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Joined 02-28-12, id: 3769931, Profile Updated: 07-05-12
Author has written 1 story for Maximum Ride.


If you are tired of seeing that your fav fics being deleted then sign this petition! (Copy the link)

Hey, I'm Alli, A.K.A. YouHaveToTakeAChance.

Hmmm, about me well here:

I'm a girl

I'm a teenager

I have blond/brown hair with NATURAL highlights.

I love to read(duh)

Realtion ship status: Single... he broke up with me for a stupid reason and says he still likes me... Too late now.

Don't call me depressed, see me as quiet.
Don't say I read to much, see me reading to little.
Don't say I talk to myself, see me talking about a world where magic can create the unimaginable

Favorite songs- All about us by he is we ft. Owl City, Lithium by Evanescence, I wouldn't mind by he is we, kiss it all better by he is we, A Thousand Years by Christina Perry, Crushcrushcrush by paramore, Smile by Avril Lavigne.

Favorite bands- He is we, Owl city, Evanescence, paramore, Avril Lavigne, Paramore, Taylor Swift, the ready set

FAVORITE BOOKS- Hush Hush saga, The Mortal Instruments, Maximum Ride, Lost in the river of grass. Grey eyes trilogy, Hunger Games

Random copy and paist stuff

Research shows that 92 of today's population have moved on to rap. If you are one of the 8 that stayed with rock, metal, pop, country, or alternative, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

If you are crazy and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile.

93 percent of teenagers would have an emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you are part of the 7 percent that would say "What was your first clue?” copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever walked into a wall, copy this onto your profile

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I get a paddle boat and save your sorry butt.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that stuff up in two seconds. That's why when I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you"

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever wanted to just SLAP someone, copy this into your profile.

95% of the teenage population would be in a crisis if Miley Cyrus, Justin Beiber, the Jonas Brothers, and Selena Gomez were on top of a 5 story building. Copy and paste this into your profile if you're one of the 5% that would be screaming into a bullhorn, "JUMP, @#!*% , JUMP!!!

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism

REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join add this list to your profile)

1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too)

2. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body!

3. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me, people: MWAHAHAHAHA

4. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guys!

5. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life!

6. Money, Money, Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys?


Let's eat Grandma.


Let's eat, Grandma.




93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, hugs.4.all.the.emo.boyz, WritingRocks6, Bubble Blower, panache2005, .Dr1v3n t0 1n5aN1Ty., Serenity.Jones, crystalshake, KOIZUMI MICHIYO, Rain C. frosty, Pikana, Queen Authoress 'Starcy' Hand, Royal Crown, celestialstatrynight MockingJayBirds

Copy and paste this on your profile if you've wondered why something wasn't working until you realized that it wasn't plugged in. (ya that is oh so common for me)

If you have ever yelled at an inanimate object copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If Joe Jonas was about to jump off the Eiffel Tower 95% of all the girls in the world would die. Would you be one of the 5% with popcorn yelling "Do a flip!"?

97% of teens would cry if they saw Robert Patterson (Edward Cullen from Twilight) standing on top of a sky scraper, about to jump. If you're one of the 3% who would sit there eating pop corn screaming "DON'T FORGET THE FLIP!" then copy and paste this to your profile

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you would kill to have wings, post this in your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile.

For me, crazy is a VERY LOOSE term. Crazy is when your off in your own little world, and you start to think of something funny that could happen and start laughing, and the people around you turn around and stare at you because you're laughing for no reason. Crazy is also when you start dancing while walking down to your next class to a song you have stuck in your head.Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. If you're crazy like me, copy this to your profile

If you are a MOVIE QUOTER, which means you go around quoting movies for fun, copy and paste this into your profile

EMBRACE THE WEIRDNESS! If you embrace the weirdness, then copy and paste this onto your profile

Too many teenagers have smoked or tried Marijuana, if you haven't, put this in your profile

If you want to see the world someday, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.

If several inanimate objects hate you post this on profile.

If you think that those stupid kids should just give that Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you think the Cocoa Puff Turkey Bird thing shoud go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, which I am, but I'm also random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach, The O.C., or The Hills, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. (what are these?)

90% of teens today would die if Myspace/Facebook had a system failure and was completely destroyed...If you are one of the 10% that would be laughing, copy and paste this to your Profile. (if fanfiction failed... thats another story)

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.

Two more eyes that will never see.

Two more hands that will never touch.

Two more legs that will never run.

One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion and if you almost cried post this in your profile.

Random saying things

Never do anything you don't want to explain to the paramedics.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.

If you can stay calm when everything around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

Kid, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?"

Whoever said "anything is possible" never tried to slam a revolving door.

Whoever said "words don't hurt" have obviously never had a hard-backed encyclopedia hurled at their head.

Parents spend the first half of your life teaching you to walk and talk, and the other half telling you to sit down and shut up.

Flying is very simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

PMS - Possible Murder Suspect

As I lay in bed looking at the twinkling stars above me, I think, "Where the hell is my ceiling?"

I didn't lose my mind. I sold it on Ebay.

There are easier things to do in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jelly to a tree, for instance.

A wise man once said, "I don't know, go ask a woman."

I'm not so good with advice. May I offer a sarcastic comment?

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you are all the same.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh harder.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

If aliens are looking for intelligent life? WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SCARED?!

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of a fast approaching train.

Taste the rainbow - Eat CRAYONS!

People say I've lost my sanity, but I can't lose what I never had.

The voices in my head may not be real but they still have pretty good ideas...

You're just jealous 'cause the voices talk to me not you

Nine out of the ten voices in my head agree that I'm insane. The tenth is off chasing cars.

The voices in my head don’t like you.

Love bites and so do I

If you think I'm crazy you should meet my mother

Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner! Person #2: Too bad the world is round!

Growing old is mandatory . . . growing up is optional . . .

We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But we teenage girls are good at 2 things: Staying Strong, and Being Ourselves.

When nothing goes right... go left.

I'm not random, you just can't think as fast as me.

You cant spell 'BEAUTIFUL' without 'BE U'

Be the type of woman, that when your feet land on the floor when you get out of bed in the morning, the devil thinks: "Oh, crap! She's up!"

Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid

Anyone: Go to hell! You: I did. But Hell was full, so I came back

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Don't hit kids. No, seriously, they have guns now.

WARNING: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice? That's a really good question... I wonder...

Please: Don't throw your cigarette butt's on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer.

Really Dumb Store labels:

On a Myer hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Chips: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how??)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down". (Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating". (And you thought...??)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". (Just shows how stupid some people are. The company has to put that there to stop lawsuits)

On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions: "Put on fork and eat." (No! Really? We eat food?!)

On a Korean kitchen knife: "Warning: keep out of children." (hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation)

On T-Rat (Military food): "It's not for Human Consumption, Animals and Military Use only." (guess that proves the use of androids in the military)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts." (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a Japanese soft dink: "For even more delicous this drink, chill before drinking. (Ummmmmmm...)

On a motorized scooter box: "Warning: This vehicle moves." (I think it's called a MOTORIZED SCOOTER for a reason.)

Komatsu Floodlight "This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark" (Why did I buy it again?)

Earplugs "These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe." (Are you sure? Lets experiment.)

RCA television remote control "Not dishwasher safe." (Really? Great! That's the last time I try cleaning it!)

Road sign "Caution: water on road during rain." (Gasp!)

Dog food "new and improved tasting" (who tests it?)

Hair coloring "Do not use as an ice cream topping." (Okay, who's the idiot who tried that?)

Liquid plummer "Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages." (ohhh beverages big word)

Arm and hammer scoopable cat litter "safe to use around pets" (Are you sure?)

pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress'? Congress? Thought so.

teens know why some animals eat their young.

10 Ways to creep out your roommate:

1) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, ''He just didn't belong.''

2) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.

3) Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, ''The hair, it's growing. Growing!''

4) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, ''Soon, soon...''

5) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

6) Tell your roommate, ''I've got an important message for you.'' Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, ''Oh, yeah, I remember!'' Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

7) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

8) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, ''Hey, where the heck is my sandwich!?'' Complain loudly that you are hungry.

9) Every time your roommate walks in yell, ''Hooray! You're back!'' as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, ''Shouldn't you be going somewhere?''

10) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, ''No, I want to watch them suffer.

Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow

a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When i get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell ?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him?" (I laughed so hard when i read this)

There's a 13 year old girl, and she wished that her dad would come home from the army, because he'd been having problems with his heart and right leg. It was 2:53 p.m . When she made her wish. At 3:07 p.m. (14 minutes later), the doorbell rang, and there her Dad was, luggage and all!!

I'm Katie and I'm 20 and I've been having trouble in my job and on the verge of quitting. I made a simple wish that my boss would get a new job. That was at 1:35 and at 2:55 there was an announcement that he was promoted and was leaving for another city. Believe me...this really works!

My name is Ann and I am 45 years of age. I had always been single and had been hoping to get into a nice, loving relationship for many years. While kind of daydreaming (and right after receiving this email) I wished that a quality person would finally come into my life. That was at 9:10 AM on a Tuesday. At 9:55 AM a FedEx delivery man came into my office.He was cute, polite and could not stop smiling at me. He started coming back almost everyday (even without packages) and asked me out a week later. We married 6 months later and now have been happily married for 2 years.

What a great email it was!!

Just scroll down to the end, but while you do, think of a wish. Make your wish when you have completed scrolling. Whatever age you are, is the number of minutes it will take for your wish to come true. are 25 years old, it will take 25 minutes for your wish to come true).

Go for it!



Congratulations! Your wish will now come true in your age minutes.

Now follow this can be very rewarding!

If you repost this within the next 5 min. something major that you've been wanting will happen.

This is scary!

The phone will ring right after you repost!

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

Got a problem with me? Solve it


When life gives you lemons, make apple juice and let the world wonder how you did it.

The voices in my head may not be real but they still have pretty good ideas...

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n’ slide.

The cops never find it as funny as you do.

I am NOT saying your stupid...I'm just implying it.

I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive


1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. " There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me. "

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you".

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM

ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER

DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE

THE MORSE CODE : When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME

ELECTION - RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE


who would move the hair away from my eyes and then kiss me,

hold my handin line at the mall and make all the girls jealous.

Someone who would sing showtunes to me at random moments.

Who would let me sleep on his chest.

A BOY who would get mad at someone if they called me UGLY or were mean to me.

I want someone who would call me 3 times a day if he went away.

He would always admit that I'm right

Someone who would let me gossip to him

and just smile and agree with everything I said.

Someone who would make fun of me just to make me laugh.

He would take me to the park and put his hands around my waist and give me big bearhugs all the time.

He would tell all his friends about me and SMILE when he did.

He would never be afraid to say "I love you" in front of his friends,

and we'd argue about silly things and then make up.

I want a boy who would kiss me at midnight on New Years

and COUNT STARS with me.

Who would put his arm around me the minute we sat down next to each other.

Who would stay home with me on a Friday night, just to help me make dinner and watch movies together under the same blanket.

He wouldn't be afraid to KISS ME, no matter where we are.

Someone who would tell me I'm beauiful but not too often,

who would make me laugh like NO ONE else could.

A guy who would QUOTE SHAKESPEARE just to tell me that I'm BEAUTIFUL in HIS eyes

Recite lines from THE PRINCESS BRIDE, then kiss me.

But mostly, I want someone who would be my best friend and would never BREAK MY HEART

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. (why wait that long)

2) Thou shall not do drugs. (alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)

3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart. (Walmart has a bigger selection)

4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism. (destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)

5) Thou shall not steal from your parents. (everyone knows grandma has more money)

6) Thou shall not get into fights. (Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)

7) Thou shall not skip class. (just take the whole day off)

8) Thou shall not strip in class. (Hooters pays more)

9) Thou shall not think about having sex. (like Nike says, "just do it")

10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street. (just leave'm in the middle)

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Sugar is sweet, And so are you, But the roses are wilting, The violets are dead, The sugar bowl's empty, And so is your head.

Stupid friends- Boys are so insensitive, immature, dumb, unwanting of relationships and just plain dumb! Me- but...We're in the sixth grade...

Girly girl-Omg! My pants have dirt on them!! I HAVE TO CALL MY MOM!! Me- #ROLLS IN MUD You guys just don't get it.

Boys- You're wierd! Me- Coming from the people who fart and sneeze at the same time. Whatever.

Girly girl-Ew, whats with your face? Me-It's called a REAL smile, you should try it some time.


Girly girl-Oh, heeeeey Boy! winks me- Yo, man hows it going? Smiles

Girly girl- One hair sticks out Omg! Look how messy my hair is! Me- Leaves and grass stick out You still don't get it...

Girly girl- Of course I get out of bed looking this good! Me- I get out of bed and look like the boogie monster.

girly Girl- sleeps perfectly like sleeping beauty Me- snores loudly, kicks the sheet off, almost drowns in drool

Spoiled brat- But mom!! EVERYONE has an Iphone, and I don't! iT"S NOT FAIR!! Spoiled brats mom-no sweetie. Spoiled brat- I HATE YOU! YOU DONT LOVE MEEEEE!! crys

Me- Hey mom, can I get this book? Mom- no. Me- okay. do you see the differences here?

the good guys don't always win.-Idk

The good guys don't always win...JUST KIDDING!!-me

dad-look, fairytales ARE NOT REAL, got it? Me-Yeah, i get it... mumbles My pet Griffin would so eat you right now! dad- what? Me- Love you dad!

aunt- look, kitty is in a better place now, okay? Me- Nu uh, its in hole in the ground with worms eating him. Aunt- who took your soul?

Girly girl- ee-choo! Me- Ah...ah.. AHH-CHOOO!!

Sometimes I may forget to say I love you, but I never forget to feel it.

If I had a penny for every time I fell in love with someone as amazing as you, I would have exactly one cent.

Reasons why girls are amazing

1.We got off the Titanic first

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

16. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

17. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

18. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

19. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

20. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

21. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

22. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

23. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

24. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

25. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

26. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark

Girls Don't realize these things: (This is so sad and yet so sweet)

I'm sorry that I bought you roses to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry That I was raised with respect not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry That my body's not ripped enough to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry that I open your car door, and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry That I'm not cute enough to be "your guy"

I'm sorry That I am actually nice; not a jerk

I'm sorry I don't have a huge bank account to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry I like to spend quality nights at home cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry I would rather make love to you then just screw you like some random guy.

I'm sorry That I am always the one you need to talk to, but never good enough to date

I'm sorry That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car, but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere, but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry If you read this and know somebody like this but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry That I cared

I'm sorry that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with idiots who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word screaming in his head, "Why won't you give me a chance?" because the person you are usually searching for is right beside you.

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too" Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Idiots!

5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid 12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say "life is short." What the heck?? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, asshole?


Getting high meant swinging at a playground?
The worst thing you could get from a boy was cooties?
When Mom was your hero
and Dad was the boy you were gonna marry?
When your worst enemies were your siblings
and race issues were about who ran fastest?
When war was a card game
and life was simple and care free?
Remember when all you wanted to do


X You own a cell phone. (Don't most people in this day and age)

X You own something from Abercrombie.

X You own something from Pac sun.

X You own something from Hollister.

X You own something from American eagle.

X You love/like going to the mall. (Does the food court count)

X You own an iPod/MP3 player.

X You love Starbucks.

X you have been called a brat.

X You hate buying things that are on sale.

X You have more than one house. (My parents are divorced...)

Total: 8


X Black is one of your favourite colours

X You have thought about death.

X You wear chains.

X You like heavy metal.

X You’ve shopped at Hot Topic.

X You have worn black lipstick.

X Your hair was/is dark.

X You dislike preps.

x you’re an atheist/ Satanist/agnostic. (english please?)

Total: 5


X You can skateboard

x you’ve worn plaid.

X You like Converse.

X You hate MTV.

X You have/had blue, pink, red, purple, or green hair. - (streaks count)

x you dislike pink.

X You hate/dislike preps.

X you wear/wore skateboarding shoes.

Total: 7


X You love the computer.

X You like Harry Potter.

X You are supposed to wear glasses/contacts

X You love/like reading.

X You were/are in band.

X You don't care what you look like.

X You have a curfew.

X You always do your homework.

X You never miss school unless you're sick.

Total: 5


X You watch/watched the Super bowl. (For the comercials)

X You own track shoes or other sports related shoes.

X You collect your jerseys.

X You have a wall or shelf dedicated to your trophies / awards.

X You have posters or plaques of famous athletes.

X Your garage consists of sports equipment. (dance shoes/costumes)

X You belong/belonged to a school team.

X You are going/did go to a sports summer camp.

X You have a specific number.

Total: 5


X You like loud music.

X You love/loved the Ninja Turtles.

X You never walk anywhere.

X You wear slip-on shoes.

X You wear/wore Vans.

X You like the band Panic! At the disco.

X You wear band t-shirts.

X People have called you a freak and meant it.

X You love to "hardcore" dance.

X Hair has been died more than 1 colour

Total: 3


X You love hoodies.

X You love jeans.

X Dogs are better than cats.

X its hilarious when people get hurt.

X You've played with/against boys on a team.

X Shopping is torture.

X Sad movies suck.

X You own/Ed an X-Box.

X Played with Hot wheel cars as a kid.

X At some point in time you wanted to be a fire-fighter. (I am one.. Take that wanna bees... sorry...)

X You own/Ed a DS, PS or Sega.

X You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.

X You watch sports on TV.

XGory movies are cool.

X You go to your dad for advice. (I don't see my dad that often)

X You own like a trillion baseball caps.

X You like going to high school football games.

X You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.

X Baggy pants are cool to wear.

X It's kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people. (i don't HATE it but i don't LOVE it either...)

X Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favourite colors.

X You love to go crazy and not care what people think.

X Sports are fun. (depends on which sport)

X Talk with food in your mouth.

X Sleep with your socks on at night. (they keep my feet warm and toasty)

Total: 19


X You wear lip gloss/Chap stick.

X You love to shop.

X You wear eyeliner. (Black)

X You wear the color pink)

X Go to your mom for advice. (only for girl stuff though...)

X You consider cheerleading a sport. (what now prancing around in short skirts is a sport!?)

X You hate wearing the color black.

X You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.

X You like wearing jewellery.

X Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.

X Shopping is one of your favourite hobbies.

X You don't like the movie Star Wars.

X You were in gymnastics/dance

x It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.

X You smile a lot more than you should.

X You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.

X You care about what you look like. X You like wearing dresses when you can.

X You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.

X You love the movies. (It's better than being bored at my house)

X You used to play with dolls as little kid.

X Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.

X Like being the star of everything.

Total: 8

This is dedicated to all those awkward moments.

That awkward moment when you trip over. . . air.

That awkward moment when you realize that bacon is the main reason why you are not a vegetarian.

That awkward moment when your crush asks you who you like.

That awkward moment when someone shows up in your dream and you can barely look them in the eye the next day. (I don't like remembering that dream...)

That awkward moment when someone you're not very close with is crying and you awkwardly look around, not knowing what to do.

That awkward moment when you realize that you're more than a little obsessed with a book series about six flying kids and their flying, talking dog.

That awkward moment when you walk into the wrong classroom and everyone stares.

That awkward moment when you dance ballet on pointe and you scream bloody murder when one of your friends steps on your toes.

That awkward moment when you're talking to your friend about someone in the hallway, then realize the person is walking behind you.

That awkward moment when you're trying to walk pass the person who broke your heart with dignity, and crash into someone.

That awkward moment when you miss the bus and get to the bus stop, and turn around and walk home like an idiot.

That awkward moment when someone asks you for gum and you have gum but don't want to give it to them.

That awkward moment when no one understands what you're trying to say so you give up.

That awkward moment when you get shoved into the ballet barre by accident and think you broke your ribs.

That awkward moment when you and your friends attempt the coffee grinder and fall on your butts.

That awkward moment when you meow at a cat until they meow back.

That awkward moment when you wear skinny jeans because it was cold this morning, but like 100 degrees after school.

That awkward moment when you tap yourself in the face with a pen, not realizing you forgot to put the cap on.

That awkward moment when you see your teacher in public and try to hide.

That awkward moment when someone mixes up 'your' and 'you're' and you flip out.

That awkward moment when you glue fake nails onto your real nails over the weekend, and regret it when you realize you have flute lessons on Monday.

That awkward moment when you have to pee while watching your favorite show but can't tear yourself away.

That awkward moment when Matt Dillon was much hotter when he was younger.

That awkward moment when you see someone waving to you and wave back, only to realize they're waving at someone behind you.

That awkward moment when you have to sit next to a guy in health while watching a really sexual video.

That awkward moment when you accidentally over-spend on iTunes and only realize when your angry parents leave the bill on your bed.

That awkward moment when people are planning their future weddings, and you're busy planning the names of your future 72 cats.

That awkward moment when your friend asks you to go with them to the bathroom and it's silent and you awkwardly hear them pee.

That awkward moment when your dog follows you around the house for the sole purpose of chewing on your Snuggie as it drags behind you.

That awkward moment when you realized you put something on inside out after your friend points it out to you at the END of the day and you realize you've been looking stupid all day.

That awkward moment when you walk into the dressing room at Victoria's Secret and STRIP is plastered on the mirror in neon pink letters and suddenly you don't want to try it on anymore.

That awkward moment when you see an old lady checking out the thongs at Victoria's Secret.

That awkward moment when you ask everyone around you to borrow a pencil, and no one has one for you.

That awkward moment when you're watching a movie and a sexual scene comes on right when your parents walk in.

That awkward moment when everyone's New Year's resolution is to drop weight or something, and yours is to not miss a single episode of Pretty Little Liars this season.

That awkward moment when you see someone staring at you, and turn away, but when you look back five minutes later they're still staring.

That awkward moment when you realize that you've promised to room with five different people for the band trip to Hershey Park.

That awkward moment when you put your hair up and there's ONE tiny flaw but you're bent on utter perfection and do it over again.

That awkward moment when someone's telling you a story and you realize, halfway through, how little you care.

That awkward moment when you vent to someone about how mad you are at your friend then realize it was your friends' boyfriend and you know he is going to tell her then swear and your parent here you.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Summer Vacation Gone Wild by ThatHippieChick reviews
Clary, 16, is staying at her brother's house for the summer to babysit her nephew and nieces. Little did she expect to meet Jace, 21, one of her brother's roommates and friend from high school. Will what starts out as harmless flirting turn into something more? Rated M, to be safe. Possible Adult themes. Clace, Malec, and Simobelle.
Mortal Instruments - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 26 - Words: 58,500 - Reviews: 895 - Favs: 750 - Follows: 1,120 - Updated: 4/3/2015 - Published: 7/31/2012 - Clary F., Jace W.
Brooklyn by the Water at Night by SpeakNow1118 reviews
Clary is a twenty-something single mother with a bad past and no brilliant future. Jace is a college athlete, broken from indescretions and a terrible family. When they meeting at a Little League game, sparks will fly, tears will fall, secrets will be revealed, things will change; their lives will never be the same. AH/AU/OOC
Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 25 - Words: 92,540 - Reviews: 996 - Favs: 793 - Follows: 1,057 - Updated: 2/2/2015 - Published: 6/21/2011 - Clary F., Jace W.
The Nine Consequences of One Night and a Door by ddpjclaf reviews
The teenaged daughter and son of sworn rivals meet with a bang one drunken night against the bathroom door. Now everyone must come to terms with the 9 consequences of one night, a girl, a boy, and a door. OOC AH/AU Lemonade. Vulgar language. Mature.
Mortal Instruments - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 34 - Words: 340,066 - Reviews: 3718 - Favs: 2,597 - Follows: 2,318 - Updated: 2/11/2014 - Published: 11/15/2011 - Jace W., Clary F. - Complete
Impulses by Green-doves reviews
When Clary is hurt at Pandemonium, Jace makes her a promise. But she doesn't hear it. Will she ever find out? Will Jace go through with it? Or will he chicken out and give up the most important thing in his life? Please give it a go :
Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 54,650 - Reviews: 205 - Favs: 103 - Follows: 141 - Updated: 1/14/2014 - Published: 1/25/2012 - Jace W., Clary F.
The Kissing Dilemma by dayuuuumgirl reviews
Clary's life is far from perfect. She's the school bully's favorite victim, she threw up on the hottest guy on campus, and, on top of everything, her mom is dating her English teacher. So in comparison, a lead in a class play doesn't seem like the end of the world, does it? Not when the play is Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, and Romeo happens to be the very guy she threw up on!
Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 30 - Words: 50,812 - Reviews: 2191 - Favs: 1,505 - Follows: 1,069 - Updated: 8/22/2013 - Published: 8/10/2012 - Clary F., Jace W. - Complete
Along for the Ride by AnimeAddict200 reviews
Clary has always been overshadowed by her sister, Carrie. But as Carrie's wedding approaches, Clary meets Jace, the groom's brother, the first person who's ever noticed her. But when a dark family secret resurfaces, will Clary finally allow herself to fall in love? or will she allow Carrie to get what she wants as always? (COMPLETE)
Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 25 - Words: 29,030 - Reviews: 410 - Favs: 230 - Follows: 243 - Updated: 8/4/2013 - Published: 1/3/2013 - Clary F., Jace W. - Complete
Perfectly Imperfect by aberlasters reviews
Max's life is perfect. She has everything she could ask for; she is on her way to the throne and betrothed to a rich, handsome prince. However, soon she'll learn nothing can stay perfect forever. FULL SUMMARY INSIDE!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,999 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 3/11/2013 - Published: 9/23/2011
What Matters Most by Esperanza12 reviews
Max and Fang have been best friends since they were born. Now 15, life is going great, until a particular bruise leads to a diagnoses. Meanwhile, they begin to realize maybe they mean even more to each other than they thought- in a totally new way. Human. T.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 46,279 - Reviews: 444 - Favs: 152 - Follows: 146 - Updated: 12/28/2012 - Published: 1/12/2012 - Max, Fang - Complete
Arranged by JAMZD reviews
Max and Fang are in an arranged marriage and Max is full on against it! What will happen when the wedding gets bumped down by 5 years and Max has of freedom left? Full summary inside!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 23 - Words: 31,001 - Reviews: 226 - Favs: 102 - Follows: 120 - Updated: 11/24/2012 - Published: 12/18/2011 - Max, Fang - Complete
Firefighter: the chiefs daughter by Fangrules reviews
Fang is the rookie fire-fighter newly assigned to station 24. Max is the chiefs daughter - the forbidden fruit. What happens when they fall for each other? will they be happy or will their pasts get in the way?
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 33 - Words: 58,199 - Reviews: 975 - Favs: 427 - Follows: 166 - Updated: 10/8/2012 - Published: 3/28/2010 - Max, Fang - Complete
Perfect by loveofallthatisawesome reviews
Max is a perfect student, child, and person. Fang is a hot bad boy with hidden talents. She hates him for breaking the rules, and he hates her for being stuck up. When she becomes his tutor, will sparks fly, or will it all burn to hell? AH OOC FAX. Written by Keepdreaming93
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 36,203 - Reviews: 86 - Favs: 122 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 6/26/2012 - Published: 6/15/2012 - Max, Fang - Complete
Linked by a Pen by Blue-Songbirds reviews
Max, a hard nut loner. Fang, your typical popular, hot emo player. So what'll happen when their schools set up a pen-pal program and they get assigned eachother?
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 55,170 - Reviews: 876 - Favs: 383 - Follows: 306 - Updated: 5/22/2012 - Published: 5/28/2011 - Max, Fang - Complete
Deadly Grace by HornTippedHalo reviews
This is about Katsa and Po having a child and what the child would be like. Sorry, I have bad summary skills.
Seven Kingdoms Trilogy - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 17 - Words: 21,850 - Reviews: 98 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 3/4/2012 - Published: 7/17/2010
Across the Hall reviews
Max moves into a new apartment in New York because she got a job as a journalist. Will the boy in the apartment across from her be a new chapter in her life, or just a bother? Fax.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 11,147 - Reviews: 135 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 81 - Updated: 9/17/2012 - Published: 3/7/2012 - Max, Fang