cassiopeiamoon
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Joined 04-20-12, id: 3937311, Profile Updated: 03-02-13
Author has written 6 stories for Twilight.

Lately discoveres a new hobby of mine- WRITING, probably triggered by my inclination towards reading...


STUPID PRODUCT LABELS:
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping (Yeah, that's kind of hard to do, you know, use while sleeping).
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside (How fun to be a shoplifter).
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap (I never would have guessed).
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost (Really? Amazingly ingenious).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down (Too late!).
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating (Fascinating. You learn something new every day. Like, the people who write this things are FREAKING MORONS!).
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body (Well, it would save time...).
On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery (That is why we have a 15 and over limit where I come from, because of all those toddlers driving around cars and machinery while using Boot's Children's cough medicine).
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness (Wouldn't that be good?).
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children (Oh. Okay...)
On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only (And my other options were...).
On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use (Geez, what other use is that? I wonder...).
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts (Oh wow. I didn't know that before).
On an Amerian Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts (Amazing. No one could ever do that without the help of the instructions on this packet. Great).
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands (I believe that was implied).
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly (So you don't want kids jumping off buildings, arms outstretched?).

Copy and paste it in youur profile if u find it funny. Thats exactly what I did ;)


Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Broken by Misty Wilson reviews
Edward came home from Vietnam emotionally and physically broken. Bella was running from a past that she dare not share with anyone. Fate brought them together in the small town of Forks. Can they find healing in each other, or will their haunted, dark pasts tear them apart?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 42,676 - Reviews: 341 - Favs: 121 - Follows: 216 - Updated: 2/25 - Published: 11/26/2023 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Lord of Crimson Book 1: Judgment by Swirlingtorments reviews
He came to Earth and stole my heart. He is seductive, dominate, annoyingly driven and above all, deadly. Falling in love with him was never part of the plan. But it feels so right, and wrong at the same time. Sometimes I wonder, if his heart beats for me too. MartianEdward x Human Bella. AU.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 77,026 - Reviews: 177 - Favs: 67 - Follows: 103 - Updated: 1/1 - Published: 7/16/2023 - [Bella, Edward] - Complete
Monster by DegenerateDreamer reviews
Edward left Carlisle in 1927 to hunt traditionally. Living as a nomad, he uses his mind to track the worst of humankind. Bella is a young fugitive on the run with a dangerous secret. When fate leads them to cross paths, will they save each other? Or will they destroy the world trying? Monsters & Men Series, Part 1.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 55,891 - Reviews: 246 - Favs: 137 - Follows: 158 - Updated: 1/3/2023 - Published: 8/1/2022 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Stuck in Limbo by NightBloomingPeony reviews
Edward left Carlisle and Esme behind in 1927, to go hunting for criminals, and never looked back since. When his path crosses with Bella's one fateful evening, there is no denying his desires: he wants her blood and body. Their night of passion ends with him accidentally changing her. What happens when she wakes up by his side, with no recollection of her last night of being human?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 42 - Words: 247,125 - Reviews: 1707 - Favs: 843 - Follows: 818 - Updated: 3/6/2022 - Published: 2/14/2021 - [Edward, Bella] - Complete
Torn by Dooba reviews
Bella Swan has survived a living hell, twice. She no longer speaks. Nobody ever listened. The Cullen family take her into their care. Bella fights to leave her past behind, but will she be able to let love in? AH M-rated for violence, content, language
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 94 - Words: 663,984 - Reviews: 18251 - Favs: 8,577 - Follows: 8,950 - Updated: 3/28/2021 - Published: 9/27/2010 - Bella, Edward
Beautiful Disaster by poopforbrains reviews
A bet changed Edward Masen and Isabella Swan's lives forever. When Bella told Edward she was pregnant, he paid her to get rid of it. He remembered clearly that she had agreed, too. So, six years later, why in the hell was there an exact replica of him in the arms of his business partner?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 10 - Words: 30,026 - Reviews: 402 - Favs: 430 - Follows: 591 - Updated: 12/27/2020 - Published: 4/22/2013 - Bella, Edward
Mistaken Trust by TheHiddenMemory reviews
When faced with a betrayal that could tear them apart, Edward and Bella must put their faith in the healing power of love. WARNING: this story deals with rape and its aftermath. Post-Eclipse, AU. #5 on Twifanfictionrecs top ten stories completed in March 2020.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 41 - Words: 197,543 - Reviews: 1914 - Favs: 1,747 - Follows: 1,362 - Updated: 3/29/2020 - Published: 1/9/2010 - [Bella, Edward] - Complete
Me and Mr Cullen by Catastrophia reviews
It was just a long weekend in Vegas, so how did eighteen year old high school senior Bella Swan end up married to thirty one year old movie exec, Edward Cullen? This is the story of their awkward life. Rated M for future lemons.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,117 - Reviews: 9288 - Favs: 7,334 - Follows: 7,597 - Updated: 10/15/2018 - Published: 3/14/2012 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Under the Broken Sun by FlamingMaple reviews
People don't do bad things because they believe they're wrong. They do them because they think they're right. And Jacob Black believes that Bella loves him far more than she'll ever admit. His attempt to prove it doesn't end with a kiss, and leaves far more than just Bella's hand broken. Triggers: sexual assault. Bella x Edward. HEA. Complete.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Chapters: 51 - Words: 106,846 - Reviews: 1669 - Favs: 1,121 - Follows: 716 - Updated: 8/16/2018 - Published: 5/29/2018 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Cold by EmiliaElliot18 reviews
AU New Moon. When Bella went cliff diving, Alice wasn't the one who awaited her at her house. It was Edward. Charlie packs up the house to leave Forks, and Edward, behind moving her to a horrible place with boring white walls. A story about the journey to sanity.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 10 - Words: 24,584 - Reviews: 55 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 85 - Updated: 5/23/2016 - Published: 9/24/2012 - Bella, Edward
Lightning by Kristylized reviews
Bella hates thunderstorms. When she sneaks into her roommate's bedroom for comfort in the middle of a stormy night, she feels an electric spark that has nothing to do with the storm. Is it possible to fall in love with someone you've known since you were three? Bella and Edward are about to find out. AH. Now being continued.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 10,784 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 227 - Follows: 266 - Updated: 9/11/2014 - Published: 3/8/2012 - Bella, Edward
It's Not Over by XxMemento MorixX reviews
After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Chapters: 36 - Words: 204,511 - Reviews: 2247 - Favs: 1,901 - Follows: 1,933 - Updated: 7/11/2014 - Published: 1/6/2012 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Flash Forward by Bravery89 reviews
He went to bed as a twenty-five-year-old and woke up as a thirty-year-old, married to a woman he doesn't know. He also can't remember the past five years of his life. Hmm...what to do, what to do? Some angst, some humor, a lot of swearing, and future lemons! COMPLETE!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Humor - Chapters: 63 - Words: 50,688 - Reviews: 837 - Favs: 959 - Follows: 588 - Updated: 5/30/2014 - Published: 6/24/2012 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Dear Bella by lellabeth reviews
December 22 is the only day I let myself think of you. I don't know if you remember, but I'd do anything to forget.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 13 - Words: 15,675 - Reviews: 1146 - Favs: 712 - Follows: 615 - Updated: 6/28/2013 - Published: 5/21/2013 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Have I mentioned I effing hate Edward Cullen? by TheSparksSoApparent reviews
"He's the bane of my existence. The chip to my manicure. The pus to my pimple. The smell to my dirty laundry. So why did I find him so freaking sexy!" A story about the fine line between hate and lust. BXE, AH, OOC M for language and lemons
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 80,775 - Reviews: 492 - Favs: 795 - Follows: 619 - Updated: 1/15/2013 - Published: 4/8/2012 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Shreds by Dooba reviews
Torn outtakes and extras that won't make their way into the main story.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 4 - Words: 12,503 - Reviews: 241 - Favs: 372 - Follows: 482 - Updated: 10/13/2012 - Published: 9/27/2011 - Bella
Shame by Catastrophia reviews
It was a union that was never supposed to happen, an affair that took over her life and altered it. Unable to keep him from advancing, can Bella keep her brother-in-law away and save her marriage? Or should she give in on what could possibly be what was always meant to be? Perhaps fate will make the decision for her.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,028 - Reviews: 87 - Favs: 444 - Follows: 214 - Published: 9/8/2012 - Bella, Edward - Complete
An Angry Man by katinki reviews
COMPLETE. Edward is a bitter, angry man, a man suffering the sins of his past. An emotional & physical recluse, he pushes everyone away. That is, until Bella, a mysterious woman with her own demons, moves in and forces him to face himself. AH.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 52 - Words: 223,286 - Reviews: 8008 - Favs: 3,932 - Follows: 2,635 - Updated: 7/24/2012 - Published: 4/9/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Misfortune of a mind reader by Noir d'Encre reviews
Serie of one-shots focusing on the ups and downs of mindreading. Hearing the thoughts of others can lead to many unusual, funny or embarrassing situations. Presents all the Cullens, and many family moments. Canon.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 7 - Words: 8,896 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 7/17/2012 - Published: 10/17/2010 - Alice, Carlisle, Edward, Emmett - Complete
The Learning Curve by Amethyst Jackson reviews
AU and AH. Short chapters with daily updates. When Bella's boyfriend brings up the issue of her virginity with his ex, she decides to take charge of her own fate. Now complete with occasional snippets to come.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 138 - Words: 83,353 - Reviews: 13893 - Favs: 3,850 - Follows: 3,054 - Updated: 5/14/2012 - Published: 10/31/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Blackened Flame by Catastrophia reviews
Six years ago he tore her apart, broke her. Bella's a new, take charge woman now. What will happen when Edward walks into her conference room, and back into her life, as her new client? Rated M for language and future lemons. Drabble fic.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 72 - Words: 16,357 - Reviews: 3581 - Favs: 1,580 - Follows: 865 - Updated: 4/16/2012 - Published: 1/20/2012 - Bella, Edward - Complete
I Bet by WalkingOnThinIce reviews
Never say that Reneesme Cullen can't do something. It's just going to bite you back in the butt.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,141 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/4/2012 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Anything For You by KittySkywalker reviews
Anna has grown tired of Gabriel dictating what happens in the bedroom. As the strong princess that she is, she decides to rectify that. AnnaxGabriel. M for a reason. Please R&R.
Van Helsing - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,680 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 71 - Follows: 21 - Published: 1/17/2012 - Anna Valerious, Van Helsing - Complete
Odds and Ends by Amethyst Jackson reviews
Bits and pieces of Twific that don't belong anywhere else.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 14,034 - Reviews: 385 - Favs: 170 - Follows: 83 - Updated: 1/24/2011 - Published: 12/24/2010 - Bella, Edward
Breaking Dawn: EPOV by Scooterstale reviews
Breaking Dawn from Edward's point of view...all characters and some dialogue and plot are Ms. Meyer's, of course. Sticks to the original text and dialogue, with additional scenes thrown in. Lemons added where appropriate!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 183,087 - Reviews: 657 - Favs: 819 - Follows: 509 - Updated: 9/5/2010 - Published: 9/12/2009 - Edward, Bella
Survival of the Fittest by BruiserSkinGirl reviews
Bella is a homeless girl, Edward is a member of organized crime. She's discovered in a dumpster after a hit is carried out by Edward and two others. Will he kill her like he's killed other witnesses? Or will he take her under his wing?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Crime/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 45 - Words: 82,094 - Reviews: 2194 - Favs: 2,769 - Follows: 1,194 - Updated: 7/24/2010 - Published: 8/12/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Building Castles in the Sand by Kristylized reviews
What do you get when you mix the pacific ocean, a game of chicken and a meddling family who knows far too much about your sex life? A day in the life of Edward and Bella, of course. Canon compliant post BD fluffshot.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,843 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 8 - Published: 7/12/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Father to Son: A Time to Talk by TwilightGuru09 reviews
Carlisle is the father to all of the boys in the Cullen household and at some point has to sit them down and have 'the talk' with them. So just before each boy's first wedding he invites them into his office to give the talk. It's what a dad does, right?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 6 - Words: 11,321 - Reviews: 99 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 6/22/2010 - Published: 3/25/2010 - Carlisle, Edward - Complete
Wicked Wishes by Kristylized reviews
When Renee decides she's unhappy that her daughter has tied the knot at the ripe old age of eighteen, Edward and Bella learn that vampires and werewolves aren't the only monsters in town. Slight AU. Written for the Wrong Kind of Monster Contest.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,134 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 114 - Follows: 30 - Published: 6/4/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Scotch, Sex and the Proposal by TwiliteAddict reviews
What happens when Edward sets up a blind date between his uptight, pre-med brother Carlisle & Alice's attractive, confident, best friend Esme? Alcohol flows and tension mounts. AH/AU O/S collaborative entry for the Will You Marry Me? Contest. Adult readers only.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,357 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 18 - Published: 3/1/2010 - Edward, Carlisle - Complete
Elevators, Strangers and Surprises by AMayes reviews
Bella's elevator ride with a gorgeous stranger becomes charged when the lift breaks down. Things become complicated when she discovers the stranger is her to-be boss, Edward Cullen. Originally written for the Make It Count contest. Now extended!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 73,787 - Reviews: 1207 - Favs: 1,960 - Follows: 920 - Updated: 12/30/2009 - Published: 3/18/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Ithaca is Gorges by giselle-lx reviews
New Moon from Carlisle's and Edward's POV: After the Cullens leave Bella and move to Ithaca, NY, Carlisle fights to keep his family together as Edward's pain threatens to tear them apart. Canon.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 120,784 - Reviews: 2542 - Favs: 2,461 - Follows: 948 - Updated: 12/7/2009 - Published: 4/12/2009 - Carlisle - Complete
An End to Resistance by Amethyst Jackson reviews
Set between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. Bella is waiting for Edward when he comes back from hunting. Edward stops resisting. In a good way.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,282 - Reviews: 178 - Favs: 704 - Follows: 136 - Published: 11/23/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Cullenary Educaton: Forks Sex Ed by MarcyJ reviews
Set at the End of Bella's Junior Year. Hilarity ensues when the Forks Gang is forced to endure Sex Education class with Coach Clapp. Chapter 1 is Jasper POV, and each subsequent chapter is from the perspective of a different character.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 22,726 - Reviews: 2155 - Favs: 3,667 - Follows: 1,689 - Updated: 8/28/2009 - Published: 4/2/2007
The Talk by giselle-lx reviews
I spoke to Carlisle after you and I made our bargain, hoping he could help me." -Edward, Breaking Dawn. What really happened when Edward talked to Carlisle about his deal with Bella? A sweet canon take on their conversation. One-shot, EPOV.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,044 - Reviews: 171 - Favs: 444 - Follows: 74 - Published: 4/3/2009 - Carlisle, Edward - Complete
The Wild and Wacky Adventures of Edward in PE! by LindaRoo reviews
Hilarity ensues when Edward comes back at the end of New Moon and he and Alice get Mrs. Cope to change their schedules to put them in Bella's gym class. How can they appear human when their superhuman athletic aptitudes keep getting in the way?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 12 - Words: 74,371 - Reviews: 1987 - Favs: 2,317 - Follows: 1,709 - Updated: 3/9/2009 - Published: 2/27/2007
Distraction by Amethyst Jackson reviews
Things heat up when Edward and Bella are on the run.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,282 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 297 - Follows: 63 - Published: 10/23/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The History of Sex with Bella Swan by breakatmo reviews
Bella Swan used to have innocence. She grew up, though, and lost it somewhere along the way. Edward/Bella, AU, AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,397 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 151 - Follows: 26 - Published: 9/23/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Little Pink Envelope by Fall Down Again Bella reviews
One of those typical, Bella/Edward one-night stand and getting pregnant stories, but very original plot! Bella knows Edward's name but he doesn't know hers. What happens when they meet up again five years later? All human.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 33,854 - Reviews: 2271 - Favs: 2,439 - Follows: 811 - Updated: 9/6/2008 - Published: 8/11/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Cars by sambeam reviews
Bella and Edward go for a drive. One shot. Lemon.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,241 - Reviews: 169 - Favs: 167 - Follows: 36 - Published: 6/25/2008 - Complete
Quiet Lamentations by MarcyJ reviews
What are the minor characters of the story feeling and thinking during pivotal scenes? Get inside their heads and hear the unsung sorrows and joys that percolate there.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,270 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 6/18/2007 - Published: 5/2/2007
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Love Wine reviews
Love is like wine... warm and intoxicating ... and too much of it can be fatal. What happens when love and desire turns into addiction? What happens when the right and wrong merges together? And what happens when the people you trusted the most betrays you? Love can be FATAL. All humans. OOC. Carlisle/Bella/Edward. Rated M for sexuality and mature themes. WARNING - INCEST involved
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 6,946 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 8/27/2013 - Published: 6/8/2013 - Bella, Carlisle, Edward
In Hell (part 1) and From HEll (part 2) reviews
What would you do if someone turns your life into a living Hell? WARNING : EXTREMELY MATURE CONTENT. DO NOT ENTER IF YOU ARE UNDER 18. CONTAINS GORE, SEXUALLY EXPLICIT CONTENT, PERVERSIVE LANGUAGE AND MATURE THEMATIC ELEMENTS. NO HOT AND SPICY ROMANTIC STORY. ITS NOT 'JUST LEMON'... IT IS A 'BITTER LEMON' ... STORY INSPIRED FROM MANY TRUE EXPERIENCES.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Crime/Angst - Chapters: 12 - Words: 8,520 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 6/7/2013 - Published: 8/4/2012 - Alice, Bella
IDENTITY - lost in the dusty road of life reviews
"I looked into my own eyes, in a vain effort to search myself and regain my own IDENTITY." Bella,35, marraid yet lonely. Does she get her true companion or continues to walk her path of life alone is the main question here. Be a part of this journey to find out what she is truely seeking. Love or self-respect?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,555 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 2/23/2013 - Published: 2/21/2013 - Bella
Teens, High School and SEX reviews
Rated R for lemons, which will be present in each and every chapter.Teens and their fantasies, infatuation and obsession ...
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,431 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 2/21/2013 - Published: 8/25/2012 - Alice, Bella, Edward, Bree - Complete
The sweet fire
"He melted my heart and burned my skin with his kiss. We are one. A single soul" MATURE CONTENT ALERT: It deals with the first sexual experience of Bella and EDWARD. No crude language but the theme is mature. All humans. More like a prosaic poem or a dairy entry than a story.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 669 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/17/2013 - Bella, Edward - Complete
A STINKING KISS reviews
What if Edward breaks his promise and denied to have sex with Bella while she is still human? What will Bella do? What challenge will Edward face? Who will win at last- Edward or Bella? Set between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 3,525 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 8/16/2012 - Published: 7/8/2012 - Bella, Edward - Complete