Diaspared
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Joined 06-05-12, id: 4039711, Profile Updated: 08-26-16

I use fanfiction as both a distraction from the stress of real life and, well, for entertainment. I suggest reading the stories I have favorited. They are funny, interesting, or both.

An incomplete list of things I dislike in a story:

  • A lack of main character agency.
  • An overabundance of original characters, especially when canonical ones could be used instead.
  • Harem/Polygamy/Polyandry stories.
  • Gender and/or sexual orientation swapping of characters, whether as an initial impetus or within the plot of a story.
  • Male pregnancy. No, it does not matter how you try to justify it.
  • Atrocious spelling, grammar, syntax, and/or vocabulary.
  • Handicapping any character, in both the actual sense of the word and the converse, informal "to grant disability to".
  • Following from the above, "power level" balancing.
  • Insisting on physical conflict in place of emotional, mental, familial, moral, or any other form.
  • Slow plot progression, to the extent that the characters, plot, and setting remain in relative stasis from chapter to chapter.
  • Pornography, referred to as a "lemon" or not. This goes double for pornography featuring minors.
  • Pedophilia as a plot device or, worse, integral and accepted relationship.
  • Incest as an accepted relationship.
  • Rape or sexual harassment as a plot device.
  • Author avatars, in the form of self-inserts and/or characters preaching an author's beliefs.
  • Use of untranslated words without proper justification in-story.
  • Dei ex Machina.
  • Making light of homophobia, racism, anti-semitism, and/or other forms of bigotry. (What I consider bigotry may not mesh with what you consider such.)
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    The Peculiar Shopkeeper by Reain reviews
    What do you do when you're hurled through time and space and end up in an entirely new dimension with no way of returning to your original one? Easy, you open up shop.
    Crossover - Naruto & High School DxD/ハイスクールD×D - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 44,044 - Reviews: 1328 - Favs: 3,373 - Follows: 3,775 - Updated: 8/17 - Published: 8/13/2015 - Naruto U.
    Tales From The Blue Sea by Tarhish reviews
    Following the Poneglyphs leads Gold Roger to an island lost to the world for a thousand years. Inspired as a child by Roger, Itachi makes a different choice that results in an early friendship between a young Naruto and a kinder Sasuke. Years later, the boys take an unsanctioned mission to chase Akatsuki out into the ocean on the only ship available: the Going Merry.
    Crossover - Naruto & One Piece - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 57 - Words: 281,588 - Reviews: 281 - Favs: 252 - Follows: 288 - Updated: 8/12 - Published: 12/28/2015 - Naruto U., Sasuke U., Akatsuki, Straw Hats P.
    Odd Ideas by Rorschach's Blot reviews
    Odd little one shots that may or may not be turned into their own stories.
    Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 162 - Words: 727,104 - Reviews: 9885 - Favs: 4,233 - Follows: 3,284 - Updated: 8/8 - Published: 9/4/2005
    The Sum of Their Parts by holdmybeer reviews
    For Teddy Lupin, Harry Potter would become a Dark Lord. For Teddy Lupin, Harry Potter would take down the Ministry or die trying. He should have known that Hermione and Ron wouldn't let him do it alone.
    Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 11 - Words: 143,267 - Reviews: 456 - Favs: 1,306 - Follows: 861 - Updated: 4/12 - Published: 3/24 - Harry P., Ron W., Hermione G., George W. - Complete
    What If? by Rorschach's Blot reviews
    A place for odd story bits that drip out of my brain.
    Naruto - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 34 - Words: 127,345 - Reviews: 1786 - Favs: 2,130 - Follows: 1,699 - Updated: 2/10 - Published: 4/14/2007
    A Demon Among Devils by The Crimson Lord reviews
    Igor had asked him to die for the world. She would ask him to die for her. Problem was, he didn't really like dying, not for a second time, at least.
    Crossover - Persona Series & High School DxD/ハイスクールD×D - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 22 - Words: 285,578 - Reviews: 4305 - Favs: 4,744 - Follows: 4,364 - Updated: 1/31 - Published: 3/29/2014 - Minato A.
    Community Service by Balthanon reviews
    Wherein Dumbledore trades a pair of socks, a package of chocolate frogs, and a warm fire for an extra day in the office and we learn that being well-rested is overrated.
    Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,176 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 18 - Published: 1/11 - Harry P., Sirius B., Albus D. - Complete
    Awaken Sleeper by Water Mage reviews
    For years Harrison Potter has been in a mental institution living dreams of magic, wizards, and dark lords. Eventually the dreamer has to awaken. His reality has to be accepted as fantasy. Although some things stay the same... Dresden Files xover.
    Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Adventure - Chapters: 27 - Words: 194,549 - Reviews: 1771 - Favs: 3,336 - Follows: 3,402 - Updated: 10/4/2015 - Published: 4/7/2008 - Harry P.
    What You Leave Behind by Newcomb reviews
    The Mirror of Erised is supposed to show your heart's desire - so why does Harry Potter see only vague, blurry darkness? Aberforth is Headmaster, Ariana is alive, Albus is in exile, and Harry must uncover his past if he's to survive his future.
    Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 122,146 - Reviews: 748 - Favs: 2,379 - Follows: 3,060 - Updated: 8/8/2015 - Published: 10/14/2014 - [Harry P., Fleur D.] Cho C., Cedric D.
    Wand and Shield by Morta's Priest reviews
    The world is breaking. War and technology push on the edge of the unbelievable as S.H.I.E.L.D. desperately tries to keep the peace. Soldier and scientist no longer hold the line alone, as an ancient fire burns alongside them. The last of all wizards.
    Crossover - Harry Potter & Avengers - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 33 - Words: 260,787 - Reviews: 6796 - Favs: 11,793 - Follows: 13,557 - Updated: 7/22/2015 - Published: 6/2/2012 - Harry P.
    Harry Potter and the Boy Who Lived by The Santi reviews
    Harry Potter loves, and is loved by, his parents, his godfather, and his brother. He isn’t mistreated, abused, or neglected. So why is he a Dark Wizard? NonBWL!Harry. Not your typical Harry’s brother is the Boy Who Lived story.
    Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 12 - Words: 147,796 - Reviews: 4201 - Favs: 8,992 - Follows: 9,394 - Updated: 1/3/2015 - Published: 9/3/2009 - Harry P.
    On the Way to Greatness by mira mirth reviews
    As per the Hat's decision, Harry gets Sorted into Slytherin upon his arrival in Hogwarts—and suddenly, the future isn't what it used to be.
    Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 20 - Words: 232,797 - Reviews: 3428 - Favs: 8,824 - Follows: 10,111 - Updated: 9/4/2014 - Published: 12/26/2008 - Harry P.
    Forging the Sword by Myst Shadow reviews
    ::Year 2 Divergence:: What does it take, to reshape a child? And if reshaped, what then is formed? Down in the Chamber, a choice is made. (Harry's Gryffindor traits were always so much scarier than other peoples'.)
    Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 15 - Words: 152,578 - Reviews: 3023 - Favs: 7,162 - Follows: 8,758 - Updated: 8/19/2014 - Published: 5/26/2007 - Harry P., Ron W., Hermione G.
    Discordant by Heather Sinclair reviews
    It wasn't the bright and shiny Jewel of the Galaxy you've all seen on the HoloNet. Harry's story started in the Underworld, a kilometer below the upper levels of Coruscant, where you never walk the streets alone, especially if you don't have a blaster hanging by your side. He left for a little while, but now it's called him back, whether he realizes it or not.
    Crossover - Star Wars & Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi - Chapters: 8 - Words: 45,270 - Reviews: 390 - Favs: 1,836 - Follows: 2,159 - Updated: 3/8/2014 - Published: 1/12/2014 - A. Ventress, Harry P.
    So, Why a Train? by Lucillia reviews
    Though it may not seem like it, the creation of the Hogwarts Express was actually a rather logical solution to a very real problem.
    Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 564 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 281 - Follows: 71 - Published: 1/27/2014 - A. Dippet, C. Binns, Phineas Nigellus - Complete
    The worst choice the Sorting Hat ever made by E4mj reviews
    One shot: McGonagall asks the sorting hat it's regrets after the war, and it admits it regrets one surprising choice between Slytherin and Gryffindor. JKR owns all the world in which I play.
    Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,607 - Reviews: 95 - Favs: 1,082 - Follows: 239 - Published: 5/10/2013 - Sorting Hat, Minerva M., Harry P. - Complete
    Into the Storm by blank101 reviews
    Son of Suns Trilogy Part I - AU set at the end of TESB. When Luke and his companions are caught and taken to Coruscant, Palpatine begins to systematically take apart his life to create a new Sith, turning Luke against his allies, father and beliefs with devastating consequences. Action/Drama/Romance Luke Skywalker/Mara Jade, Vader, Han Solo/Leia Organa, Mothma, Madine,COMPLETE
    Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi - Chapters: 24 - Words: 147,947 - Reviews: 250 - Favs: 955 - Follows: 247 - Updated: 12/19/2012 - Published: 6/5/2008 - Luke S., Darth Vader - Complete
    The Unforgiving Minute by Voice of the Nephilim reviews
    Broken and defeated, the War long since lost, Harry enacts his final desperate gambit: Travel back in time to the day of the Third Task, destroy all of Voldemort's horcruxes and prevent the Dark Lord's resurrection…all within the space of twelve hours.
    Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 10 - Words: 84,617 - Reviews: 644 - Favs: 1,915 - Follows: 1,173 - Updated: 11/5/2011 - Published: 8/20/2010 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
    Lessons With Hagrid by NothingPretentious reviews
    "Have you found out how to get past that beast of Hagrid's yet?" ...Snape kicks Harry out of 'Remedial Potions', but as we know from The Philosopher's Stone, there is another Occlumens in the school good enough to keep out the Dark Lord. Stupid oneshot.
    Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,357 - Reviews: 509 - Favs: 2,831 - Follows: 510 - Published: 10/31/2011 - Rubeus H. - Complete
    Concentric Wavelengths by Voice of the Nephilim reviews
    Trapped within the depths of the Department of Mysteries, Harry is entangled in a desperate, violent battle against both the Death Eaters and a horrifying creation of the Unspeakables, with time itself left as his only weapon.
    Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 16,195 - Reviews: 81 - Favs: 424 - Follows: 114 - Published: 6/8/2011 - Harry P. - Complete
    At the Brink of the Dawn and the Darkness by blank101 reviews
    Son of Suns Trilogy Part III - A new Empire is emerging as a new Emperor takes center-stage, his contradictions dividing Rebels and Empire alike, and pitching allies and enemies into a battle which will question every conviction, test every friendship and challenge every loyalty. Action/Drama/Romance Luke Skywalker/Mara Jade Han Solo/Leia Organa, Mothma, Madine, OC's COMPLETE
    Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Drama - Chapters: 49 - Words: 318,968 - Reviews: 878 - Favs: 743 - Follows: 278 - Updated: 2/11/2011 - Published: 9/5/2008 - Luke S., Mara Jade
    Dr Strangelove by Rorschach's Blot reviews
    Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The N2 Mine
    Evangelion - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 21,089 - Reviews: 207 - Favs: 1,322 - Follows: 557 - Updated: 11/21/2010 - Published: 2/2/2010 - Shinji I. - Complete
    The Strange Disappearance of SallyAnne Perks by Paimpont reviews
    Harry recalls that a pale little girl called Sally-Anne was sorted into Hufflepuff during his first year, but no one else remembers her. Was there really a Sally-Anne? Harry and Hermione set out to solve the chilling mystery of the lost Hogwarts student.
    Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Suspense - Chapters: 11 - Words: 36,835 - Reviews: 1522 - Favs: 3,533 - Follows: 1,140 - Updated: 10/8/2010 - Published: 8/16/2010 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
    In Shadows and Darkness by blank101 reviews
    Son of Suns Trilogy Part II - Abandoned by the Alliance and claimed by the Emperor, Palpatine's new Sith is coming into his own. But as Luke Skywalker's former life is forced further from his grasp by friends and foes alike, new agendas twist old friendships into unaffordable liabilities. Action/Drama/Romance Luke Skywalker/Mara Jade, Han Solo/Leia Organa, Palpatine..COMPLETE
    Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi - Chapters: 35 - Words: 253,633 - Reviews: 342 - Favs: 645 - Follows: 138 - Updated: 8/8/2008 - Published: 6/23/2008 - Luke S., Mara Jade - Complete
    All Problems Solved by Ruskbyte reviews
    The puzzle is complete and the doorway open once more. With his memory curiously and painfully blank, Draco must find the missing Boy-Who-Lived... because if his mistakes catch up with him, they will tear his soul apart.
    Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Mystery/Horror - Chapters: 2 - Words: 42,576 - Reviews: 102 - Favs: 484 - Follows: 121 - Published: 8/4/2008 - Draco M., Harry P. - Complete
    Anything but Slytherin by IP82 reviews
    ONESHOT. AU. How could have Harry's sorting ceremony looked like if the first war against Voldemort went down a bit differently. Dark and disturbing.
    Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,917 - Reviews: 253 - Favs: 934 - Follows: 169 - Published: 5/21/2008 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
    A Black Comedy by nonjon reviews
    COMPLETE. Two years after defeating Voldemort, Harry falls into an alternate dimension with his godfather. Together, they embark on a new life filled with drunken debauchery, thievery, and generally antagonizing all their old family, friends, and enemies.
    Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 31 - Words: 246,320 - Reviews: 5646 - Favs: 11,663 - Follows: 3,659 - Updated: 4/7/2008 - Published: 2/18/2007 - Complete
    Cauterize by Lady Altair reviews
    "Of course it's missing something vital. That's the point." Dennis Creevey takes up his brother's camera after the war.
    Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,648 - Reviews: 1398 - Favs: 5,652 - Follows: 521 - Published: 3/24/2008 - Dennis C. - Complete
    A Stranger in the Promised Land by serpant-sorcerer reviews
    PART II: Harry Potter thought that he had found a way home but something went wrong. Now he finds himself trapped in another dimension, in which someone else was cursed with the famous scar, and Tom Riddle never became the Dark Lord.
    Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Mystery/Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 109,659 - Reviews: 549 - Favs: 1,337 - Follows: 1,538 - Updated: 1/16/2008 - Published: 6/14/2007 - Harry P., Tom R. Jr.
    A Bad Week at the Wizengamot by DisobedienceWriter reviews
    What would have happened if Harry had been convicted by the Wizengamot after defending himself from dementors before his fifth year at Hogwarts? Humorous! Followup stories on Sirius Black plus Cornelius Fudge's attempt at becoming a dark lord.
    Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 22,251 - Reviews: 613 - Favs: 4,088 - Follows: 967 - Updated: 8/14/2007 - Published: 7/6/2007 - Complete
    A Stranger in an Unholy Land by serpant-sorcerer reviews
    PART I: Days before his 6th year, Harry Potter is sucked into another universe by forces not of this world. Dazed and confused, Harry finds himself in a world where his parents are alive, where Voldemort has never fallen and he is Voldemort's key enforcer
    Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 17 - Words: 470,388 - Reviews: 1641 - Favs: 3,713 - Follows: 1,233 - Updated: 4/25/2007 - Published: 7/14/2004 - Harry P., Voldemort - Complete
    Browncoat, Green Eyes by nonjon reviews
    COMPLETE. Firefly: :Harry Potter crossover Post Serenity. Two years have passed since the secret of the planet Miranda got broadcast across the whole 'verse in 2518. The crew of Serenity finally hires a new pilot, but he's a bit peculiar.
    Crossover - Harry Potter & Firefly - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 39 - Words: 298,538 - Reviews: 4269 - Favs: 6,758 - Follows: 1,892 - Updated: 11/12/2006 - Published: 3/23/2006 - Harry P., River - Complete
    Make A Wish by Rorschach's Blot reviews
    Harry has learned the prophesy and he does not believe that a schoolboy can defeat Voldemort, so he decides that if he is going to die then he is first going to live.
    Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 50 - Words: 187,589 - Reviews: 10107 - Favs: 14,605 - Follows: 4,362 - Updated: 6/17/2006 - Published: 3/23/2005 - Harry P. - Complete
    Dimension Hopping for Beginners by nonjon reviews
    COMPLETE. In the heat of the battle, he swore a blood oath to defeat Voldemort in every form. But when you factor in his understanding and abilities to travel to alternate dimensions, it presented the sort of problem only a Harry Potter could have.
    Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Parody/Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 56,035 - Reviews: 1110 - Favs: 2,752 - Follows: 868 - Updated: 3/13/2006 - Published: 3/4/2006 - Harry P. - Complete
    You Did What! by nonjon reviews
    COMPLETE. [Third and final story from the 'Where in the World is Harry Potter' trilogy] No one is safe when Harry happens. Not the living relatives, not the dead ones. No one.
    Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 139,965 - Reviews: 1498 - Favs: 1,867 - Follows: 532 - Updated: 1/27/2006 - Published: 10/22/2005 - Harry P., Harry P. - Complete
    The Untitled Cheekquel Project by nonjon reviews
    COMPLETE. [Sequel to Where in the World is Harry Potter?] Now that Harry has been found, he's going to teach DADA at Hogwarts again for the first time. Will he change and grow as a person? Will he find love? Enh... doubtful.
    Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 69,193 - Reviews: 1028 - Favs: 1,795 - Follows: 476 - Updated: 8/29/2005 - Published: 7/9/2005 - Harry P. - Complete
    Evil Be Thou My Good by Ruskbyte reviews
    Nine years ago Vernon Dursley brought home a certain puzzle box. His nephew managed to open it, changing his destiny. Now, in the midst of Voldemort's second rise, Harry Potter has decided to recreate the Lament Configuration... and open it... again.
    Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Horror/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 40,554 - Reviews: 1719 - Favs: 6,265 - Follows: 1,439 - Published: 6/24/2005 - Harry P., Hermione G.
    Where in the World is Harry Potter? by nonjon reviews
    COMPLETE. PostOotP. Harry Potter fulfilled the prophecy and has since disappeared. Or has he? Tonks and Hermione are the lead Order members continuously hoping to track him down. The question is: can they keep up with him?
    Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 54,625 - Reviews: 1077 - Favs: 3,355 - Follows: 810 - Updated: 4/30/2005 - Published: 4/16/2005 - Complete
    Drive You Mild by obaona reviews
    How do two powerful, individualistic people who were formerly enemies unite? Emperor Luke Skywalker, meet Jedi Knight Mara Jade. [Updated with Part 6 - COMPLETE.]
    Star Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 70,893 - Reviews: 183 - Favs: 551 - Follows: 103 - Updated: 3/4/2005 - Published: 1/9/2005 - Luke S. - Complete
    Sorting Fred by Morrighan reviews
    There are people who are easy to sort, and there are people who are more difficult. And then there's Fred Weasley... Well, how hard can it be to sort him?
    Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,273 - Reviews: 529 - Favs: 1,043 - Follows: 111 - Published: 3/16/2001 - Fred W., George W. - Complete