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Author has written 28 stories for Wayside School series, Hunger Games, Ice Age, Harry Potter, Series Of Unfortunate Events, Friends, Doctor Who, Misc. Movies, and Underland Chronicles.
HARRY POTTER JOKES
I will not use the Memory Charm on Professor Snape.
and of course,
QUOTES FROM MY BEST FRIEND MADDIE
QUOTES FROM MY BEST FRIEND MASON
THE UNDERLAND CHRONICLES FAVORITE QUOTES
"A letter can be itself!" Ripred.
"My ball! You eated my ball!" Boots.
"I told you, it takes a lot to kill me. More than a few bugs anyway." Ripred.
"Yes, I’m a mouse. Squeak, squeak. Now shoo-shoo back to your little bug friends." Ripred.
RANDOM FACTS YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW
There was a rumor that Marilyn Monroe had 6 toes on one foot.
A PREVIEW OF A BOOK I AM WRITING
“It’s a beautiful night tonight,” Peter told Mom. It was May 17th, 1989, and they were laying on the sand dunes in Libya. They had taken a vacation, for they lived in Denver, Colorado. They were staring up at the night sky, where the stars created millions of constellations. “This is the constellation Cassiopeia, and right there is Draco the Dragon. See his little tail? And right over there? The Big Dipper.” He continued pointing to almost all the stars in the sky.
“Hey, what’s that one?” Alice, my mom, inquired as a small green dot appeared in the black. Peter peered his eyes and stood up. “I’m not sure, but it seems to be growing.” When he was finally tall enough his eyes widened up. “Um, Alice, I don’t think that’s a star.” It looked as big as a large raccoon. Seconds later it grew into the size of a double-decker bus. “ALICE, RUN!” he yelled. My mom immediately got up, and Dad waited for her to get in front of her before he started to go.
The world seemed to explode. The sand jumped off the hills and sprayed Alice in the face and the back, and there was a big sonic boom. Once the sonic boom was off, Mom solemnly but quickly turned around, expecting the worst. She was correct. There was a giant glowing meteor on the ground. The only sound, other than Mom’s sobbing, was the mysterious sounds of babies crying. Peter was gone.
That strange sound, just so you know, was me.
1. Gym Class
Well, to start you off so we can get to my story quick, I’ll do some quick introductions. Hello, my name is Logan Quincey Brooks, my mom’s third child. I am beginning to end my 8th year at school. I don’t want to brag, but I’m the coolest kid in school. I’ve beaten every single world record in 7th grade. My younger sister, Julie Amelia Brooks, is in 6th grade, and she has, like, sixteen friends. That’s, honestly, more than I can say. My older sister, Katrina Monica Brooks, is a little strange.
No offense to her, though, she’s in 10th grade, and she’s had more experience with fancy lockers and seven classes each day. And, my older brother, Jason Atticus Brooks, is like a role model to me. I never really knew my dad, so he’s the next best choice. Just saying. His job is paper boy, and he is the first of the four to have a job. That’s one small step for Brooks, one giant leap for Brooks kind! OK, that kind of sucked.
Let’s just get on with the story. When we got to the school, I walked down the street to Horizon Sun, where I bought a newspaper. I just looked at the news. “Um, let’s see…wait, what’s this? Sand dunes in Libya turned into museum after twenty-one years under destruction. Man, Peter Brooks, was killed when a meteor hit, and the only living person who was there, Alice Brooks, resides in Denver with her four…children.” I squinted to make sure I was reading right. No way.
“Andrew! Andrew!” I yelled, running all the way to school, not looking back at Horizon Sun, not stopping until I got to my best friend. I nearly ran into Andrew, but I stopped at the last second, and toppled over on my head. I stumbled back and talked quickly. “Andrew, look at this!” I screamed, holding out my grey, and slightly torn, newspaper. He grabbed it and read the article with his lips moving all the time. I watched his eyes moving back and forth, and when he read the last line, he dropped it at once.
He continued moving his lips but he didn’t speak. I screamed again. “I know, right? I can’t believe it!” Andrew gulped as the doors were opened, and we ran right in. “Give me your phone, dude!” I demanded, to which my best friend immediately gave me it. I put in my mom’s number, and she picked up on the third ring. “Hello, Andrew! How are you today?” “MOM, IT’S ME!” I was super angered. “HOW COME YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT THE METEOR?”
The voice on the other end was silent for a moment, and she finally lied, “Logan, what do you mean? What meteor?” But she had lied to me before, and I knew all her tricks. “Mom, seriously! Why didn’t you ever tell me?” She sighed and said, “I’m sorry, honey. I just didn’t want you to feel bad.” I felt a little guilty about yelling right then, so I went quieter. “Sorry. So…that’s how Dad died?” Mom said yes, and said she had to go to work. She hung up, and I gave Andrew back his phone.
I went to my locker and got what I needed, then I headed up to Band, where I totally rocked it. My teacher, Mr. O’Kaystra, had a small goatee, which he always curled up, and had brown hair. He also had a thin unibrow, that he always tried to shave, but it would grow back in three hours. I had him for first period, and next I had Gym, then Science, then Language Arts, then Math, then History, and finally Spanish. When I got settled in, I got out my trombone when the loudspeaker went on.
“Hello, students!” exclaimed the booming voice of Principal Daley over the loudspeaker. “Welcome to another great day! Now, for the daily weather report by James Johnson!” This thing happened every day. It was something, though, that you never really got used to. Suddenly the girl sitting next to me, who played the clarinet, mumbled something to me. It sounded something like, “Αυτός είναι ο μπαμπάς μου!” I swung back around to her and asked, “Sorry, what was that?” Then I gasped.
She was beautiful. She had six or seven freckles on each of her cheeks, and she had red hair. She wore a green jacket and brown pants. She brought me back to reality when she continued talking. “Oh, sorry! I’m a little Greek. I meant to say that’s my dad. James Johnson.” I was instantly interested. “That’s cool! That’s really cool! Um, what’s your name?” The girl chuckled softly, but I could tell it was only a pity laugh. “Hi, my name is Jasper Johnson.” She put out her hand.
I stared at it for three seconds, then I put out my hand and we shook. Even her hand had a few freckles on it. “I’m a little bit of a αγοροκόριτσο, if you know what I mean.” I continued staring, but this time blankly. “No. Not really, no,” I finally managed to stutter. “I mean to say I’m a tomboy.” I smiled and nodded softly, then looked over at the loudspeaker. James Johnson’s voice came on a videotaping. “As you can see, we’ve got a little bit of rain heading our way, and I know my daughter will like that.”
I glanced over at Jasper, and she shrugged, looking just as confused as I was. “But…oh, as you can see we’ve got some technical difficulties. That green little spot? I’m sure it’s just the camera.” He continued to say oh-no over and over again, until there was a loud roar, and James was silent. Jasper shrieked softly and clamped her hand over her mouth. “Μπαμπά; Τι συνέβη;” she demanded. I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t help feeling bad for her. I had taken a little bit of Greek, and I only knew a couple words. I was quick to translate.
“Daddy? What happened?” I repeated. “I don’t know what happened to your dad but…it’s strange.” Jasper wiped a tear that had just formed and said, “Oh, yeah?” I was quiet for a moment, and then I pulled out the newspaper from earlier. “I’m Logan Brooks, and this exact thing happened to me.” She read the article word per word, sentence per sentence, paragraph per paragraph. When she was finally finished, she flipped over to the Garfield comic. I scooted in closer so I could read it.
“Τι θα θέλατε για τα γενέθλιά σας αυτό το έτος,” Jasper whispered as I read it along with her. “What would you like for your birthday this year? A cake? Oh, a big cake.” I couldn’t help chuckling. Dark times, it was. But I still couldn’t help chuckling. “I guess that’s all for today, students. Have a…great day!” I didn’t like the way he paused before saying ‘great day’. “Okay, class. Now we are going to play Ode to Joy. Everyone ready?” We all chanted, “Yes, Mr. O’Kaystra.” He waved his finger and we began.
Jasper seemed to be on key every note. How come I had never seen her before? I blew in the tube, but I missed a few notes. When we finished, Mr. O’Kaystra nodded in approval. “Very good. Now, remember, we have a test coming up on each of the songs, so learn the notes well! You all have to do it in front of the class.” Jasper groaned. “His tests are the worst. But you did pretty well last week,” she told me. I shrugged as she had before the bell rang. We both headed into Gym, which was just down the hall.
“Seriously? We have both first and second semester together, and I still haven’t noticed you before?” I asked, sheepishly. Jasper coughed and we both walked in. Ms. Werkot greeted us all inside, and I met up with Andrew. Jasper, again, sat to my right. Okay, this was getting really weird. How did we sit together in the same spots and I hadn’t noticed her? I swear it’s like she just moved in. Ms. Werkot walked in front of us as soon as we were all seated. “Class, today we will be playing volleyball, like I promised. Now, I’ll assign you teams.”
Marlon and Abigail got to be team captains. I just hoped I wouldn’t get on Marlon’s team. Hey, even the coolest kids in school get bullied, alright? Abigail was pretty nice. In a way. Andrew and I, of course, got onto Marlon’s team. Jasper was put on Abigail’s team. We stared into each other’s eyes, but she had an angry look in hers. Andrew had Abigail, and she looked the same way. Jasper snarled and said, “Memento Mori, Logan.”
I looked around to see if I heard her right. “Remember you will die,” I whispered to myself. That made me very confused. A second ago, Jasper Johnson was the nicest girl. Strange. Ms. Werkot blew her whistle to start the game. The ball was first handed to Marlon, who slam dunked it onto Richard Stragus’ head. Lula Jackie grabbed it and threw it back. Abigail stood and watched in disbelief. When it headed for Jasper, she grabbed it in midair, and clutched it. Suddenly she began to turn blue and grey.
Suddenly, in the blue spots, yellow lightning bolt tattoos appeared. The lights began to flicker on and off. There was another rumbling sound. “Not another meteor,” I thought. Mysteriously, clouds suddenly appeared out of no where on top of the ceiling. A strike of lightning hit the volleyball and it was thrown at Marlon. When Marlon was hit, he flew backwards in the air, and looked as though he was doing back-flips, slammed onto the wall, and blood came pouring of his cracked open head. “Memento Mori, Marlon,” Jasper let out, and walked forward, kissing me slightly on the cheek. “Later!” she squealed as she walked out the door.
2. After School
Well, when Principal Daley heard the news, we were let out of school as quickly as possible. Marlon was taken into intensive care, but Abigail, Andrew, Jasper, and I all knew he wouldn’t survive. No one could survive a crash like that, it’s just a fact of life. We all met up after school at Abigail’s locker. Abigail wasn’t a very big girl, as you might picture her to be. No, she’s like five foot three, about as tall as me. She has blonde hair, and grey eyes, and she is on the cheerleading squad. Andrew was still staring at Abigail in disbelief. “Whoa, that was like, the coolest thing ever!” he finally said. Abigail chuckled and flipped back her hair.
“With a talent that you’ll never have,” she returned. Andrew stood lost in thought for a moment, and then smiled. Jasper looked at all three of us and said, “Hey, I heard they sell frozen yogurt down the street. Since our parents won’t be expecting us, who says we go down?” Everyone agreed, and soon we were heading down the street, to FroYo’s. When we got there we began to order. I got the cookies and cream, Andrew got the Chunky Chocolate Chip, Abigail got Banana Sorbet, and Jasper first tried to get φυστικοβούτυρο, but she ended up getting Peanut Butter. Ha, that’s irony for you.
When we sat down at a table we began to chitchat. “So,” I said between drinks, “Jasper, I haven’t really seen you around. Did you just move here or...” I was interrupted by her as soon as I finished that word. “Actually, yes. I moved here from…” she was silent for a moment, as if she were thinking. “…Nuedlrnad. Expensive, the trip here was. We had to put in all of our banking account thingies.” I tried to think of if I knew where Neudlrnard was. “Do you mean Nicaragua? That makes more sense,” Andrew asked, to which Jasper nodded immediately.
Abigail had already finished her Banana Sorbet, and she was looking at Jasper, smiling. “Ας ελπίσουμε ότι αυτά τα παιδιά δεν γνωρίζουν ελληνικά. Απλά τους λέω ήδη,” she told Jasper. The red headed girl shook her head. “No, if I tell them, Logan will get too much news too fast.” The blonde stared into my eyes, and suddenly I forgot completely what they had said. I blinked my eyes for a moment, then shook my head vigorously, forgetting about what had just happened even more. Jasper was smiling suspiciously at me. Then she faked a cough. “Excuse me, I have to go outside. Be back in a moment.” Jasper grabbed her cup and walked outside. For a moment, there was silence.
And then, I heard a big rumbling noise. Then silence again. Jasper walked inside with a strange brown drink inside the cup. She went up to the cashier and asked for a lemon, to which he kindly gave her one. She squirted the lemon juice into her drink and stirred it, making it a sort of light gold color. She took a big drink and it was gone in four seconds. “Delicious!” she squealed. I walked outside as she had and looked around for any sign of a tree. There wasn’t a stick within a mile of the restaurant. Strange, because I could have sworn there was sap in her cup. Something really weird was going on, and I was determined to find it out!
I opened my mouth to speak, but Abigail told me to look at her again. I obeyed, and she held up her fingertips, making small sparks fly off of them. “Got it?” she asked. I nodded and slumped back in my chair. When we were finally done talking, it was 2:45, so we started walking home. I didn’t live too far away, and neither did my new friends, apparently. When I got home, Julie and Cat had already gotten there too. Jasper, for some reason, decided to walk home with me. I didn’t complain. For some reason, though, she made dinner as soon as she got home.
First, you mix tomato sauce with cup ground beef.Place mixture into pot and put it on the stove at 250 degrees for five minutes.Take it off, and put two tablespoons of mixture onto each tortilla.Roll up and place cheese and four slices of pepperoni on top.Wrap with batter so that there is nothing peeking out.Place knife and spread soup juice and sour cream around creation.Put more of the mixture on top of the wrap and a tablespoon of oregano.Place in plate with lettuce leaves surrounding it.Place tomatoes on top of the lettuce and place an olive on top.
Her masterpiece was amazing and, just to show how amazing it was, Julie, Cat, and I all ate it in seven bites. Jasper had barely finished hers when Mom and Jason got home. Mom had picked up Jason from the Perkins’ house, where he delivered his last newspaper. As always, we got the first one, but I didn’t need to read it. I knew all about what it had to say. Mom dropped her things on the couch and sat down at the table. “Hello, who is this?” she asked, beckoning me to Jasper. “Mom, this is Jasper Johnson, the daughter of that meteorologist.”
Jason, who was settling in as well, smiled and said, “Look what the Perkins gave me!” and he pulled out four sugar cookies. Julie, Cat, and I all smiled with glee and each grabbed a cookie from his hands. When it was inches from my mouth I looked over at Jasper and I asked, “Do you want some?” She merely shook her head lightly and waved her hand, telling me to eat it. I looked down at it and shrugged. I leaned in once again for a bite. It was the 2nd most delicious thing I had ever tasted, next to Jasper’s concoction.
“Mm, this is really good!” Julie entertained. We all nodded, but right as I was about to take my last bite, something made me loose my balance and I toppled over. I looked up and saw that Julie and Cat were hanging onto the table trying not to fall, while Jason had also fallen. Something felt strange, as if I were being tickled, but had no urge to laugh. Julie, Cat, and Jason looked as though they were turning to gold, and I felt like I was floating, but I was still on the ground. The sensation continued for about nine seconds, and then it ended. I felt as though I was about to throw up. I got up and held my head.
“Oh my god, I think I’m going to be sick,” I mumbled. I definitely felt throw up coming, there was no doubt about that. It was about to come out, then I closed my eyes and heard a clanging noise and a pain in my hands. When I opened my eyes there was a metal bucket and it had arms holding me up. I threw up, and when I finally stopped, the bucket disappeared. I turned towards Jasper Johnson, only to find that she was no where to be found. This day was getting stranger by the minute.
“Where…” I heard Julie say, but she didn’t dare finish. When we all got up, Jason’s stomach started to growl. “Man, I wish I had some dinner quick.” Julie twitched her eye, and all of a sudden a big plate of Jasper’s Masterpiece appeared in front of him on the ground. Cat twitched her eye (my sisters have eye problems in the left, just so you know), and the plate floated in front of him. All of our amazed looks left our faces when we saw how Jason was enjoying the masterpiece. Lucky. But what was going on, and when would I find out the truth?
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