Author has written 4 stories for Hollows, Kim Harrison, Twilight, and Harry Potter.
favored quot ever:
Dalek Commander: You are dying, Doctor.
The Doctor: Yes, I am dying. You've been trying to kill me for centuries, and here I am, dying of old age. If you want something done, do it yourself.
Things I am NOT allowed to do at Hogwarts: Ravenclaw Muggle Born, and proud of it!
1) I will not sing "We're Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.
2) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy.
3) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals.
4) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month."
5) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.
6) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor.
7) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
8) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" every time I apparate.
9) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.
10) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.
11) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.
12) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.
13) I will not slip Malfoy a Love Potion in his morning goblet of Pumpkin Juice.
14) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.
15) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.
16) I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the Force."
17) I will not put Muggle fairytale book in the History section at the library.
18) I will not send Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas.
19) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "I told you I was hardcore."
20) House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
21) I am not allowed to poke Hufflepuffs with spoons.
22) Inventing potions behind Snape's back and with the company of your clumsy best friend is bound to spell 'disaster.'
23) I will not ask the Weasley Twins to cause a diversion.
24) I will not plot with the Weasley Twins unless I want our dear school to explode.
25) Calling Umbridge 'Dumbitch' in class is a bad idea.
26) I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snape's private chambers to watch him sing "I Will Survive in the mirror," as it is disturbing.
27) I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwick's wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.
28) I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.
29) - I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.
30) I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.
31) The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid.
32) I will not subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The Chamber of Secrets"
33) When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.
34) -Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.
35) Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy."
36) I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.
37) - I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.
38) Sending rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide, with the return address "Voldemort", is not funny.
39) Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a quill and parchment is sufficient.
40) Calling the Ghost-busters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.
41) I may not have a private army.
42) I must not substitute chocolate-flavored laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate.
43) -Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper, with Professor Dumbledore's candy.
44) I am not the wicked witch of the west.
45) - I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either.
46.) I will not melt if water is poured over me.
47.) - Neither will Professor Umbridge.
48) Thestrals do not resemble my little sister's toys known as 'My Little Pony'.
49.) I shouldn't use Photo-shop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or tutors.
50.) I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose.
51.) I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.
52.) I will not test my Potions assignments by spiking Snape's drink with them.
53.) - Especially not all of them at once.
54) The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smarts, and the Junior Death Eaters.
55) I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes.
56) I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paint-balling.
57) I am not allowed to claim to know 'how to defeat Dumbledore.'
58) - The answer is 'poison the damn Lemon Drops.'
59) I will not create a betting pool on that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father.
60) Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing Glimmer McSparkles.
61) I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.
62) Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not be improved by the introduction of muggle firearms.
63) - Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either.
64) I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
65) I will not play the Imperial March theme for Professor Snape.
66) - However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it.
67) If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: "The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a nom-de-plume.
68) I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle, collectively as "Team Rocket."
69) I will not yell "Hey look It's Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade.
70) I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal times.
71) I will not tease Voldemort about the time he needed his pink flowery teddy bear to comfort him when he had that bad bad nightmare about Harry unless I want to die young (or for a dare).
72) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."
73) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.
74) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.
75) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.
76) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."
77) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.
78) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.
79) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.
80) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knights Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.
81) I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.”
82) I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogle”.
83) I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rocks series during Arithmacy exams.
84) There is no such thing as the chamber of Double Secret Probation.
85) My name is not “the Dark Lord Happy-Pants,” and I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.
86) Bringing fortune cookies to divination class does not count for extra credit.
87) I will not douse Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible while wearing it and standing by the fire in the common room.
88) I will not tell first years they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.
89) I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.
70) I will not give Gryffindors pixie sticks.
71 I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, and Justin Finch-Fletchley, as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles.
72) A time turner is not a flux capacitator. I should therefore not try to install it in a muggle car.
73) I shall not refer to DADA professors as canaries in a coal mine.
74) When fighting death-eaters in the annual June good vs. evil fight I will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can only be ONE!”
75) A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or playing drums no matter how bored I become.
76) It is generally accepted that cats and dragons can not interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the results would be.
77) 42 is not the answer to every question on the O.W.L.S.
78) I am allowed to have a cat, rat, toad, or an owl. I am not allowed to have reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.
79) No matter how good an Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
80) Predicting that there will be a new DADA teacher next year does not mean I am a seer.
If you think that Uther Pendragon would accuse a rock of sorcery if he tripped on it, paste this on your profile.