Author has written 52 stories for Transformers/Beast Wars, Transformers, Calvin & Hobbes, Romeo & Juliet, DarkWing Duck, Marvel, My Life as a Teenage Robot, and Five Nights at Freddy´s.
Transformers Animated: Allspark War!
Synopsis: It's been almost two years since Megatron was put behind bars at Trypticon Prison. Despite thee initial unrest Cybertron and Earth are at peace. Sadly peace is a very fickle thing, someone from the past is gunning for the Allspark. New enemies crawl out of the shadows, the Autobots and Sari find themselves standing at what could be the biggest battle of their lives.
Stories thus far.
Nightmare On Wings, Misguided Faith, Embers in the Snow, and Breach of Overconfidence.
Next Story: The Great Oil Drain.
Hello my name is fanatic 97, I cannot revel to you my location or any information about my life or location. I am a strong beliver in the word of god our lord and savior. I am a big history and transformers buff and i have been obsessed with wirting stories since i was little.
My favorite comics are:
Calvin and Hobbes
Transformers, MTMTE, Windblade, Last Stand of the Wreckers, the list goes on.
My favorite movies are:
The Transformers Movies
Back to the futrue
Almost anything Disney and Pixar related.
Age of Ultron.
Favorite Books besides comics...
Too many to count
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.
You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.
You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?
I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?
Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.
If you're against abortion, re-post this]
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
God saw you getting tired,
And a cure was not to be.
So He put His arms around you
And whispered "Come to Me."
With tearful eyes we watched you,
And saw you pass away.
Although we loved you dearly,
We couldn't make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
Hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best.
Ninety five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent that aren't, copy this, put it in you profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Tsuyu Mikazuki, Weasel Chick, Revenant666, dragonsroar, foxdude33, FallenLex, Soelle, Moon-Freak00, clam theif, ReDeadphobia, TriggerHappy777, Miss Fangirl, Leontillybalambgirl, Kurissyma san Tybalt, Izumi's Apprentice, animeluverqueen, 2Archangel, Wherever Girl,Fanatic 97
96 percent of teens in the world today don't stand up for God. If you are one of the 4 percent that does put this in your profile.
A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.
As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.
The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?
Repost this if you truly believe in God.
PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what,
and if you stand up 4 him he will stand up for you.
You know you live in 2010 when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave...
2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years...
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don’t have a screen name, facebook, twitter, or myspace...
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV...
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job...
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling...
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends...
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5...
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5...
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly...
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did...
You're a 90's kid if:
You can finish this 'ice ice _'
You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, Bobby's World, Felix the cat, The Tick...AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ."
You remember Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
If you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.
when everything was settled by rock paper scissors..or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...eeny meeny miney mo...and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
Captain Planet. He's a Hero.
You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads.
You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.
You remember Ring Pops.
You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.
If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.
Making those little paper cootie-catcher things, and then predicting your life with them.
. . . Furbies
Saved By The Bell was the coolest show ever!
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet. And Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
Michael Jordan was a king.
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.
You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.
You collected those Beanie Babies.
Mortal Kombat was awesome--the game and the movie
Lambchop's song never ended.
The old dollar bills.
Silver dollars, which were cool to have.
You remember a time before the WB.
You collected all the Troll dolls
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it?!"
You remember trying to collect all 150 original pokemon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!
You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before MIKE JONES . . .
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was The new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off of our walkmans.
When gameboy was a brick.
You did MASH to figure out your future
When you weren't cool unless you had a Starter jacket.
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!
Post this in your profile if you remember these days . . . .
or if you smiled at one of these things
Deck of Cards
It was quiet that day, the guns and the mortars, and land mines for some reason hadn't been heard.
The young soldier knew it was Sunday, the holiest day of the week.
As he was sitting there, he got out an old deck of cards and laid them out across his bunk.
Just then an army sergeant came in and said, 'Why aren't you with the rest of the platoon?'
The soldier replied, 'I thought I would stay behind and spend some time with the Lord.'
The sergeant said, 'Looks to me like you're going to play cards.'
The soldier said, 'No, sir. You see, since we are not allowed to have Bibles or other spiritual books in this country,
I've decided to talk to the Lord by studying this deck of cards.'
The sergeant asked in disbelief, 'How will you do that?'
'You see the Ace, Sergeant? It reminds me that there is only one God.
The Two represents the two parts of the Bible, Old and New Testaments
The Three represents the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.
The Four stands for the Four Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John .
The Five is for the five virgins, there were ten, but only five of them were glorified.
The Six is for the six days it took God to create the Heavens and Earth.
The Seven is for the day God rested after making His Creation.
The Eight is for the family of Noah and his wife, their three sons and their wives -- the eight people God spared from the flood that destroyed the Earth.
The Nine is for the lepers that Jesus cleansed of leprosy. He cleansed ten, but nine never thanked Him.
The Ten represents the Ten Commandments that God handed down to Moses on tablets made of stone.
The Jack is a reminder of Satan, one of God's first angels, but he got kicked out of heaven for his sly and wicked ways and is now the joker of eternal hell.
The Queen stands for the Virgin Mary.
The King stands for Jesus, for he is the King of all kings.
When I count the dots on all the cards, I come up with 365 total, one for every day of the year.
There are a total of 52 cards in a deck; each is a week - 52 weeks in a year.
The four suits represent the four seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter.
Each suit has thirteen cards -- there are exactly thirteen weeks in a quarter.
So when I want to talk to God and thank Him, I just pull out this old deck of cards and they remind me of all that I have to be thankful for.'
The sergeant just stood there. After a minute, with tears in his eyes and pain in his heart, he said, 'Soldier, can I borrow that deck of cards?'
Please let this be a reminder and take time to pray for all of our soldiers who are being sent away, putting their lives on the line fighting for US.
Prayer for the Military.
Please keep the wheel rolling. It will only take a few seconds of your time, but it'll be worth it to read on...
Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands.
Bless them and their families.
I ask this in the name of Jesus, our Lord and Savior.
When you read this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our servicemen and women all around the world.
There is nothing attached, but this can be very powerful.
Of all the gifts you could give a Soldier, prayer is the very best one.
Do not stop the wheel, please -- just send this on
I just had to write to tell you how much I love you and care for you. Yesterday, I
saw you walking and laughing with your friends; I hoped that soon you'd want
Me to walk along with you, too. So, I painted you a sunset to close your day and
whispered a cool breeze to refresh you. I waited; you never called. I just kept on
As I watched you fall asleep last night, I wanted so much to touch you. I spilled
moonlight onto your face trickling down your cheeks as so many tears have.
You didn't even think of me; I wanted so much to comfort you.
The next day I exploded a brilliant sunrise into a glorious morning for you. But
you woke up late and rushed off to work-you didn't even notice. My sky became
cloudy and My tears were the rain.
I love you. Oh, if you'd only listen. I really love you. I try to say it in the quiet of
the green meadow and in the blue sky. The wind whispers My love throughout
the treetops and spills it into the vibrant colors of the flowers. I shout it to you in
the thunder of the great waterfalls and composed love songs for birds to sing for
you. I warm you with the clothing of My sunshine and perfume the air with
nature's sweet scent. My love for you is deeper than the ocean and greater than
any need in your heart. If you'd only realize how I care. I died just for you.
My Dad sends His love. I want you to meet Him. He cares,too. Fathers are just
that way. So please call Me soon. No matter how long it takes, I'll wait because I
Until that day till all are one.- Optimus Prime
20 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity:
1: At lunch time, sit in you car with sunglasses on and point a hair dry at passing cars; see if they slow down.
2: Page yourself over the intercom. Do not disguise your voice.
3: Every time some one asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
4: Put you garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
5: Put decaf in the coffee maker (home or work). When everyone gets over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
6: In your memo book, on all your checks, put "FOR SMUGGLING DIAMONDS".
7: Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance To The Prophecy".
8: Dont use any punctuation
9: As often as possible, skip instead of walking.
10: Order diet water whenever you go out with a serious face.
11: Specify that your drive-thru order is "TO GO".
12: Sing along at the opera.
13: Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14: Put mosquito netting around your work area (or room) and play tropical sounds all day.
15: 5 days in advance, tell your friend that you can't go to their party cause you don't 'feel like it'.
16: Have friends or coworkers address you by your wrestling name "Rock Bottom".
17: When the cash comes out of the ATM yell, "I WON, I WON".
18: When exiting the zoo, start running toward the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives they're loose".
19: Tell your children (or younger sibling) that "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go".
20: And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity is... Copy this and put it on your profile
Put this in your profile if you love to laugh!
People are like slinkies; basically useless, but ever so amusing to watch fall down the stairs.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well-aimed.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?
Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.
The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
I run with scissors. It makes me feel dangerous.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is my ceiling?
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!
Don’t mess with me. I've got a stick.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
I smile because I have no idea what's going on!
One day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!
I'm not afraid of death! What's it going to do? Kill me?
Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real. You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie.
I, We bear the wings of freedom do solemnly swear to review all the fanfictions I read, regardless of the number of reviews, its age, or anything else.
I have joined the Review Revolution.
Copy and Paste this into your profile to join the Revolution; because everyone knows how much it sucks when you have 500 hits and 3 reviews.
If you have every copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.
59 AWESOME WAYS TO MAKE YOUR TEACHER WANNA BACKHAND YOU!
1. Walk into the classroom like a super spy. (Keep your back on the walls as you walk, point your finger up like a gun, look around with shifty eyes, hum the Mission Impossible theme, etc.)
2. After everything your teacher says, ask why continuously.
3. If your teacher is yelling at a classmate, wait for them to finish their tantrum then ask "Does somebody need a hug?” very loudly.
4. If your teacher starts blowing up at you for saying that, simply reply, “Wow, I can tell you’re a blast at parties.”
5. Sit in a corner and wait for everyone to stare at you. When they do, grab your head and scream “The light! Make it stop, it burns!"
6. Flick pieces of paper around the class.
7. When your teacher tells you to stop, cross your arms and say, “What do you have against paper?.”
8. Don’t do your homework.
9. When your teacher asks you why you didn’t do your homework say, “I dropped it while beating up this guy for saying you’re the worst teacher ever.” Then sit there and smile sweetly.
10. When you have a substitute teacher, wait for them to write their name on the board. Then when they say hello my name is Mr./Mrs (insert name here), you stand up and say “Prove it!”
11. When your teacher asks why you were late say, “My goldfish died.” Then burst into tears.
12. When handing in your homework, write "This paper will self-destruct in 5 seconds." at the bottom.
13. When you leave the class bow and say, “May the force be with you, young one.”
14. When the teacher turns the light off, start singing as loud as you can. When they turn the light back on, look around pretending to be confused.
15. Whisper to the person next to you. When the teacher comes up behind you, scream.
16. Walk into class dancing the Macarena.
17. Tell your teacher you heard the other teachers talking about him/her in the staff room.
18. Raise your hand and say "I totally agree!" after everything your teacher says.
19. Spend the whole lesson trying to lick your elbow.
20. Speak in French.
21. Come late to class in a Spider-Man costume; say there was "a disturbance”
22. When they tell someone to turn around have everyone in class do it as well.
23. "The homework’s due now? Oh, give me a minute then."
24. Hand in an essay where every word is spelled wrong.
25. Run in the room screaming, “THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!”
26. When the teacher asks you why you are late, say, “I is never late, everyone else is simply early."
27. When a teacher asks you a question, say, “I’m sorry, the brain you tried to reach has been disconnected, please leave me alone or try again later, thank you.”
28. When the teacher turns on the overhead projector, scream “AAH MY EYES!!”
29. Tell yourself knock-knock jokes, then laugh loads.
30. Hide under your desk and yell “THE SKY IS FALLING!”
31. When someone knocks on the door, shout “OH NO, THEY’RE COMING FOR ME!”
32. Bring in a 4th Grader and says he’s your new pet.
33. In your technology lesson, when the teacher asks you what you are making, say a nuclear bomb.
34. When your teacher asks you a question, just stare at them.
35. Constantly talk to yourself in a low voice.
36. Purposely fall off your chair and make a big scene about it.
37. If you’re playing a really boring game, make a big deal if you win.
38. Glue all their scissors together.
39. Make paperclip jewelery. I.e. necklaces, earrings, etc…
40. Pull out one strand of someone’s hair and yell “DNA!”
41. Wear a sticker or a badge that says ‘Admiral’
42. Talk to a pen.
43. If you find a pencil on the floor, jump onto a desk, hold up the pencil, and yell, "LITTERING IS WRONG!! WHOEVER DROPPED THIS MUST BE PUNISHED!!" Then run around the room singing in a foreign language.
44. Yell “LIAR!” to everything they say.
45. Smile. All the time.
46. Draw a tiny black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, “It’s spreading, IT’S SPREADING!”
47. When a substitute teacher is taking attendance, say everyone is missing. Then, if they ask who you are, say ‘Your worst Nightmare’
48. When you know the answer, bounce up and down and go "OOOHH I KNOW THIS!!"
49. When a teacher calls on you say, "I forgot." To every question she asks.
50. If you have to blow your nose in class, blow your nose to the tune of your favorite song.
51. When the teacher is not facing you, get the whole class to move their desks forward towards the him/her!
52. Hum throughout the lesson, but make sure you do not get caught!
53. When a teacher asks you a question... Reply "ERM, COMPUTER SAYS NOOO!!"
54. When the teacher makes a statement, stand boldly and shout "I OBJECT!!"
55. REPEAT the last word the teacher says but say it much louder!
56. While the teachers back is turned, everyone swaps seats!
57. If you are sure you haven't passed the test, write your phone number at the end!
58. When you hear a Police car siren from outside, run around screaming in the classroom shouting "Oh no, they're here. Oh my goodness. What do I do? Miss/Sir you have to help me! Oh goodness. They must have found the body! HELP!"
59. When it's your turn to answer a question... Shout "NEXT!"
Funny XD-worthy labels and warnings
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions:
"Put on fork and eat."
(No! Really? We're supposed to eat food?!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's just a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds with colds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On artificial bacon:
"Real artificial bacon bits".
(So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
Ten facts about you:
1. You're reading my profile
2. You're realizing that's a stupid fact
4. You didn't notice I skipped three
5. You're checking
6. You're smiling
7. You're still reading my profile
9. You didn't realize I skipped eight
10. You're checking again and smiling about how you fell for it again. :)
11. You are enjoying this
12. You didn't realize there's only supposed to be ten facts Copy and paste if you fell for it, too. You know you did.
FUNNY THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR
1.When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2.Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3.Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4.Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
5.Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
6.Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8.Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
9.Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
10.Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
11.Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12.Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13.Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14.When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
15.Swat at flies that don't exist.
16.Tell people that you can see their aura.
17.Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.
18.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
20.Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
21.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22.Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
23.Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25.Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".
26.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"
27.When a person in the elevator repeatedly pushes a button (such as "close" or "9") say, "Congratulations, you figured out that if you push the
button 20 times, it works quicker!"
28.Whistle the first seven notes of "Its a Small World" incessantly.
29.Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.
30.When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
31.Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
33.Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
34.Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
35.When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?"
37.Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
38.Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
39. When you get to your floor, push all the buttons and get off.