1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
A good or best friend.
A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." or "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, freak?" or "Don't block the driveway, idiot!"
A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you and says, "Here ya go. Simple."
A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you and say, "Ten bucks."
A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried... just laugh about it in private with you when you aren't down anymore.
A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial and has memorized your number better than her own.
A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.
A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.
A good friend will help you learn to drive. A best friend will help you roll the car into the lake so you can collect insurance money.
Friends vs. Best Friends.
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your shirt and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd home that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college.
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will give you their umbrella when it's raining.
BEST FRIENDS: Will take yours and yell "RUN, GIRL, RUN!!"
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "We screwed up again. But it was fun while it lasted."
"My God, what is that smell?!" "It's called fresh air" -Ian and Sinead (Medusa Plot)
"Turn right now." "Now?! All I see is a bloody narrow gap between trees!" - GPS and Ian (Dead Of Night)
"Or how you people in the US Provinces say...Bungee!" "I believe it is Bingo." -Natalie and Alistair (The Sword Thief)
"So, like, I could say A – has a face like a baboon butt, and you wouldn't know who I'm talking about?"-Dan (Maze Of Bones)
"Oh great. I'm in South Korea and now my sister is Julie Andrews" -Dan (The Sword Thief)
"Executor?" "That means he killed her?" -Dan (Maze Of Bones)
"Those are Cobras, not the really cute ones. Like Ian" -Dan
"You're a thief." "Not a thief, Amy. A Lucian." -Ian and Amy (Maze of Bones)
''But today I'm the good guy. You gotta see that, Amy.'' ''Because you make gangster pop-up books?" "Exactly!" -Dan and Jonah (One False Note)
Pairings I support:
Pairings I will never support (get medicine prescribed for yourself if you support any one of them):
Ian/Dan (NOT funny. Seriously, people?)
Amy/ (Anyone apart from Ian Kabra)
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(OH NO! What do I do when I need to use it while I'm asleep?)
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (Awesome! So could you just turn around and pretend nothing's happening while I rip open the chips?)
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (Thanks, that was helpful! I was gonna use it like irregular soap)
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (Hmmm, I could also freeze it, on the other hand, right?)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Woot! Hey, wait a sec.. won't products be COLD after HEATING?)
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness. (You'd better hope it does that, or you get a refund!)
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: Keep out of reach of children. (Truer words have never been spoken, apart from "Amian is awesome")
On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to outer space.)
On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (No corn?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this. Wait, if you tried this, you'd have no hands. And no brains.)
You know you're a 39 Clues fan when...
You are one-hundred percent sure that Kurt is a Vesper spy (DEFINITELY... I will kill him someday... No, IAN will kill him someday)
You cried (or at least felt like it) when Irina died (Yeah. I was pretty upset.)
You wish Ian and Amy would just kiss and make up already! (Do ya think threats will work?)
Whenever you see something suspicious, you claim it's a Vesper spy sent to kill you (75 percent chance!)
You've read nearly every FanFiction on the 39 Clues fandom (YEAP)Anytime someone talks about someone famous like George Washington, you're always telling them what Cahill branch they're from (Winston Churchill was a Lucian. But my Janus friends are irritated when I start spazzing)
\Whenever you see a famous guy like Benjamin Rush or John Hancock, you wonder if they're a Cahill, Vesper, or none of the above (Evan "Twinkles" Tolliver is a 100% VESPER)
Your parents roll their eyes whenever you bring it up, because you talk about it WAY too much (My parents are probably tired of hearing about it)
You started liking History because 1) Amy and Jonah like it 2) You need to prepare for the hunt, and 3) You need to know more about your relatives (The time I screamed out "OMG PUYI WAS A CAHILL!" in histoy class? That seems familiar. Very familiar.)
You try to live up to the expectations of your branch: You're an Ekaterina, so you're constantly trying to get better at math and/or science; You're a Janus, so you're always practicing music, writing and drawing; You're a Lucian, so you're always trying to solve puzzles and get better at lying...err, I mean acting; You're a Tomas, so you're always trying to do brave things, like water skiing. (Im a Lucian, I get better at lying and blackmailing as the days go by)
You're going to buy the movie when it comes out, even if it stinks (which you know it will because that's how it is with books-turned-into-movies, they're never as good as the books themselves) (I will throw my shoe at the movie if anything is changed, but I will buy it.)
You hate it when people remind you that the 39 Clues aren't real, and come up with a hundred reasons why it very well possibly could be real (Are you implying its not real?)
Most of your daydreams consist of at least one character from the 39 Clues series (Wanna bet?)
You wish you could meet all the authors (Peter Lerangis fan club, anyone?)