Author has written 5 stories for Shake It Up!, Teen Wolf, Gilmore Girls, Sons of Anarchy, and Twilight.
I live with my mom, sister and brother in Cleveland Ohio.
When I'm older I want to be a costume designer. I'll have to get over the fact that I'll never do the designs for the Hunger Games Trilogy, but I'd love to be as talented as Trish Summerville who is my new role model.
When things don't go right go left.
If you fail destroy all evidence that you tried.
He who laughs last is the slowest.
Just give the friggin' rabbit the Trix already!
Dear Math, I am not a therapist, solve your own problems!
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself...and spiders.
Dear Algebra, stop asking me to find your x, she's not coming back.
Come to the nerd side, we have pi.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, sit back and let them wonder how you did it.
If you cant be a good example be a warning.
Real men don't sparkle, real men defeat dark wizards.
When life gives you lemons burn life's house down, you wanted a iPod.
If it weren't for Law enforcement and physics I'd be unstoppable!
Rose are red, violets are blue, I hate rhyming...zebra.
Warning! If zombie chase us I'm tripping you!
6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy.
I LOVE GLEE!
Don't beat around the bush, you'll just squash the berries.
When it rains on my parade, I bust out my slip n’ slide.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then you’re a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
In a world full of cheerios, be a fruit loop.
I’m not saying you’re stupid I’m just implying it.
I’m bored…run for your sanity.
Never do anything you don’t want to explain to the cops or paramedics.
I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road without their motives being questioned.
When life hands you lemons, throw something harder back.
That which does not kill me…should run. FAST.
Never knock on Death’s door. Ring the doorbell and run. He HATES that.
I hear voices in my head. But that’s alright. Most of them are pretty nice.
The world is full of crazy people. They made me their leader.
It’s you and me against the world. We attack at dawn.
Give a person a fish and feed them for a day, teach ‘em how to use the internet and they won’t bother you for weeks!
Some people are only alive because it’s illegal to kill them.
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Never argue with an idiot. They’ll just drag you down and beat you with experience.
I'm 10% sugar, 10% spice, 80% bitch so you better be nice.
Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend.
I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.
Some see the glass half empty, some see it half full. Me? I just want to know who’s been drinking my soda!
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup!
You think I’m a loser. But I’m the most awesome loser you've ever met!
If you have an open mind why don’t your brains fall out?
Of course I’m out of mind! It’s dark and scary in there!
If I’m out of my right mind, my left one is gonna be pretty crowded.
If aliens are looking for INTELLIGENT life why are you worried?
I’m an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight.
If at first you don’t succeed- skydiving isn't for you.
Whoever said nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door.
The person who smiles when something goes wrong has found someone to blame it on.
Normal people scare me….but not as much as I scare them.
Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!
If two wrongs do not make a right, try three.
There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it is usually an oncoming train.
Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you keep talking.
Why be difficult when with a little effort you can be impossible?
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
Everyone has a wild side; I just prefer to make mine public.
Pssshhh. Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.
I used to have super powers but my therapist took them away.
Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you’re up to.
Always take the time to smell the roses but remember sooner or later you’re gonna inhale a bee.
I believe no problem is so large or difficult that it can’t be blamed on someone else.
I never repeat myself, so pay close attention the first time, because I never repeat myself.
I’d explain it to you but your brain would explode.
When all else fails bring out the duct tape.
Don’t tell me the sky’s the limit when there are footprints on the moon!
I’m not so good with advice. May I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
I don’t lie. I create fiction with my mouth.
We’re best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge….I’ll pick out the funereal arrangements.
The world is out to get me. Hide me in your closet and don’t let it find me.
There’s nothing better than a good friend except a good friend with chocolate!
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones.
If annoyed further, I shall spork your eyes out.
I am who I am. I do not seek your approval.
Between two evils, I always try to pick the one I've never tried.
The more I think about it, the more I’m sure I've lost my mind. But crazy people don’t know they’re crazy so I guess I’m okay. But thinking I’m okay because I think I’m crazy is saying I don’t think I’m crazy so I may be crazy.
Who cares about hugs? I’m going to tackle you when I see you!
Life is like a corn dog. I just haven’t figured out why yet.
When life gives you lemons, squirt it in life’s eye and see how much life likes lemons then.
Don’t walk in my footsteps. I tend to walk into walls or off the occasional cliff.
Some people are like lava lamps. Fun to look at but not very bright.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
When life hands you Edward Cullen throw him back and yell...
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Bad Pick-up Lines & Good Come-backs
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Man: Is this seat empty?
Man: Your place or mine?
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and I together
Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Jordin Sparks got a TATTOO when Taylor Swift had a LOVE STORY. Then, Beyonce said to LISTEN because Bruno Mars had a GRENADE which he threw to Katy Perry who lit up like a FIREWORK. After that Jordin Sparks said, "This is going to start up like a BATTLEFIELD." After that Rihanna said to TAKE A BOW because of the performance.
WHAT TO DO IN AN EXAM YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL ANYWAYS:
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)
15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.
32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."
35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. Strike a pose first for added effect.
36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam.
38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby.
39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.
41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it.
42. Dress like the professor.
44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.
45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras.