Author has written 5 stories for Sailor Moon, and Utena.
I'm not a writer. My interest is in discourse and social narratives, which I try to experiment with every handful of years.
UPDATE: Looking for a beta reader or two. What is likely my most user-friend fanfic to date is now written and sitting on my hard drive. It needs to move to ff.net. I wrote it a week or so ago. I'm still tinkering with it. So, if Sailor Moon is your fandom and your OTP's include Haruka/Michiru, Haruka/Usagi, and potentially Haruka/Michiru/Usagi pairings, this might be the fic for you. I wanted something good and angsty with *gasp* ethical non-monogamy, but wasn't finding it (no gasp there). So, by golly, I went and wrote it! I never intended to post it. But, a picky friend read it and said it had revived her faith in fanfiction. O.o So... *coughs into hand* I'm looking for beta readers of good repute. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how to find beta readers...I'm hoping that might be you?
My most recent posted fanfic, "On a theme and a fall from the balcony" (11/27/13) holds a special place in my heart. I am enjoying reading it along with other "Balcony" fics (well, 1. I hope to find more). I'm imagining that they are connected, various perspectives, like in real life when one event can happen but 29 different people can experience it differently. (Though, it's been too long since I've watched the series. I have also realized I left out some key points I'll need to edit in later.)
Here is a working list of other Balcony fics by different authors. Disclaimer, these are of any rating and may contain various triggering content:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5619693/1/Secret-of-the-Strong (by Sharnii)
"On a theme and a fall from the balcony" is multi-faceted and most readers who have faced any kind of persecution will likely come away with something familiar. This story is dark, very sad, and offers no hope to the reader who hasn't read the manga or watched the anime. The most immediate theme is gender roles, but it's capacity stretches much further. (And contrary to how it might appear, I'm not a gender abolitionist and for very good reason.) I don't suggest it as reading for any gq, gv, or trans folks (or really anyone who is experiencing isolation) who might be contemplating suicide. To you I emphasize, don't forget how the series ends. We can always be somewhere dark and be sure of a thing at various places along our journeys, until we've had a chance to look at the starlight from the place ahead of us. If you don't think it's there, remember, we're already in the process of building it together. Though I would never shame you, or think you weak if you feel exhausted and need a rest. I think we all do at various times in our life. Just know that things are already changing a little more each day. You can come sit beside me though, if you need a little rest. Here, have some water. Have whatever self-care you need. I never want to cause you pain with what I've written. There's hope where things get disrupted, where monotony ruptures, and metaphors change a phrase. This is all part of the change.
My first fanfic (6/15/07) was "Rei's terrible, really bad, no good day." Hino Rei was my least favorite character all those years ago. I was frustrated reading so many fics where the authors made ooc's out of characters they loathed in order to abuse them in less than entertaining ways. So, I challenged myself to write something humorous, keeping her as true to character as I could manage. I was very young at the time, and still not a writer. I am very proud of this fic because of the internal journey on which it took me. (And I don't hate Rei so much. I have found a grudging respect and admiration for her temper and lack of gentleness.)
Meanwhile, I've written several duds that house incredible potential. Their themes get down and gritty into the guts of unequal power dynamics. I was not skilled enough to realize their potential, but I hope that others will be inspired to make the leap from potential to fanfiction.
My all time favorite fanfiction authors are:
Alithea and April Eagle.
My favorite anime/manga include, but are not limited to:
Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind, Sailor Moon, Utena, Madoka. Impressive, seeing as how magic girl genre is among my least favorite. (I have a lot of internalized sexism and femephobia, no sense in not being honest. I'm not proud of it either. I'm on my journey through it though, and I hope others are too.)
My thanks to:
Delonde, beta reader for "So, this is rape."
My reviews: Russian Roulette, seriously I never know what mood will strike me. Sometimes I've been cruel, disgusted by something even the author might not have noticed in their own work (maybe something that has appeared in my own work?? Possibly, I'm not above hypocrisy), some dynamic or other that we are likely encouraged not to think about, talk about, or explore critically. I've hurt people with my words. Some instances of which I'm still happy about, yet most of which I am ashamed. In addition, I am an awkward reviewer. I have synesthesia and feelings have a color sense. And not always colors that correspond to actual colors. And so when I have thoroughly enjoyed a fic, the words of my enjoyment are usually the least dominant input my brain is giving me, or there are simply no words in our vocabulary to describe those color feelings. (I'm sure I am just a difficult person in general _). So, if I've favorited your fic and not left a review, or favorited but left an inadequate review, just know that your fic brought beautiful colors into my world, and I thank you for them.
Major TW beyond this point
I have an absolute love/hate relationship with my fanfic, "So, this is rape" (12/25/10) because I used rape as a plot device. Something I hadn't critically thought about for most of my life until long after I'd written this. Rape as a plot almost never improves the world, almost always contributes to the narratives that encourage rape, and re-establishes, rewards, and eroticizes the role of the abuser. I received more than one PM from survivors saying that this story had changed their lives forever. For one it had inspired massive healing. So, here it sits, not deleted, a little loved and a little loathed.
I am of the strong opinion that survivors of trauma should not ever have to empathize with, love, or forgive their abusers. Nor will I cast shame on those who do. I am a survivor. There is not a single path forward. There are many. Shame does not help us on our way. And "forward" is a word no one else should define for us. Using that word necessitates a disclaimer: the idea that trauma is "past" "in the past" somehow "stationary", is not something anyone should impose on anyone else, because it can be presumptuous, invalidating, and revictimizing.
Meanwhile, I also love this fic. In my vast imaginings I gained a sense of power by becoming usagi taking something away from the aggressor. Unfortunately, another reason I hate this fic is that I saw her as a victor, a relic from the gross idea that there are winners and losers involved in rape. That someone can take a "victory" from an abuser supports the idea that otherwise the abuser "took a victory" from the abused. In there is the seed that I still see abuse as a form of victory, which is probably what abusers see and why they abuse, they see some kind of victory. It turns my stomach that this narrative lives inside of me. I reject it intellectually and here it shows up in a fanfiction I wrote. And despite it all, I still love this version of Usagi and I love her victory, which brings us to the next problematic aspect: Victim blaming.
Had Usagi not "won" would it have been her fault? Would the trauma have been her fault because she hadn't done something? Don't go that way. It strengthens rape culture. This is not the responsibility of the survivor. The survivor has no responsibility to do anything. I repeat the survivor has no responsibility to do anything, not survive, not heal, not become well adjusted, not to be broken, not to be deeply affected, not to bring others close or keep them away. The survivor has no responsibility, save for not becoming abusers of non-aggressors.
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