563 ways to anoy everyone!!!!!!
1. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
2. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
3. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
6. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper, 99 copies.
7. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
8. Sniffle incessantly.
9. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
10. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
11. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace.
12. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
13. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
14. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
15. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
16. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
17. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment.
18. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
19. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
20. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
21. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
22. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
23. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
24. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people’s backpacks.
25. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
26. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
27. Honk and wave to strangers.
28. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
29. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
30. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
31. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
32. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
33. Only type in lowercase.
34. Don’t use any punctuation either
35. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
36. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
37. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
38. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
39. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone’s roadmaps.
40. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
41. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
42. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
43. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
44. Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
45. Pretend your computers mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
46. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
47. Ask people what gender they are.
48. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
49. Hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
50. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
51. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
52. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book, claim its a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
53. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
54. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
55. Wear a LOT of cologne.
56. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
57. Sing along at the opera.
58. Mow your lawn with scissors.
59. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
60. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
61. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
62. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
63. Never make eye contact.
64. Never break eye contact.
65. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
66. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
67. Invite lots of people to other people’s parties.
68. Ask people to donate to your favorite charity--yourself.
69. Explode a lot.
70. Bring your puppy into fancy restaurants.
71. Purposely crash into walls and insist it never happened.
72. Slap someone every time they say "potato".
73. Sneeze on people.
74. Bother people you don't know.
75. Accidentally misspell wurdz.
76. Have an over-active imagination.
77. Write a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, long sentence.
78. Throw dishes at people when they talk too much.
79. Tell people to shut up when they start to talk.
80. Tell people to shut up when you think they might start talking.
81. Bother people you don't know by loudly ripping paper.
82. Bounce objects off bald guy's heads. (no offense to bald guys :))
83. Tell people you're from the future and that they will die within 24 hours.
84. Then tell them again.
85. And again.
86. And one more time for good measure. But don't overdo it.
87. Overdo it anyway.
88. Claim you have split personalities and argue with yourself.
89. Then have your third personality join in.
90. Steal people’s pens.
91. Toss things out windows of a very tall building.
92. Let your Yorkshire terrier chew the tar out of someone's briefcase.
93. Then in front of the owner give the dog a biscuit and tell it "good job, but you missed a spot."
94. Don't bathe.
95. Then tell people it’s a new fragrance from France.
96. Laugh if they believe you.
97. Don't bathe your dog.
98. And bring it to a wedding.
99. Repeat rules 94-96 aloud to make people thing you're psycho.
100. Put a dog in your backpack and bring it to school, saying your dog ate your schoolbooks, so you couldn't do your homework.
101. Run around, screaming and flailing your arms like a lunatic.
102. Collect animal eggs and store them in your medicine cabinet for nosy people to be surprised when they check it.
103. Purposely make someone get an error and disconnect from AOL IM.
104. Make people believe you're an AOL hacker by having an evil address.
105. Use the phrase "hehe" a lot.
106. Lie about EVERYTHING and make it obvious that you are.
107. Make up your own internet-ese and type it to people and see if they understand.
108. Be really stupid.
109. Make a list of annoying things.
109. Use the same number twice.
110. Ring people’s doorbells and say you’re from Publishers’ Clearing House, telling them they didn’t win a prize.
111. Spin your head in circles.
112. Smack people in the face and claim it’s an arm spasm.
114. Skip numbers in a numbered list.
23. Then add a number from out of nowhere.
115. At restaurants, eat food off other people’s plates while they stare at you in amazement.
116. Gain 200 pounds and order four pizzas from a pizza place, then insist on not paying because they were ten seconds late.
117. Visit a friend and replace all their silverware with chopsticks.
118. Bring fast food into another restaurant.
119. Steal the deal in euchre until someone notices.
120. Play 52-card pickup by yourself in front of everyone.
121. On every scrap of paper you find, scribble "Happy Valentine’s Day" and give it to people.
122. Scatter camouflaged objects all over the floor and laugh at people that trip.
123. Take off your socks and toss them randomly around your house, and take note of who passes out.
124. Throw a party at a friend’s house while he/she are gone, leave a mess, then insist it was a surprise party. "Surprise! We trashed your house!"
125. Strew fly paper all over the floor in the public restroom.
126. Talk in a really high-pitched voice.
127. Never change the tone of your voice This means no feeling emphasis emotion or punctuation of any kind
128. Prop your feet up on a computer desk and insist you type with your feet.
129. End all your sentences with question marks?
130. Play golf with a friend, and launch all his/her golf balls into a lake, one after the other.
131. Add another annoying thing to the end of this list every time you receive it, and send it to everyone you know, including the person that sent this to you.
132. Go burn the Puerto Rican flag.
133. Go to Lebanon, and burn their flag while claiming that you're a member of Hammas.
134. Yell out "that's gotta hurt" every time that someone dies in a movie.
135. Swat at the air for no reason so people will think that you're crazy.
136. When you go to shake someone's hand, sniff them for no reason.
137. Talk with a Russian accent.
138. Put. periods. after. all. words.
140. Or forget rules 132-135 and imitate every action of the most recent Seinfeld.
141. Try putting a CD in the slot for a 3.5" floppy and then say, "It doesn't fit."
142. Wear glitter eye shadow for no reason.
143. Say "no?" after every sentence so the person you're talking to doesn't know whether to say "yes" or "no" or something else.
144. Put your hair like Kramer's for no apparent reason.
145. In the middle of "Men in Black", get up & scream, "BEAM ME UP, SCOTTIE!"
146. Eat everything you see.
147. Eat nothing you see.
148. When people ask if they can have your phone number (or anything else of yours) say you'll have to talk to your lawyer first.
149. Ask people what the word "the" means.
150. Ask strangers where babies come from.
151. Ramble at people in Russian.
152. If they understand you, knock them unconscious with a Wrench.
153. Or a Candlestick.
154. Or a Lead Pipe.
155. Talk about soap opera characters as if they are real.
156. Pretend video games are real.
157. Chop down telephone poles.
158. Drive a large vacuum down the road.
159. Or try a ride-on lawn mower.
160. Repeat something.
161. Repeat something.
162. Repeatedly give your friends lists of ways to be annoying.
163. Make up unreasonable stories and try to get people to believe you.
164. Sell iceboxes to people in Alaska.
165. Take over the world.
166. Show people that you can count to a million.
167. Tell people you’ll be a DJ when you grow up.
168. Purposely stand in someone’s way until they get the nerve to ask you to move.
169. Laugh at everything someone says especially right in the middle of sentences.
170. Laugh and point at someone for no reason.
171. Stop talking in the middle of
172. Erect a 50-foot billboard in front of your house.
173. Insist that French West Africa still exists.
174. Tell people that you are from the Afrika Corps.
175. Tell people that you can't do that because it is against your religion.
176. Drive on the wrong side of the road.
177. Don't tip the guy who parks your car at an elegant restaurant.
178. Tell people the truth (whether it is what they want to hear or not.).
>179. Put > symbols before all lines >in an e-mail.
180. When walking down a sidewalk, walk into people. When they try to get out of the way, move in their way.
181. Ask people questions as you walk with them.
182. Launch bottle rockets into your neighbor's yard and then declare war.
183. .sdrawkcab etirW
184. Drive into the back-ends of others and tell them that you thought that it was bumper cars.
185. Dress in all one color.
186. Ask people what they want to be when they grow up.
187. Go to work with the flu.
188. Burn fiction books.
189. Have a powwow in Red Square.
190. Cut down your neighbors’ trees and tell them that you are clearing the old growth so that there isn't a forest fire.
191. Don't answer your phone.
192. Don't read your mail.
193. Put no trespassing signs up in your yard.
194. Pour "Lawn Be-gone" on your neighbor's lawn.
195. Park your car in the middle of the road so no one can get to where they want to go.
196. Cut your grass at three in the morning.
197.Wear a cowboy hat inside public buildings.
198. Put plastic explosives inside the abandoned building down the street from where you live and set them off at three in the morning.
0199. Put zeros before numbers and tell people that they look good there.
200. Shine very bright light into people's eyes.
201. Post bio-hazard signs in your yard.
202. Pronounce numbers such as .4 as forty hundredths instead of four tenths.
203. Send the same e-mail through 3 or 4 times.
204. Send it through again.
205. Ask someone the same question over, and over again. When they finally tell you to shut up and that you've asked them that question already ten times, tell them, "I was just going to ask you that."
206. Wear a "for sale" sign around your neck.
207. Place a sign stating: "Could be radioactive" on your lawn.
208. Bleach your hair, just so you can look stupid.
209. Wear two-toned shoes.
210. Tell people that there is a right way and a wrong way to eat a potato.
211. Loan out empty pens.
212. Type in bright green size 3 font.
213. Put magnets up to disks; say that it is an experiment to see whether something will happen to it.
214. Laugh at stuff that isn't funny at all.
215. Don't laugh at stuff that is funny.
216. When making a list of annoying things for your friend to edit, skip numbers so they have to create annoying things themselves.
217. Call people, then hang up on them when they pick up.
218. Wear sunglasses in the night.
219. Make up jokes that make no sense whatsoever.
220. Devise a plan to take over the world.
221. Cough on others.
222. Sneeze over, and over, and over again.
223. Fall asleep while someone is talking to you.
225. Go to bookstores to read their books without buying them.
226. Change the rules in the middle of a game.
227. Tell people to "Beware the ides of March."
228. Talk very loudly in public.
229. Teach photosynthesis to your friends.
230. Without words.
231. Try to find an acute angle that doesn’t measure between 0 and 90 degrees.
232. Walk really slowly.
233. Sing in Gaelic or other strange languages.
234. Slobber on tablecloths in restaurants.
235. Whistle incessantly.
236. Talk to people while they are concentrating on something else.
237. Format all the disks in your house "for fun".
238. Type reports in some really strange font such as "French Script MT".
239. Don't do what you are told to.
240. abbr. wds (Abbreviate words).
241.Point at people with extremely large ears.
242. Park in the handicapped section and if you get a ticket, say that you are mentally handicapped and that's probably why you parked there anyway.
243. Pronounce words incorrectly.
244. Talk during a movie.
245. Cannonball into a 3-foot deep pool.
246. Ring someone's doorbell, then run away. When they answer the door, call them from your cellular phone.
247. Write very very long run on sentences that can be very very confusing to read.
248. Write stories in prose.
249. Become nocturnal. Sleep in class.
250. Write a poem about annoying things.
251. When reading, pause briefly after each comma, period, semi-colon, or any other form of punctuation.
252. Ignore people when they talk to you, and then start talking to them.
253. Bring your 160-lb pig into a friend’s house, and laugh as it demolishes their house.
254. Scream for absolutely no reason.
255. Drop things.
256. Buy a mansion, a Knife, a Rope, a Revolver, a Wrench, a Lead Pipe, and a Candlestick, and then invite six friends over for some fun.
257. Play "Spot the Car" everywhere you go. Rules: when you see a car pass your vehicle, scream "THERE’S A CAR!" and if it’s not a car, then don’t yell. Especially fun with hyper people.
258. Play hide-and-seek alone.
259. Remodel every room in your house to look like a bathroom.
260. Remodel every room in someone else’s house to look like a bathroom.
261. Stare at someone across the room.
262. Run into restaurants, insist that green Jell-O is after you and you need to hide in the kitchen.
263. Tell people to "Watch where I’m going."
264. Read aloud at the library.
265. Hold your own million-man march.
266. Have a discussion over the Pythagorean Theorem.
267. Watch and discuss boring movies.
268. Bring your own condiments to restaurants for "sanitary reasons."
269. Perform the macarena.
270. Escribe en español cuándo todos no comprenden.
271. Write a paper comprised entirely of footnotes/endnotes.
272. Borrow your neighbor’s lawn mower in the winter.
273. Have a bonfire indoors.
274. Suck up to somebody.
275. Spell potato like Dan Quayle.
276. Become an architect and design a room with no doors.
277. Scientifically discover the meaning of life.
278. Wear a white coat and talk loudly to yourself.
279. Send chain letters and sign your name.
280. Go to a foreign country and tell people they talk funny.
281. Smack people in the back and say you wanted to see if their face stuck that way.
282. Write a paper comprised of cliches.
283. Be a hyper junior high teacher that drinks too much Diet Coke (we’ll never forget you, Miss LeRoux!).
284. Ride a pogo stick indoors.
285. And wear a beanie.
286. Break promises.
287. Explain jokes.
288. Create a shrine to some evil person.
289. Write things that makes no sense.
290. Reenact a war in your house.
291. Tell people you’re a circus freak.
292. Tell people you want to be a circus freak.
293. Be a circus freak.
294. Triple space a report or use size 28 font, or both.
295. Fake your death.
296. Search for a vaccine for stupidity.
297. Give IOU’s as birthday presents.
298. Use Word to draw a picture instead of paint.
299. Say the word "Jeepers!" or "Golly!" after everything someone says.
300. Steal things from your friends in front of their face.
301. Promise you’ll return them, then follow rule 286.
302. Breathe really loud.
303. Test drive new cars just for fun.
304. Write a very long book about some people in England and France.
305. Make sure that the book has a stupid ending too.
306. Sing along when listening to the radio.
307. Carry around a briefcase in school.
308. Wear a lot of make-up.
309. Buy a siren and turn it on as you drive down the road.
310. When people ask you questions, answer: "I can't remember."
311. Loan people money and charge 25% interest per month.
312. Make people sign a contract to borrow a pen.
313-320. Ways to be annoying in Australia:
Point at someone with your index finger.
Yawn without covering your mouth.
Or excusing yourself.
Blow your nose in public.
Make the peace sign.
Wink at women.
Touch someone while talking to them.
Walk between two talking people.
321. Randomly disconnect yourself from AOL.
322. Ask idiot questions for spite.
323. Ask people to get to the point because you'd rather not listen.
324. Ask "What if" questions every 3 seconds.
325. Scribble in someone's books as if they were coloring books.
326. Buy an Australian hockey team.
327. Spell e-mail addresses wrong so people never get the message.
328. IM someone every day.
329. Define words using the word in the definition.
330. Say "whoops" a lot.
331 State the obvious.
332. Say "Duh!" after everything someone says.
333. Fire a 21 cannon salute at 3 in the morning
334. Electrocute stuff.
335. Randoly omt leters frm yor sentencs.
336. Pretend to be a mime.
337. Build a large steeple atop your house and ring the bell accordingly for every hour.
338. Shine a large floodlight into your neighbor’s bedroom at two in the morning.
339. Tell corny jokes to someone and guffaw at them until you cough and sputter all over the unlucky person.
340. Be smarter than me.
341. Be dumber than me.
342. Pull coins out from unsuspecting victims' ears.
343. Drink fingernail polish for breakfast.
344. Show everyone you know your "deformed frog collection" from Mrs. Yats.
345. Make jokes about death and laugh as if they are hilariously funny.
346. Shred your parent's tax receipts before April 15.
347. Wear neon pink spandex outfits everywhere.
348. Go to the library, and randomly rearrange the books.
349. Go to the bookstore, and randomly rearrange the books.
350. Take all of the toilet paper in the restrooms out and use it to decorate your enemy's trees.
351. Make sure to get it up to the top.
352. Make hand gestures about every 2 seconds while talking to someone.
353. Spin in circles and get dizzy for an excuse to crash into people.
354. Or simply crash into people.
355. Chew on everything you find.
356. Play poker in class/on the job.
357. Stack the deck in euchre until someone realizes that you received three lone hands in a row.
358. Play "20,000 Questions."
359. Invent a game that is so stupid and pointless that everyone wins and no one cares.
360. Mumble to yourself while giving a presentation.
361. Pause a second after every word and 5 seconds after every sentence while giving a report.
362. Make advertisements about your family vacation.
363. Invent a game that is so violent/messy that the contestants are unrecognizable after playing.
364. Complain that "the game cheats."
365. Have five eights in your hand when playing crazy eights.
366. Play B.S. with two people.
367. Put two hotels on Boardwalk.
368. Make Kings and Aces wild in poker.
369. Blow up coral reefs.
370. At 1:00 in the morning.
371. Run boats into coral, and perhaps drops anchors on them.
372. Be proud of it.
373. Own a 55-gallon drum of poison.
374. Put it on display.
376. Smile sweetly enough of cause tooth decay.
377. Secede from your country.
378. Count the number of annoying things you’ve done.
379. Criticize these rules.
380. Mow your lawn in the rain.
381. Throw a gallon of ice cream in someone’s swimming pool.
382. Question everything someone says.
383. Create a bogus tourist attraction.
384. Point the blame elsewhere.
385. Take a vacation in a motorhome and call it camping.
386. Install central air in your tent.
387. Create a series about nothing and cancel it while it’s number one.
388. Try to prove a postulate.
389. Invent your own language.
390. Never speak for yourself.
391. Start a cult.
392. Possess someone.
393. Shoot your neighbor’s dog with a silver bullet and claim you thought it was a werewolf.
394. Melt people without permission.
395. Take the credit from someone.
396. Write a mystery with no solution.
397. Carry a Lead Pipe around.
398. Show off a lot.
399. Whine constantly.
400. Cheer for people that do their homework correctly.
401. Desperately search for ways to be annoying.
402. Name your daughter Gertrude or some other old name.
403. Use potato chips instead of poker chips.
404. Eat the ante.
405. Be too nice.
406. Be too perfect.
407. Drool in a book.
408. Try to rub your eyes with your elbow.
409. Tell people where to put their feet.
410. Wear a 3 foot high hat everywhere.
411. B. S. a report.
412. Place arsenic with your spices.
413. Don’ use he leer "".
414. Make a story with no point.
415. Fish with dynamite.
416. Hunt with dynamite.
417. Build a house out of dynamite.
418. Put it on the real estate market.
419. Begin a franchise of shops that sell jewelry and frozen yogurt.
420. Use the Wingdings font for anything and everything.
421. Attempt to decode the Wingdings font.
422. Set every clock you see ahead four hours.
423. Create a rental movie of static.
424. Tape a thumbtack to your doorbell.
425. Encourage people to sleep on beds of pointy needles.
426. Laugh aloud at a book.
427. Laugh aloud at this book.
428. Barge into a conversation.
429. Constantly change the subject.
430. Send e-mails one letter at a time.
431. Send a friend a COD for his/her birthday.
432. Tape episodes of "Barney and Friends."
433. Contradict yourself. No, don’t…
434. Create a business card without owning a business.
435. Yell at your TV when a contestant chooses the wrong letter on "Wheel of Fortune."
436. Ask questions you know no one can answer.
437. Fake a hyperventilation.
438. Never brush your teeth.
439. Chew with your mouth open.
440. Talk with food in your mouth.
441. Scrape silverware against your teeth.
442. Repeat phrase frequently.
443. Smile smugly.
444. Print 6 copies of everything.
445. Change the default setting in word to Wingdings, size 3, yellow, with three inch margins all around.
446. Pull pranks on May 1st because "April Fools Day is too predictable."
447. Ask people what their pet peeves are and then perform them.
448. Ask too many questions.
449. Yell really loud.
450. Raise you voice five octaves when you’re annoyed.
451. Talk inaudibly.
452. Make excuses.
453. Sue people. Waste our time. And your money.
454. Torture people by hanging them by their toenails.
455. Sink large ships.
456. Tell people they are possessed by an evil entity.
457. Point people in the wrong direction.
458. Jump on someone else’s bed.
459. Serve pink chicken.
460. Return restaurant food because it’s too plain.
461. Refuse to pay a restaurant bill.
462. Break everything in a restaurant.
463. Find flaws in people.
464. Prove people wrong.
465. If you can’t, insist they’re wrong anyway.
466. Build and open another McDonalds.
467. Put someone out of business.
468. Settle disputes by dueling.
469. Tell people they’re rude.
470. Forget everything.
471. Be greedy.
472. Scare people.
473. Be sarcastic. It’s fun.
474. Be gullible.
475. Wash your car in the rain.
476. Constantly chew on tin foil.
477. Say it’s good for you.
478. Write "Kick me" on the backs of someone’s shirt.
479. Be completely ignorant of the world.
480. Shove people out of trees.
481. Shove people down stairs.
482. While they’re in a wheelchair.
483. Sit outside in the dead of winter under pine trees.
484. Pour acid on your lawn so weeds don’t grow.
485. Name any and all of your children Gene Finny.
486. Name someone so their initials spell a word.
487. Accuse people of being insane.
488. Or be insane yourself.
489. Run like Forrest Gump.
490. Jump hurdles in the snow.
491. Wave your crutches at everyone you know--or don’t know.
492. Tell people to "hurry."
493. Or "hurry faster."
494. Tell people to run while they’re wearing skis.
495. Ask everyone who Crispian is and why he has scars.
496. Fake a world War.
497. Speak in Latin.
498. Wear a tie as a belt.
499. Hold your own Olympics.
500. With trash cans and snowshoe races.
501. In the summer.
502. Demand people call you psycho.
503. Then say they’re lying.
504. Mispronounce someone’s first name.
505. Curl up and sleep in the snow.
506. In the summer.
507. Applaud for no reason.
508. Make people write critical analyses for no reason.
509. Compare and contrast people in different works for no reason.
510. Own a dozen empty ink pens.
511. Hide behind dead bushes in the winter.
512. Convince people you are invisible.
513. Change writing utensils in the middle of a paper.
514. Mock a courtroom.
515. Be a biased judge.
516. Pick unripened fruit and sell it.
517. Sell heaters in Arizona.
518. Lend pencils with broken leads.
519. Insist they don’t sharpen them.
520. Wear down the tips on markers.
521. Take all the lead out of borrowed mechanical pencils.
522. Assume all girls are named Sally and all boys are Fred.
523. Lock yourself out of your car.
524. Use duct tape to repair everything.
525. Call authority figures by first name.
526. Always assume.
527. Always plead the Fifth Amendment.
528. Ignore lawn maintenance.
529. Protest violence with bombs and 55-gallon tanks of cyanide.
530. Spit at people.
531. Step on the backs of people’s shoes.
532. Watch a movie and see it again, telling people what will happen.
533. Print reports on black construction paper.
534. Jump on you neighbor’s trampoline when you have your own.
535. Have an idiot sister.
536. That is also a brat.
537. Attack people with glue.
538. Send hate mail and sign your name on it.
539. Disorganize someone.
540. Force people to read this.
541. Practice faking an injury in front of someone.
542. Then really get injured.
543. Cry "wolf" in down town New York.
544. Smack people with rulers.
545. Tap pens on desks.
546. Copy copyrighted things.
547. Run amok.
548. Stand someone up.
549. Pretend you know complete strangers.
550. Treat someone out to dinner, but with a five dollar budget.
551. Read these aloud over and over.
552. Laugh every time.
553. Get people in trouble for no reason.
554. Hold down computer keys.
555. Rip the last 10 pages out of every book.
556. At movie theaters when someone asks you if they can sit in the seat besides you, start screaming that you friend is sitting there.
557. During math class say, "I don't understand."
558. Then say it again.
559. Catch a cold and sniff incessantly.
560. Lock your sister or brother out of your house- leaving a note that says, "HA! HA! You can't get in."
561. When you call your friends and they aren't home, start conversations with their parents.
562. Run around your neighborhood screaming at the top of your lungs, "HE is here, because I failed HIM!!"
563. Never let anyone know what he or she wants to know.
Awsome quotes thought you all would like
Go where your celebrated not where your tolerated
Everryone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something
Comfort is the new enemy of acheviment
If you don't know where your going any road will get you there
You are confied by only the walls you build yourself
Take riskes. If you win you wlii be happy, if you lose you will be wise
Build a ship before you burn a bridge
You can't stop the waves but you can learn to surf
Everyone is a moon and has a dark side thay show to no one
Stars can't shine without darkness
Always laugh when you can. its a cheap medicine
do what you want with these quotes or don't read at all just try to find the good things in life. I know i have.
I'm sorry if I'm not skinny enough for you to see my ribs.
I'm sorry if I'm not pretty enough to be "your girl".
I'm sorry if I'm not tanned enough for you
I'm sorry if I'm weird at times
I'm sorry that I write about you every day
I'm sorry if i don't have a dream body that turns you on.
I'm sorry if im not tall/short enough.
I'm sorry if I don't have sex with you on the first date.
I'm sorry if I'm annoying
I'm sorry if my hair is not long enough.
I'm sorry that im different from those other girls
I'm sorry that I actually care about you
and actually call to see how you're doing.
But most of all...
I'm sorry that most guys can't accept a girl for who they really are.
If you're a girl and you agree with this letter, repost as "I'm sorry".
Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that hasn't, put this in your profile.
95 of kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in, if you're part of the 5 who aren't put this into your profile and add your name to the list: AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy Pirate Queen, watching-waiting-wishing, 100-percent-Harry-Potter-obsessed, Miss Apple Pie, NarnianAslan, Crazy4Jensen, babygurl33, Dorkyduck,World-Class-Grease,Kaligirl05, Sodapoplover,ponyboyandsodapopluvr, outsider angel, NeverletrocknrollDie, southernvampirepirate, aireagle92, Steelrider,Booklove992001
Boys say that in everything they do, they can kick a girl's butt so bad that they cry. If you're a girl who kicks the boys' butts so bad they cry like girls, copy this into your profile and add your name: Moonstar of FireClan, Flamestar211, Firestar's Gal, Poppyleaf, vampirechick321, Topaz Eyes Sing My Lullaby,cullendrive, MidnightEmberMisery, MidNightMare89, airegle92, Steelrider, Booklove992001
15-year-old girl holds hands with her 1-year-old son. People call her a slut, no one knows she was raped at 13. People call another Guy fat. No one knows he has a serious disease-causing him to be overweight . People call an old man ugly. No one knew he had a serious injury to his face while fighting for our country in the war.People call a women bald but they don't know she has cancer Re-post this if you are against bullying and stereotyping. I bet 95% of you won't.
A wise man once said: "I don't know, go ask a woman."
Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.
Be the type of woman, that when your feet touch the floor when you get out of bed in the morning the Devil thinks: "Oh, crud! She's up!"
Forgive your enemies, is messes with their heads.
I'm only mean to people who tell me to be nice!
Curiosity killed whoever got in my way.
Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid.
Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Smile. It scares people.
What does not kill me had better run pretty darn fast!
When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 to extend your arm and whack them upside the head.
Everyday I think people can't get any dumber. Everyday I'm proven horribly wrong.
I don't need your attitude, I have my own.
You're a great friend. But if zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you.
I did not hit you, I just high-fived your face.
I know who I am... your approval is not needed.
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.
Don't make me mad... I'm known to bite at random!
When your cry, I cry. When you laugh, I laugh. When you jump off a bridge, I laugh harder.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Most teachers promote the three R's; Reading, 'Riting, and 'Rithmetic. Then there are those that promote three S's; Sit down, Shut up, and STOP DRIVING ME CRAZY!!
Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If you can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If you can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If you can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If you can't kill 'em, you're screwed."
97 of teens only see the Transformers franchise because of Shia La Beouf or Megan Fox. Copy and paste this into your signature if you're the other 3 that goes to see things explode and robots beating the slag outta each other!
TRANSFORMERS! IF YOU LIKE TRANSFORMERS COPY AND PASTE THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE!!
AUTOBOTS! If you are on the side of the righteous Autobots paste this onto your profile!
If you have a little bit of Decepticon in you, paste this onto your profile!
Pick 10 characters from Transformers: Prime and answer the questions below. You can pick any characters you like, both boys and girls!
1 woke you up in the middle of the night?
What? Ironhide go back to sleep hon, no Decepticons are attacking
Number 2 asked you to go out with him?
Optimus wouldn't do that he's my uncle.
Number 3 walked into the bathroom while you're showering?
WHAT THE FRAG BEE?!
4 announced he's going to marry 9 tomorrow?
Awww! I knew it y'all are so cute together! Eppp!
5 cooked you dinner?
Streaker? Did you do something to it?
Sunstreaker:No! why would I do that to my little sister?
Me: ok *takes a bit, face turns green, and I run out of the room*
6 was lying next to you on the beach, sleeping?
Laugh evilly while barring him in sand*
7 suddenly confessed to be part of your family?
Really? Now I know where I get all my smarts
8 got into the hospital somehow?
Told you not to talk so fast Blurr.
9 made fun of your friends?
Nah she would just be making fun of herself.
10 ignored you all the time?
WTF? Chrome why?
Two serial killers are hunting you down. What will 1 do?
Hmm... He'll shoot them and whisk me away to an underground bunker, then teach me how to defend myself
You're on a vacation with number 2 and manage to break your leg. What doe he/she do?
Carry me the gentlest way he can without jostling me and take me to Ratchet.
It's your birthday. What will 3 give you?
Hmm probably a Ipod or a book.
You're stuck in a house that's on fire. What does 4 do?
Tear the roof off the house, scoop me up and cradle me away from the smoke
You're about to do something that'll make you feel extremely embarrassed. What will 5 do?
Tell me to do it knowing I'll do the direct opposite
You're about to marry number 10. What's 6's reaction?
Me marry Chrome? I'm with 'Hide.
Sideswipe: Dump 'Hide marry Chrome! yea free girl porn!
You got dumped by someone. How will 7 cheer you up?
Threaten to beat the frag out of him then take me with him and really do it
You're angry about it afterwards, how does 8 calm you down?
Talks really fast and gets me all confused so I forget what I was mad about'cause I' to bust trying to find out what he said.
You compete in some tournament. How does 9 support you?
Support me? She's the bike I'm racing on.
You can't stop laughing. What will 10 do?
She can't do anything she's laughing with me.
Number 1 is all you've ever dreamed of. Why?
He's the sexy weapons master and he can turn into a beast of a truck. Whats not to love?
2 tells you about his deeply hidden love for number 9. Your reaction?
Aww!... Wait what about Jazz? *Looks for Jazz finds him kissing Flare up* well that answer's that
You're dating number 3 and introduce him to your parents. Will they get along?
Me date my own brother? why?
Number 4 loves number 9 as well. What does that mean?
Then why where you kissing Flareup? *sigh* mechs
Will number 5 and 6 ever kiss?
Side's and Streaker? I don't think so they are twins...though you never know. *walks off whistling then runs to the twins room.*
6 appears to be a player, he/she breaks many hearts. What do you do?
Bad Sideswipe! *Gibbs slaps him*
You had a haircut and 7 can't stop looking at you. What goes on in your mind?
What? Do I look like a poodle?
Number 8 thinks he'll/she'll never get a girlfriend/boyfriend. What will you tell him/her?
Don't worry Blurr I have someone for you. *runs off to find friend*
Number 9 gives you a bagel. Do you eat it?
Sure why not? It is Arcee not the twins.
10 wants money and decides to get a job at Chuck E' Cheeses. How long does he stay?
Chrome at Chuck E' Cheeses yea right that a laugh.
1 offers you a CD. Considering his tastes, do you listen to it?
Sure we listen to the same kind of music...I think
2 suddenly goes emo. How does 8 feel about this?
Blurr*runs up to me panicking* Lill!Lill!Optimuswentemo!
Me: *Runs in with one of Ratchets wrenchs and smacks him over the head* Bad Optimus you freaked Blurr out!
3 told 6 he started his period.
Bee? you know your a mech right? *Bee giggles before passing out* alright who gave him high-grade?
4 slaps 9 with a fish for going out with 7.
Again why Jazz you did kiss Flareup so you have no say...but why a fish?
5 cusses 2 out in German. 3 is secretly watching from behind a bush. What does he do?
Bee*Jumps out from behind bush and tackles Streaker*
6 got high.
Oh Primus! 'Hide safe me
7 Comes up to you wearing a big pink dress. What's your reaction?
Prowl in a pink dress? *hides behind 'Hide as he stalks by looking for the twins*
8 reads your fanfictions and complains. What is it about?
Megatron wins? Or a human got injured...
9 can't stand 1, so how does he get his revenge when he spills Soda all over him?
Hmm... Probably paint him pink.
10 starts working at a bar.
walks into to bar to find it packed with men* well good luck with that *walks back out*
1 comes in and tells you he's pregnant from 2.
'Hide have you been drinking?
Number 3 decides to go swimming. Do you go with him?
Sure who can resist Bee's puppy-dog eyes?
4 and 7 compete on DDR. Who wins?
Jazz and Prowl play DDR? Is there more going on than we think? *walks into game room* Ahh! my eyes!
5 is having a birthday party and he/she picks a theme. What is it?
Racing or killing 'Cons not sure which.
6 and 1 have a deep conversation. What is it most likely about
Killing 'Cons or the latest prank Side's and Streaker played on him
7 stalks 9 home. 10 sees this. What does he do?
Prowl? Chrome would just make him glitch
8 buys a computer. What is the first thing he does on it?
Look up a new alt form.
FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.
FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.
FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn, that was fun. Let's do it again!"
FAKE FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Kick the ass of whatever made you cry.
FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your junk so long they forget its yours.
FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”
FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say “Come on, drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste.”
FAKE FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick their ass to hell and out!
FAKE FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to whats wrong, but help come up with the most vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!
FAKE FRIENDS: Say no when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Talk on the phone or come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will ignore this
REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it
Am Not That Girl:
I am not that girl,
The one that is super popular.
The one that is rich.
The one that will lie to get her way.
The one that doesn't care about your feelings.
The one that has a new boy-friend every week.
The one that hates life because she wear size two jeans.
The one that would cry over a boy.
The one that will give up because she broke a nail.
The one that started wearing make-up at nine years old.
I am that girl,
The one who likes books.
The one who pretends not to be sad, just to make others happy.
The one who reads and writes to escape.
The one who just wants to help.
The one that just wants to make a difference.
The one that doesn't look at what's on the outside.
The one that cries when she feels alone or helpless; it only shows that she's strong.
The one that knows she's beautiful, no matter what others say.
The one that refuses to believe that this is it.
The one that doesn't care if she eats too many donuts...they taste good.
The one that people like because she's crazy.
The one that will do anything to make people feel better.
The one who is not afraid to climb trees.
The one who won't give up
Do you live with or know about child abuse? If you do, or don't read the poem below, copy and paste it into your profile, you never know it just might make someone feel better and give them hope.
My name is Sarah. I am but three, My eyes are swollen I cannot see, I must be stupid I must be bad What else could have made My daddy so mad? I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly, Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me.
I can't speak at all I can't do a wrong Or else I'm locked up All the day long. When I awake I'm all alone The house is dark My folks aren't home When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice, So maybe I'll get just One whipping tonight. Don't make a sound! I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charlie's Bar. I hear him curse My name he calls I press myself Against the hard wall I try and hide From his evil eyes I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry He finds me weeping He shouts ugly words, He says its my fault That he suffers at work.
He slaps me and hits me And yells at me more, I finally get free And I run for the door. He's already locked it And I start to bawl, He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall. I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken, And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken. "I'm sorry!", I scream But its now much too late His face has been twisted Into unimaginable hate The hurt and the pain Again and again Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end! And he finally stops And heads for the door, While I lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor My name is Sarah And I am but three, Tonight my daddy Murdered me.
There are thousands of kids out there just like Sarah. And you can help. Sickens me to my soul, and if you just read this and don't pass it on I pray for your forgiveness, because you would have to be one heartless person to not be affected by this story. And because you are affected, do something about it!! So all I am asking you to do is take some time to send this on and acknowledge that this stuff does happen, and that people like her dad do live in our society, and I pray for child abuse to wither out and die, but also pray for the safety of our youth. Please pass this poem on because as crazy as it might sound, it might just indirectly change a life. Hey, you NEVER know. Please put this on your site if you are AGAINST CHILD ABUSE baCk iT uPP XxX Child Abuse XxX put your name here if you want it all to change and show you care: Ironhide and Lennox, Crystal Prime, Gracie Lou Whitwicky, lillie5,Booklove992001
How to Tell if You're a Writer
-If you talk to yourself.
-If you talk to yourself about talking to yourself (i.e. "I wonder why I talk to myself so much?")
-If, when you talk to yourself, you sometimes speak as if talking to another person (i.e. "Okay, so have you ever noticed that the word ‘deliver’ could mean removing someone’s liver?’")
-If, after uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand in awe and say, "Wow, this is good stuff for sugar highs!"
-If you live off of sugar and caffeine.
-If people start to notice that you tend to check your e-mail every day for a week, then suddenly disappear off the face of the planet.
-If your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
-If, when replying to someone else’s e-mail, you are sometimes so random that you fail to address the original message altogether.
-If you tend to collect the Bic Stics people leave lying around, kind of like picking pennies off the ground.
-If, no matter where you are in your room, you never have to so much as get up to reach a pen/pencil and paper.
-If people think you might have A.D.D.
-If you start constantly talking in third person, past tense.
-If you think about making lists like this, and start giggling for no "apparent" reason.
-If your friends don’t even bother to look funny at you anymore when you start giggling for no apparent reason.
-If you try to return to an old forum only to disappear again after resolving not to and the cause is you're writing.
-If you can't escape plot bunnies.
-If you spent all your childhood reading.
-If you add to this list
If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile
True friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.
When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you, and your best friend will be there.
When you look around and your world is crumbling, and when you think no one loves you, your best friend is the one to run to.
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!
If you doubt your own sanity all the time, copy and paste this onto your profile
If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
If you are insane but intelligent, put this in your profile!
If you are a girl who HATES the color pink, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle one of the characters for being so dumb copy and paste this to your profile.
Many writers don't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're.' If you happen to understand this mundanely ridiculous fact, copy and paste this into your profile
If you like chocolate, copy and paste this into your profile
If you ever wished that you could talk to animals, paste this into your profile.
If you're against animal cruelty then copy this into your profile!
If fanfiction shut down and you would go insane because of it, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever fallen back in your chair before, copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.
If you don't watch Laguna Beach, the O.C. or the Hills religiously, never have, never will, copy and paste this onto your profile
If you are a book worm, repost this.
Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now.
If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.