Author has written 8 stories for Doctor Who, Avengers, Avengers, and Star Wars.
Hi welcome to my Profile!!!
Boring I know. I am a huge fan of Marvel the Avengers, Doctor Who and Torchwood.
I Dont own any of the characters or universes that I write about all i own is my imagination.
By the way My old name was Icecream6376, but i got bored of it after using it on so many things so i changed it! XD
follow me on facebook! cebook.co m/ WolfOfProphecys
take out the spaces
Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
On a hose nozzle:
Do not spray into electrical outlet.
(Thanks for the little word of advice!)
On a container of salt:
Warning: High in sodium.
(Really? I don’t believe it…)
On a box of Frosted Cheerios:
The logo, "Tastes so good this box never closes," is located just underneath another announcement: "To close: place tab here."
(Funny how that worked out)
On Woolite carpet cleaner:
Safe for carpets, too!
(That’s good to know, seeing as it’s carpet cleaner!)
On a package of microwave popcorn, which is packaged so that the directions cannot be read unless you open the plastic and unfold it:
Direction #1: Remove plastic.
(Thanks, I never would have figured that one out!)
On a box of household nails:
CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation!
On a bottle of bathtub cleaner:
For best results, start with clean bathtub before use.
(Says a lot about their product, huh?)
Instructions on the bottom of a grocery store pizza:
Do not turn upside down.
On the bottom of a Coca-Cola bottle:
Do not open here.
(Thanks for the little tip)
On a pack of furniture wipes:
Do not use for a baby wipe.
(I pity the poor kid whose parents didn’t read the instructions)
Onthe package of a VCR box:
Instructional video on hooking up VCR included.
On a box of pills:
Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone.
(Thanks for the advice)
On the instructions of the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11:
Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.
(Really? Never would have thought of that!)
On a can of black pepper.
Instructions: usage known.
On a bag of cat biscuits:
Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants.
(Only one thing to say to this one: LOL!)
On a car manual:
In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors.
(Just in case you haven’t a brain cell in your head… O.o)
On a Laundromat triple washer:
No small children.
(Only large children, huh?)
Small print from a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert:
Always drive on roads. Not on people.
(Whew! What a relief!)
Small print from car commercial which shows a car in the ocean:
Do not drive cars in ocean.
(Darn! That’s just what I was about to do!)
Ona manual for an SGI computer:
Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at coworkers.
(I really wonder who makes these things up…)
On a sign at a railroad station:
Beware! To touch these wires is instant death.
Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.
(But how can you be prosecuted if you’re…oh, never mind)
On a dashboard of a mail truck:
Look before driving.
(But how am I supposed to read if I’m looking?)
On a bottle of rat poison:
Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.
(Somehow, I don’t really think the mice have to worry about cancer)
On a portable stroller: Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage.
(But if you just leave the baby in it, you’ll be all ready to go next time!)
On a can of air freshener:
For use by trained personnel only.
(Must be pretty dangerous stuff…)
On a label for a heated seat cushion
Warning: Do not use on eyes.
(But that’s what everyone’s doing these days!)
On a microwave oven:
Do not use for drying pets.
On an Aim-n-Flame fireplace lighter:
Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks.
(Then I’m afraid that I don’t really see the point of it…)
On a bottle of shampoo for dogs:
Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.
(But everyone knows that fish just love eating dog shampoo)
On a package of Fisherman's Friend throat lozenges:
Not meant as substitute for human companionship.
(But throat lozenges make such good friends!)
On a package of disposable razors:
Do not use this product during an earthquake.
(Somehow, I highly doubt anyone would be shaking during an earthquake)
On a bottle of New Zealand insect spray:
This product not tested on animals.
(Then how do we even know it works?)
On a blanket from Taiwan:
Not to be used as protection from a tornado.
(whines Why not?)
On a cardboard windshield sun shade:
Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place.
(I can just see that happening…)
On an infant's bathtub:
Do not throw baby out with bath water.
(Thanks for the helpful advice)
On hotel- provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.
(And what about my other head?)
On the box of a 500-piece puzzle:
Some assembly required.
(Only a some?)
On Silk Soy Milk:
Shake well and buy often.
On a air conditioner:
Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.
(Look out below!)
On a road sign:
Cemetery Road. Dead End.
(Interesting choice of words, there)
On a mattress:
Warning: Do not attempt to swallow.
(Now this I’d like to see!)
On a pack of matches:
Caution: Contents may catch fire.
(One can only hope)
On a package of earplugs:
These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe.
(From what I’ve heard, most things caught in your windpipe usually have that effect)
On a Komatsu Floodlight:
This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark.
(Really? No way)
On a box of hair coloring:
Do not use as an ice cream topping.
On a bottle of baby oil:
Keep away from children.
On a bag of Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter:
Safe to use around pets.
(That's a relief)