Fyre and Water
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Joined 04-02-12, id: 3873346, Profile Updated: 01-10-15
Author has written 7 stories for Maximum Ride, Bloodlines Series, Richelle Mead, Book Thief, Collectors’ Society, and Vampire Academy.

20 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if anyone slows down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In"

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone is over their caffeine addictions, switch to expresso

6. In the memo field of all your checks write, "For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance to the Prophecy"

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk

10. Order diet water with a serious face whenever you go out to eat

11. Specify that your Drive-Thru order is To Go

12. Sing Along at the opera

13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day

14. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't go to their party because you're not in the mood

16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom

17. When money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running and screaming "Run for your lives! They're loose!"

19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we're going to have to let one of you go"

20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity, post this on your profile and make somebody smile!

Stupid Warnings:

This is a list of all the stupid warnings on the products most of us use daily.

1. Children's Asprin: Warning: Keep Away From Children

2. Peanuts: Warning: Product May Contain Nuts

3. Curling Iron: Warning: Do not use while sleeping

4. Candle: Warning: Warning, A burning candle is fire

5. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking

6. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado

7. Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts

8. Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep Out of Children

9. Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.

10. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping

11. Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regular soap

12. Sleeping Pills: Warning: May Cause Drowsiness

13. Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required

14. Japanese Food Processor: Warning: Not to be used for the other use

15. Korean Kitchen Knife: Warning: Not to be used in Children

16. On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

17. On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

18. On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.

19. On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.

20. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down.

21. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.

22. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.

23. On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.

24. On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.

25. On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.

26. On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use.

27. On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.

28. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

29. On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

30. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

31. On a paper for Great Falls: Warning Drowning is real.

32. On the key holder of a cruise ship: The lock is not used to keep you in your room.

Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to your mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which button to press.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Cousins-One shots by Kono Noshimuri reviews
A collection of one shots based on Kono and Chin. feel free to leave me prompts.
Hawaii Five-0 - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 49 - Words: 100,360 - Reviews: 179 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 5/17 - Published: 1/25/2015 - Chin Ho K., Kono K.
Catalyst by Lustrex reviews
[Post-FANG]Max lives in a web of lies, carefully constructed to keep her safe and out of the School. The Flock's return after a seven year separation means diving into her past and back into the hands that shaped her. Tormented by forces out of her control, Max must learn to let the Flock and Fang back into her heart to keep her head on straight. [FAX][HEA][Dark themes][COMPLETE]
Maximum Ride - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 73 - Words: 453,217 - Reviews: 596 - Favs: 95 - Follows: 78 - Updated: 2/29/2016 - Published: 3/7/2015 - [Max, Fang] Nudge, Iggy - Complete
Finding Their Way by EmeraldGreenMind reviews
Max and her flock start off trying to find Angel, while Fang and his gang are off on their own mission. They join forces to see if they can help each other and Max ends up pregnant, but who's the father? This story is pretty much about everyone pairing off and then having to defeat Itex.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 46 - Words: 111,826 - Reviews: 272 - Favs: 77 - Follows: 87 - Updated: 2/14/2016 - Published: 10/29/2011 - Max, Fang, Dylan
A Sweet Wind Of Hope by strella.smith reviews
What would it have been like for Max had he agreed to testify in the Nazi trials in Dachau? An exploration of the consequences of the Holocaust as well as the development of Max and Liesel's relationship after the war.
Book Thief - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 28,388 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 44 - Updated: 1/29/2016 - Published: 12/11/2015 - [Liesel M., Max V.]
The Long, Winding Road by Curlscat reviews
Ups, downs, twists and turns, love and hatred. With a couple of new Everafters running about, wars start and lives end. Life for the Grimm family is NOT how it used to be. Pre-7 epicfic featuring Puckabrina getting together in chapter 112. Ch 1: Now contains a prologue! Ch. 127: The Epilogue.
Sisters Grimm - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 127 - Words: 345,549 - Reviews: 2409 - Favs: 376 - Follows: 252 - Updated: 7/21/2015 - Published: 2/16/2009 - [Sabrina G., Puck] - Complete
FuGiTiVeS by VampireRide reviews
Nick is an officer in training. Maxine is the most-wanted fugitive in the world. What happens when one day in court changes both of their lives forever? T cause of minor language. And I'm a little paranoid.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 86 - Words: 184,579 - Reviews: 885 - Favs: 172 - Follows: 215 - Updated: 7/5/2015 - Published: 7/5/2012 - Max, Fang - Complete
Whenever I Need You by Faxisthegreatest123 reviews
Max and Fang must both deal with the loss that they suffered two years ago. Mistakes are bound to be made, but each wrong turn may just become a blessing in disguise. Rated T for language and semi-mature themes. Will be continued.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 13,454 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 6/16/2015 - Published: 4/4/2013 - Max, Fang
He's Killing You by SilenceIsGolden15 reviews
Max never thought she needed to lose weight. She ate what she wanted when she wanted and never exercised. Until her boyfriend Dylan starts criticizing her and dropping hints. She quickly descends into a desperate downward spiral that could take her life. Can Fang bring her back? FAX! Little bit of Mylan at the beginning, but FAXXXXXX
Maximum Ride - Rated: M - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 35 - Words: 38,116 - Reviews: 746 - Favs: 191 - Follows: 245 - Updated: 2/6/2015 - Published: 12/3/2013 - Max, Fang, Dylan - Complete
Whatever Happens by Splatter101 reviews
Katy never thought he would leave. Considering everything they've been through. He leaves without any goodbye and Katy has been left behind without telling him the big news. She is crushed but knows that whatever happens everything will eventually be alright.
Lux Series, Jennifer L. Armentrout - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 9 - Words: 8,906 - Reviews: 254 - Favs: 94 - Follows: 164 - Updated: 8/9/2014 - Published: 2/14/2013 - Katy, Deamon
Hear, O Israel by ohwhatagloomyshow reviews
An examination of the question, "What if Max went to give testimony in Jerusalem, shortly after the Yad Vashem law was passed in 1953?" Liesel's POV, every other chapter is of their reunion in 1945. Updates Mondays & Thursdays.
Book Thief - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 38 - Words: 16,629 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 66 - Updated: 7/29/2014 - Published: 11/9/2013 - [Liesel M., Max V.] A. Steiner, Ilsa H.
Crash Into Me by ReillyJade reviews
Every couple has moments like these. Some are silly, some serious. Some are filled with joy and others are born of sorrow. No matter the reason, no matter what causes the two to give in, each moment has one thing in common: passion. It's raw, tender passion that brings them together, and Kristoff and Anna have shared plenty of moments like these. These are merely a few of them.
Frozen - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 13,930 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 105 - Follows: 53 - Updated: 7/14/2014 - Published: 6/23/2014 - [Kristoff B., Anna] - Complete
Okay Now by Fallen Ark Angel reviews
Missing Scene from Awake. Picks up right where the ending left off. Fang finally makes it home to meet his son. One-shot. Must read Catch and Release/Awake to understand.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Family/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,703 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 6 - Published: 6/22/2014 - [Fang, Max] - Complete
Sergeant Nikolaus Salvatore by imfallingforyoureyes102 reviews
Hes a US Sergeant. Shes a college student.When Dartmouth's History Department starts a penpal program with the US Navy/Army, Max finds herself writing to none other than Sergeant Salvatore-or Fang, as he prefers.Word by word, the two find each other and realize they are not all that e only thing separating them is an ocean and a war.But hey, love's a war itself. HUMAN
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,519 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 3/28/2014 - Published: 4/8/2013 - Max, Fang
All That Matters by Fallen Ark Angel reviews
"I feel like I've been usurped." "Hmmm?" "I feel like now that we have a baby, I'm not as important to you." "You're not." "You really have a way with women." - Post-Nevermore one-shot.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,460 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 5 - Published: 1/10/2014 - [Fang, Max] - Complete
Awake by Fallen Ark Angel reviews
Being in a coma for a year could change anyone. What did it do to Fang? - Sequel to Catch and Release
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 63,123 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 10/6/2013 - Published: 7/17/2013 - [Max, Fang] - Complete
Catch and Release by Fallen Ark Angel reviews
After being tortured for years, Fang is released only to be sent to a mental institution. When Dr. Martinez frees him, more challenges face him that just restarting his life. Mainly Max and her...daughter?
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 30 - Words: 175,376 - Reviews: 161 - Favs: 68 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 7/13/2013 - Published: 2/20/2013 - [Max, Fang] - Complete
For the One You Love by Lilianna.S reviews
Daemon was never one to get into other peoples bussiness. He would look out for his family, and thats all. But when he finally gets Katy back from the DOD, she isnt the same. Daemon knows she'll never be the same intill the DOD are gone. He will do anything for the one he loves. Even start war. Post Opal
Lux Series, Jennifer L. Armentrout - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 17,467 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 61 - Updated: 6/1/2013 - Published: 3/24/2013 - Deamon, Katy
Another Form of the Avian Bird Flu by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
So, Fang gets sick. The flu, to be exact. And, of course, he has to pull a whole 'Whining Macho Prince' thing about it. Max and Dr. Martinez deal with Fang's attitude, Iggy tries to boycott Campbell's Soup, the Flock play with a blender, and...FAX! Eggy!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 68 - Words: 103,238 - Reviews: 4223 - Favs: 1,128 - Follows: 829 - Updated: 3/13/2013 - Published: 10/3/2008 - Fang, Max
Letters To My Soldier by 0ShatteredPenance0 reviews
When Cammie is inspired to help out in any way she can, she gets to know Captain Zachary Goode through letters while he is stationed in Afghanistan. Will she learn to love the very lonely Soldier? AU, Zammie
Gallagher Girls - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 30 - Words: 50,418 - Reviews: 1644 - Favs: 459 - Follows: 345 - Updated: 2/11/2013 - Published: 12/1/2011 - Cammie M., Zach G. - Complete
Say I love you already by Rhianna218 reviews
This is Tobias's POV of Divergent. REVIEW PLEASEEEE :)
Divergent Trilogy - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 14,195 - Reviews: 85 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 1/18/2013 - Published: 12/7/2012 - Four/Tobias, Tris/Beatrice P.
Maximum Ride: CIAI by River DeLuca reviews
Maximum Ride was a 26 year old college student from Dallas, Texas. Until she passed a test. THE test that would change her life forever.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 13,691 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 8/11/2012 - Published: 5/11/2011 - Fang, Max
Born Of Fire by Pinklove21 reviews
Sequel to my story Any Means Necessary! Gale's a Victor. Katniss is a Victor. No more worries right? Wrong-their problems are far from over...
Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Drama/Suspense - Chapters: 42 - Words: 130,335 - Reviews: 654 - Favs: 225 - Follows: 154 - Updated: 7/11/2012 - Published: 5/20/2012 - Gale H., Katniss E. - Complete
Any Means Necessary by Pinklove21 reviews
Haymitch brought home a Victor in the 73rd Hunger Games. This is a story of that person's first year mentoring, and their tribute is coming home. There is no other option.
Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Drama/Friendship - Chapters: 38 - Words: 111,358 - Reviews: 463 - Favs: 398 - Follows: 209 - Updated: 5/20/2012 - Published: 3/29/2012 - Gale H., Katniss E. - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Curveball reviews
Dimitri comes home to an angry Rose who has an interesting reason for her mood. Post Ruby Circle. Chapter 15 now up.
Vampire Academy - Rated: K - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 9,365 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 67 - Follows: 106 - Updated: 7/2/2016 - Published: 7/23/2015 - Rose H., Dimitri B.
Wait, Break, Resuscitate reviews
Marcus is persistent, very persistent. He's willing to do anything if it means gaining Carly's trust enough to tell her how he feels, even if it means waiting. Carly is only too happy to oblige. Her past still haunts her despite her best efforts to overcome it. Some things, you just can't come back from. Spin-off series based off of my one-shot 'Reasons'.
Bloodlines Series, Richelle Mead - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 89 - Words: 92,106 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 6/22/2016 - Published: 11/14/2014 - Carly S., Marcus F.
A Collision of Past and Future
A version of the conversation Jace and Finn had before collecting the Wonderland catalyst.
Collectors’ Society - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 875 - Published: 7/8/2015 - Finn Van Brunt/Huckleberry Finn, Jace/The White King - Complete
Christmas reviews
The Palm Springs crew has Christmas.
Bloodlines Series, Richelle Mead - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 719 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Published: 12/24/2014 - Complete
ABC's of Bloodlines reviews
A group of one-shots based on the characters and groups from the series.
Bloodlines Series, Richelle Mead - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 26 - Words: 11,583 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 11/10/2014 - Published: 8/1/2014
Colors reviews
Liesel thinks on what colors mean to her.
Book Thief - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 320 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Published: 8/27/2014 - Complete
Who Knew Nightmares Could Bring Joy? reviews
Max has a nightmare and gets an unexpected surprise because of it.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 698 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Published: 8/1/2013 - Max, Fang - Complete