Author has written 2 stories for Maximum Ride, and Twilight.
"Curiosity killed the cat. I ran over the thing myself."Online Offline, chapter 5, by Igmrkm
"Stupid, shiny Volvo owner and his damn voodoo jedi force eyes."Online Offline, chapter 6, by Igmrkm
"I belive you determine your own life. Screw fate, fate is what you make of it not the other way around."Online Offline, chapter 13, by Igmrkm
"I am Laurent, this is Victoria. We will be you're attackers for this evening."-I Run to You, chapter 9, by Crushed Hale.x
"Stupid, Shiny Volvo Owner." -Bella
"Do I dazzle you?" "Frequently!" -Edward and Bella
"Friends don't let friends drive drunk." "Drunk?" "You're intoxicated by my very presence." "Well I can't argue with that!" -Edward and Bella
"You truely are one frightening little monster." -Jasper
"How strongly are you opposed to grand theft auto?" -Alice
"I was just wondering why you stabbed him. Not that I object." -Edward
"Does me being half naked bother you?" -Jacob
"Did you know that 'I told you so' has a brother, Jacob? His name is 'Shut the hell up'." -Bella
"Edward? Edward, you their? Okay, now I feel stupid." "You sound stupid, too." -Seth and Jacob
"If you two are having a fight...well, don't let me interrupt." -Charlie
"You are bizarrely moral for a vampire." -Bella
"Bella, would you please stop trying to take your clothes off?" -Edward
"I decided as long as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly." -Edward
"I guess I could throw in a few extra homicides, if it makes Jasper happy." -Bella
"I don't care who's a werewolf and who's a vampire. If Angela turns out to a witch, she can join the party, too." -Bella
"Fall down again, Bella?" "No, Emmett. I punched a werewolf in the face." -Emmet and Bella
"I'm glad that Edward didn't kill you. Everything's so much more fun with you around." -Emmett
"So there are real werewolves? With the full moon and silver bullets and all that?" "Real. Does that make me imaginary?" -Bella and Jacob
"Say what you want, I still think that Dracula One and Dracula Two are creep-tacular." -Jacob
"Next time you want to hit me, use a baseball bat or a crowbar, okay?" -Jacob
"Dad don't you have a baseball bat somewhere in your room? I want to borrow it for a minute." -Bella
"Dead beat." "I'd like to beat you dead." -Jacob and Rosalie
"Life sucks, than you die. Yeah, I should be so lucky." -Jacob
Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk. -Bella
"So, you’re the vampire girl." -Emily
"Take care of my heart I left it with you." -Edward
"Do you remember me telling you we are practicing nonverbal spells, Potter?"
To date, life has been a race between Software companies making bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe making bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.
Smile. It scares people.
An overly-positive attitude may not be enough to solve a problem, but it sure ticks people off enough for it to be worth it!
There are easier things to do in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.
A wise man once said, "I don't know, go ask a woman."
I'm not so good with advice. May I offer a sarcastic comment?
Whoever said words don't hurt have obviously never had a hard-backed encyclopedia hurled at their head.
Sticks and stones may brake my bones, but words will eventually kill me
When someone annoys you, it takes fourty-two muscles to frown, but it only takes four to extend your arm and whack them upside the head.
I get plenty of exercise; jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
Life isn't passing me by! It's trying to run me over!
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'
I didn't lose my mind. I sold it on Ebay.
Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.
I'm only mean to people who tell me to be nice!
Curiosity killed whoever got in my way.
I'm a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Most teachers promote the three R's; Reading, 'Riting, and 'Rithmetic. Then there are those that promote three S's; Sit down, Shut up, and STOP DRIVING ME CRAZY!!
A good friend bails you out of jail. A best friend is sitting in the next cell, laughing, and saying, "That was fun, let's do it again!"
A good friend helps find your Prince Charming. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.
When Life gives me lemons, I throw them back and punch Life in the face, really, really hard.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is the same as cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
"Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.'
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing!
Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
'Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.'
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling
Your shin: a device used to find furniture in the dark
Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people.
We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the cops.
The next time someone says "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me " HIT THEM WITH A DICTIONARY!
Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them
My reality check bounced.
Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days..."
Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people
Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still make you smile when you push them down the stairs.
You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you
I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!
Out of my mind. Be back in five minutes.
I do visit reality once in a while. Want to see my tourist visa?
Normality will be restored as soon as we figure out what it is.
Be yourself. That's crazy enough
I have not lost my mind; its backed up on a disk somewhere
Beware the letter 'G'. It is the end of everything.
I used to have super powers, but my therapist took them away.
If everything seems to be going well, you obviously overlooked something
There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line
I'm not random. I just have many bluebird waffles
I'm the kind of person who walks into a chair and apologizes
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it
The below statement is true
The above statement is false
In a world of cheerios, be a frootloop!
There is no great genius without a mixture of madness
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them as much
If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with nonsense
When life gives you lemons make grape juice, lay back, and let the world wonder how you did it.
When life gives you lemons squeeze them in somebody's eyes and RUN!
If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete.
I'm mature and you're not. Nah nah nah nah nah nah!
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems
If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why are you so scared?!
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
I know KUNG-FU! And 42 other dangerous words
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhh its a secret!
I will temporarily rule the world, forever.
Quick, whats the number for 9-1-1?
I burst laughing out in class today...I got that joke you told yesterday
Hi! I'm human. What're you?
Have you considered suing your brain for non-support?
I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
I don't have a short attention span, I just... Oh look a kitty!
I haven't lost my marbles, they're under my bed somewhere.
Don't take life too seriously -You'll never get out of it alive.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Give me chocolate and nobody gets hurt!
I AM NOT CRAZY! My reality is just different than yours
Never knock on Death's door-ring the bell and run away. Death really hates that.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
-When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.
-Education is important; school however, is another matter.
I had my soul removed to make room for sarcasm and I don't regret it.
-Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.
Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda."
I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned.
"The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf."
"Nothing worse than getting your pigtails shot off..."
"Nobody move! I dropped my brain."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.
When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back
Having the love of your life say, "we can still be friends", is like having your
dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.
My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES
I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard
I ran with scissors, and lived!
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder
"It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 muscles to smile, but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone."
"It doesnt matter whether the glass is half empty or half full,just drink it and get it over with."
"I'm not afraid of Death.What's he gonna do,kill me?"
You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
He who laughs last didn't get it
When Life gives you lemons, alter their DNA to make SUPER LEMONS!!!!!
Silence is golden but duck tape is silver.
Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter
"I'm not afraid of death i'm afraid of something much worse... my mother"
Slinky Escalator = Endless fun!
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
People who say "nothing's impossible" have never tried slamming a revolving door.
If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writitng or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
IF YOU’VE BEEN ON THE COMPUTER FOR HOURS ON END, READING NUMEROUS FANFICTIONS, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE.
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different which is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are one of the few teens who don't have or want to have a myspace/facebook, or have one and want to get rid of it, copy and paste this into your profile
If you have forgotten what you were going to say right before you say it, copy and paste this in your profile.
92% of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8% that would be laughing your ass off.
98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.
90% of teens today would die if MySpace or Facebook had a system failure and was completely destroyed. If you are one of the 10% that would be laughing, copy and paste this to your Profile
93% of teens would have an emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're part of the 7% who would say, "What was your first clue?" Copy and paste this into your profile
If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.
If you adore chocolate and frequently suffer from chocolate cravings while you have no access to the heavenly substance, copy this into your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
If several inanimate objects hate you, post this on profile.
If you have ever had a laughing fit over a joke wasn't really funny, paste this in your profile.
95% of the teenage population would be in a crisis if Miley Cyrus, Justin Beiber, the Jonas Brothers, and Selena Gomez were on top of a 5 story building. Copy and paste this into your profile if you're one of the 5% that would be screaming into a bullhorn, "Do a backflip!!!
"Forever is composed of nows"-Emily Dickenson
"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say."-Analis Nin
"He who never made a mistake never made anything."-Joseph Conrad
Copy the bunny onto your profile to help him achieve world domination.
HUMAN GUY VS. EDWARD CULLEN
A human guy can only push you out of the way of a speeding car.
REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE:
1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too)
2. Meet the recruitment bunny!
3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body!
4. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me people: MWAHAHAHAHA cough cough!
5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guy!
6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life
7. Money Money Money: Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys?
On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (Well somethings giving you permission to steal it!)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap". (How do you use soap again?)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost". (But, it's just a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down". (Too late for that.)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating". (Oh, I thought it would be cold)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body". (But, it's fun!)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication". (Cool, kids can drive now!)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness". (Oh, really.)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only". (Where else can you put it?)
On a Japanese food processor:"Not to be used for the other use". (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts". (Oh, now thats a shocker)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts". (I would never have known how else to use this packet if it wasn't for the instructions)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (But that's the reason why I bought it)
1. Have you read a five/ten fic before?
2. Do you think three is hot? How hot?
Of course Jasper is hot. I think that is a 7/10
3. What would happen if six got one pregnant?
Rosalie got Edward pregnant? that would be weird
4. Do you recall any good fics about nine?
Not at the moment.
5. Would seven and two make a good couple?
Esme seems more like a mother for Bella
6. Four/eight or four/nine?
Alice/Carlise or Alice/Nessie? Alice/Carlise
7. What would happen if seven discovered three and eight in bed together?
Esme found Jasper and Carlise in bed together? She and Alice would cry over the fact that their husbands are ceating on them for each other.
8. Make a summary for a two/six fic.
What happens when its Rosalie's turn to Bellasit and Bella something shares that no one but her mom knows? And its a past that makes her go from Bitch to Protective Sister. (I think I might write a story like that)
9. Is there such a thing as a four/ten romantic fluff story?
Most likely, but I haven't read one
10. Suggest a title for a one/five Hurt/Comfort fic.
11. What kind of plot would you use if four wanted to seduce one?
Alice actually thinks of Jasper as a brother. When they Bella and Forks behind, Alice follows Edward and trys to change his sisterly love for her into lust.
12. Does anyone on your friends list read seven/nine slash?
I dont have a freinds list yet.
13. If you wrote a songfic about number ten, what song would you choose?
You belong with me by Taylor Swift
14. If nine was cheated on by two with five, what would nine say?
That wouldn't happen because Bella is Nessie's mom
15. "(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (7) runs off with (4). (1), broken hearted, has a hot one-night stand with (2) and a brief unhappy affair with (6), then ends up being stalked by (9). After hiring (10) to kill the creep, (1) follows the wise advice of (3) and moves next door to (5), where (s)he finally finds true love with (8).”
Edward and Esme are in a happy relationship until Esme runs off with Alice. Edward, broken hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Bella and a breif unhappy affair with Rosalie, then ends up being stalked by Nessie. After hiring Jacob to kill the creep, Edward follows the wise advice of Jasper and moves next door to Emmet where he finally finds true love with Carlisle.
Thats a little weird.
30 Things I have learned from Twilight
1. You can enjoy the bouquet while resisting the wine.
Bella: Do I ever cross your mind?
Bella: Do you like me?
Bella: Do you want me?
Bella: Would you cry if I left?
Bella: Would you live for me?
Bella: Would you do anything for me?
Bella: Choose--me or your life
Edward: My life
Bella runs away in shock and pain and Edward runs after her and says...
The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.
The reason I don't want you is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.
The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.
The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.
How to Get over Love
1. Say goodbye but say hello again.
2. Forget but never regret.
3. Feel the Pain but never keep it.
4. Pick up the pieces but never put them back.
5. Move On.
5 ways to annoy Bella.
1. Tell her the Volturi came and took Edward and Nessie.
2. Tell her Alice wants to play Barbie Bella.
3. Tell her James and Victoria have come back from the dead.
4. Push her off a cliff.
5. Tell her Edward went back to the Volturi to die.
5 ways to annoy Edward
1. Sing Barbie Girl in your head in a different laungage.
2. Call him Eddie.
3. Destroy his piano.
4. After you push Bella off the cliff tell Edward she jumps off.
5. Tell him to change Bella.
5 ways to annoy Alice
1. Burn her clothes.
2. Keep Jacob around her to block her visions.
3. Max out her credit card.
4. Scatch her Porsh.
5. Get Bella to tell her she doesn't want to play Barbie Bella.
Everything annoys Rosalie espasially you tell her that Bella is human and She can't be human.
There are NO ways to annoy Emmet. Except painting his jeep pink and beating him at arm wrestling
5 ways to annoy Jasper
1. Get everyone to change there emotions every few minutes.
2. Tell him Edward is depressed again.
3. Tell him Do NOT eat Bella.
4. Tell him Maria is coming back.
5. Take him into a large room of humans and tell him NOT to eat them.
NORMAL PEOPLE: rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast
TWILIGHT FANS: would rather rely on Alice for future predictions
NORMAL PEOPLE: say OMG!
TWILIGHT FANS: say OH MY EDWARD!! (OME)
NORMAL PEOPLE: go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings
TWILIGHT FANS: know that Jasper already can sense their feelings without saying a word
NORMAL PEOPLE: say shut up or i'll tell on you!
TWILIGHT FANS: say shut up or i'll get james to kill you
NORMAL PEOPLE: think that vampires are all like Dracula
TWILIGHT FANS: know A LOT better and absolutely love the Cullen vampires
NORMAL PEOPLE: when being chased yell HELP ME SOMEBODY!
TWILIGHT FANS: when being chased yell EDWARD SAVE ME!!
NORMAL PEOPLE: get nervous/scared during thunderstorms
TWILIGHT FANS: know that the Cullens might be playing baseball somewhere and Emmett was just at bat :P
NORMAL PEOPLE: would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation
TWILIGHT FANS: would go directly to FORKS WASHINGTON
NORMAL PEOPLE:dont have this on there profile
TWILIGHT FANS: MUST have this on there profile!
One night a guy and a girl were driving home from the movies. The boy sensed there was something wrong because of the painful silence they shared between them that night. The girl then asked the boy to pull over because she wanted to talk. She told him that her feelings had changed and that it was time to move on. A silent tear slid down his cheek as he slowly reached into his pocket and passed her a folded note. At that moment, a drunk driver was speeding down that very same street. He swerved right into the drivers seat, killing the boy Miraculously, the girl survived. Remembering the note, she pulled it out and read it. it said, "Without your love, I would die."
Dear whoever you may be,
Isn't it funny that when you go to the shops with your friends, you look down at the person with black jeans and studs, but smile at the girl wearing a mini with a t-shirt that barely covers anything? Isn't it funny you can change your music taste to impress a guy but when it comes to a girl who likes her own music and has her own style, you give her a mouthful? Isn't it funny that a guy can get away with being a "gangsta" but the emo gets a mouthful from everyone?
Are you laughing?
Isn't it funny how an emo can be quiet all through the week but gets more s* from everyone than the girl who sleeps around and sells her virginity? Isn't it funny that you don't mind your friends drinking or smoking but the minute someone mentions emo music you can give them a lecture on melodramatic teenage outcasts?
I'm not laughing.
It's so funny that you and your friends can make a girl's life h* and not know anything about the silent battle she might be fighting. Isn't it funny that you can call emos, punks, and goths the retards but still manage to get through your day without an inch of guilt in your heart?
HOW YOU CAN CALL A PERSON A POSER? HOW CAN YOU SAY "YOU'RE NOT EMO" OR "ATTENTION SEEKER" WITHOUT SPENDING A SECOND TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY THERE ARE CUTS ON THEIR WRISTS AND WHY THEY SPEND THEIR LUNCHTIMES CRYING INSTEAD OF LAUGHING WITH HER FRIENDS?
Keep on laughing.
Isn't it funny how you can say and do all this without any idea of what is going on in this person's life...
BRAVE ISN'T GOING UP ON STAGE AND STRIPPING.
BRAVE IS LIVING, WHEN IT SEEMS THAT SUCH AN EASIER CHOICE WOULD BE TO JUST DIE.
no, you will not die in 7 days no, your lover, or whatever will not die no, there isn't a ghost in your basement that will rape you no, some girl in a sewer isn't gonna kill you no, you won't have bad luck for blah blah years no, nothing like thats gonna happen
Just because we're a bit different than you, does it really mean you have the right to judge us so harshly?
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism
My name is Sarah
And you can help sickens me to the soul
If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid.
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,
the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef,
but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!
If you could read that put it in your profile!
If you are the type of person that flips out saying "Yes i got a review(s)!" copy and paste
If you burst out in to a complete and totally uncontralable laughing fit in utter silence copy and paste.
If you think that people who make fun of people to be cool, aren't, copy and paste.
Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
Female Come Backs pick up line comebacks, add to it
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together
Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.
Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number?
Woman: It's in the phone book
Man: But I don't know your name
Woman: That's in the phone book too
Man: I know how to please a woman
Woman: Then please leave me alone
Man: I can tell you want me
Woman: Ohhhh, your so right, I want you to leave
If you repost this you will get a phone call 37 minutes after you repost this... If you don't resend this then your love life will be doomed for eternity.
Girls, repost this as: Female Come Backs
Guys, repost this as: Don't Let This Happen
Your One and Only Wish Do it one by one, don't look ahead!
1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.
2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, yellow?
3. Your first initial?
4. Your month of birth?
5. Which color do you like more, black or white?
6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
7. Your favorite number?
8. Do you like California or Florida more?
9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more?
10. Write down a wish (a realistic one).
Are you done?
If so, scroll down
1. You are completely in love with this person.
2. If you choose:
Red: You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black: You are conservative and aggressive.
Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love.
Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.
3. If your initial is:
A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life is soon to blossom.
S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.
4. If you were born in:
Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.
July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experience a major life changing experience for the good.
Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soulmate.
5. If you choose...
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.
6. This person is your best friend.
7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime.
8. If you choose... California: You like adventure. Florida: You are a laidback person.
9. If you choose... Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your love. And you are very reserved. Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.
10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will come true before your next birthday.
1. Jace (I am in love with him! The only thing keeping us apart is the fact that he is a fictional character *sigh*)
6. Cammie (Once again, fictional character)
10. I'm sooo not telling you!
When you were 5, your mom gave you a ice cream cone. You thank her by yelling at her that it's the wrong kind.
HOMOPHOBIA IS STUPID!!
I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag every day.
I am the one who knows what suffering for who you are is like, what it means when society has cast you out like garbage, and left you to die for what they don't understand.
THAT'S SICK AND MESSED UP! IF YOU BELIEVE HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG...REPOST THIS
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.
BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.
FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"
FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.
FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.
FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"
FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.
FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!
FRIENDS: Would read ignore this.
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this shit!
If you have been diagnosed
25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and then you'll understand."
Copy and paste if you love the Wolf Pack just as much as I do!
Did you know...
This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.
1. There are at least two people in this world
That you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world
Love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you
Is because they want to be just like you.
4. a smile from you can bring happiness to anyone,
Even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you
Before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever,
Something good comes from it.
10 When you think the world has turned its back on you
Take another look.
11 Always remember the compliments you received.
Forget about the rude remarks.
Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you backwhen you hang up on him,
who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat.
Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy that kisses your forhead,
who keeps your picture in his wallet,
who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants,
who holds your handin front of all his freinds,
who thinks your beautiful without makeup,
one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you,
THE one who turns to his friends and says THAT’S HER!
girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle
Girl:Slow down, I'm scared!
Guy:No, this is fun.
Girl:No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.
Guy:Then tell me you love me.
Girl:I love you, now slow down!
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gives him a big hug
Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.
In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure.
Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road,
the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know.
Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him.
Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died.
things a boyfriend can do to keep ur heart!
• give her one of your t-shirts to sleep in
• leave her cute text notes
• kiss her in front of your friends
• look into her eyes when you talk to her
• tell her she is gorgeous
• let her mess with your hair
• just walk around with her.
• "FORGiVE HER FOR HER MiSTAKES"
• look at her like shes the only one you see
• tickle her even when she says stop
• hold her hand when youre around your friends
• when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her
• let her fall asleep in your arms
• tease her and let her tease you back
• let her fall asleep in your arms..
• stay up all night with her when shes sick
• watch her favorite movie with her
• give her the world
• write her letters
kiss her in the pouring raina girl
kiss her forehead ... at lest thats what they should do
89 percent of guys want you to make the first move.
It's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.
Chocolate will make you feel better.
Most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.
A good friend never judges.
A good foundation will hide a hickey...not that you have any.
Boys aren't worth your tears.
We all love surprises.
Now...make a wish.
Wish REALLY hard!
WISH WISH WISH!
Your wish has just been received.
Copy and paste into your profile in the next 15 minutes and...your wish will be granted.
"I am the girl that hardly goes to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I mostly just sit in a corner and read a book.
I am the girl that people look through when I say something.
I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal.
I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face.
I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone.
I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a while.
I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.
BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with reading, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things.
Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocke, Silent_Broken_Heart, St. Fang of Boredom, Soccerislife14, Dreaded Fate, Beater101, Team Non-Canon" Mrs.FredWeasley0971, Daughter-of-Nessie-and-Jacob
Mommy I am only 8 inches long but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.
Mommy today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here.
You know what Mommy I'm a boy!! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too and I cry with you even though you can't hear me.
Mommy my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.
You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion?
I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy! HELP me!
Mommy I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. He is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn't you want me Mommy?
Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never run. One more mouth that will never speak.
If you're against abortion, re-post this
Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:
1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.
3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.
6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.
7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after me lucky charms."
8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month."
10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.
12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force."
13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."
14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.
15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.
16) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.
17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.
18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."
19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.
20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.
21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort.
22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.
23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.
24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full."
25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell.
26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.
27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.
28) I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bees."
29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
30) I will not go to class skyclad.
31) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core."
32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion.
35) I will not call the Weasley twins, "bookends."
36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends."
37) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.
39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts.
40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"
41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck.
42) I do not have a Dalek Patronus.
43) I will not lick Trevor.
44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey."
45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.
46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously.
47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.
48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.
49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice.
50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.
A 15 year old girl holds hands with her 1 year old son. People call her a slut, no one knows she was raped at 13. People call another Guy fat. No one knows he has a serious disease causing him to be overweight . People call an old man ugly. No one knew he had a serious injury to his face while fighting for our country in the war. People call a women bald but they don't know she has cancer. Put this in your profile if you are against bullying and stereotyping.
10 Ways To Annoy Edward Cullen
10. Buy him a Team Jacob t-shirt.
10 Ways To Annoy Jacob Black
10. Remind him that Bella picked Edward.
19 things to do at Wal-Mart:
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"
17. Throw skittles at people and yell, "Taste the rainbow!'
18. Go the toy section, get a light-saber and start challaging people to a jedi match.
19. Follow a random person and if they turn and ask why are you following me yell, "No I won't have sex with you!"
Repost this if you laughed...
Only in America
1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
I guess that just shows how much we think...
I Am Not That Girl:
I am not that girl,
I am that girl,
A guy gets a girl 11 real roses and one fake rose. When he gave her the 12 roses, he said, “I’ll love you until the last one dies."
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