Author has written 7 stories for Maximum Ride, Bloodlines Series, Richelle Mead, Book Thief, Collectors’ Society, and Vampire Academy.
20 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if anyone slows down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone is over their caffeine addictions, switch to expresso
6. In the memo field of all your checks write, "For Smuggling Diamonds"
7. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance to the Prophecy"
8. Don't use any punctuation
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk
10. Order diet water with a serious face whenever you go out to eat
11. Specify that your Drive-Thru order is To Go
12. Sing Along at the opera
13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day
14. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't go to their party because you're not in the mood
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom
17. When money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running and screaming "Run for your lives! They're loose!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we're going to have to let one of you go"
20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity, post this on your profile and make somebody smile!
This is a list of all the stupid warnings on the products most of us use daily.
1. Children's Asprin: Warning: Keep Away From Children
2. Peanuts: Warning: Product May Contain Nuts
3. Curling Iron: Warning: Do not use while sleeping
4. Candle: Warning: Warning, A burning candle is fire
5. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking
6. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado
7. Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts
8. Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep Out of Children
9. Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.
10. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping
11. Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regular soap
12. Sleeping Pills: Warning: May Cause Drowsiness
13. Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required
14. Japanese Food Processor: Warning: Not to be used for the other use
15. Korean Kitchen Knife: Warning: Not to be used in Children
16. On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
17. On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
18. On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
19. On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
20. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down.
21. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
22. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
23. On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
24. On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
25. On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
26. On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
27. On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
28. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
29. On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
30. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
31. On a paper for Great Falls: Warning Drowning is real.
32. On the key holder of a cruise ship: The lock is not used to keep you in your room.
Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.