Author has written 1 story for Zombieland.
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You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be miss quoted and held against you.
Just because I don't care doesn't mean that I don't understand.
A drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts.
Men are like bank accounts. Without money they don't have allot of interest.
The police are looking for a suspect described as sexy, funny, and great in bed. Your ugly face is safe, but where should I hide!
I don't have a drinking problem, I'm just really thirsty.
Fact of life: Every one haves a Monday on a Tuesday, that's why the calendar says W T F
The world is going to Hell and I'm driving the bus
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people
I'm out of my mind but I'll be back in five minutes.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
God must hate stupid people because he made so many of them.
Don't drink and drive, you might spill it.
I always show up late for class, but I make it up by leaving early.
Your village called and there missing their idiot. You should go back to let them know your okay.
You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because your all the same.
I use to be a life guard but some kid dying on the beach got me fired.
Friendship is like peeing on your self. Everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth that it brings.
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.
I'm allot like the desert. Hot, torturing, and I keep slipping through your fingers.
Love isn't hard, it's sarcastic
People say that you can't live without love, but I think that oxygen is more important.
Judge me and I'll prove you wrong
Tell me what to do and I'll tell you off
Call me a bitch and I'll show you one.
A wise man once said: "I don't know, go ask a woman."
Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.
Be the type of woman, that when you wake up in the morning and your feet touch the floor the Devil thinks: "Oh, crap! She's up!"
Forgive your enemies, it messes with their heads.
I'm only mean to people who tell me to be nice!
Curiosity killed whoever got in my way.
Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid.
Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Smile. It scares people.
What does not kill me had better run pretty darn fast!
When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 to extend your arm and whack them upside the head.
Everyday I think people can't get any dumber. Everyday I'm proven horrably wrong.
I don't need your attitude, I have my own.
(I made these up)
I'm not different, I'm weird!
I don't have issues, I just have problems that make me want to punch people.
If you want to be expelled from school, go up to you Principe and start an argument. Then yell, "Rape!"
When your board and want something to do, open your text book and start writing, "Terrorist attack at 3:00 AM" on all the pages, then give it to a cop. When he asks who wrote this, say your teachers name and take him to the school.
When your teacher tells you to solve a problem on the board, go up there and start writing her life story.
People say that abortion is that persons choice, but did the baby have a choice?
People pray to God to bring people in this world that would actually help them. But how can he when there all killing those people?
People say that were the kids of the future, but with no kids, wheres the future?
When a baby laughs for the very first time, a fairy is born, but without babies, we can't have farriers.
People say theres nothing wrong with abortion, but then have the nerve to call them selves Christian when god clearly says, "Though shall not kill!"
People get there happiness from the smiles of babies and children, but without babies theres no kids, then theres no happiness.
People say that abortion isn't murder, but God says other wise.
People say there Christian / Catholic then cuss. (The bible didn't cuss! When it said ASS it was talking about a donkey, not a dirty butt whole. When it said BITCH it was talking about a female dog, not a brat at school.)
People say there Christian / Catholic, then go behind there parents back and do what there parents told them not to do, like get a Boy Friend or go to an adult party. (The bible says to honor your mother and father. But if they tell you to drink or have sex, you dont have to do that.)
People say there Christian / Catholic and then become gay / lesbian when God said in the bible that "Who ever does this is an abomination."
Its true that God gave us free will, but only to see who is worthy to go to heaven and be his worrier.
Your a great friend. But if zombies are chaseing us, I'm triping you.
I did not hit you, I just high-fived your face.
I know who I am... your approval is not needed.
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.
Don't make me mad... I'm known to bite at random!
When your cry, I cry. When you laugh, I laugh. When you jump off a bridge, I laugh harder.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Most teachers promote the three R's; Reading, 'Riting, and 'Rithmetic. Then there are those that promote three S's; Sit down, Shut up, and STOP DRIVING ME CRAZY!!
Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
A good friend will be there for you when your boy friend breaks up with you. A best friend will prank call him and whisper, “You will die in seven days..."
A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.
A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to your's saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
A good friend never asks for anything to eat or drink. A best friend Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.
A good friend only knows a few things about you. A best friend Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds’ butt.
A good friend would knock on your front door. A best friend will walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
A friend will help me find my way when I'm lost. A best friend will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions
A friend will help me learn to drive. A best friend will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.
A friend will watch my pets when I go away. A best friend won't let me go away without them.
A friend will go to a concert with me. A best friend will kidnap the band with me.
A good friend hides me from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after me in the first place.
A good friend lets me make an idiot of myself. A best friend is up there with me making an idiot out of the both of us.
A good friend is only through school/college. A best friend is for life.