IF YOU HATE CHILD ABUSE POST THIS ON YOUR PROFILE!!
My name is Sarah
I am but three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can't speak at all
I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up
All the day long
When I awake I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home.
When my mommy does come
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just
One whipping tonight
Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar.
I hear him curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall.
I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm starting to cry.
He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault
That he suffers at work.
He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door.
He's already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.
"I'm sorry!", I scream
But its now much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate.
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor.
My name is Sarah
And I am but three,
Tonight my daddy,
The 100 Laws of Anime
The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of "laws" that explained how Anime physics are different from our own (real?) world. It is our hope that you find them useful to studying Anime, or at the very least, worth a good chuckle.
#1) Law of Metaphysical Irregularity - The normal laws of physics do not apply.
#2) Law of Differential Gravitation - Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4. Some things have been known to "Float" for a few seconds before plummeting to hit the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium.
#3) Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics - In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.
#4) Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion - In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.
#5) Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion - The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves; Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.
#6) Law of Temporal Variability - Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something "cool" or "impressive". Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
#7) First Law of Temporal Mortality – “Good Guys” and “Bad Guys” both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.
#8) Second Law of Temporal Mortality - It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the “Bad Guys” are killed so quickly they don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.
#9) Law of Dramatic Emphasis - Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).
#10) Law of Dramatic Multiplicity - Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a “Good Guy” kicks the “Bad Guy” in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.
#11) Law of Inherent Combustibility - Everything explodes. Everything.
#12) Law of Phlogistatic Emission - Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
#13) Law of Energetic Emission - There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.
#14) Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude - The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.
#15) Law of Inexhaustibility - No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and/or unconscious.
#16) Laws of Inverse Accuracy - The accuracy of a “Good Guy” when operating any form of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the “Bad Guys” when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases (Also known as the Storm Trooper Effect).
#17) Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability - Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs to get out more.)
#18) Law of Hemoglobin Capacity - the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.
#19) Law of Demonic Consistency - Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. Also, acid has been known to work just as well...
#20) Law of Militaristic Unreliability - Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
#21) Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...
#22) Law of Inconsequential Undetectability - People never notice the little things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.
#23) Law of Juvenile Intellectuality - Children are smarter than adults. And almost twice as annoying...
#24) Law of Americanthromorphism - Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny “Bad Guy” or a big stupid “Good Guy”.
#25) Law of Mandibular Proportionality - The size of a person’s mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.
#26) Law of Feline Mutation - Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
#27) Law of Conservation of Firepower - Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used as a last resort.
#28) Law of Technological User-Benevolence - The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.
#29) Law of Melee Luminescence - Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for “Good Guys” and red for “Bad Guys”. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.
#30) Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism - All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
#31) Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability - Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.
#32) Law of Follicular Permanence - Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!
#33) Law of Nothingness - There is no Law #33... I think.
#34) Law of Probable Attire - Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.
#35) Law of Musical Omnipotence - Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more “simple things”, such examples would be like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they’ve never attempted these things before.
#36) Law of Quintupular Agglutination - Also called “The Five-man Rule”, when “Good Guys” group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
#37) Law of Extradimensional Capacitance - All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious dimension is commonly called "Malletspace".
#38) Law of Hydrostatic Emission - Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.
#39) Law of Inverse Attraction - Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get and vice-versa.
#40) Law of Nasal Sanguination - When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get erections (no that occurs in H-manga sometimes), nope, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes mean smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds (though it’s very rare), but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.
#41) Law of Xylolaceration - Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.
#42) Law of Juvenile Omnipotence - Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.
#43) Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia - There is no Law #43.
#44) Law of Nominative Clamovocation - The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).
#45) Law of Uninterruptable Metamorphosis - Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any “Bad Guys” witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it (unless they’re smart to try an action but then again such an action doesn’t exist much).
#46) Law of Flimsy Incognition - Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.
#47) Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission - All anime characters seem to have some unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.
#48) Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism - If you get electrocuted or burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later, your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect").
#49) Law of Female Wrath - If a male character insults a female character, he will get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor"). This is because he always deserves it, and will help him to cope in today’s society. (Sniff, Sniff)
#50) Law of Artistic Perversion - Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter). Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression...
#51) Law of Uninterruptable Nominative Clamovocation - This law is a mixture of Laws 44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any “Bad Guys” witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the “Dragon Slave Phenomenon”)
#52) Law of Telepathic Obliviousness - Most of the time, some Anime characters (usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC! The reasons for this are:
#53) Law of Chromatic Diversity - Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.
#54) Law of Old Man Comic Relief - Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald, wise-mouthed dirty old man, alien, or the combination of any two of those traits.
#55) Law of the Wise Old Man - Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.
#56) Law of Omnipotent Unreliability - Any “Bad Guy” with Omnipotent powers/weapons will never use those powers/weapons against the “Good Guy” until it is too late.
#57) Law of Minimum Corneal Volume - Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman...
#58) Law of Electrical Charges in Hair - Hair attracts electricity in abundance, resulting in two outcomes:
b) A negative charge will result in the hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.
#59) Law of Ammunition Accuracy - When there are multiple types of ammunition available (paintballs, speaker pods) non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate when compared to “standard” or “lethal” shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7 for speaker pods)
#60) Law of Active Female Attraction - In a comedy series, a male character’s attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them. (Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto OVA have a seemingly endless supply of willing girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot couldn’t get a date despite or because of their constant attempts.)
#61) Law of Sweat Pore Variability - When a person is embarrassed, caught in an awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract, except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single drop could fill a Big Gulp from a 7-11 shop.
#62) The Law of Inverse Training Time - A person who has been training for 3 years is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.
#63) Law of Needs to Few and Many - The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few... of even the one.
#64) Law of Bad Humor - Whenever someone says something that is intended to be funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall. (The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)
#65) Law of Extreme Anger - Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the guy’s face so hard that it changes shape (see law #49).
#66) Law of Differentiated Gravitation - The following occur:
#67) Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension - In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does not happen, the “Bad Guy” inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will always be offset by an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.
#68) Law of Coercive Vehicular Control - No matter how complex or well defined the control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis.
#69) Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension - In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the “Bad Guy” usually come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in Ambient Dramatic Tension.
#70) Law of The Rushing Background Effect - Whenever something dramatic occurs, a survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in slow motion.
#71) Law of Interdimensional Hammers - Whenever a female character witnesses a male character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. (See Laws # 37, 49, and 65)
#72) Law of Instant Band-Aids - Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene.
#73) Law of Universal Edge Defense - Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly past the defender (Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime).
#74) Law of Intractable Sanity - There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime characters will either:
#75) Law of Celestial Body Control - At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.
#76) Law of Aura of Forgetfulness - Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?
#77) Law of Cool Hair Factor - The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the elements, etc. (see Laws 32 & 48)
#78) Law of Inverse Coping - Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST capable of dealing with it.
#79) Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability - The Myth that certain martial arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just doesn’t work in real life...
#80) Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics - If a captain of any type of ship is male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole (horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.
#81) Law of Shades/Coolness Factor - Shades can make you instantly cool, even if you’re normally a klutz.
#82) Law of Hentai Plot - The proper response to any change in the plotline of a Hentai anime is to start having sex.
#83) Law of Understatement - Anything that is deemed too impossible will become possible.
#84) Law of Dormant Powers - Anytime a hero is somehow out powered and/or outclassed by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could accomplish... but his old teacher did!
#85) Law of Style Coefficient - In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (See Laws #67, 69, and 84)
#86) Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor - Whenever the villain actually succeeds in beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won against the “Good Guy” because they’re EVIL! They usually get so cocky they tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack. Usually this results in:
#87) Law of Tableware Nonexistence - There IS no spoon.
#88) Law of Goofy Turn-Ons - In Hentai, ordinary pedestrian objects sometimes have the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water, rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.
#89) Law of Penile Variance - All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...
#90) Law of Hentai Female Characteristics - All Hentai women have the following characteristics:
#91) Law of Vaginal Variance - Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive vagina.
#92) Law of Hero Identification - All heroes are introduced by way of appearance while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them introducing themselves.
#93) Law of Cute Mascots - Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death!
#94) Law of The Force - Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.
#95) Law of Naughty Tentacles - All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...")
#96) Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other, sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage begins to occur.
#97) Law of Healing - Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect")
#98) Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics - All ships, either waterborne or spaceborne, has the following crew members:
#99) Law of Sparkles - Whenever a character of the main character’s interest appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love. No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...
#100) Law of Anime Events - Much like the WWE (and other forms of Pro Wrestling), anything and everything can happen.
This was created by Insane Advocate and his two friends, as well as gatherings from various internet sources in order to help others understand the things that happen in anime (and manga). And so, to help others understand anime, after you have read this, if you wish you may copy and paste this to your profile. Thank you.
Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter by Hyuuga Hiashi WRITTTEN BY SHAWNY WONG!!
Rule One: If you come up to gates of the Hyuuga estate and announce your presence you’d better be delivering an important message from the Hokage, because you’re sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered practical for boys of your age to remove their shirts when they have been training for hours on end. Presumably, this is to ensure that you do not overheat while you are training outdoors. Please don’t take this as an insult but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. We do have air conditioned dojos and indoor training halls for a reason. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may remove your shirts and tops whenever and wherever you want, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your pants do not, accidentally, come off during any time spent with my daughter, I will take my senbon and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex with the wrong kunoichi can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, my daughter is that kunoichi, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about recent missions, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than sculpting the Hokage Monument. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like sweeping my floors?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, ninja patrols, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Chunin exam tournaments are okay. Morino Ibiki’s interrogation chambers are better. (Speaking of which, Ibiki owes me a favor. Would you like me to make an appointment for you? It’s no trouble.)
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I am a master of the Byakugan – that makes me a living lie detector. I can see every involuntary twitch, every breath, and each bead of sweat on your face. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have an army of elite Byakugan users at my beck and call. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your steps coming up to my front gate for an enemy Cloud ninja sent here to steal the secrets of the Byakugan. You remember what happened to the last Cloud ninja who crossed me, don’t you? Incidentally, I will be cleaning and polishing the family katana as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you set one foot on my property you should submit yourself to a full body search by my guards, remove all hidden weapons from your person, and keep both hands in plain sight. Announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then leave - there is no need for you to come inside. You may not see me, but rest assured. I see you.