'Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried to slam a revolving door.' Anon.
Human beings have speculated about the relationship between inspiration and insanity for centuries. -Patty Duke
'Tis better to be thought a fool and remain silent, than speak and remove all doubt. Galileo
To read a writer is for me not merely to get an idea of what he says, but to go off with him and travel in his company."
- Andre Gide
I think paranoia can be instructive in the right doses. Paranoia is a skill.
- John Shirley
I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford, "Identity Crisis," M*A*S*H
"A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often – just to save it from drying out completely."
"It is absolutely okay with me if you need to keep some secrets. I've been thinking about this and I decided that a best friend is someone who, when they don't understand, they still understand."
― Nancy Werlin, Impossible
I often think that we are like the carp swimming contentedly in that pond. We live out our lives in our own "pond," confident that our universe consists of only the familiar and the visible. We smugly refuse to admit that parallel universes or dimensions can exist next to ours, just beyond our grasp. If our scientists invent concepts like forces, it is only because they cannot visualize the invisible vibrations that fill the empty space around us. Some scientists sneer at the mention of higher dimensions because they cannot be conveniently measured in the laboratory.
- Michio Kaku
It is a great ability to be able to conceal one's ability.
Nerds don't just happen to dress informally. They do it too consistently. Consciously or not, they dress informally as a prophylactic measure against stupidity.
I do not regret one professional enemy I have made. Any actor who doesn't dare to make an enemy should get out of the business.
The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions.
When a man asks himself what is meant by action he proves he is not a man of action. Action is a lack of balance. In order to act you must be somewhat insane. A reasonably sensible man is satisfied with thinking.
Strong reasons make strong actions.
By courage I repel adversity.
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity -- another man's I mean.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
When in doubt, tell the truth. Mark Twain
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. Mark Twain
Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. Mark Twain
I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people. Mark Twain
Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it. Mark Twain
A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. Mark Twain
We have not the reverent feeling for the rainbow that a savage has, because we know how it is made. We have lost as much as we gained by prying into that matter. Mark Twain
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. Mark Twain
Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to. Mark Twain
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane. Mark Twain
Of all the creatures that were made, man is the most detestable. Of the entire brood he is the only one--the solitary one--that possesses malice. That is the basest of all instincts, passions, vices--the most hateful. He is the only creature that has pain for sport, knowing it to be pain. Also--in all the list he is the only creature that has a nasty mind. Mark Twain
Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat. Mark Twain
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. Mark Twain
I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts. Mark Twain
The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot. Mark Twain
"When in doubt, kill the character."
"My characters have to earn the right to live."
"Be careful, or you will end up in my novel."
'Dream as if you’ll live forever…'
'Don't get mad; get sadistic.'
“My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.” - Ashleigh Brilliant
“When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.” - Mae West
“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.” - Rodney Dangerfield
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” - Drew Carey
16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"
Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things
1) Being gay is not natural. Real people always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why they have only one religion in the world.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans...
Re-post this if you believe in legalizing gay marriage
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch.
It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up.
He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK.
But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Ninety-five percent of kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley bored, Gem W, Bara- Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Carzy Billie Joe loving freak, shadow929, The Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/ fairy to be, The Gypsy- Pirate Queen, MCR Rocks, Andrew Laplante, MajorDxSFanatic,teh queen of randomness,Xannijn, powderedsugar, Black Wolf-Dog, Fluff's Lady, night flame miko, Izara Sprightly, Death's Shadw Cat
92 percent n teens would die if Abecrombie and Fitch told them it uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their asses off at the others.
93 percent of teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile.
If you have never been social enough to be exposed to drugs, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile. If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile.
If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile.
95 percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the 5 percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. Death's Shadow Cat
If you are odd and proud of it put this on your profile.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge! If you are really random put this on your profile.
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!
If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile.
FOR ALL THOSE WHO ADMIT TO BEING WEIRD AND ARE PROUD OF IT, COPY AND PASTE THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILES! ALL HAIL THOSE WHO ARE PROUD TO BE DIFFERENT!
FAKE VS. REAL
FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.
FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr./Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.
FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Dang … we really messed up … but that sure was fun!”
FAKE FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it’s yours.
FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to whats wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Make you say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would go to your funeral if you were murdered.
REAL FRIENDS: Would skip the funeral and go out looking for the murderer and kill him!!
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will help me find my way when I'm lost.
REAL FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will help me learn to drive.
REAL FRIENDS: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will help me up when I fall down.
REAL FRIENDS: Will point and laugh because he tripped me.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will go to a concert with me.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kidnap the band with me.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Hide me from the cops.
REAL FRIENDS: Are probably the reason they're after me in the first place.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Let me make an idiot of myself in public.
REAL FRIENDS: Are up there with me making an idiot out of themselves too.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will try to comfort me when my girlfriend breaks up with me.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick my ass until I get it together and will smack her for breaking up with me.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will help me move.
REAL FRIENDS: Will help me move a body.
FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will ignore this.
REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it
If you think everyone's out of their minds (including yourself...but that's a given), copy and paste this to your profile
If people think you are mentally insane...copy this into your profile
If they are right...copy and paste this into your profile
:.:7 Ways to Scare your roommates:.:
7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..."
6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.
4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.
3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.
2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"
1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."
1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. see if they slow down.
How to make your friends think that you're INSANE:
Go out in public wearing crazy clothes, make up, and hair with your friends. Meet up with them somewhere else because they wont let you go with them if you meet them at their house. (guys- you don't have to try on make up but it sure would be crazy!)
Just start laughing at nothing in particular. It would help to have a weird or insane laugh.
Dye your hair a crazy color like pink or gold
Go up to your friends and tell them how much you missed them and hug them often ( like 5 hugs in 2 min)like you haven't seen them for 5 years
When walking with your friends on the street, say hi to every strangers who pass by ( try at least 20 strangers to say hi to.) This will drive your friends crazy
Tell your friends that the squirrel in your back yard died and that you are depressed. put eye drop as tears and use tissues to blow your nose. act sad for days
Invite your friends over and when they come in the house, pretend to watch Barney or Dora the explorer.
Talk to yourself out loud when you and your friends are eating in a restaurant. When a waitress is taking order, talk to yourself out loud, trying to decide if you want a burger or pasta.
Have a sleepover party and rent movies for little children like Beauty and the Beast or Alice in Wonderland.
Tell them weird stories like you dream to go to Africa and become an orthodontist for giraffes or gorillas. Or tell them that you will build your own house shape like a shark when you get older.
When you're at your friend's party, yell out loud that it's a karaoke time and start singing some DEVO songs or some much older song. Or you can sing in opera.
You could scream: I lost a contact!and wait ten seconds for people to get down on their knees to look for it, then run away laughing at all the funny people
When somebody is talking to you, start to stare at their chin. Nod and respond to whatever they are saying, but always look at their chin. Then slowly change your expression to one of horror, then be quietly amused. The person talking to you will probably loose his/her chain of thought.
On Halloween paint half your face VERY scary, and when somebody is talking to you, slowly turn your head towards the speaker then scream LOUDLY. It will make the speaker jump.
Say random things. Something that has nothing to do with the topic, like Cake is a Lie. Or, The Chipmunks are plotting to take over the world.
Say things like i have pet unicorns that come visit me and i name them after mexican presidents.
If you actually take the time to read other peoples' profiles, copy this to yours.
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