Author has written 11 stories for Midnighters, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Mortal Instruments, Young Wizards, Nation, and Librarians, 2014.
Nicknames: Beth, Betsy, Beth M, Nickname Giver, NNG, the short person, Houston (if you want to lose a limb)
I use Beth or Beth M online, as a reference to the character from "The Story the Rings Told." She started out as my kick-ass alter ego, became my online identity, and now serves as a template whenever I need a strong, female character.
Age: Young enough for braces, (almost) old enough for beer.
My avatar is supposed to say, "Keep calm and carry one" with a picture of a library card on it, but unfortunately the card and "on" got cut out.
I have an evil twin brother named David who helps me write reviews and occasionally hijacks my stuff.
I have autism- Asperger's Disorder, to be specific- and ADD with occasional hyperactivity problems, as well as an anxiety disorder. I'm self-diagnosed with mild depression and two forms of synesthesia: grapheme-color and sound-to-color. I try to set things up so that they match my perception of the world as closely as possible (coloring things with their "proper" color instead of something random, leaving objects where I'm used to them being instead of where they actually go, etc.) so that there's nothing to jar the autism as discordant and send me into a meltdown or anxiety attack. I also use colors to focus me on occasion, and more often to keep me from crashing spectacularly.
I write a lot, mostly songs and working on any one of my novels, as well as poems and fanfics.
Fandoms: Midnighters, Young Wizards, Repairman Jack, Percy Jackson 'verse, The Missing, 1632, Welcome to the Ark, Chronicles of Narnia, Discworld, Shadowhunters 'verse, TimeRiders, Earth Girl, Rent, Caster Chronicles, Honor Harrington 'verse, Theirs Not to Reason Why, Special Circumstances, Teen Wolf, Warehouse 13, The Librarians, Questionable Content, NCIS, Killjoys, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. (Not necessarily in that order.)
I'm the only person Mrs. Freece has ever had to discourage from reading.
My IQ is somewhere between 135 and 148, depending on who you ask.
I attend a sci-fi & fantasy convention every April called Norwescon.
Favorite artists: Fall Out Boy, Matthew West, Rent, Hamilton, and Paradise Fears.
Favorite Quote: "Any idiot can face a crisis. It's day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chechkov
5-18-13: Sorry to all you 'Change' fans, but I'm taking it down because I never much liked it and don't think it's worth the fight.
SONG OF THE WEEK (starting the week of 4-15-12- 4-21-12)
"Eyes Open," Taylor Swift; "Beauty From Pain," Superchick; "Learning to Breathe," Switchfoot; "Mean," Taylor Swift; "Concrete Girl," Switchfoot; "Hello," Evanescence; "The Humbling River," Puscifer; "She Talks to Angels," The Black Crowes; "Amy's Song," Switchfoot; "For You," Keith Urban; "Who Says You Can't Go Home," Bon Jovi and Jennifer Nettles; "All That I Am," Parachute; "Wide Awake," Katy Perry; "Second Chance," Shinedown; "Blown Away," Carrie Underwood; "Valder Fields," Tamas Wells; "Bring me to Life," Evanescence; "Imaginary," Evanescence; "Long Live," Taylor Swift; "Give me Your Eyes," Brandon Heath; "Angel," Within Temptation; "All I Need," Within Temptation; "Cut," Plumb; "Safe and Sound," Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars; "Eyes Open," Taylor Swift; "Don't Stop the Pop," DJ Earworm; "Slow Fade," Casting Crowns; "Something to Believe In," Parachute; "Every Storm," Gary Allen; "Change," Taylor Swift; "Haunted," Taylor Swift; "Here is Gone," Goo Goo Dolls; "Hero," Skillet; "If You're Going Through Hell," Rodney Atkins; "Dead Hearts," Stars; "Kingdom Come," The Civil Wars; "Ride," Martina McBride; "Losing Sleep," Parachute; "I will not Bow," Breaking Benjamin; "Sunny Came Home," Shawn Colvin; "No Light, no Light," Florence and the Machine; "Halfway Gone," Lifehouse; "The Breakdown," Tiffany Alvord; "Ruby," Foster the People; "Give me a Sign," Breaking Benjamin; "One Day More," Les Miserables; "Run," P!nk; "Dear Agony," Breaking Benjamin; "Long Live," Taylor Swift; "Lithium," Evanescence; "Save Me," Shinedown; "45," Shinedown; "You're Gonna go Far, Kid," The Offspring; "Pure," Superchick; "The Last day on Earth," Kate Miller-Heidke; "Samson," Regina Spektor; "People Like Us," Kelly Clarkson; "Lights," Ellie Goulding; "One Day Too Late," Skillet; "We Are Young," fun.; "Hold On to the Memories," Corey Tynan; "Radioactive," Imagine Dragons; "I'll Follow you Into the Dark," Death Cab for Cutie; "How far We've Come," Matchbox 20; "Glitter in the Air," P!nk; "What Sarah Said," Death Cab for Cutie; "This is War," 30 Seconds to Mars; "Set the World on Fire," Black Veil Brides; "Sing," My Chemical Romance; "Gift of a Friend," Demi Lovato; "Light 'em Up," Fall Out Boy; "One Less," Matthew West; "Rise," Skillet; "Let her Go," Passenger; "Not Gonna Die," Skillet; "Rent," Rent; "Some Nights," fun.; "The Broken Pieces," Matthew West; "Demons," Imagine Dragons; "Rebirthing," Skillet; "21 Guns," Green Day; "Those Nights," Skillet; "The Ghost of Tom Joad," Bruce Springsteen; “Point of Know Return,” Kansas; “Welcome to the Black Parade,” My Chemical Romance; “Jealous of the Angels,” Jenn Bostic; “Living the Fantasy,” DJ Earworm; “One Song Glory,” Rent; “The Moment of Truth,” Matthew West; “Goodbye Love,” Rent; “Everybody Wants to Rule the World,” Lorde; “Who we Are,” Switchfoot; “Nothing Left to Say,” Imagine Dragons; “Let it Go,” Frozen; “Just Breathe,” Anna Nalick; “Life Support,” Rent; “Don’t Leave,” Ministry of Magic; “Into the Light,” Matthew West; “There’s no Going Back,” Sick Puppies; “Hall of Fame,” The Script and will.i.am; “We Didn’t Start the Fire,” Billy Joel; “Cassie,” Flyleaf; “C’mon,” Panic! At the Disco; “Weightless,” All Time Low; “American Idiot,” Green Day; “Thanks for the Memories,” Fall Out Boy; “Everyday Superhero,” Smash Mouth; “Who I am Hates who I’ve Been,” Relient K; “Kings and Queens,” 30 Seconds to Mars; “I’m Coming Home,” Skyler Grey; “Closer to the Edge,” 30 Seconds to Mars; “Ghosts that we Knew,” Mumford & Sons; “In the End,” Black Veil Brides; “New Divide,” Linkin Park; "Shaking of the Sheets," Steeleye Span; "To Feel Alive," IAMEVE; "Here I go Again," Casting Crowns; "Audrey, Start the Revolution!," Anberlin; "If I don't Make it Back," Tracy Lawrence; "Pompeii," Bastille; "Not Ready to Make Nice," The Dixie Chicks; "Ordinary Human," OneRepublic; "It's the End of the World (As We Know It)," R.E.M.; "American Dream," Casting Crowns; "The Whole World is Watching," Within Temptation; "Far From Home," Five Finger Death Punch; "Deathbed," Relient K; "I See Fire," Ed Sheeran; "Time of Your Life," Green Day; "Wishes," Superchick; “Bring the Rain,” MercyMe; “The Rising,” Bruce Springsteen; “The Moment of Truth,” Survivor; “Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You),” Kelly Clarkson; “Immortals,” Fall Out Boy; “She’s so Gone,” Lemonade Mouth; “Worlds Collide,” 12 Stones, “The Shadow Proves the Sunshine,” Switchfoot, “Yellow Flicker Beat,” Lorde, “Living on a High Wire,” Lemonade Mouth, “Running up That Hill,” Track and Field, “Save a Place for Me,” Matthew West, “Waiting for the End,” Linkin Park, “Take the Pill,” Emilie Autumn, “Vox Populi,” 30 Seconds to Mars, “Almost Doesn’t Count,” Paradise Fears, “Shot in the Dark,” Within Temptation, “Battle Scars,” Paradise Fears, “People Don’t Understand (People Like Me),” Trey Lockerbie, “Save Rock and Roll,” Fall Out Boy ft. Elton John, “Little Toy Guns,” Carrie Underwood, “You Learn to Live Without,” If/Then, “Birthday,” The Cruxshadows, “The Phoenix,” Fall Out Boy; “Over You,” Daughtry; “Independence Day,” Martina McBride; “The Waiting,” Arrows to Athens; “All the Same,” Sick Puppies; “The House Wins,” OK Go; “Just One Yesterday,” Fall Out Boy; “Anna Sun,” Walk the Moon; “Maybe,” Sick Puppies; “Losing,” Tenth Avenue North; “American Pie,” Don McLean;“Flashlight,” Jessie J; “Alive,” Good Charlotte; “Bones,” Young Guns; “Wild Ones,” Bahari; “Brand New Day,” Yellow Nation; “Sanctuary,” Paradise Fears; "Freaks," Timmy Trumpet ft. Savage; "Angel With a Shotgun," The Cab; "Shut up and Dance," Walk the Moon; "Welcome Home Soldier," Carl Sapp; "Runnin," Adam Lambert; "One Tin Soldier," The Original Caste; “Uma Thurman,” Fall Out Boy; “Disturbia,” Rihanna; “Opening Ceremony,” Chess; “So What I Lied,” Sick Puppies; “Fight Song,” Rachel Platten; “Things we Lost in the Fire,” Bastille; “Just a Feeling,” Paradise Fears; “One Life,” Boyce Avenue; “Icarus,” Bastille; “Take on the World,” Rowan Blanchard and Sabrina Carpenter; “Bleed Red,” Ronnie Dunn; “Cut the Rope,” Charlotte OC; “Whenever,” Forever in my Mind; “Last Breath,” Paradise Fears; “Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story,” Hamilton; "I Believe," Christina Perri; "My Shot," Hamilton; "I Tried," Paradise Fears; "On My Own," Ashes Remain; “Wait for It,” Hamilton; “The Reason for the World,” Matthew West; “Move Along,” The All-American Rejects; “When you Come Home,” Paradise Fears; “Hey Brother,” Avicii; “In our Bedroom After the War,” Stars; “Dollhouse,” Melanie Martinez; “The Kids Aren’t Alright,” Fall Out Boy; "Time of our Lives," Tyrone Wells; "What are you Waiting For," Paradise Fears; "I'll Fight," Daughtry; "Attention," We are the In Crowd;
Previous Week: "On Top of the World," Greek Fire
All credits of this beautiful speech goes to Nic-n'-Nyx.
To all other young fiction authors out there. Copy and paste if you wish. It just needs to be said, and needs to be heard;
You may be a reject. You may not be smooth with the spoken word. You may be the most popular kid in school. You may be the boss at your office. You may be short or tall or heavy or light or anorexic or white or dark or struck by an unfriendly label. You may be the homeless guy on the corner or the one inside the store signing books as you hand them out. You may listen to Justin Bieber or to Three Days Grace. But what you are is a writer; never doubt the power of what you can do. Tell me, what did you learn more from this year; the President, or the Hunger Games? The senator or Rick Riordan? The public speaker or Clarissa Fray? Your boss or Pi Patel? American Idol or the Twilight Saga? A list of facts or Harry Potter? Which of them stole the most of your time? Which is more well-known?
It's the book. Every time. People fail to realize flaws in our society in their own lives, but they see it in District Twelve and in the Capitol. Books make clear what we can't see with the naked eye. Authors are the ones that speak to people's hearts. Writers are the ones people turn to for lessons and entertainment. It's been this way for thousands of years. We are the teachers of every child who opens a book. The themes we write are the themes they learn. We are there in every life, a quiet influence bound in a pretty cover, months' worth of work and reading, colored with imagery built around the lightning rod of an unforgettable plot line. A story spent months reading is memorable more than a speech listened to for just five minutes. I can't name all the leaders of the world right now, nor what they decide to preach about, but I can tell you all the characters from Percy Jackson, and every little thing they taught me. And they are things worth learning.
So don't think there's a better way to make a point. Don't think there's a better way to reach your audience. Fiction stories have been striking the hearts of their readers farther back than anyone alive can remember. And striking the heart is what makes literature so different from everything else. Don't ever doubt your ability to show someone something new, to teach them a life lesson, or the importance of what you have to say. Say it in this foreign language everyone knows. Decorate it with characters and light it with sights and smells and sounds and touches and tastes and give it to the public gift-wrapped with your finest effort. Because I guarantee you, someone is bound to hear you clearer than they've heard anyone else before.
I hope you've found some words of inspiration. The world needs it desperately. Do us all a favor, all you writers, and come out of hiding. We've had the greatest influence of all over people of the past, and as we act now, we are the ones influencing the future. We have more knives and pens than the BVB Army, more sway in society than the Senate, (whom we have proved this to before), more power than any celebrity you could name. I'm calling on you now. Rise up. I dare you to write something today that readers won't forget. I challenge you to make someone cry with one thin little page of text. I urge, no, I demand you to put something down on paper that'll be copied and produced and remembered for longer than Ancient Mythologies have been. I dare you to slam a revolving door*. I demand you to write a message in the folds of a book and watch how, in awe, people unwrap it. Watch your footprints stand bold against the falling snow and refuse to be covered. It is all possible, I assure you. You have no idea just what power you hold in a pen - or a keyboard - until you use it.
And right now, the world needs you to use it more than ever.
We, writers, have made history. We were the ones to record it. And that ability has not changed at all, just our awareness and will to use it. We were given the gift language and storytelling for a reason.
This is that reason. It's calling. So ask yourself what message you want to send. Ponder about what you want to say. Because the world is listening to us above all other beings currently on this earth. Us, not the movies, not the official-labeled politicians, not the superstars. And it's our job to give it a story worthwhile.
*It's possible if there's someone inside...
Random moment that takes place in the PJO world:
After all the years of Annabeth trying to sneak up on him in her cap, Percy learns that that unexplained movement in the corner of his eye is Annabeth. To bad the newbies in his sword fighting class don't know that.
"What was that?" A new Hermes camper asked, head whipping to the side to catch more movement.
"You're losing your touch, Wise Girl." Percy says to empty air. The new campers all look comically frightened when Percy gets smacked upside the head with a knife and continues the lesson like nothing ever happened.
Copy and paste:
Copy this onto your profile if you would die for someone you love.
97% of teens would cry if they saw Robert Pattison standing on top of a skyscraper, about to jump. If you're one of the 3% who would sit there eating popcorn and screaming, "DO A BACK FLIP, YOU SPARKLY IDIOT!" then copy and paste this on your profile.
If you willingly refer to yourself as a nerd, dork, loser, geek, or weirdo, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question then knew the answer right after you asked, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If every single song makes you think PJO, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you take great pride in being strange, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you smack books when the characters are being annoying, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you constantly put the wrong date, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you think 13 is the luckiest number although others disagree, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, put it in your profile.
If you like singing songs at random points in the day, copy this into your profile.
If you're waaay too adept at copying and pasting, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you are overly obsessed with reading and writing, copy this and paste it to your profile.
If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that says pull (or vice versa), copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever had done something or said something that made perfect sense to your real friends and only caused your "peers" to look at you strangely and roll their eyes, copy and paste this into your profile. (Some of the stuff I say to my mom I would not be allowed to say at school.)
If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you are insanely weird, copy this into your profile.
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.
98 percent of teens can walk without running into walls. If you're in the 2 percent that can't, post this in your profile.
If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy and paste this in your profile. (Actually, for me it was my age, but I recovered by explaining I'd just had my birthday. It wasn't true, unfortunately.)
If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.
Put this in your profile if you like Lucky Charms.
If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile. (um... the history of autism, the English language, reading, shelving, converting base-10 numbers into non-base-10, scowling at my homework, sleeping, How the Earth was Made, the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire, the Thirty Year's War, and the Spanish and German languages. So I guess this doesn't count.)
If you have ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.
How to relieve stress:
-Go on a long vacation to the bathroom.
-Lay in the gutter and let the relaxing water flow over you.
-Whenever someone tells you to have a nice day, yell, "Don't tell me what to do!"
-Ignore everything going on around you and stare blankly out the window while visualizing steak and lobster.
-Make your "To Do" list and fill it with things you've already done.
-Pay the collection agency in pennies.
-Make paper airplanes and sail them off the roof.
-Hang gummy worms out your nose.
-Surf down the stairs on your computer keyboard.
-Figure out how to do the Macarena backwards.
-Fill your cubicle with M&Ms and dive in.
-Practice drooling down your shirt.
Professor Flitwick … does not know where Snow White is.
Professor Snape … has no wish to get in touch with his ‘feminine side’.
Professor Moody … the best ‘teaching’ Hogwarts has seen in a while.
Professor McGonagall … does not take herself too seriously. It is a bad idea to tell her.
Professor Dumbledore … should be referred to as ‘Professor’, ‘Headmaster’ or ‘Sir’, not ‘Dude’, ‘My Leige’ or ‘Tim the Enchanter’.
Hermione Granger … has PMS and a wand.
Ron Weasley … is very afraid.
Luna Lovegood … is perfectly sane, thanks very much.
Ginny Weasley … wants her Hogwarts toilet seat.
Fred Weasley … knows if he and his twin giggle at an idea for more than fifteen seconds, they may assume that it’s against the rules and therefore should not carry it out.
George Weasley … knows he and his twin will carry it out and are not remotely sorry.
Oliver Wood... has heard every single joke possible about his name. No, that is not a challenge.
Lily Evans … swears she is not in love with James Potter.
James Potter … doesn’t believe her.
Remus Lupin … would prefer less jokes about ‘his time of the month’.
Sirius Black … Escaped Azkaban, evaded Dementors, outwitted Ministry, killed by drapery.
Andromeda Black … is going to marry a muggle – screw the consequences.
Gryffindors … will jump off a cliff.
Slytherins … will push someone else off.
Hufflepuffs… will call five hundred others and build a staircase.
Ravenclaws … will get hold of a flying carpet.
Things I am not to do at Hogwarts
1) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.
2) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda.
3) I will not give Hagrid Pokémon cards and convince him they're real animals.
4) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches.
5) When Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Batmobile, Robin!"
6) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental.
7) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends."
8) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
9) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"
10) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.
11) I will not slip Malfoy a Love Potion in his morning goblet of Pumpkin Juice.
12) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.
13) I will not call Dumbledore "Santa Claus!" during the Christmas Holidays.
14) I will not put Muggle fairy book in the History section at the library.
15) I will not send Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas.
16) I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Clause.
17) I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord.
18) I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snape's private chambers to watch him sing I Will Survive in the mirror, as it is disturbing.
19) I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head, and laugh as he tries to reach it.
20) I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.
21) I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.
22) I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.
23) The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid.
24) I will not subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The Chamber of Secrets".
25) When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.
26) Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.
27) A Muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quidditch equipment, even if it has been enchanted to fly.
28) Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy."
29) I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.
30) I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.
31.) Sending rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide, with the return address "Voldemort", is not funny.
32) Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a quill and parchment is sufficient.
33) Calling in the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.
34) I may not have a private army.
35) I must not substitute chocolate-flavoured laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate.
36) Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Professor Dumbledore's candy.
37) I am not the wicked witch of the west.
38) -I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either.
39) I will not melt if water is poured over me.
40) -Neither will Professor Umbridge.
41) I shouldn't use Photoshop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or tutors.
42) I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose.
43) I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.
44) I will not test my Potions assignments by spiking Snape's drink with them.
45) - Especially not all of them at once.
46) I will not try to hock off my old piercings as "priceless Muggle artifacts."
47) I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos."
48) Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as 'Spock'.
49) I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently. Or, for that matter, Harry Potter.
50) When being interrogated by a member of staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce 'These are not the droids you are looking for'.
51) Thestrals do not resemble the Muggle toys known as 'My Little Pony'.
52) The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smarts and the Junior Death Eaters.
53) Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not be improved by the introduction of Muggle firearms.
54) Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either.
55) I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts, A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.
56) I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes.
57) I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.
58) I am not allowed to ask Professor Dumbledore if the size of his beard is 'compensating for something'.
59) I will not create a betting pool that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father.
60) Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka.
61) Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing Glimmer McSparkles.
62) Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are not the magical equivalent of "Batman and Robin".
63) I will not play the Imperial March theme for Professor Snape.
64) However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it.
65) If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a nom-de-plume.
66) I will not attempt to recruit the title character to play himself. Even if he looks good in tap shoes.
67) I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket" either.
68) I am not allowed to discuss my theory that Voldemort is actually the second cousin of Sauron.
69) I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal times.
70) It’s not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a shirt that says "All The Good-Looking Ones Die Young" with a picture of Cedric Diggory on it.
71) I will not yell "Hey look! It’s Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade.
72) I will not tease Voldemort about the time he needed his pink flowery teddy bear to comfort him when he had that bad, bad nightmare about Harry.
73) I will not charm a poster of Britney Spears on Draco's wall.
74) I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.”
75) I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogle”.
76) I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rocks series during Arithmancy exams.
77) There is no such thing as the Chamber of Double Secret Probation.
78) My name is not “the Dark Lord Happy-Pants,” and I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.
79) Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count for extra credit.
80) I will not douse Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible while wearing it and standing by the fire in the common room.
81) I will not tell first years they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.
82) I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.
83) I will not give Gryffindors pixie sticks.
84) I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles.
85) A time turner is not a flux capacitator. I should therefore not try to install it in a Muggle car.
86) I shall not refer to DADA professors as canaries in a coal mine.
87) When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June good vs. evil fight, I will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can only be ONE”.
88) A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or playing drums. No matter how bored I become.
89) It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed, and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the results would be.
90) 42 is not the answer to every question on the O.W.L.S.
91) I am allowed to have a cat, rat, toad, or an owl. I am not allowed to have reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.
92) No matter how good an Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
93) I will not refer to the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor as Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
94) Dumbledore is not Gandalf, and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts.
95) Do not confuse Aragorn, Eragon and Aragog. Ever.
96) I may not introduce Nagini to Indiana Jones.
97) Challenging Ron to a slug-eating contest is just mean.
98) Under no circumstances am I allowed to refer to Voldemort as "Baldy".
99) Even if he is.
100) I am not allowed to tell the first years to have a staring contest with the Basilisk.
101) I am prohibited from sprinkling glitter on Draco Malfoy, dying his hair, and call him Edward.
102) I am not allowed to sell Mrs. O'Leary to Hagrid.
103) I will not give Professor Lupin a collar as a Christmas or birthday present.
104) Saying "I think I 'taw a puddytat!" every time I see Professor McGonagall is most certainly NOT allowed.
105) Offering Voldemort a colonial-era powdered wig (complete with ponytail) will not amuse him and I am not allowed to do so, even if he needs a new hairdo.
106) I am not allowed to paint the school neon pink as the only person it will amuse is Professor Umbridge.
107) I must not introduce Voldemort to a psychiatrist as it is likely to result in him having a temper tantrum.
108) I am not allowed to introduce the Cullens to Professor Lupin.
109) I am not allowed to tease Professor Lupin about his 'time of the month'.
110) I shall not play match-maker for Voldemort on Valentine's Day because it will only make him cry when no one will go out with him because of his lack of hair.
111) I am not allowed to be a match-maker for Shelob and Aragog either.
112) I will not arrange a battle to the death between nine Hungarian Horntails and the Nazgul.
113) I will not scream, "HIS NAME IS EDWARD!" any time I hear the words Cedric Diggory.
114) I will not ask the centaurs if they know where Chiron is because I have found a demigod
115) I will not shout at dinner times that Darth Sideous is Voldemort's uncle, even if they do look alike.
116) I shall not try to persuade everyone that Percy Weasley's true name is Percy Jackson and he slays monsters with a pen for a living.
117) I will not sing 'I'm a Survivor' after the Battle of Hogwarts.
118) No matter how fun it looks, I will not stand on a table and do the Macarena at the Yule Ball.
119) Professor Lupin is not the magical equivlant of Wolverine and I am not allowed to address him as such.
120) Even if I'm bored, I am not allowed to ask Snape what the mysterious ticking noise is.
121) I will not dye Harry's hair pink or give him brown contacts, just because I am sick of black-haired, green-eyed heroes.
122) Whether they owe me money or not, I am not allowed to sneak into Fred and George's dorm at the dead of night to die their hair blond, spike it unreasonably high, then call them John and Edward in the morning.
123) I will not send Voldemort white robes for Christmas and claim he changed his name to, "Voldy the White."
124) And when he wears them, I am not allowed to run around Hogsmeade screaming, "AHHH! It's an albino Dementor!"
125) It is not tasteful to send Professor McGonagall a scratching post for Christmas.
126) Bringing a Magic 8 ball to Divination class will only get Professor Trelawney annoyed at your "lack of Inner Eye."
127) To which I am not allowed to reply.
128) I will not refer to the Accio charm as 'The Force'.
129) Nor am I allowed to have lightsaber fights with my wand and make whoosing noises.
130) "Because they both need to wash their hair" is not proof Professor Snape and Aragorn are related.
131) There is also no proof that Gimli and Flitwick are related and I am stop asking Flitwick if he's been swimming with any hairy women lately.
132) Singing 'Hungry Like The Wolf' in Professor Lupin's class is not a way to get extra credit.
133) I am not allowed to write on the wall in the Gryffindor Common Room, "I know where you live" or "I stole all your underwear!"
134) I am not allowed to replace the Bludgers with peas, tomatoes, plums or anything that is not a Bludger.
135) Portable swamps are not funny.
136) And I will not set off the above in Snape's sleeping quarters.
137) Or in the Slytherin's bathrooms.
138) In fact, I am not allowed to even buy portable swamps.
139) Harry Potter is not a Son of Poseidon and saying this every time I see him will only result in him filing a restraining order against me.
140) My patronus is not a Nazgul.
141) Neither is my animagus form.
142) "To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.
143) It still is not appropiate, even if I have subsituted the flying monkeys with gummy bears.
144) I will not levitate everywhere in a big pink bubble.
145) My professors have neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Sugar Quills.
146) No part of the school uniform is edible.
147) Nor am I allowed to make any part of the school uniform edible.
148) I will not try to take house points from the first years for "being too goddamned short".
149) Especially as I am in no position of authority and Dumbledore would have to be heavily drugged before he would ever make me a prefect.
150) I am not allowed to wear singing holiday-themed ties and claim that they are officially part of my uniform. Especially not during June.
151) Luna Lovegood does not have pointed ears, nor is she to be addressed as 'Galadriel'.
152) Lucius Malfoy also does not have pointed ears, nor is he to be addressed as 'Haldir'.
153) I am not the reincarnation of Merlin.
154) I am not allowed to Accio the clothing of any person while they are wearing it.
155) I am to attend astronomy class and should stop yelling that aliens will abduct me if I do.
156) Hogwarts does not require a karaoke machine.
157) No matter how much I would enjoy watching Harry sing "Saturday Night."
158) "Defying my will" is not a crime worthy of life in Azkaban, and I should not tell that to the first-years.
159) I will not speak to Professor Snape with a Transylvanian accent.
160) Nor am I to ask if he is Carlisle Cullen's evil, unfortunate-looking twin.
161) I will not start a rumor saying that Professor Snape sings "I'm too sexy for my robes" while showering. Or for that matter doing any other activity.
162) Enchanting the Sorting Hat to sort new students into the House of Martok, or any other Klingon house is forbidden.
163) Voldemort does not wish to appear as the 'before' for a line of cosmetics. And no, he does not care how much money I make from it.
164) The Slytherin prefect is named Draco Malfoy, not "Rocky Horror".
165) Transfiguring Draco Malfoy's uniform into a gold thong is also inappropriate.
166) I will not attempt to determine whether Malfoy is a natural blond.
167) I will not sprend rumors that Legolas Greenleaf is his second cousin either.
168) Luna Lovegood is NOT always on "psychedelic mushrooms" and I should stop implying that she is.
169) The same goes for Professor Trelawney.
170) I will not get a tattoo of a smiley face on my arm and claim that it is the new Dark Mark.
171) I will not set my robes on fire to get out of potions.
172) I should not be a sports' commentator for Ron and Hermione's arguments.
173) Hogwarts does not need a "This many days since Harry has almost died" sign.
174) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
175) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.
176) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
177) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick.
178) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.
179) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"
180) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's tasteless, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
181) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month".
182) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.
183) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.
184) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, I will assume that I am not allowed to use it.
185) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.
186) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.
187) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day".
188) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.
189) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.
190) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort.
191) Even though he needs one.
192) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.
193) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.
194) It is not necessary to yell "BAM" every time I Apparate.
195) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.
196) I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor shall I insist that their colors indicate that they're "covered in bees."
197) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
198) If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
199) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
200) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion.
201) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.
202) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself too seriously.
203) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knights Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.
204) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.
205) I will not attack my fellow classmates.
206) I will not make an impossible riddle for people to give an answer to enter the Ravenclaw area.
207) When signing to all of these rules, I am not allowed to write in red ink and say that the Cullens lent me some grizzly bear blood.
31 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity:
1: At lunchtime, sit in you car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2: Page yourself over the intercom. Do not disguise your voice.
3: Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
4: Put a garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
5: Put decaf in the coffee maker (home or work). When everyone gets over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
6: In your memo book, on all your checks, put "FOR SMUGGLING DIAMONDS".
7: Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance To The Prophecy".
8 Dont use any punctuation
9: As often as possible, skip instead of walking.
10: Order diet water whenever you go out with a serious face.
11: Specify that your drive-thru order is "TO GO".
12: Sing along at the opera.
13: Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14: Put mosquito netting around your work area (or room) and play tropical sounds all day.
15: 5 days in advance, tell your friend that you can't go to their party 'cause you don't 'feel like it'.
16: Have friends or coworkers address you by your wrestling name "Rock Bottom".
17: When the cash comes out of the ATM yell, "I WON! I WON!"
18: When exiting the zoo, start running toward the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives! They're loose!"
19: Tell your children (or younger sibling) that "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
20: Skip home while singing "Friday" at the top of your voice on every day except Friday.
21: Pole dance on a stop sign while screaming.
22: Go out to the middle of the road and start doing the Hokey Pokey.
23: Sneak up behind your friend, put a hand on the top of their head, and slice your hand across their neck while whispering "ninja".
24: Take pictures of every sign you see.
25: Yell out random things to others walkng home.
16: Yell out "HIPPO JUICE!"
27: Give a BJ to a stick in front of a police officer. (huh?) (ohhhh... blow job) (ew)
28: Pick up every leaf you see and rub it on your face.
29: Sit in front of a random person's door and hum the Mission Impossible theme song.
30: Go up to a random person and say "Luke I am your father." And if it turns out their name really is Luke, burst out laughing and then say (with a straight face), "But wait you don't look anything like the son of Hermes..."
31: And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity is... Copy this and put it on your profile
99 Fun Things to do at WalMart
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing football; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
6. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
7. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "Sex and candy".
8. Tune all the radios to a polka station, turn them all off and turn up all the volumes to the max.
9. Play with the automatic doors.
10. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
11. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this shit, anyway?"
12. Repeat #11 in the jewelry department.
13. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
14. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
15. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
16. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
17. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
18. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come, Robin- to the Batcave!"
19. TP as much of the store as possible.
20. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
21. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hell" upside down.
22. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
23. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
24. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
25. Take bets on the battle described above.
26. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!)
27. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.
28. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
29. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
30. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
31. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
32. Two words: Marco Polo.
33. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,etc.
34. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
35. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
36. Go to an empty checkout stand and pretend to check people out.
37. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."
38. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
39. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
40. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially in narrow aisles.
41. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
42. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
43. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
44. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
45. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
46. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
47. Get an empty book, and say it's a guest book. Get people to sign.
48. Play a game of indoor freeze tag.
49. Run around screaming, "The British are coming!"
50. Have a team race with your friends- one person sits in the cart, the other pushes.
51. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices.
52. Fill your cart up as much as possible, and then try to use the express lane.
53. Use a bullhorn and occasionally say that there is free candy in aisle X (aisle X being the condom aisle)
54. Run into a pyramid of cans, heroically saying "I'm gonna save us from that bomb!"
55. Use a conveyer belt as a treadmill and lose some weight.
56. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over.
57. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section.
58. Tell someone that you will sue for false advertising, since they do not sell walls.
59. If people aren't looking at their cart, steal it.
60. Repeatedly say "The clowns are not eating me."
61. Rearrange items as you see fit.
62. Take a full set of guy's clothes and a full set of gal's clothes, then leave them lying somewhere.
63. Put pokemon stuff in a cart that is full of stuff like KORN and Limp Bizkit CDs.
64. Grab stickers that say "radioactive" and put them randomly on food items.
65. Follow someone until they notice.
66. Pull out pins, like that guy from the 7-Up commercial.
67. Sing 'Girlfriend' very loudly, particularly in front of old people. Emphasise all swear words and watch the looks on their faces.
68. Loiter. When asked to leave, tell them you live here.
69. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
70. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3 in Housewares"... and see what happens.
71. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
72. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
73. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
74. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
75. Look right into the security camera and pick your nose.
76. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. (This one is actually kind of disturbing.)
77. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look".
78. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
79. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
80. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
81. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting, "Go, Pikachu, Go!"
82. Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly when they take one.
83. Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask people where you can find the CDs.
84. Start a fish-stick fight.
85. Jump in a cart and have a friend push you while you scream "The Germans are coming!"
86. Attempt to fly off a high shelf.
87. Run up to an employee and ask "Do you like me?" If they say no, yell out "You broke my heart, you evil monster! I'm telling the manager!" and start throwing canned tomatoes at them. If they say yes just to get you away, pat their shoulder, and say, "What a shame because that girl over there"-point to a random person-"was just about to ask you to dinner."
88. Throw confetti on random people walking into the store.
89. Whisper "I know your 'little' secret" to people in the checkout lines.
90. Stand inside the freezer in the frozen food section.
91. Walk up to employees and whisper "I saw dead people... they want me to take you away...to aisle eight..."
92. Ask the clerk to make a page that says, "If there is an Edward in the store, Bella is looking for you at the main info desk." (This works best if you love Twilight, and DON'T try with Maximum Ride)
93. See how many cans of frosting you can open and thoroughly lick without getting caught.
94. Go to a person with a shopping cart full of merchandise and demand a ride in the basket.
95. Practice your juggling with a few Grade-A eggs.
96. Squeeze the cream-filled doughnuts.
97. Walk into the baby clothes section, pick up a pink baby dress, then throw it down and run away screaming that the pink bunnies of doom came back.
98. Bow to the display of TVs in the electronics section.
99. See if you can move the bottom can from the gigantic canned beet pyramid.
13 ways to tell you definitely live in 2014
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years.
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just getting up and pushing the button on the TV.
6.) Your boss doesn't even know that you have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you keep reading this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all of your friends.
9.) You were too busy to notice #5 and #3.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5 and 3.
11.) Now you’re laughing at your stupidity.
12.) Now you’re thinking "I have to put this in my profile!"
13.) You put this in your profile because you fell for it and you know you did.
13 ways to tell if you're a Midnighters fan:
1. You're obsessed with the number 13
2. You wear sunglasses all the time
3. You want to dye your hair black
4. You suddenly start wearing black clothes even though you used to hate it
5. You collect tridecalogisms
6. Every night, you stay awake til midnight, hoping the blue time will come
7. You become obsessed with the song "Stand in the Rain" because it reminds you of Jessica's second time in the blue time
8. You can name every tridecalogisms used for a weapon in the entire series
9. You keep a flashlight within arm's reach every night just in case.
10. You hook 39 paper clips together and almost kill yourself hanging them above your window.
11. You have thumbtacks stuck in your door and window frames.
12. You avoid the number 12 as much as possible.
And the Number One way to tell if you're a Midnighters fan is...
13. On your bucket list, you put, "Visit Bixby, Oklahoma."
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A BOOK ADDICT IF...
1. You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on.
2. You read until 4 A.M., then get back up at 7 to continue reading.
3. You write fanfictions about the book.
4. You try to get all of your friends (and everyone else in the entire world) to read it.
5. You accidentally call everyone by the character's names. (I did that. Oops.)
6. Everything reminds you of the book.
7. You quote random lines all the time.
8. You've gotten incredibly bored in class, and debated on doing something your favorite character can do to escape the class
9. You've got a book memorized. (Currently working on memorizing Diane Duane's short story "Uptown Local")
10. You've read a book more than five times.
11. You've read a book with 400 pages in less than two days. (Uh... I read a book with 1,000 pages in under 24 hours...)
12. You've found yourself trying to impersonate a character.
13. Your idol is a character from a book.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...
You talk to yourself a lot. (A lot meaning all the time...)
You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask myself random things?')
When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')
After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow, this stuff is great for sugar highs...'
You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)
You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.
You tend to collect Bic Stics (or in my case, pencils) off the ground like pennies.
No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.
You think you have carpal tunnel syndrome.
People think you have ADHD.
You think it'd be cool to have ADHD.
You start talking in third person, present tense, or past tense.
You occasionally talk like a Shakespearean actor.
You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason
Your friends stopped looking at you funny when you laugh for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.
And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.
You Know You’re Obsessed With Percy Jackson When…
You go to the Empire State Building and ask for the 600th Floor.
There’s a thunderstorm going on and you scream, “CALM DOWN, ZEUS!”
When you see Harry Potter, you think of Percy with glasses.
When you see an owl, you go, “Hi Athena!”
Bring a blue plastic hairbrush with you everywhere.
Anytime you see an orange shirt, you look at the front of it to see if it's a Camp shirt.
You are a PJO character for Halloween.
Recite lines randomly from the books.
When you see/hear about anything myhtology-related, you talk about how it was in PJO (what page, book, etc.) and what happened to it.
You have dreams about PJO characters/events.
You carry a ballpoint pen in your pocket.
Every time you pick up a pen, you think it'll turn into a sword.
At the beginning of your first History class, you burst out, "Will we be studying Greek mythology?!"
When someone mentions the name Percy (like Percy Weasley) you (mentally) scream "JACKSON!"
You are known to scream names of the characters at random times.
You've got a copy of one of the books at all times in case of emergency.
You pray to Athena when you don’t study for a math test. And when you flunk said test, you blame her irritation on Percabeth.
When you steal your friend's pen you believe it's justified because your dad is the god of thieves, and you thought it was Riptide and had to check to make sure Percy was still alive.
You write PJO fanfiction constantly, even when you're not at your computer.
You want Hephaestus to fix your iPod when it breaks.
You give all your friends godly parents.
You spend time doing pointless research, just because Rick Riordan linked it on his site.
You want Kronos buried under Witchita, Kansas, in a safe deposit toothpick box. No one will ever look there, and hopefully he'll be too tiny to bother the locals.
You imagine random unwritten PJO moments during class and laugh. When one brave soul unaware of your obsession broaches the question of why you were laughing, you try to explain.
You go on YouTube and look at PJO themes for characters.
You crack up if anyone mentions the word Canada or Canadians.
Nearly two years later, you still imagine the aftermath of the Percabeth reunion, and it's become your default 'quiet time' mental zone.
You know exactly what someone means when they say LT, SoM, TC, BotL, TLT, SoN, TLH, MoA, and PJO and use it in conversations.
You find yourself saying things like "Oh my gods!" and "What the Hades?"
You know which pages the good parts are on.
You start hearing Percabeth in every song you hear.
You start figuring out who your godly parent is. (Apollo or Athena)
You never looked at a ballpoint pen the same way again.
You ask the cashier at the store if they stock Mythomagic cards.
You start doing pro/con lists in your head. During Math. When you’re supposed to be taking notes.
When the three-month countdown starts, you check every fansite you know of every day for new information.
You try to figure out how much food dye you need to turn chocolate chip cookies blue. (Four drops for every three cookies)
You make references to it in school reports and/or to friends that haven’t read it.
You know PJO better then most sane people.
You're trying to learn Greek.
You just have to research more about Greek mythology.
You want to learn Latin.
You call yourself a demigod.
You wish with every fibre of your being that the first page of The Lightning Thief told the truth, and the PJO series is real.
You’re nodding and smiling when you read this.
You are planning on adding a lot more things to this list.
You copy/paste this onto your profile.
MURPHY'S LESSER-KNOWN LAWS:
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates".
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you've got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - So what's the speed of dark?
12 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
13 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
14 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
15 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
17 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
18 - I intend to live forever... so far, so good.
19 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
20 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
21 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
22 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
23 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
24 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
25 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
26- If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
Please do not annoy the writer. She may put you in a book and kill you.
Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is humans way of saying you can't fire me, I quit.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
If you always stop to smell the roses sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.
If Tylenol, duct tape, and a Band-Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who make it happen, those who watch it happen, and those who don't know what the hell is happening.
Today is a beautiful day. Now watch some idiot screw it up.
Today I was in the library and I got bored, so I picked up the Bible and started reading it. Some random guy walked up to me, pointed to the book and said, "The main character dies..." Then he walked away.
Basic Definitions of Science: If it crawls, it's biology. If it smells, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.
When life gives you lemons make grape juice and let the world wonder how the hell you did it.
I AM NOT CRAZY! My reality is just different than yours.
When life gives you lemons squeeze them in somebody's eyes and RUN!
"Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!"
"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."
I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.
Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking.
There are plenty more fish in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish?
Some people are like a slinky. They have absolutely no use, but you can't help smile when you see one fall down the stairs.
"I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it."-Jack Hadney
"We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough religion to make us love one another."-Jonathan Swift
I'm a little teapot short and stout; here is my handle, here is my... other handle? Shit. Now I'm a sugar bowl.
"You don't raise kids, you civilize 'em."-My Mother (Note: If you are not KJtheELMtree, please attribute to KJtheELMtree's mother.)
If the dark side has cookies and the light side has chocolate, does the middle have chocolate cookies? Go Middle!
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
Normal people are weird.
You're only crazy if you're crazier than I am.
Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them.
If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
I ran with scissors… and lived!
One way to figure out how things work- push all the buttons!
The problem with democracy is that some people are stupid, but the problem with dictatorships is that all dictators are stupid.
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
I didn't trip. I was just testing gravity... It still works.
Secret Admirer? More like a stalker with stationary.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Nobody's going to win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
Sarcasm is my automatic response to stupidity.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
Life isn’t passing me by, it’s trying to run me over.
Heaven doesn’t want me, and Hell’s afraid I’ll take over.
Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
Never take life too seriously, no one comes out alive anyway.
Your multiple personalities are freaking out my imaginary friend!
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
Fang: "Boy, you just can't kill people like you used to."
Iggy: "I'll grab a zebra; Gaz, you fill all the bubbles with your trademark scent, so people are choking and gagging; and let's throw beef jerky in their eyes! Now, that's a plan!
Gazzy: "I vill now destroy de Snickuhs bahs!"
ter Borcht: "Is dere anysing special about you? Anysing vorth saving?" Fang: "Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica."
Max: "No, you're visible." Iggy: "Am not!" Max: (throws a pinecone at him) "Could I do that if I wouldn't see you?"
Iggy: "Quit throwing things at me!" Max: "Glad you could join us."
Dr. Martinez: "She's cooking." Nudge: "Cooking... food?" (murmurs of someone ordering a pizza)
Fang: "I know everything, as I continue to remind you."
Fang: "Yes! Freaks RULE!"
Max: "Iggy, this is not a democracy, it's a Maxocrocy."
Iggy: “Max? Can I come in?” Max: “No – I’m in a towel.” Iggy: “I’m blind.”
Ter Borcht: “It is time to eliminate you. You haf failed all de tests. You are not useful.” Max: “No, but we’re dang cute.”
Nudge: “No. I looked for you too. Were you behind the tree?” Fang: “I was right here!” Iggy: “I didn’t see you either, man.”
Max: “Did you leave the flamethrowers lying around again?” Fang: “I always forget.”
Max: "I love Nudge, Nudge is a great kid, but that motor mouth of hers could have turned Mother Teresa into an ax murderer."
Max: "We look identical. She even had identical scars and scratches. She was wearing my clothes. How could you tell us apart?" Fang: "She offered to cook breakfast."
Max: "Mad crazy, not mad angry, though a lot of them do seem to have anger management issues, especially around me"
Iggy: "About my mixer..." Gazzy: "It was all I could find!" Max: "You mixed someone to death?" Gazzy: "I adapted to the circumstances!"
Iggy: "Oh, yeah? Who you gonna call?" Quiet, unidentified voice: "Ghostbusters!" John Abate: "That line is ruined forever."
Gazzy: "I feel like I can fly, like, to the space station!" Fang: "No more caffeine for you, buddy."
Dess: "Jess, tell Jonathan to stop making sense."
Dess: "Yeah, well, your day got canceled."
Jessica: "I mean- What's going on? What are you talking about? And what are you doing in my dream?" Rex: "Sorry, I should have told you: this isn't a dream."
Dess: "Jesus, Flyboy, it's a good thing you're not a real burglar!" Jonathan: "Never said I was!"
Jason: "You named him Festus? You know in Latin, 'festus' means 'happy'? You want us to ride off to save the world on Happy the Dragon?"
Percy: "You are not going to die while I owe you a favor."
Nico: "With great power... comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later."
Percy: "Don't I get a kiss for luck? It's kind of a tradition, right?" Annabeth: "Come back alive, Seaweed Brain. Then we'll see."
"Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can." Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?" Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?" "Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries." Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom." I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. "I do not understand." "I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said. "And..." Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam t-shirt."
Tyson clapped happily. "Yay!" he said. "Now we can eat peanut butter sandwiches and ride fish ponies! We can fight monsters and see Annabeth and make things go BOOM!" I hoped he didn't mean all at the same time.
Percy: "You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush.”
Percy: “Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die.”
“God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!"
“Can’t this thing go any faster?” Thalia demanded. Zoe glared at her. “I cannot control traffic.” "You both sound like my mother,” I said. "Shut up!” they both said in unison.
Grover: "Well, Percy, what have we learned today?" Percy: "That three-headed dogs prefer red rubber balls over sticks?"
Hermes: “You weren't able to talk sense into him?" Percy: "Well, we kind of tried to kill each other in a duel to the death." Hermes: "I see. You tried the diplomatic approach.”
Dionysus: "Unless you can stop them, the world will fall, the gods will die, and I will never achieve a perfect score on this stupid machine.”
Christmas in the Underworld was NOT my idea. If I'd known what was coming, I would've called in sick. I could've avoided an army of demons, a fight with a Titan, and a trick that almost got my friends and me cast into eternal darkness. But no, I had to take my stupid English exam.
What I did next was so impulsive and dangerous I should've been named ADHD poster child of the year.
"Do you have anything to declare?" "Yes," Percy said. "I declare that this is stupid.”
Sugar and caffeine. My willpower crumbled.
"Excuse me," I broke in. "But if you're going to kill me, could you just get on with it?”
Great, I thought. We just blowtorched a national monument.
“Your uncle," Poseidon sighed, "has always had a flair for dramatic exits. I think he would've done well as the god of theater.”
I went past another telkhine, who was so startled he dropped his Lil' Demons lunch box. I left him alive - partly because he had a cool lunch box.
Dionysus: “I will deny I ever said this, of course, but the gods need heroes. They always have. Otherwise we would not keep you annoying little brats around." Percy: "I feel so wanted. Thanks.”
Calling me STUPID won't make you SMART,
Calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG,
Calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY,
Calling me POOR won't make you RICH,
Calling me FAT won't make you THIN,
Calling me FRIENDLESS won't make you POPULAR,
Calling me CRAZY won't make you SANE,
So why bother?
A stranger stabs you in the front. A friend stabs you in the back. A boyfriend stabs you in the heart. Best friends only poke each other with straws.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism
Darth Vader- Come to the Dark Side! We have COOKIES! Luke Skywalker- Nah, the rebels have cake. Darth Vader- Ooh! Can I be a rebel, please?!
For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb war with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you don’t say a thing about yourself in your fanfiction bio but instead yell random things that make you laugh. Crazy is when you start getting antisocial because you want to read instead of hanging out with your friends. Crazy is when you are taking a math test and go over on your scrap sheet of paper to work out the problem, and start drawing spirals until the teacher goes "Five minutes left!" Crazy is when you dream of being Max at night and Fang admits he is absolutely in love with you! Crazy is when you read fanfiction or update your profile instead of whatever you're supposed to be doing. Crazy is when you know the difference between "poke" and "pwonk". Crazy is when you laugh so hard you snort and the other people don't even look up. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!
I'm not sure where to put this stuff.
This is who I am.
I'm that girl who cries without anyone seeing it.
I'm that girl who hurts herself without anyone knowing it.
I'm that girl who is smiles but is hurting inside.
I'm that girl who guides but doesn't know what's right.
I'm that girl who shines but doesn't glow in the dark.
I'm that girl who's kind but never feels the mark.
I'm that girl who'd fight for someone else's rights.
But I'm also that girl who can't sleep at night.
Outside I'm pretty, I'm glowing, I'm strong.
But inside, I'm hurting, knowing I don't belong.
I think of that weight that just hangs above me,
Dropping onto my shoulders ever so slowly.
I don't fight it, I don't struggle,
I just hold it up.
The force on my shoulders,
I'm begging it to stop.
But I just hold it together,
And keep the smile on my face.
Just hoping that one day,
Someone will take my place.