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Joined 05-30-12, id: 4029793, Profile Updated: 07-27-13
Author has written 1 story for Mortal Instruments.

So, since I'm assuming no one will ever read this profile, I might as well tell the world of fanfiction my deepest, darkest secret.

But I won't.

HA! I got you there, didn't I imaginary reader! But seriously all you need to know about me is that I have a steamy and passionate relationship with chocolate, but I'm actually pregnant with ice cream's baby. Scandalous, right?

Honestly though, I live in the US with my annoying sis and parentals. I love reading anything from The Mortal Instruments to The Diary of Anne Frank to Hush. BTW, Hush isn't Hush, Hush. Which is a great book and in an altogether different genre.

I hate pie, except for the chocolate kind (told you chocolate and I were going steady) but have an obscene taste for all reality shows. Movie preferences run the same way as my books do. I would consider myself a romantic except for when it comes to people. Then I'm more like a blubbering fool. Especially towards my crush on this poor guy in class who thinks I'm the hottest stalker of the world. That's right, I'm going Jace-style! ;)

When it comes to music the only genres I really can't stand listening to are reggae and smooth jazz. My mom is an unfortunate country lover so I've grown up listening to the stuff. Plus, can you really hate on Carrie Underwood? I have recently discovered a love for electronica and synth-pop but I still rock out to Blur when I'm feeling angsty, awesome or angry. The three A's of my listening life. If we ever become super duper besties, my invisible peer of fanfic, pretend that you don't know who Madonna is. I don't care if she's "legendary" she's also way old to be wearing minis with leather and pretending she can sing.

Anyways, if you would like to argue with me on the finer points of Elton John, please feel free to IM.

Adios my nugget of an unexistence!

(In case you don't speak Spanglish, Adios means bye-bye!)

Alright guys, this is the part where I copy and paste all this hilarious junk that you'll probs never see. If you, meaning the person (or robot/alien) behind the computer, don't want to read these hilarious musings you should probably look away. Or you can scroll down to my story. Either way works.

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In".

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

8 Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity:

Send This In An E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile!

Fun Things To Do In A Elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it

Ways to Annoy people at the cinema:

Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"

Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.

Clap when the good guy gets killed.

During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"

Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"

Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.

Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.

Yell out what is going to happen.

Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.

Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.

Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.

Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.

Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.

Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.

Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.

Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...)

Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.

Try to start a wave.

Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first.

Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.

Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"

Sing with the theme music.

Bring and use your own air freshener.

At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."

Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.

Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.

Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.

Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"

Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.

Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.

Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.

When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"

Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.

Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?"

Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.

Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.

Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat"

Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.

Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.

Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself.

Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.

Before the movie begins, tape fart cusions to various chairs in the theater room.

Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.

Bring a watergun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"

Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"

Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"

Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer's name is going to be said.

Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.

Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.

Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.

Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the end

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods:

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside! (The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box): Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?(Whose body?))

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would only hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm . . . something must have gotten lost in the translation . . . well, then again maybe not . . . Oh, those Koreans!)

On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use under water and in outer space.)

On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one . . .)

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh, go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

On a package of Fing'rs fake nails: For use on nails ONLY. (Well gee, I was gonna put em on my face! Darn!)

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

It's Kind of a Funny Story by deathsteel reviews
After an aborted suicide attempt lands Castiel Shurley in the hospital, he meets Dean Winchester, a charming damaged young man who is much more than first meets the eye. Not being able to deal with the stress of growing up may have gotten him here, but Castiel soon learns that sometimes it takes going a little crazy to find the path you were always meant to be on.
Supernatural - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 138,764 - Reviews: 128 - Favs: 117 - Follows: 165 - Updated: 4/13/2016 - Published: 11/1/2013 - [Castiel, Dean W.]
Falling by dark-renegade-angel reviews
HSAU, WIP. One of six - sorry, five siblings, Cas is struggling with severe depression, an eating disorder and the pressures of belonging to the Novak family. Dean is the supposed embodiment of all-American, popular, heterosexual male perfection, who finds himself inexplicably drawn to the hot mess that is Castiel. Bit by bit, he begins to unravel the enigma. Together, they fall.
Supernatural - Rated: M - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 24 - Words: 50,889 - Reviews: 143 - Favs: 131 - Follows: 226 - Updated: 12/1/2014 - Published: 9/29/2013 - [Dean W., Castiel] Lucifer, Michael
Supernatural: Today Your Barista Is by IBegToDreamAndDiffer reviews
The sign at Dean's favourite little coffee shop has a few odd sentences on it today. See warnings inside.
Supernatural - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 30 - Words: 101,527 - Reviews: 607 - Favs: 819 - Follows: 645 - Updated: 11/2/2014 - Published: 7/9/2013 - [Dean W., Castiel] - Complete
Thank You by TheGirlWhoBlockedHerOwnShot reviews
Based off the song by Led Zepplelin. Destiel AU. On the evening of his brother, Gabriel's 30th birthday party, Castiel meets the frustrating 'Dean Winchester', who he quickly decides he dislikes. However, he still finds himself accepting Dean's offer of a dance, and curses himself for being so attracted to the green eyed man. My first fic, please be nice! M to be safe!
Supernatural - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 34 - Words: 269,698 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 116 - Follows: 107 - Updated: 10/5/2014 - Published: 10/6/2013 - [Dean W., Castiel] - Complete
I'll Have The Usual by skyestiel reviews
As Castiel grows desperate to help pay for his college tuition, he decides to work at the local coffee shop. Everything seems perfectly normal, if not boring, until an incredibly attractive mystery man walks in and makes one simple request: "I'll have the usual." Coffeeshop AU Destiel/Sabriel
Supernatural - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 25 - Words: 93,657 - Reviews: 112 - Favs: 343 - Follows: 288 - Updated: 7/24/2014 - Published: 7/18/2013 - [Dean W., Castiel] [Sam W., Gabriel] - Complete
Honey Can't Buy Me Love by cloudsarefluffy reviews
-COMPLETE- Dean has to raise both Sammy and Adam after no one is willing. It isn't easy. Faced with unfathomable struggles and hard times, Dean resorts to questionable methods as to paying bills & keeping food on the table. He becomes a prostitute. Castiel helps out, even when Dean feels like he can't repay him. He just forgets there's something other than sex to do it. Alpha/Omega
Supernatural - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 54,509 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 99 - Follows: 64 - Updated: 6/6/2014 - Published: 4/7/2014 - [Castiel, Dean W.] - Complete
FWB Verse by elizaye reviews
Dean and Castiel have been best friends since college. This story follows the evolution of their relationship. Dean/Cas college au, friends with benefits.
Supernatural - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 30 - Words: 111,032 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 89 - Follows: 75 - Updated: 5/18/2014 - Published: 3/22/2014 - [Dean W., Castiel] Lisa B., Anna - Complete
Dear Librarian by swlfangirl reviews
AU: Dean leaves anonymous notes in between the pages of Librarian Castiel's favorite love stories, causing him to slowly fall in love with a stranger. Be sure to let me know what you think about it.
Supernatural - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 10,372 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 136 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 1/16/2014 - Published: 1/15/2014 - [Dean W., Castiel] - Complete
Running From You reviews
When Clary meets a certain golden angel, will she keep up the walls that have protected her from so much? Or will he be the first one to break through her pain? AH/AU w/hints of I am number four. R&R!
Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,560 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 8/27/2012 - Published: 8/12/2012 - Jace W., Clary F.