Author has written 2 stories for Yu-Gi-Oh.
20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8 Don't use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You Have A Headache.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity... Copy and Paste this into your profile!!
What 2 DO WHEN YOU'RE BORED!!
1. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
15. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"
16. Fill water ballons up with jello & throw them at high school kids
17. Spit off a bridge over passing traffic
18. When someone taps you on the shoulder, sway and fall over, dead
Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things.
Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar o f Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
All the different lines Minerva McGonagall has made students write:
"If Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade I will not point at the sky and shout TO THE BAT MOBILE!"
"I will not tell everyone that I overheard my sister saying, 'So I was like, 'Avada Kadavra!' and he was like, 'Dead.' "
"I will not ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling." "I will not call Draco Malfoy the amazing...bouncing...Ferret."
"Remus Lupin does NOT want a flea collar!"
"I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort."
"I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his time of the month."
"I will not say 'dude, get a life' to the Dark Lord."
"I will not ask Professor Snape why he stole Batman's cape."
"I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my calculus book."
"I will not spread rumors saying, 'When Voldemort goes to bed he checks his closet for Mrs. Weasley.' "
"I will not tell Penelope Clearwater that Percy wouldn't recognize a joke if it dances naked in front of him wearing Dobby's tea cozy."
"I will not sing "We're off to see the wizard!" when sent to the headmasters office."
"I will not send You-Know-Who a letter saying, 'I have eight Horcruxes, take that Voldy!' "
"Professor Flitwick's name is not Yoda."
"I will not bring a magic eight ball to Divination class"
"If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of the situation and draw a Dark Mark on their arm."
"I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand."
"I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing."
"I will not follow potions instructions in reverse order just to see what happens."
"I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him that they are real animals."
"I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween"
"I will not teach the house-elves to impersonate Paris Hilton."
"I will not tell Hermione to S.P.E.W again"
Do not argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you beat them
Some people say 'if you can't beat them, join them'. I say 'If you can't beat them, beat them', because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise
If at first you don't succeed...go back and reload the gun
Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat
There are few problems that can’t be solved with high explosives
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three
I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed. - James Thurber
Harley Quinn: “I want a lawyer! I want a doctor! I want a cheese sandwich!
If you support gay marriage and want to show it, paste this into your profile.
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans...
I love all this stuff if you like any of this, copy and paste this to your profile!
female come backs
pick up line comebacks, add to it
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together
Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.
GIRLS REPOST THIS AS "female comebacks"
Did you know...
kissing is healthy.
bananas are good for period pain.
it's good to cry.
chicken soup actually makes you feel better.
94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.
lying is actually unhealthy.
you really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes.
it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you.
89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move.
it's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.
chocolate will make you feel better.
most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.
a good friend never judges.
a good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any.
boys aren't worth your tears.
we all love surprises.
I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a cashier hand this little boy some money back.
The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.
The cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."
Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''
The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''
Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly.
The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.
Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."
I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her afterall, and not to worry.
But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."
His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''
My heart nearly stopped.
The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."
Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't
forget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."
Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.
I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''
"OK," he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for
the doll and even some spare money.
The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"
Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that
mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!''
"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''
"My mommy loves white roses."
A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.
I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.
Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.
The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy?
Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away.
I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.
She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.
I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister
is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
Now you have 2 choices:
1) Repost this message.
2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart
You know your obessed with Danny Phantom when...
You don't trust old lunch ladies.
Every time you see your breath fog you think you have a ghost sense.
You know what Esperanto is.
You know a few Esperanto words.
You've ever tried to shoot ecto-blasts out of your hands
Every time you hear the name Vlad you think of Plasmius
You've gone looking for ghost portals
You want to dye your hair white
You know the theme song by heart
You can quote parts of/entire episodes
You threw a fit when you heard the show was being cancelled
You cried when Phantom Planet ended
Pssh. 'nuff said.
You know what an Ultra-recyclo vegetarian is.
You've spent hours in a room full of boxes to wait for the Box Ghost
You know the importance of Emergency Ham
You think hazmat suits rule
You run when you hear someone say "I want to go to the ball!"
You don't go near beauty pageants.
It's not Eragon, it's Aragon.
You like read berets
You check your virus scanner to see if it found Technus
You can't watch Men in Black without thinking of the Guys in White
You've tried to capture things in a thermos
You named your dog Cujo
You were excited when you turned 14
You searched Google maps for Amity Park
You freaked out when you found out there was a Fenton street
Whenever you get Fruit Loops you search the box for Vlad
When you're shocked you shout out a book title
You've tried to walk through walls
You always carry an orange with you in case the Ghost Writer attacks
You don't want locker 724
You support Frog's Rights
You don't like biker dudes
You know what a Fake-out Make-out is.
You've had a Fake-out Make-out.
You brought the bat with the word Fenton on it
You constantly check to make sure shadows aren't following you
You can't go to the circus without looking around for mind controlled ghosts
You think the term is mouse-meat, not mincemeat
You know what Pandora's Box REALLY is.
You never eat oatmeal at camp
You tried to turn your dad's fishing pole into a Fenton Fisher
You misspell the name of the first movie in the Star Wars saga
You know the difference between Danny, Dan, and Dani.
You screamed "FINALLY!" when Danny kissed Sam in Phantom Planet
You know never to use flour sacks with smiley faces on them to make cookies
You know Roosevelt's famous saying about fear
You get King Tuck confused with King Tut
You've shouted "I'M GOING GHOST!" in a crowd full of people
You've tried to fly
You've had Danny Phantom withdrawals
You have a notebook with pages of failed attempts to draw Danny's logo
You spazzed when you found out Danny Phantom was on DVD (on Amazon!)
Gonna catch 'em all is no longer a Pokémon phrase
You made plans to start a mad mob and head for Nick studios
You went on the Danny Phantom ride at Kings Island
You named your cat Maddie
Crazy is when you have a voice in your head that you named Pedro, even though he clearly isn't spanish and you just do that to annoy him.
Crazy is when you're so obsessed with eating your Jell-o (and you forgot to put a spoon in your lunch box) that you try drinking your Jell-o through a straw and using straw chopsticks because straws were the only untensil-type thing available.
Crazy is when you start dancing in Walmart to its cheesy music.
Crazy is when you laugh uncontrollably at your own jokes.
Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what is so interesting about the eraser.
Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on.
Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself.
Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do.
Crazy is when you laugh when nothing's funny.
Crazy is when you crack up if someone says "Oatmeal!".
Crazy is when you forget what you're saying in the middle of a sentence.
Crazy is when you take the time to write down stuff like this and memorize it.
Crazy is when your are going through this as a checklist.
Crazy is when you quote Charlie the Unicorn at random momments.
Crazy is when you eat twenty pixie sticks in one day.
Crazy is when you're crazy.
Crazy is when start talking nonsense everyday during gym.
Crazy is when you convince your friends you're 'high' because you can't stop laughing even when nothing is funny. And then all of you convince the nearest adult that you're having a breakdown.
Crazy is when you trip up the stairs, and laugh all the way back down them.
Crazy is when it is last day of school you scream and run around in circles.
Crazy is when you get drunk on air and laugh during the saddest part of the move.
Crazy is when you can call yourself something else, and completely become that person, forgetting your reason for hating the world,
Crazy is when you laugh at nothing during school and laugh when everyone looks at you like your insane.
Crazy is when you trip over nothing at all, fall, and say "I see the ground...it's pretty".
Crazy is when you are asked to get someone's phone from the other room, and you go and grab it epically, then crack up and spit out your oreos halfway through.
Crazy is when you hit your head on an object, then start yelling and swearing revenge.
Crazy is when you mix five box-fulls of Jello Pudding Mix with Dish Soap and Green food coloring in a jar,pour it on the side walk,and say it's "alien bloooood".
Crazy is when you make up stupid texts and faces just for pleasure.
Crazy is when you randomly sing a song that goes completely against the one playing.
Crazy is when you're sitting quietly in the backseat of the car, then start singing NomNom just so you could see how your parents/friends react.
Crazy is when you walk up to your little sister and say/ask something completely random like, "Why won't strawberries lift weights?" or "Elephant trunks like to play piano." or even "Chocolate Milk causes birth defects!" and she says something literal. Do this to your mother and if says yes to the chocolate milk one, laugh hysterically, like she never answered.
Crazy is when you get lemonade at your youth group, poor it over your head, walk around and offer to give everybody hugs, and when your sarcastic, crazy, youth group leader tells you to wash off and stick your head in the toilet, you do it. Hiway202
Crazy is spending hours watching videos of toilets flushing on YouTube. Hiway202
Crazy is when you walk into a glass door, stop and shake your head and do it againAmethystPhantom
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught t me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . "Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Make your mother proud, dont smoke pot or stop breathing because Abrocrombie and Fitch tell you its not cool to breath.
None of that sissy crap. Are you tired of those 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of truths to our friendship.
1. When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard.
2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
4. When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused, I will use little words.
7. When you are sick, stay the hell away from me until you are well. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. When you are told "well you deserve better" by others, I will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days"
This is my oath. I pledge it until the end. "Why?" you may ask. Because you are my friend. Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can truly feel its warmth.
Try Not to Cry
Please if you would, Don't smash this on the ground.
If you pass this on,
Maybe people will cry,
Just keep this in your heart,
For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye".
Now you have 2 choices,
1) Pass this on, and show people you care, repost as "Try Not To Cry" 2) Don't send it, and you have just proven how cold-hearted you really are...
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
A moment of silence.
I am the guy who came out to the entire school in his senior speech and got a standing ovation for his courage.
I am the girl who kisses her girlfriend on the sidewalk and laughs at those who glare.
We are the couple who planned and studied and got a damn good lawyer and BEAT the state that wanted to take our child away.
We are the ones who took martial arts classes and carry pepper spray and are just too dangerous to gay bash.
I am the transgender person who uses the bathroom that suits me, and demands that any complaining staff explain their complaint to my face in front of the entire restaurant--and shares with my other trans friends which restaurants don't raise a stink.
I am the mother who told her lesbian daughter to invite her girlfriend over for dinner.
I am the father who punished his son for calling you a fag.
I am the preacher who told my congregation that love, not hate, is the definition of a true follower of God.
I am the girl who did not learn the meaning of "homosexual" until high school but never thought to question why two men might be kissing.
I am the woman who argues (quite loudly and vehemently) with the bigots who insist that you do not have the right to marry or raise children.
We are the high school class who agrees, unanimously, along with our teacher, that love should be all that matters.
If you agree, repost this. Do it. You don't have to be afraid. You can handle it. You're stronger than you think.
I am making a difference. Hate will not win.
"Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality." James Baldwin
- Genius by birth, slacker by nature
- I did not hit you... I simply high-fived your face.
- Some people blame our generation, but have they ever stopped to think who raised us?
- Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot your revenge.
- Do it today. It might be illegal tomorrow.
- It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces.
- Procrastinators unite! ...tomorrow
- Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver
- Everything good in life is either illegal, fattening, or "bad"
- In case of emergency, run like hell
- Don't even try to outwierd me
- The police never think it's as funny as you do
- I'll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
- Friends are the universe's way of apologizing for family.
- Anyone ever notice that "studying" is "student" and "dying" put together?
- My whole problem is my lips move when I think
- I am fluent in sarcasm
- Yeah, okay, yes, yeah, yeah, okay, yes, I know, okay, yeah, BYE MOM!
- F.I.N.A.L.S: (F#ck I Never Actually Learned This Sh*t!)
- I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you
- I can't brain today. I have the dumb.
- I find 'good morning' a contradiction of terms.
- I'm not so good with advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
- I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind! But not my brain- I need that.
- I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept!
- Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap... you decide.
- How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
- Tell the truth and run.
- If everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something.
- You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
- A good friend will always bail you out of jail. A best friend is sitting there next to you in the cell saying 'man that was fun!'
- Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable. But that is called 'cannibalism' my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.
- I used to be normal... until I met those freaks I call my friends.
- Reality has no background music... so I make my own
- Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk. The rest of our lives they tell us to just sit down and shut up
- Welcome to the dark side. Are you surprised we lied about having cookies?
- Do not interrupt me when I am talking to myself!
- Thank you captain obvious
- Dear math, I don't want to solve your problems, I have my own.
- People are like slinkies; basically useless, but so amusing to watch fall down the stairs.
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