D3tectiveCain
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Joined 05-28-12, id: 4026424, Profile Updated: 01-01-14
Author has written 4 stories for Hollows, Kim Harrison, Twilight, and Harry Potter.

favored quot ever:

Dalek Commander: You are dying, Doctor.

The Doctor: Yes, I am dying. You've been trying to kill me for centuries, and here I am, dying of old age. If you want something done, do it yourself.

Things I am NOT allowed to do at Hogwarts: Ravenclaw Muggle Born, and proud of it!

1) I will not sing "We're Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.

2) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy.

3) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals.

4) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month."

5) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.

6) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor.

7) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

8) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" every time I apparate.

9) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.

10) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

11) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.

12) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.

13) I will not slip Malfoy a Love Potion in his morning goblet of Pumpkin Juice.

14) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.

15) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.

16) I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the Force."

17) I will not put Muggle fairytale book in the History section at the library.

18) I will not send Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas.

19) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "I told you I was hardcore."

20) House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

21) I am not allowed to poke Hufflepuffs with spoons.

22) Inventing potions behind Snape's back and with the company of your clumsy best friend is bound to spell 'disaster.'

23) I will not ask the Weasley Twins to cause a diversion.

24) I will not plot with the Weasley Twins unless I want our dear school to explode.

25) Calling Umbridge 'Dumbitch' in class is a bad idea.

26) I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snape's private chambers to watch him sing "I Will Survive in the mirror," as it is disturbing.

27) I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwick's wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.

28) I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.

29) - I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.

30) I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.

31) The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid.

32) I will not subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The Chamber of Secrets"

33) When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.

34) -Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.

35) Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy."

36) I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.

37) - I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.

38) Sending rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide, with the return address "Voldemort", is not funny.

39) Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a quill and parchment is sufficient.

40) Calling the Ghost-busters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.

41) I may not have a private army.

42) I must not substitute chocolate-flavored laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate.

43) -Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper, with Professor Dumbledore's candy.

44) I am not the wicked witch of the west.

45) - I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either.

46.) I will not melt if water is poured over me.

47.) - Neither will Professor Umbridge.

48) Thestrals do not resemble my little sister's toys known as 'My Little Pony'.

49.) I shouldn't use Photo-shop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or tutors.

50.) I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose.

51.) I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.

52.) I will not test my Potions assignments by spiking Snape's drink with them.

53.) - Especially not all of them at once.

54) The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smarts, and the Junior Death Eaters.

55) I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes.

56) I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paint-balling.

57) I am not allowed to claim to know 'how to defeat Dumbledore.'

58) - The answer is 'poison the damn Lemon Drops.'

59) I will not create a betting pool on that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father.

60) Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing Glimmer McSparkles.

61) I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.

62) Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not be improved by the introduction of muggle firearms.

63) - Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either.

64) I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

65) I will not play the Imperial March theme for Professor Snape.

66) - However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it.

67) If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: "The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a nom-de-plume.

68) I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle, collectively as "Team Rocket."

69) I will not yell "Hey look It's Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade.

70) I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal times.

71) I will not tease Voldemort about the time he needed his pink flowery teddy bear to comfort him when he had that bad bad nightmare about Harry unless I want to die young (or for a dare).

72) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."

73) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.

74) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.

75) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.

76) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."

77) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.

78) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.

79) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.

80) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knights Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.

81) I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.”

82) I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogle”.

83) I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rocks series during Arithmacy exams.

84) There is no such thing as the chamber of Double Secret Probation.

85) My name is not “the Dark Lord Happy-Pants,” and I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.

86) Bringing fortune cookies to divination class does not count for extra credit.

87) I will not douse Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible while wearing it and standing by the fire in the common room.

88) I will not tell first years they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.

89) I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.

70) I will not give Gryffindors pixie sticks.

71 I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, and Justin Finch-Fletchley, as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles.

72) A time turner is not a flux capacitator. I should therefore not try to install it in a muggle car.

73) I shall not refer to DADA professors as canaries in a coal mine.

74) When fighting death-eaters in the annual June good vs. evil fight I will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can only be ONE!”

75) A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or playing drums no matter how bored I become.

76) It is generally accepted that cats and dragons can not interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the results would be.

77) 42 is not the answer to every question on the O.W.L.S.

78) I am allowed to have a cat, rat, toad, or an owl. I am not allowed to have reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.

79) No matter how good an Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

80) Predicting that there will be a new DADA teacher next year does not mean I am a seer.


If you think that Uther Pendragon would accuse a rock of sorcery if he tripped on it, paste this on your profile.

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Fields of Thyme by WizardsGirl reviews
Immortality doesn't sit well with Harry. So, when given the choice to move on to a new world for a "Traveling Holiday" he's quick to take it up. Of course, Chaos has to have a say in it. Fem!Alicorn!Harry BECAUSE I CAN. Not sure exactly where this is going, but I'm having fun writing it so Nyah. Rated T just in case, Feel free to Q&A me! LONG CHAPTERS WHOOOT! XD Enjoy
Crossover - Harry Potter & My Little Pony - Rated: T - English - Family/Friendship - Chapters: 13 - Words: 89,031 - Reviews: 414 - Favs: 727 - Follows: 769 - Updated: 8/6 - Published: 10/2/2013 - Harry P.
The Morgan Sanction by Obsidian3 reviews
Murders, demons, and Fallen angels... That'll teach me to complain about not being challenged.
Hollows, Kim Harrison - Rated: T - English - Drama/Supernatural - Chapters: 6 - Words: 25,903 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 5/24 - Published: 12/21/2010 - Rachel Morgan, Ivy Tamwood
The Lightning Weaver by Myrddin le Fay reviews
Morgana was just your ordinary 13 year old girl loving girl with super-powers, alone on the streets of London when she was told she was a witch. She was the magical worlds saviour, and she had some powerful enemies. But she'll have powerful allies as she becomes new Queen of the Covenant of Witches. with Narumi Uzumaki side stories that will cross over into Morgana's world.
Crossover - Harry Potter & W.I.T.C.H. - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 42 - Words: 174,145 - Reviews: 463 - Favs: 658 - Follows: 661 - Updated: 4/25 - Published: 11/27/2013 - [Harry P., Ginny W.] [Will V., Irma L.]
What Happens in Vegas by Silently Watches reviews
…doesn't necessarily STAY there. When two groups travel to Sin City in an attempt to recover from recent events, no one could have predicted the consequences. Bloody Brandy's Vegas Vacation challenge, fem!Harry/Raven, femslash, NOT Tonks/Lupin
Crossover - Harry Potter & Teen Titans - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 18 - Words: 112,431 - Reviews: 1001 - Favs: 1,105 - Follows: 1,149 - Updated: 4/15 - Published: 7/23/2014 - [Harry P., Raven] N. Tonks - Complete
All Hail the Heartbreaker by cookiesforfrogs reviews
Rynn Cormel holds a party to celebrate the anniversary of his taking over of the camarilla. What happens when Ivy gets home causes Rachel to face some awkward questions. Events spiral as both Ivy and Rachel are forced to examine their heritage. Switches POVs between Rachel and Ivy. Chapter 11 - Everything dies baby, is now up
Hollows, Kim Harrison - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 85,679 - Reviews: 263 - Favs: 147 - Follows: 214 - Updated: 2/20 - Published: 7/8/2010 - [Ivy Tamwood, Rachel Morgan]
Temporal Tide by Avanwolf reviews
AU. Heartbroken and lost, ripped from her home and turned against her will, Bella tries to learn what it means to be a vampire. Skipping through time, can a love a thousand years in the making come to fruition? Tanya/Bella Femslash. Time Travel.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 69,709 - Reviews: 1571 - Favs: 1,428 - Follows: 1,773 - Updated: 1/10 - Published: 4/10/2012 - [Bella, Tanya]
The Child In Me by Zamairiac reviews
A young man wakes up in Equestria as a very adorable Alicorn colt, gets forcibly adopted by Luna, and tries to find his way home. It's a shame that a certain Night Princess won't let him. Funny/Adorable story with many random moments. Enjoy :D
My Little Pony - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 14 - Words: 24,840 - Reviews: 181 - Favs: 102 - Follows: 106 - Updated: 12/8/2014 - Published: 3/8/2014 - Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna/Nightmare Moon, Princess Cadance/Princess Mi Amore Cadenza
Snow white by bardatheart reviews
Bella has always lived in Forks when at the beginning of her junior year a family moves into town. She knows there's something different about them, but she's not normal either, yet she can't seem to stop thinking about one raven haired beauty.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 12 - Words: 32,117 - Reviews: 292 - Favs: 422 - Follows: 620 - Updated: 10/22/2014 - Published: 3/11/2012 - Bella, Alice
Konoha's Maelstrom by Formulaic reviews
If you have ridiculous chakra reserves, a forbidden technique that enables brute force training, and an insatiable appetite for epic skills, what are the chances that you'll settle for mediocrity? A bit of insanity is a small price to pay for being awesome.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 7 - Words: 80,315 - Reviews: 740 - Favs: 2,765 - Follows: 3,014 - Updated: 5/9/2014 - Published: 7/15/2013 - Naruto U.
Pool Table For Two by il0vesunfl0wers reviews
Sometimes you just need to take a shot and go with it. Ravy. Spoilers through Pale Demon.
Hollows, Kim Harrison - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 49,460 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 79 - Updated: 5/8/2014 - Published: 3/27/2012 - Ivy Tamwood, Rachel Morgan
Midnight Saviour by Myrddin le Fay reviews
Before Bella moved to Forks her life changed forever as she awoke her past life, & awoke her powers. She will have to fight for her life & to end the lives of men who want to conquer the world with magic before moving to Forks where she'll meet vampires, & her new family. She will have to fight for the world, & help her new allies learn of the mythical past while she falls in love.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Supernatural - Chapters: 2 - Words: 8,504 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 163 - Follows: 230 - Updated: 4/9/2014 - Published: 4/7/2014 - [Bella, Alice, Leah, Jane]
Fade in the Shadows by Myrddin le Fay reviews
Bella awakes with the memories of a long since gone ninja flooding through her mind. She soon leaves Arizona & her mother for Forks where she'll meet the love of her life, a vampire named Alice. Soon after she comes across a witch hunted for a powerful staff by a evil Dark Mage using demons to try getting it. It will be up to Bella and co to stop him! Yuri! Bella/Alice!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Adventure - Chapters: 11 - Words: 41,318 - Reviews: 110 - Favs: 273 - Follows: 319 - Updated: 4/7/2014 - Published: 12/21/2010 - [Bella, Alice] [Edward, Jasper]
The Endless Nightmare by Zamairiac reviews
Have you ever opened your eyes and found yourself in a world that's not quite the same anymore? Well in the latest story, Alex finds himself trapped within a darker Equestria where the nation is ruled with a manipulative iron hoof and the death penalty is back. However there is a light within the darkness. For the ruler of Equestria has one weakness...Her love for Alex.
My Little Pony - Rated: M - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 4 - Words: 18,951 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 38 - Updated: 2/26/2014 - Published: 8/29/2013 - Princess Celestia, Princess Luna/Nightmare Moon, Princess Cadance/Princess Mi Amore Cadenza - Complete
Harry Potter and the Temporal Beacon by willyolioleo reviews
At the end of 3rd year, Hermione asks Harry for some help with starting an interesting project. If a dark lord's got a 50-year head start on you, maybe what you need is a little more time to even the playing field. AU, Timetravel, HHr, mild Ron bashing. Minimizing new powers, just making good use of existing ones.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 70 - Words: 428,826 - Reviews: 5026 - Favs: 4,517 - Follows: 5,070 - Updated: 9/19/2013 - Published: 11/30/2010 - Harry P., Hermione G.
Magick by xPaige Turnerx reviews
AU. 'It's like I said; you're the storm. Now let me be the rainbow that goes hand in hand with it.'A/B R&R!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 147,303 - Reviews: 697 - Favs: 509 - Follows: 557 - Updated: 9/11/2013 - Published: 11/9/2010 - Alice, Bella - Complete
Million gifted babies by agmartin40 reviews
Something had happened to Rachel, and she doesn't know what. But her entire life is going to change. I'm bad with summaries. RaVy. M to be safe.
Hollows, Kim Harrison - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 33 - Words: 292,685 - Reviews: 145 - Favs: 93 - Follows: 105 - Updated: 8/25/2013 - Published: 5/24/2010
Nite Tide by xPaige Turnerx reviews
AU. 'I didn't know how or why; but this pixie looking girl was different than everyone else. Even the people at this school, at that was saying something.' A/B R&R!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 102,793 - Reviews: 362 - Favs: 260 - Follows: 362 - Updated: 8/15/2013 - Published: 12/11/2010 - Bella, Alice
A Goa'uld's Life by Respite88 reviews
Ripped from one life and thrown into another, watch this wizard turned Goa'uld work his way to power. AU, Manipulative!Harry, PowerHungry!Harry, Kinda!Super!Harry. (Abandoned)
Crossover - Stargate: SG-1 & Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Sci-Fi/Adventure - Chapters: 20 - Words: 82,121 - Reviews: 1493 - Favs: 1,924 - Follows: 2,177 - Updated: 7/19/2013 - Published: 6/14/2012 - Harry P.
Oma's Choice by jacobds reviews
After saving the stone Harry is approached by Oma Desala, and is told that he is the subject of two different prophecies but one is currently blocking the other. He is given a chance to change his path and fulfill both destinies. Smart/Powerful Harry
Crossover - Harry Potter & Stargate: Atlantis - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 41 - Words: 206,427 - Reviews: 2659 - Favs: 3,564 - Follows: 3,069 - Updated: 11/18/2012 - Published: 4/28/2010 - Harry P. - Complete
Wally's Secret by Sunny Lighter reviews
It seems everyone on the team has a secret they don't want discovered, even Kid Flash
Crossover - Harry Potter & Young Justice - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 43 - Words: 119,240 - Reviews: 306 - Favs: 358 - Follows: 163 - Updated: 8/23/2012 - Published: 7/6/2012 - Ron W., Hermione G., Wally W./Kid Flash, Artemis C./Artemis - Complete
Entre l'amour et la mort by Savior 8801 reviews
A run gone wrong sets events into motion, events that lead to a bittersweet realisation... and the birth of Rachel's worst nightmare. Rachel/Ivy.
Hollows, Kim Harrison - Rated: M - English - Tragedy/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 235,655 - Reviews: 436 - Favs: 245 - Follows: 289 - Updated: 6/28/2012 - Published: 6/30/2008 - Rachel Morgan, Ivy Tamwood
The Void by completelyrandom945 reviews
My name is Nereza, or at least that is what my masters call me. I have no memory past the awakening. For 16 years I have served the Volturi without question. One little pixie is going to change all that. This is my first Bella/Alice fic. Enjoy! or not
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 18,080 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 95 - Updated: 6/5/2012 - Published: 5/17/2012 - Bella, Alice
Jamie Evans and Fate's Fool by The Mad Mad Reviewer reviews
Harry Potter stepped back in time with enough plans to deal with just about everything fate could throw at him. He forgot one problem: He's fate's chewtoy. Mentions of rape, sex, unholy vengeance, and venomous squirrels. Reposted after takedown!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Family - Chapters: 12 - Words: 77,208 - Reviews: 362 - Favs: 1,765 - Follows: 565 - Published: 6/2/2012 - [Harry P., N. Tonks] - Complete
Dragon's Breath by xPaige Turnerx reviews
AU. A/B. R/Em. E/J. Es/C. What's that? An all out war between vampires, shape shifters, and…what? Where will the girls find time to fall in love? Pssh, you know they will.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 33,911 - Reviews: 224 - Favs: 191 - Follows: 309 - Updated: 3/23/2012 - Published: 4/19/2011 - Bella, Alice
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Cold huntress reviews
A rewrite of sorts with cold jaded Bella and good happy Alice Human vampire hunter Bella, Vampire Alice Bella/Alice
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,973 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 35 - Published: 12/16/2012 - Alice, Bella
Rachel the badass reviews
AU what if Rachel wasn't a witch? and was a powerful warrior in hiding Ivy/Rachel I'll try to make it femslash but I've never wrote a romance before so go easy
Hollows, Kim Harrison - Rated: M - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,192 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 12/6/2012 - Published: 7/23/2012 - Rachel Morgan, Ivy Tamwood
Soulless Ivy reviews
My name is Ivy Holly Potter, and i have no soul...literally Parings undecided, but those who know can guess
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 911 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 16 - Published: 12/3/2012 - Harry P.
Hunter reviews
"My name is Isabella Marie no-last-name, and i am a hunter." Alice/Bella
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 7 - Words: 5,197 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 46 - Updated: 11/28/2012 - Published: 11/22/2012 - Alice, Bella