Author has written 5 stories for Fairy Tail, Naruto, and High School DxD/ハイスクールD×D.
Name: Sheogorath Van Doofenshmirtz (wow stealing things from other sources...classy) ok... Talon Jacques
Age: Timeless (how did I know that was coming) ...20
Sex: No thanks I'm a Namekian (God you're annoying!)
Location: Uh...Frieza planet 419? (oh really original)
Greetings to all who are currently on my profile! I ask that you please excuse anything you may see in parenthesis that's just the evil voice in my head ...asshole just won't go away...hehe... awkward. I'm actually surprised he hasn't said anything y-- (YOU SUNNUVABITCH! We started this account five minutes ago and you're bringing out reference after God Forsaken reference. You're the worst kind of person!)
Sigh...anyway (We don't own Skyrim...just throwing that out there!) yeah anyway (or Dragon Ball Z) right anyway (We really don't own anything that has anything at all to do with those evil bastards at Disney)...Okay...so...onward with the personal info:
Anime/Manga: These are literally two of my favorite things on the planet. Thank god for them or else this sight would be nothing but Harry Potter getting boned by Draco and Edward goin doggy style for Jacob...Damn even typing that leaves a bad taste in my mouth(for once we agree)...that's not to say that I'm against same-sex couples (hell the way things are going Kishimoto's gonna have Naruto and Sasuke as his main pairing) Don't remind me! Anyway I'm all for gay rights even though I'm heterosexual (pfft) ...Fuck off...Look the point I'm trying to get across is that I love Anime and Manga because they make things so much more interesting.
Fanfiction: I've read these since I was 9. I was never given the "birds and the bees" talk so when I read a certain few stories I was in for a surprise...hehe...(I wish I existed back then)...so I learned a whole bunch of things here. This sight is just amazing and I hope it can stand the test of time...and the US government.
Naruto: Rant will follow below in the Rant section.
Bleach: See Naruto
Sports: I like playing sports but I hate doing it for competition. I just like to play with my friends and have a good time, but when you throw unneeded aggression into the mix things just start to lose their appeal, at least in my opinion. Don't get me wrong playing competitive sports is awesome and all, but I more of a laid back guy who enjoys watching competitive people play.(Pansy ass) You just refuse to leave me alone don't you? (Not on your life best buddy)
Videogames: If the references are anything to go by...
Kickass Authors on this site: Not to seem like a kissass there are just some authors that are so good at what they do that after each chapter/story I am left in awe (he's lookin at you Darthemius).
Females: That's right ladies and gentlemen he is straight!(that has yet to be proven...)...Eat me(my point exactly).
If you are still reading...(weeping with joy and whispering) thank you! For the rest of you...I understand completely
Bigots and Racists: Every single human is equal in my eyes...except the clawfores(Damn dirty clawfores. Clawfed us out of our money they did!)
Condescending Assholes: I pride myself on being intellectually gifted. Do I flaunt it? Only jokingly. Do I enjoy it? Most of the time. Do I go out of my way to look down on other people merely because they are not quite as smart as me? No...no more need be said (bazinga!)
Being talked down to as if I'm a child: I'm gonna go ahead and say that I over think things (good in calculus not so much everywhere else). What do I get for doing such...a lecture and the "eat shit and die" stare...I greatly dislike that stare unless it's between females and they are fighting over me, but when has that ever happened...I said "but when has that ever happened"...OI!...You there?...Oh my god...Is he gone? Can it be true? Oh bless whatever God there may be up in heaven above! Thank you! He's gone! After 6 long-ass months he's gone! (Who's gone?)...The voice! The voice that made me hit Ulfric Stormcloak with the wabbajack and turn him into a female! (Oh yeah that was fricken hilarious! 'Worked the first time too!)...Ye--...oh...you're still here...great(Yup! Just went to get a sandwich and partake in certain activities)...I don't want to know.
Certain Individuals who tend to spam shit in Ultimate Ninja Storm Generations
There are more things that I dislike and they are certain to come later...but for now they seem tedious and I wanna hurry up and finish this god-forsaken profile.
Rants (Oh god!)
Bleach: Just when you think it's getting good. Just when then make the fighting effects incredibly badass. Just when you start to have hope for the anime, they end the series...WHAT THE HELL! I spend six months of my life watching some godforsaken filler season that has some pretty badass fighting scenes(Kageroza was a beast near the end) I watch some boring ass season revolving around Ichigo getting his powers back in the form of Fullbring (hehe...this table has a soul), the fighting starts to get pretty badass (did you see kenpachi just cut that guy in two) and what happens?! A "thousand year blood war"? The return of Aizen? No! They decide to end the anime in the shittiest way possible! God it was like the ending of fucking Stuart Little (the book)! So for those who only watched the anime all they will know is that Ichigo will forever continue to be a shinigami and continue to work for the Seireitei...FUCK! Not to mention some glaring plot holes...on the other hand the manga is completely badass. Tite Kubo is doing a phenomenal job...thank you Mr. Kubo! On another note (SPOILER) Rest in piece Sasakibe-fukutaichou...you could have been up there with the great ones...(didn't even get to see his bankai...twas too short a spotlight...all he wanted was to be noticed! Is that too much to ask?)
Naruto: (Oh here we go) First of all Hinata...sigh...I don't know what it is but I just don't like her that much...or I didn't. I can't really do much now and, well, she's kinda grown on me canon-wise. I just wish she was a bit more like the Road to Ninja version. Now if Kishimoto put Shizuka in her place, that is an entirely different story (she is betrothed to Naruto after all). Shizuka is a better Hinata plain and simple (in his opinion) yes in my opinion. You know what they say opinions are like assholes everybody has one (well...not everyone...DX)...sorry buddy.
Sakura: Oh you thought it was over? Well I'm terribly sorry to disappoint. What to say about Sakura...useless. Take away her monster strength and what does she have? Not a damn thing! Not one...Okay she might have healing, but then again...meh. Whenever she hits Naruto I feel the sudden urge to just see him catch her fist and go Kyuubi on her ass. Seriously, she does it way too much! Oh and what the hell is with this 'I don't know who I'll heal first' shit? Oh well lets see...on the one hand she could heal the savior of the shinobi world who has been her comrade and has never even thought of betraying her or she could heal the traitor to the village who is plotting its downfall as we speak. Said traitor being the person who tried to kill her on more than one occasion...HOW FUCKIN STUPID CAN YOU BE!
Continual use of the same fucking techniques from the sharingan (use something besides fucking amaterasu and susanoo you asswipes!)
There's more but my hand is cramping so...
Naruto x Fem Naru (see above)
Naruto x Kurenai
Naruto x Anko
Naruto x Shizuka
Naruto x Female Kyuubi (its at number one with Naruto x kushina)
Naruto x Tsunade
Naruto x Mikoto
Naruto x Yugao
Naruto x Yoruichi
and many others...
Ichigo x any female except Rukia or Orihime (too over-done)
Luffy x Boa (she doesn't have to use her powers on me to make me as hard as a rock!)...hehe giggidy.
Naruto x Soul Eater female (we need more of this damnit!)
UPDATE! (It's about time you asswipe)
So...high (you mean "HI")
...no not really. Seriously though, it's been about a year. Or much longer...To be fair I wrote this huge-ass story, had everything planned and ready, was setting it up to be epic as hell aaaaaaand (Dumbshit forgot to back it up and lost everything)...yeah. That, and school (he's in college now)...yeah. I'm starting it, however, my schedule doesn't seem too bad yet so...Okay, look, I'm resolved to spend these next few days before hitting the books to pumping out at least ONE god forsaken story. (He swears he will try to continue in college, but there's a great deal of things he's probably gonna get into)...really? No, but certainly not any girl's pants or anything? No, slightly sexist and inappropriate yet slightly humorous jibes? Nothing?! (Nope)...Huh, I-I don't really know how to deal with that...well-uh, okay! So, anw-(I don't need to make any jokes concerning your sexuality. We both know that you are heterosexual, however, you are just TOO MUCH OF A BITCH TO ACTUALLY GET ANY!)...just too damn good to be true. Anyways...yeah. I'ma try damnit, but no promises!
Borderlands 2 is very addicting!
It's just-just friggin amazing! Gearbox really out-did themselves with this one! (It's at this point that he would begin another long-winded fanboy rant, however, I have decided to spare you all, take control of him, and tell you to simply play to game if you wish to know what he would be yammering on and on about. I ended that last sentence with a preposition...that's bad...anyway, ALL HAIL GAIGE!) Anyway, I-(Don't own Borderlands)...(Just sayin). That pretty much raps this up. I've decided a one-shot should be the starter for this account, sooooooooo (yeah), right...um-ciao until my next update, which may be a story...hopefully (Wish him luck, Gaige)...(Don't own Disney...they're evil...)
ZODIAC SIGNS (Bold your Zodiac Sign)
AQUARIUS - The Slut (1/20-2/18) Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to Have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
PISCES - The Addict (2/19-3/20) EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationship. Talkative. Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
LEO - The Cool One (7/23-8/22) Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, Fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you'll ever meet! Very beautiful. Amazing. however not the kind of person you wanna mess with... u might end up crying... 9 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
CANCER - The Smart One. (6/22-7/22) Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being In long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out. 2 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
ARIES- The Irresistible One (3/21-4/19) Nice Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in bed... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
SAGITTARIUS-The One that Waits (11/22-12/21) Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always Wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Beautiful. Goofy. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. 7 Years of bad luck if you do not repost.
TAURUS- The Aggressive One (4/20-5/20) MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous. Great at telling Stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to. 12 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
LIBRA - The Partner for Life (9/23-10/22) Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. 5 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
CAPRICORN - The Cute One (12/22-1/19) Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. EXTREMELY SEXY. Predict future. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Has lots of friends. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Also not a fighter, but if they have to, they will also knock the lights out of you if it comes down to it… Cool. Loves to own Geminis' in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
SCORPIO - The Gorgeous One (10/23-11/21) Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Best kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. Amazing in bed. A caring person. One of a kind.Gorgeous Smile.Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
VIRGO- The Promiscuous One (8/23-9/22) Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where..!! Not the kind of person you wanna mess with- you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
GEMINI - The Liar (5/21-6/21) Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships. Addictive. Loud. 16 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
So I play league of legends a lot...if ya want my summoner name is deadnpastey...i'm not really that great, but hey I play for fun mostly.