And will she even accept his help?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 34 - Words: 78,060 - Reviews: 821 - Favs: 558 - Follows: 783 - Updated: 1/16 - Published: 10/14/2011 - Bella, Jasper
The Dead by ForeverTwilightSaga05 reviews
Zombies are just in video games, right? Hell no! Zombies somehow took over most of the human race. Edward and his friends can't fight to stay alive on their own, so they have to travel from place to place, and I'm sure they will run into a couple of other people along the way and some feelings will arise. Language & Death. EPOV!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 37,280 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 50 - Updated: 2/22/2013 - Published: 2/2/2013 - Edward, Bella - Complete
You'll Find What You're Looking For At Walmart by mama4dukes reviews
What happens when a lonely and betrayed vampire meets his mate at Walmart? Join Peter and Bella as they band together with their ragtag team of friends to creatively exact revenge on those who did them wrong.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 35 - Words: 282,552 - Reviews: 3857 - Favs: 1,837 - Follows: 1,745 - Updated: 10/16/2012 - Published: 3/6/2011 - Peter, Bella
Naruto: Myoushuu no Fuuin by May Wren reviews
A seal had managed to defeat and imprison the Kyuubi no Kitsune, the strongest demon to ever exist. It was just ink on paper-or a stomach, as the case may be-and it held so much power… 'Yeah,' Naruto decided 'I gotta get me some of that.'
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 9 - Words: 92,529 - Reviews: 3539 - Favs: 8,886 - Follows: 8,503 - Updated: 7/16/2012 - Published: 1/28/2011 - Naruto U.
Disturbia by GASPLudwig reviews
On the outside, she was a skater girl.A nobody.But on the inside, she was screaming for a savior who would help her out of the secret life she has at home.And the bruises she's learned to hid so well. But there's some things you just can't hid. Paul/OC
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 8,983 - Reviews: 71 - Favs: 71 - Follows: 95 - Updated: 2/27/2012 - Published: 2/6/2011 - Paul
Scarlet by archer24 reviews
Bella is the greatest thief the world's never seen; she is only recognized by her scarlet calling card. Edward is FBI, and has been able to catch every criminal he's come across. Little do they know, they are both about to meet their match. AH, OOC, AU
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Crime/Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 147,185 - Reviews: 6867 - Favs: 4,504 - Follows: 2,408 - Updated: 3/12/2011 - Published: 10/10/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Bella's hidden truth by Psycholips reviews
Bella Swan is a sixteen-year old adopted by the Cullen vampires. The Cullen's know that she is hiding something.Why does she find it hard to trust people and to let them touch her? Can Edward come to her rescue? Half vampires/drugs/suicide attempts.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 17 - Words: 14,266 - Reviews: 173 - Favs: 289 - Follows: 118 - Updated: 11/14/2009 - Published: 6/14/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
An Odd Twist of Fate by Agni reviews
Itachi was gay but when he finally did manage to fall in love, his object of affections turned out to be a girl. An energetic, blonde vixen of a girl, but a girl nonetheless. Fugaku is not complaining. AU. Female Naruto/Itachi.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 13,615 - Reviews: 351 - Favs: 920 - Follows: 1,132 - Updated: 9/11/2009 - Published: 7/13/2009 - Naruto U., Itachi U.
The Dichotomy of Namikaze Naruto by Thundereaper reviews
What lies behind the Shiki Fuuin? Who is Naruto, really? Told from the Mizuki incident onwards, a new Naruto emerges, smarter, stronger, and better. Female Kyuubi. NaruXFemKyuuXFemHakuXTentenXHinataXIno.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 13 - Words: 276,934 - Reviews: 3642 - Favs: 5,147 - Follows: 4,527 - Updated: 8/21/2009 - Published: 1/25/2007 - Naruto U., Kyuubi/Kurama
Rain Poured From The Sky by HeavensBells reviews
Jacob and Bella. They are a storm. They love each other. Passionately.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,182 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 89 - Follows: 14 - Published: 8/24/2007 - Bella, Jacob - Complete
Browncoat, Green Eyes by nonjon reviews
COMPLETE. Firefly: :Harry Potter crossover Post Serenity. Two years have passed since the secret of the planet Miranda got broadcast across the whole 'verse in 2518. The crew of Serenity finally hires a new pilot, but he's a bit peculiar.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Firefly - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 39 - Words: 298,538 - Reviews: 4064 - Favs: 5,195 - Follows: 1,347 - Updated: 11/12/2006 - Published: 3/23/2006 - Harry P., River - Complete
Of Colors and flowers
My take on how Selene feels after William and Marcus dies
Underworld - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 86 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/19/2012 - Selene - Complete