Author has written 6 stories for Naruto.
Name: "None of your business". No, seriously. That's my name.
Age: (e(i*pi) - 27 *40 5 * 106)/12 - 5
Sex: 95% Male. Or 100%. It's sometimes hard to tell.
Ethnicity: Neptune-born Martian.
My name is Ekusukallybaa, except that it really isn't. You are currently reading my ridiculously long profile (Though at least it's my profile. As in a profile filled with stuff that I wrote. On my own. Not stuff taken from other profiles.)
I write, or wrote, until my muse decided to stop cooperating with me. Now that it's started cooperating again, just a little bit, I'm back. Hopefully.
Because that's how I roll.
I also know a guy called Serendipity, also known as Ser Serendipity. I once told him that his fic's version of Itachi was an irredeemable monster and that I wouldn't be satisfied if he wasn't dead by the end of his story. He responded by offering me a position as his beta reader for that same story, an offer I accepted ten minutes later.
You should totally check out his story, Not Sick, by the way. It actually made me like Itachi again, despite what a bastard he was acting like in the first chapter, and what Serendipity has planned for the story? It will blow your mind.
Because I've seen a lot of authors who have these on their profiles, and I wanted to make some of my own.
If you decide to take one, just PM me. I really would like to read other authors' takes on these.
Also, no bashing.
Though with one exception, as you see below.
#1: The Power of Friendship Overcomes All
So, we all know about Shitty Fanfic Naruto (from here on, referred to as SFN), the sociopathic, cocksucking, mind fucking, Itachi wanking, mass-murdering piece of shit that most thirteen-year old fanfic authors wish they could be.
Now, the challenge, is to create such a "Naruto", a monstrously evil sociopath, give him all of the shitty godlike powers that a regular teenage fanfic author wishes he could have in real life, then have all of the CANON characters beat the shit out of him by working together and using the power of friendship.
The only requirement is that the entirety of the Rookie 9 and Team Gai must administer the beatdown, including good!Sasuke and canon!Naruto. Sai can also join in if you wish.
Also, try to make it as humiliating as possible for SFN. He deserves it.
The idea is meant to be semi-humorous, so feel free to make it as funny and cracky as you want.
Finally, bonus points if the "Naruto" in question is explicitly the one from Chunin Exam Day.
1) Itachi is a Massive Troll
Comments: Itachi trolls Sasuke. Nothing more needs to be said.
2) Genius and Insanity
Comments: Pure, bite-sized chunks of crack. Read it, snort it, enjoy it. Also, a thanks to my beta Ser Serendipity, without who's encouragement this story would never have existed.
3) Actions and Words
Comments: Sasuke is Good All Along, and only left the village because he thought it was the best way to protect his friends. Features Awesome!Sasuke, Awesome!Naruto, and massive amounts of the POWER OF FRIENDSHIP!!! Warning: This is probably the most shounen thing I ever have or ever will write.
Update: No longer nearly as shounen as it was before.
4) Sasuke Uchiha OR How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Mangekyo Sharingan
Summary: The Mangekyo Sharingan reveals things to its users. Many, many things. Like the fact that the entire world is an illusion, and the only way to escape is to die. Sasuke just decides to speed this process along. Also, the Uchiha have amazing hair, and fuck you if you disagree. Collab fic with Ser Serendipity.
Planned Stuff/Plot Bunnies:
Note: I still reserve the right to not write some of these if I don't feel like it.
Summary: During the fateful mission to the Kannabi Bridge, Obito is too slow, and Kakashi ends up paying the price with his life. Fourteen years later, Legendary Elite Jounin Mangekyou no Obito is placed in charge of a very familiar genin team.
Note: The above probably won't ever be written due to recent developments in the manga. If anyone out there wants to try out the prompt, then be my guest. Just PM me so I can check out what you've written.
Note 2: Ser Serendipity's currently writing it. Check it out if interested. It's really quite good.
2) Stuck at Level One
Summary: Naruto wakes up one day to find out his entire life is a video game. Unfortunately, his propensity for befriending his enemies rather than kill them makes leveling up rather difficult...
Well, I promised I would put my explanation for the Great Snake Escape on my profile at some point. Here it is:
There are three possible explanations.
All of them, of course, start out with Sasuke hypnotizing Manda before the fight with Deidara even began. This makes sense, since a) it explains why Suigetsu randomly has a scroll to summon Manda on him, and b) because it would make sense for Sasuke to neutralize him before he took on Orochimaru, to stop the latter from summoning him. Since we've already seen from Tobi that it is possible to place long-term genjutsu on people, which keep them in a sedated state for extended period of time, this pretty much matches up with everything we know.
Then, there's exactly how Sasuke summoned Manda to him at the end of the fight.
The first explanation is the simplest. Just like how Suigetsu had a scroll to summon Manda, Sasuke could have had one too and just whipped that out at the last second to escape.
The next two explanations is a bit more complex, and is based off of a simple observation: when Sasuke was out of chakra during the Deidara fight, nothing happened to him. However, when he was out of chakra during his fight against Itachi, Orochimaru tried to eat him from the inside out.
The second explanation is thus that Sasuke wasn't actually out of chakra during the Deidara fight. In other words, he turned off his sharingan as a bluff. This is supported by two points.
First, there was the fact that Sasuke didn't actually use too many chakra-intensive jutsu during the fight. He threw around a few chidoris and entered his cursed seal form a few times, but nothing major, considering how he throws chidoris around like candy post-timeskip.
Second is that Sasuke's internal monologue never states that he's out of chakra. That's an observation that Deidara makes after seeing him deactivate the sharingan. Thus, it's quite possible that Sasuke, while tired, wasn't quite as exhausted as he seemed.
The third explanation, and the one that is most likely the canon explanation, is that Sasuke used some of Orochimaru's power to fuel that last summoning, and possibly the genjutsu as well.
This probably would have weakened Sasuke's restraints on Orochimaru, which accounts for how he managed to break free at the end of the Itachi fight in canon, and also explains why the only times Sasuke seriously draws on jutsu that Orochimaru uses (AKA The Power of the White Snake that he uses to heal incredibly quickly after the Deidara fight, and the Orochimaru-style Body Replacement Technique during the Itachi fight) are AFTER the GSE.
So yeah. Hope that's satisfactory.
If you disagree with me on any of these points, feel free to shoot me a PM on the matter. I'll be more than happy to debate with you if you want.
That being said, please, please, please don't, say, leave an anonymous review for one of my stories as a response to my rants, since this prevents me from actually responding to what you have to say in a civilized manner.
Note: I wrote most of this stuff on intermittent rage highs, so take what I say here with a grain of salt. It may not completely reflect what I actually think.
1) On NTR:
Hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it.
And fuck you if you like it.
That is all.
Addendum: This is not so much a problem in fanfiction rather than in actual professionally-written fiction, but it sucks in both places. Luckily, this is one area in which I have to give kudos to the fandom, since it is not as widespread as it could be.
2) On Protagonist Replacement:
I'm actually having a bit of trouble articulating, what, conceptually I hate about this idea.
What I'm referring to here is, of course, what happens in many crossover fics, where the protagonist of one series is replaced by another, preferably more ""badass" one. I've heard that it's quite prevalent in the Naruto fandom (though I really couldn't say, considering that I don't read many Naruto crossovers), and I know that it happens more often than it should in the FSN fandom.
Now, let me preface this by saying that there are several good examples of this sort of fic out there. I actually was introduced to fanfiction by Gabriel Blessing's The Hill of Swords, which is one of the most egregious examples of protagonist replacement in all of fanfiction.
Really, this is more of a personal preference on my part than anything else, but I have to say, I have started to loathe this type of fic. While I used to love reading The Hill of Swords around a year ago, nowadays, I want to dig out my eyeballs whenever I think about it. It just seriously pisses me off on some primal level that I cannot really fathom.
One major problem is the fact that the "replacement" protagonist almost always does the exact same things as the original protagonist.
Except, of course for the fact that replacement protagonist always avoids making the mistakes that the original protagonist made. If the original protagonist, for example, ran into a battle which he had a lot of trouble just surviving, then new protagonist will run through it and win it without any trouble. If old protagonist ran into some sort of existential or philosophical issue during the course of the original story, then new protagonist already has the answer, and just bulldozes over this issue without any real trouble. Where old protagonist had moments of conscience or moral ambiguity, new protagonist is always morally superior to those around him.
And really, what pisses me off the most about this thing? The new protagonist will almost always have all of the answers that the old protagonist never did. This means that the new protagonist doesn't need any character development, since he's already completed his journey, and he doesn't need any help, since he's just that badass. While there may be some sort of physical journey or obstacle (like a powerful foe) that the new protagonist must overcome, he almost never mentally or spiritually ends up somewhere different than where he was at the beginning of the story.
In other words, it's just a major character development fail. And that's just boring to read. Not worth my time at all.
And on a completely different note, the fact that the crossover protagonist in these sorts of stories almost inevitably ends up stealing the original protagonist's love interest usually just makes this entire idea come off (to me) as badly-written NTR. And, as I mentioned before, if you like NTR, then fuck you.
Addendum: Probably the main reason why I dislike this so much is because when I actually read/watch any sort of fiction, one of my major prerequisites for enjoying the story is that the protagonist is interesting and competent. He doesn't necessarily have to be strong, but he needs to have more of an actual personality than the typical "blank-slate" protagonist who is a staple of almost all escapist fiction nowadays. As such, when I read about a character who I actually like being pushed off to the side and turned into a minor side-character and/or killed off, in favor of the godmoded crossover character, I get annoyed, and I refuse to read further. When I generally read crossovers, it is because I love both series the crossover is involved in equally, not because I favor one over the other. I'm guessing that a lot of people feel differently, but I'm not one of them.
1) On Character Bashing: Good job completely failing at characterization and reading into people's motivations.
Please, if you're going to write a pointless hatefic, don't expect me to read it. I refuse to read character bashing in any way, shape or form, since I view it as the pinnacle of bad writing. Turning a canon character into an evil caricature of their canon self is not interesting to read in any way, shape, or form.
Secondly, if you bear such insane hatred for a fictional character that you are willing to spend hours of your life writing something that indulges all of your hate-fantasies against said fictional character, I honestly advise that you go see a psychiatrist to get help with your rage issues before you start directing your fury towards real people. It's for your own good.
Addendum: Yes, I realize that most of the characters of Naruto are relatively "grey", and are not either completely good or completely evil, and I don't want writers to de-emphasize their negative aspects just because they don't want to bash them. On the other hand, if you can't write a character without making them OoC, is it really too much to ask that you err on the side of positivity and idealism rather than in the other direction?
Naruto already has a great cast of awesome villains. Do you really need to bash a canon character just so that you can create another, less awesome one? And honestly, if you hate the character so much that you can't even avoid portraying them in a negative light, is it too much to ask that you just don't make them an emphasis in your story? Just... move them over to the side and don't mention them if you can't write them properly. It's a hell of a lot more stomach-able than shitty bashing fics are.
Hell, I have to say that I don't get why you are writing a story in the fandom if you actually hate the character that much. I mean, if you hate someone with little plot relevance, like Lee, and move them aside, I won't blame you, but Sasuke?
Seriously, Sasuke is a major part of the canon storyline, whether you like him or not. And if you hate him, you basically hate 40% of the story. For which you are writing fanfiction.
Good rule of thumb: if you hate Sasuke, don't write fanfiction for a series in which he is an incredibly major character. It makes no fucking sense.
Just move onto another goddamn fandom, already. No one's forcing you to continue torturing yourself by writing for a fandom in which you hate the canon.
2) Godlike Naruto: WTF is up with this shit? If you make Naruto godlike, you've removed 99.99% of the plot conflict in the Naruto universe. If you have no plot conflict, then you don't have a goddamn story! Get it through your fucking heads, dumbasses!
3) Naruharem: Because I really enjoy reading your badly written lemons and your completely OoC Naruto. Good job turning your main character into a boring Possession Sue!
Addendum: I have to admit though, that my distaste for harems is primarily limited only to the Narutoverse, mainly since I just view it as downright implausible over there. I most certainly don't hate harem fics as a whole (I've actually read several extremely well-written ones in the past, just never in Narutoverse), and I do have to admit that there are several fandoms in which they do actually make a lot of sense in context (More specifically, fandoms in which the canon story is a harem story). At the same time, I generally tend to avoid them as much as possible, and I most certainly will not be writing one at any time in the foreseeable future.
4) Naruto x Hinata pairings: I will preface this rant with the statement that Naruhina is actually my favorite pairing in the Narutoverse.
That being said, I really really dislike almost every single one of the fics on this site that involve that pairing. Why? Because almost every single author that writes Hinata seems to enjoy raping her personality. Let me get this out of the way right now. Hinata is not your typical "badass" character. Any fic which turns her into a trash-talking badass is utter bullshit. Any fic that turns her into some kind of prodigy of Jyuuken who kicks Neji's ass on a daily basis is also utter bullshit. If you add in either of these two things into her characterization, then you've successfully removed every aspect of her appeal as a character.
Secondly: in almost all of the Naruhina fics on this site, Naruto, despite never noticing Hinata in a romantic manner at any point during the course of the series before the Invasion of Pain Arc, somehow falls in love with her within two weeks of meeting her in the Academy. That is not how romance works in real life, dumbasses! People do not meet when they are eight years old, then fall in love for the rest of their lives! Can you at least try to give their relationship some semblance of realism?
For a well-done Naruhina pairing, see: Tellemicus Sundance's Legacy of the Rasengan series. Even if you don't like Naruhina that much, go look it up anyways. Since it's probably one of the best Naruto fics on this site.
5) Highschool AU fics: Because when I check out fanfiction about Naruto, a series which revolves around badass fight scenes and non-romantic relationships between characters, I'm actually looking to read about boring teenage drama and angst! It's brilliant!
6) On turning Naruto into a typically 'Badass' character who tries to take revenge on the world for every slight it has ever done to him: Yeah, when you write a fic, you want to completely ignore all of Naruto's characterization through part one so that you can turn him into a 'badass'. Then you can pretend that you are Naruto, talking shit and being awesome, while at the same time, sexing up your entire harem, which consists of every single major and minor female character in the Narutoverse, including our titular protagonist's own mother, since Naruto is totally willing to boink his own mom.
In order to accomplish this, you want Naruto to say badass shit, do badass shit, and not take shit from anyone. Sakura tries to hit him (in a comedic manner that is pretty much prevalent in all major anime these days)? Have him tell that bitch how shit goes, then either a) keep bashing the fuck out of that motherfucking whore, ending with her getting raped (by some random dude, not Naruto, cuz that would just be wrong) or b) brainwash her into becoming one of Naruto's mindless love-slaves in his growing harem.
Essentially, the point of this is to turn Naruto into Sasuke. The only difference is that Naruto should viciously take advantage of all the female attention he gets. And by all, I mean all. Some random filler bitch? Fuck her brains out, both literally and metaphorically, turning her into another one of Naruto's mindless fangirls. Married woman? Do the same. Naruto has no morals and values, and absolutely does not care about the fact that he may well be ripping apart a loving and happy family due to his quest to get more bitches for himself. His own mother? Yeah! That shit is hot! After all, it is every red-blooded male's prerogative to sleep with his own mother! It's most certainly not a social taboo for a reason, and it is totally not disgusting as fuck, that a kid would be willing to fuck his own mother.
By the time you're done with this shit, basically every (hot) named female from around the Elemental Continent should be Naruto's personal bitch. This is truly the making of a great story and an even greater fanfic.
These fics are the worst of the worst. You've seen them before:
What if Naruto had a bloodline? What if that bloodline was the Rinnegan? What if he was so strong during his first year in the Academy that he could basically kill Orochimaru, Pain, Madara, Tobi, and all of the five previous Hokages at the same time without even lifting a finger? What if he hated Konoha for some irrational reason? Godlike/Dark!Naruto. Team 7/Uchiha/Minato/Iruka/EveryMaleCharacterInTheNarutoverseAndSakura Bashing! Naruto x Kushina x Hinata x Harem. I suck at summaries. Please R&R.
You know what's really sad? Around 40% of the people reading that shit will think "Hell yeah! That's the kind of stuff I like to read!".
Do you know what that shit really is? It is the metaphorical equivalent of a guy taking a video of himself jacking off, then posting it online for the world to see. If you like watching random teenage assholes jacking off, then please, by all means, please continue reading this bullshit, and continue to lower the overall intelligence of the internet. If you aren't, then good for you! You are officially smarter than at least 40% of the idiots on this site!
7) On Sakura Bashing: See, I've noticed a lot of authors seem to enjoy bashing Sakura's character. I hereby attest that these people are all either a) Yaoi fangirls or b) Brain-dead morons.
Members of category a) are already beyond help, so I will primarily be focusing on rehabilitating the members of category b).
So, let's look at the primary reasons as to why brain-dead morons hate Sakura:
a) She doesn't respond to Naruto's advances.
To respond to this, we first need to look a bit in-depth at Sakura's character before the beginning of the series.
Sakura was saved from bullies when she was just starting in the Academy by her best friend Ino. These bullies made fun of Sakura because of her 'large forehead'. In other words, they did it because she didn't ft in with the crowd. As such, after this point, Sakura developed something of an obsession with fitting in with the crowd. This is why she grows her hair out, diets, and becomes one of Sasuke's fangirls. However, one thing constantly interferes with her efforts to fit in with her peers.
That one thing being our annoying, bratty, loudmouthed protagonist. This guy constantly screams about how he's going to become Hokage some day to anyone who will listen, yet at the same time, fails every single academy course and is placed as dead-last in the class. No one in the entire village actually likes him, except for maybe the class' teacher, and Sakura's own parents have most probably warned her against associating with him. In addition to this, he constantly plays pranks on everyone and always wears a garish orange jumpsuit of all things.
Given the above, is it really that surprising that Sakura rejects him when he first asks her out on a date?
However, instead of taking a fucking hint and stopping his constant pursuit of her, Naruto pursues even more strongly. Let me ask you, fanfic authors, have you ever had someone do this to you in real life? Do you have any idea how goddamn annoying it is?
Taking this into account, I honestly feel that Sakura is very much justified in rejecting Naruto's incessant advances.
b) She hits Naruto: Yes, because girls hitting guys in anime is something driven by actual malice and is not meant to be random attempts at humor. Seriously, if you can't even understand this much, then you shouldn't be writing fanfiction in the first place.
c) She likes Sasuke: So does Ino, along with basically every single tweenage girl in her graduating class. However, I don't see anyone bashing them. It's singularly unfair to fault prepubescent children for their fangirlish/fanboyish tendencies. Plus, Kishi actually did a good job of making her feelings for Sasuke develop through Part I, so it's really no wonder that she's still in love with him in Part II.
As for her still being in love with batshit insane Sasuke, well, I will simply say this: it's not that easy to forget that you were once in love with someone. She can't just instantaneously stop being in love with him, since that is extremely unrealistic.
d) She's useless in Part I: But she improves, and she's not useless in Part II! If you're really that bothered about 'useless' characters, then Sakura is actually a good example of one, since she doesn't stay useless! Shouldn't you be trying to encourage her example rather than bashing her?
8) On Team 7: They are the greatest team ever, if only because they are so beautifully dysfunctional that there's never a dull moment when watching them. Nothing you say will convince me otherwise.
9) On Fugaku Bashing: Why oh why does everyone feel the need to portray Uchiha Fugaku and the rest of his clan as wife-raping, child-beating monsters? There is absolutely no evidence in canon that this is the case, so I don't understand why people feel this need to make Fugaku the arrogant evil villain who only cares about power in almost all fanfiction I've read. Yes, he is kind of (Okay, very) cold to his younger son, and he has an unfortunate tendency to view his children as tools in the advancement of the clan's power, but really, this seems to be an aspect that all of the clans in canon share, and he never is shown to be as evil as most authors portray him as being.
And also, I would like to point out that the only times when we actually see Fugaku are after the Kyuubi attack, when he is presumably under a massive amount of stress, dealing with the (false) accusations against his clan. We can actually see this in the extremely noticeable stress lines all across the man's face.
Now think about it. Yes, Fugaku has an obligation to take care of his sons, but at the same time, you know what else he has an obligation towards? Protecting the rest of his clan, which basically constitutes the rest of his family. In this sense, ultimately, he is forced to train Itachi into a suitable heir as best as he can, while ignoring the (presumably) less-talented Sasuke (Not that I actually think Sasuke is less-talented than Itachi. Quite the opposite, in fact). Yes, it's a hard decision to make, but at the same time, it was the best choice available to him at the time. He's not ignoring Sasuke because he wants to, but because he simply can't afford the time or the risk to the rest of his family while he decides to indulge his own personal happiness.
Want proof? All you need to do is look at canon. Mikoto mentions very early on that Fugaku cares about Sasuke just as much as he cares about As soon as Itachi starts to show himself as unworthy to be the heir, Fugaku instantly shifts his attention to training Sasuke. When he is about to be killed, Fugaku's last words do not express worry for Itachi, but for Sasuke. Yes, he wasn't a perfect father, but at the same time, he was in an absolutely horrendous situation, and he was forced to make sacrifices for the greater good of his family. Just because he wasn't absolutely perfect isn't any reason to bash his character to this extent.
Though anyways, on the bashing itself, I personally think that there are two different reasons for this.
a) Uchiha Mikoto is hot, so the author wants to make her some sort of tragic heroine trapped in a loveless marriage so that they can justifiably add her to Naruto's harem (fucking bullshit harems).
b) They want to make Sasuke's desire for vengeance invalid by saying that the Uchiha clan deserved to be slaughtered, so that they can bash his character, while also indulging their gay love for Itachi since the Uchiha clan was so evil that Itachi did something good by getting rid of them.
Seriously though, this seems to be in increasingly bad taste, especially after recent revelations in the manga.
Really, Fugaku literally told Itachi that he was proud to be his father, as Itachi was running him through with a fucking sword. That takes some serious balls.
In conclusion, Fugaku, along with the rest of his clan, are motherfucking bosses and nothing bullshit, Itachi-wanking, twelve-year old fanfic writers say is going to change that, so if you've ever written a Fugaku-bashing fic, then you should go hang yourself in shame. Seriously: Fuck You.
10) On MPreg: OH GOD WHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY! ? MY EYES THEY BUUUUUUURRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!
11) On Kage Bunshin training:
I see a lot of people complain about how Naruto didn't use Kage Bunshin to train over the timeskip in the manga. I then see these same people give Naruto this training method, and have him completely overpowered during Part II.
And honestly, to some extent, I agree. If Jiraiya knew about this training method, then he should have taught Naruto to spam the shit out of it. After all, if there's one thing that we know about shinobi in the Narutoverse, it's that, even if they aren't completely ruthless, they almost always prize efficiency in training. The fact that Jiraiya didn't use this method to teach Naruto when it would have been viable for him represents a grave oversight on his part, especially if Jiraiya had known that Kage Bunshin could be used in that way.
Key operator in this case being 'if he had known', since y'know, he didn't know that kage bunshin could be used that way.
An explanation. You remember who taught Naruto to use kage bunshin to train in Part Two, right? It was Kakashi, in case you're wondering.
Now, you remember that little thing that Kakashi told Naruto before he taught him the method? Y'know, that little thing where in the hospital (chapter 311, page 18, if you're curious), he mentions that while he's been lying around, he's finally figured out a method for Naruto to gain enough power to match Sasuke? Do you know what he's referring to over there?
That's right! You guessed it! The mass shadow clone training method!
So do you now know the reason why Kakashi and Jiraiya never taught Naruto with this method in Part I? It was because this method literally did not exist until Kakashi invented it in Part II!
So no, Jiraiya is not a bad teacher because he didn't teach Naruto Kage Bunshin spam training, because no one could have taught him that method during that time period. So please, shut the fuck up on this one point. Please?
12) On Banishment Fics: FANDOM, Y U NO COMMON SENSE?
Seriously? This is the stupidest and most unlikely plot outline ever. I have no idea why it's so popular in the fandom. I've seen a grand total of one fic which executed properly, and even then, it kind of grates on my nerves.
The fact it almost inevitably ends up being Danzo, Homura, Koharu, or some sort of non-existent "civilian council" doing the banishment just exacerbates the stupidity of the premise.
13) On Sasuke being Gay: He's not. There's a difference between "having one's priorities straight" and being gay.
And despite what you hormonal teenage boys and girls who make "hilarious" jokes about how Sasuke is gay may think, there is actually more to life than just sex. Not that you would actually know what those things are, considering which half of your bodies most of you seem to think with.
14) On Kabuto:
He was such an interesting character. His motivations were never really clearly defined, but he always had some sort of interesting logic to his actions. He was by far one of the best-written parts of the story.
A shame that he had to lose just so Kishi could turn Itachi into even more of a Mary Sue than he already was...
15) On the Sharingan's copying ability:
First of all, I am not writing about the MS, EMS and other ridiculous BS the sharingan has been shown to be able to do after Itachi showed up in the manga. I'm talking about its copying ability.
To me, this is obviously its most evil ability ever, despite the fact it has only been shown being used on-screen once over the course of the entire story.
How dare those Uchiha steal their enemies' techniques? As shinobi, a group of people well known for their highly-developed senses of honor and fair play, this is completely unacceptable behavior, and Kishimoto should be sued for condoning it in a world where chivalry and rescuing fair princesses from the evil dragons keeping them in their towers is obviously the highest priority of every single character even marginally involved in the plot.
Damn you Kishimoto! How dare you make those evil Uchiha fight practically? Everyone knows that shinobi fight like the honorable knights from fairy tales. Except for Naruto. He's allowed to fight dishonorably. And Lee, don't forget Lee. And Neji, And Tenten and Gai and Asuma and Hinata and Kiba and Shino and every single other shinobi in the world other than the Uchiha.
This is a world of honor you damn Uchiha. Don't go around stealing other people's techniques.
In case you couldn't tell, that was all sarcasm.
16) On Sasuke wanting to be Hokage:
First of all, all the people who got pissed off at this, it's not like I don't get where you're coming from. After all, Sasuke was a traitor to the Leaf. Why would anyone ever make him Hokage?
Doesn't change the fact that you're all a bunch of fucking morons.
First of all, and let me ask you this seriously, just why the flying fuck would you actually think that HE'S GOING TO BECOME HOKAGE IN THE FIRST PLACE? WHY?
And don't give me that bullshit reason about how Sasuke is the author's pet, and thus he will obviously get what he wants. That's just untrue. Sasuke is not an author's pet. If he was an author's pet, Itachi would still be alive, and he would be living happily with his family. Instead, he gets repeatedly mind-raped, has his psyche almost completely destroyed, and is used, manipulated and lied to constantly by insanely powerful people. It's a wonder he's still standing after all the shit the author has put him through. That's not the sign of an author's pet.
Secondly... do you people get Sasuke's personality at all? He is an incredibly direct person. When Sasuke sees a problem, he doesn't try to politic his way around it. He faces it head on, and tries to overcome it. Looking at it from that perspective, his decision to become Hokage makes perfect sense. I mean... think about it. He thinks the shinobi system is flawed because it led to the deaths of his entire family for crimes they did not commit. He sees a problem, and decides he doesn't want this tragedy to repeat itself.
Thus, he decides to take the most direct method to try and fix it: get into a position of power with the best potential to do so, then fucking fix it.
However, that doesn't mean that he's going to become the fucking Hokage! GET THAT THROUGH YOUR DAMN SKULLS! It means that he wants to be Hokage. THERE IS A DISTINCTION.
And no, Sasuke isn't just going to be given this on a silver platter. I mean, looking at the parallels to the Indra/Ashura situation, it seems far more likely that Naruto (the Ashura analog) will be the one who takes over, as the successor of the Sage. NOT SASUKE.
Good? Good. Now fuck off. Dealing with morons such as yourselves is bad for my brain.
Meh, I'll probably rant about other things in the future, but I'm done for now.
As I mentioned above, NaruHina is my OTP, even if most of the fics featuring that pairing on this site are horrible festering piles of dog spewings that were eaten by a donkey, then expelled from its anus. That being said, I am pretty much open to reading any well-written, interesting fanfic that does not contain bashing in any way, shape or form, and does not contain any of my disliked pairings. In a way, I guess you could say that my disliked pairings are more important than the ones that I like...
NaruKushi: I fucking loathe this shit with an unrivaled passion. She's his goddamn mother! Yes, I get that you like Naruto, and you like Kushina, but just because they are your favorite male and female characters in the Narutoverse respectively doesn't mean that you should pair them! Plus, there's the fact that a major prerequisite of this pairing almost always involves bashing Minato, who is one of my favorite characters in the Narutoverse. Also, if you are either turning Kushina into the sort of deviant monster who is willing to take advantage of her own son in this way, in the Alive!parent fics involving this pairing, or you are turning Naruto into some sort of Oedipus Complex'd freak who goes back in time and willingly fucks his mom, in the timetravel!fics, then you have successfully raped both of them into completely unlikable characters, which, considering how awesome their canon versions are, is not cool.
Yaoi pairings: I'm not against slash in principle, and I don't mind when it occurs in fanfiction between characters that are canonically gay. I freely admit that I don't generally read them, but I have no problem with most of the people who write them. Like any other type of story on this site, there are good yaoi fics out there.
However, I have a serious problem when a yaoi fangirl decides that because two characters are 'OMG HAWT BISHIES!!!' that it's perfectly alright to rape the characters' personalities into their narrow vision of 'seme' and 'uke' archetypes. This sort of literary masturbation is not only offensive to my eyes, but also plain insulting to members of the gay community, several of whom are my friends.
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