Assassin's Creed BAMF
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Joined 07-03-12, id: 4102921, Profile Updated: 02-26-13
Author has written 3 stories for Twilight, Assassin's Creed, and Misc. Books.

Hi! I would prefer not to have strange axe murderers lurking around my house at night, so I will not tell you too much personal information.

My favorite game of all time is Assassin's creed 3

My favorite color is blue

I am female. I'm not exactly sure why I feel the need to tell you this. Whatever.

I am usually depressed when I see the number of reviews my stories have. My day brightens when I see my sister running through the house screaming for whatever reason she can find.


1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

Girl: She gives him a big hug.

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live.


1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillowsfrom the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks ifthey can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 81, and find line 4.

I'd rather not.

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch?

My lamp. I like living dangerously.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV

Modern Family...

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:


5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?

8:41pm. Close enough, right?

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

My mom yelling at my little sister. The naughty child didn't do her Chinese homework again...

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

Yesterday. I was poking my sister with a stick and cackling evilly. I'm a rather unique person.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?

My laptop, waiting for an email from Fanfiction.

9. What are you wearing?

T-shirt and jeans. And other clothes of course, but I won't go into the gory details.

10. Did you dream last night?


11. When did you last laugh?

Four seconds ago when my sister stomped into my room muttering profanities about asian moms under her breath.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?

DNA, windows, paint... what kind of question is this?

13. Seen anything weird lately?

Depends on your defenition of weird.

14. What do you think of this quiz?

No comment.

15. What is the last film you saw?

Adventure Time. I was watching in with my sister.

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

All the food my asian mom tells me to stay away from. And one of those working replicas of an assassins' hidden blade.

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know:

My mom calls me a large, man-child, even though I'm female. What?

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

I would get rid of mindless violence.

19. Do you like to dance?

Do I like to? Yes. Do I do it well? No.

20. George Bush:

Useless F*ck.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?


22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?


23. Would you ever consider living abroad?

Sure, why not?

Percy Jackson quiz

Name you favorite Percy Jackson characters 1-10

1. Percy

2. Annabeth

3. Reyna

4. Thalia

5. Hazel

6. Frank

7. Grover

8. Nico

9. Tyson

10. Travis Stoll

1. Have you ever read a one/four romance?Would you?

A Percy/Thalia romance? No, I haven't. It might be interesting, but Thalia is a huntress.

2. What would be your reaction if six wanted to go out with ten?

I would feel rather surprised. Frank, what have you been hiding?

3. What would be the description for an eight/Three fic?

That would be rather interesting. I haven't really thought about it, but it would be a dark kind of romance. Interesting I suppose.

4. What genre would you pick for a fic involving two,five, and nine?

Annabeth, Hazel, and Tyson? Probably a comedy of some sort. Unless you're into that kind of stuff.

5. If seven played a sport, what would it be?

Grover? Enchilada eating.

6. Where would two and four go if they were dating?

... I don't know... Maybe like, uh, weapon shopping?

7.Do you or anyone you know think six is hot?

Frank? Frank Zhang? Uh, Hazel? He sounds cute, but I wouldn't describe him as hot.

8.Would you read an eight/five fic?

A Nico/Hazel? Yeah! It'd probably be quite interesting.

9. What would be the warning on a ten/seven fic?

Travis/Grover. *Warning* They'd probably end up killing each other. Grover's war call would be, "Enchiladas!!!!"

10. Four is in a happy relationship with Nine, until nine runs off to marry five. Four is in a brief, unhappy relationship with Eight until Eight cheats on four with Two. Four finally takes the advice of one and settles into a happy relationship with three.

Thalia is in a happy relationship with Tyson (The fuq?), until Tyson runs off to marry Hazel (no comment...). Thalia is in a brief, unhappy relationship with Nico (Not bad...) until Nico cheats on Thalia with Annabeth (Annabeth?). Thalia finally takes the advice of Percy (That never leads to anything good), and settles into a happy relationship with Reyna. WOrds cannot describe how I feel about this story.

Another quiz (I was bored)

1. Have you ever been asked out?

Yes. Why? Is it that hard to believe?

2. Where did you get your default picture?

Don't have one.

3. What's your middle name?


4. Your current relationship status?


5. Does your crush like you back?

I had to move across the country before I could tell him how I felt, sooooo... I don't know.

6. What is your current mood?


7. What color of underwear are you wearing?

Awkwardly looks down at underwear* Blue

8. What color shirt are you wearing?


9. Missing something?

A frien- lov- mone- *throws hands up into air* fuck it. A time machine.

10. If you could go back in time and change something, what would you change?

I would've told him how I felt before it was too late.

11. If you must be an animal for one day, what?

A wolf. They seem pretty bad ass.

12. Ever had a near death experience?

Yeah. A lot. The majority seem to include my father's toxic fumes. Just throwing it out there.

13. Something you do a lot?

Read. Write. Change oxygen into carbon dioxide. You know, the usual.

14. The song stuck in your head?

Demons, by Imagine Dragons.

15. Who did you copy and paste this from?

Don't remember.

16. Name someone with the same birthday as YOU?

I honestly don't know.

17. When was the last time you cried?

3 weeks ago, I think.

18. Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?

No. That's for the good of humanity.

19. If you could have one super power what would it be?

The ability to control and manipulate feelings and emotions.

20. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

Eyes, lips, and smile.

21. What do you usually order from starbucks?


22. What's your biggest secret?

It's a secret. ;)

23. Favorite color?


24. Do you still watch kiddie shows or tv shows?

Hells yeah!

26. What are you?

Alive. Hopefully human. Most likely female, but I could be wrong.

27. Do you speak any other language?


28. What's your favorite smell?

Him. Or the smell of a shoe store.

29. Describe your life in one word what would it be?


31. Have you ever kissed in the rain?


32. What are you thinking about right now?

Because of this damn quiz, him.

33. What should you be doing?


34. Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?

My sister.

35. How often do u talk to God?

I don't, unless I really need to. Okay, not very often.

36. Do you like working in the yard?

Who does?

37. If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?

Kljlkjljljljkljkhlkjkljlkjlikjljafadfadfasd. In yo face, teachers!!! Try pronouncing THAT!!!!!!!!!!

38. Do you act differently around the person you like ?

I don't see him. Yeah, I do.

39. What is your natural hair color?


40. Who was the last person to make you cry?

My asian dad.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Some People Really Suck by arabturky reviews
Katniss moves to the capitol for her last year of highschool and is forced into an arranged marriage with the guy she hates. What happens to Peeta?
Hunger Games - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 27 - Words: 84,434 - Reviews: 665 - Favs: 188 - Follows: 303 - Updated: 12/30/2014 - Published: 8/6/2012 - Katniss E., Peeta M.
Twisted Fascinations by MissLizziebeth reviews
Incest, Lemons, AH, OOC! It's natural to feel attracted to someone. It is not natural to feel attracted to your sister or brother. Bella/Emmett *Collaboration by myself and fanpire.x*
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 22,523 - Reviews: 301 - Favs: 405 - Follows: 710 - Updated: 11/7/2014 - Published: 7/6/2012 - [Bella, Emmett]
Pocket Full of Broken Dreams: The Beginning by madameHunterr reviews
Alex and his sister, Dana, meet Jessie-Lynn Adams; daughter of the Air Force General. - Alex/OC (Warning: contains Language, Violence, Sexuality and Lemons.) Rated: MA
Prototype - Rated: M - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 31 - Words: 87,450 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 3/5/2014 - Published: 10/17/2012 - Alex M./Zeus, Dana M., R. Cross - Complete
One Week Of Love And Affairs by TheFaultInOurStarsAndOurWords reviews
The Hunters come to camp for a week. Before they came Nico and Thalia kept having hot dreams about each oher. Now, together in the same place will love blossom. Of course! But will Artemis ever find out the love and affairs that Nico and Thalia are having? Oh, and there will be singing masquerade ball! M FOR SEXUAL CONTENT! NOT ALL CHAPTERS WILL BE ABOUT S** JUST SOME! ENJOY!
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 6,580 - Reviews: 96 - Favs: 67 - Follows: 64 - Updated: 2/19/2014 - Published: 6/13/2012 - Nico A., Thalia G. - Complete
Just Beyond My Reach by Mismatch-lover reviews
REWRITE of "Just Beyond My Reach, My Assassin". Forgetting everything, Narina finds herself in the middle of a war that is hidden from the world. With the help of Ezio Auditore, she uncovers secrets from the past, about herself, and about what the war is actually all about. Ezio/OC
Assassin's Creed - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 23 - Words: 150,855 - Reviews: 376 - Favs: 187 - Follows: 209 - Updated: 7/21/2013 - Published: 9/8/2012 - Ezio A.
I Found Assassins in My Closet by Black and Yellow Bumble reviews
When 16 year-old Ronny James finds three Master Assassins hidden in her closet she can't help but wonder what the heck is wrong with this world. I mean, they're supposed to be video game characters right? WRONG! Can Ronny handle teaching Ezio, Altair, and Connor the ways of the modern world without damaging her sanity? I highly doubt it. (POSSIBLY GOING TO BE REWRITTEN)
Assassin's Creed - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 21,640 - Reviews: 148 - Favs: 103 - Follows: 125 - Updated: 5/2/2013 - Published: 11/13/2012 - Altaïr, Ezio A., Connor K.
One World by Silverwing2012 reviews
Two Worlds, One Sky oneshots Connor and Ellie enjoy the married life.
Assassin's Creed - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,537 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 4/18/2013 - Published: 1/27/2013 - Connor K. - Complete
Starting Over by NikkiB1973 reviews
Bella returns from a disastrous honeymoon with Edward. She is at home packing for her intended trip to Hampshire with her husband. A knock at her door changes everything. Set in Breaking Dawn AU. On hiatus.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 13 - Words: 24,994 - Reviews: 305 - Favs: 155 - Follows: 233 - Updated: 3/16/2013 - Published: 11/25/2011 - Jacob, Bella
Squeeze My Lemon, The Second Squeeze by dirtycheekymonkeys reviews
Squeeze My Lemon continued, because one squeeze just isn't enough. These are postings that are an exercise in lemon writing. As authors we're often challenged with writing a complete story, but we have the need and desire for lemons. This is a outlet to work on those skills. So stretch those lemon muscles and squeeze our lemon.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 13,970 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 104 - Follows: 174 - Published: 3/6/2013
When in Rome by McGinnis INC reviews
Why had she always thought marriage was supposed to be blissful? Because she was an idiot, that's why. Extended summary within. Sequel to "A Bunch of Hot Air". EzioxOc
Assassin's Creed - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 35,244 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 113 - Follows: 170 - Updated: 2/5/2013 - Published: 6/24/2011 - Ezio A.
Reunited and new loves by ZoeJayneC reviews
Isabella Cullen was born in the 1600s to Carlisle and Katherine Cullen. Isabella is snatched and Carlisle is changed; so what happens when Isabella meets the Cullens at Forks High school... 300 years later! NOT Bella/Carlisle! Canon couples.LimesNoLemon.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 36,956 - Reviews: 203 - Favs: 390 - Follows: 259 - Updated: 1/4/2013 - Published: 4/7/2012 - Bella, Carlisle - Complete
Heavy in Your Arms by sadtomato reviews
Bella dated Edward in High School and he left her feeling worthless. A year later, she runs into Emmett at a party- and learns the truth behind her breakup with Edward. Can Emmett help her heal and learn to be appreciated? AH, M for Language/Lemons.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 24 - Words: 126,996 - Reviews: 1715 - Favs: 1,701 - Follows: 728 - Updated: 12/30/2012 - Published: 7/3/2010 - Emmett, Bella - Complete
Just Beyond My Reach, My Assassin by Mismatch-lover reviews
What would you do if you were in the game? With her mind wiped clean, Narina soon finds out that it isn't just a game. With the help of the Renaissance Assassin,she uncovers the secrets that have been kept hidden for ages. Ezio/OC
Assassin's Creed - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 44 - Words: 351,951 - Reviews: 1340 - Favs: 824 - Follows: 465 - Updated: 9/8/2012 - Published: 5/9/2010 - Ezio A. - Complete
The Chronicles of Bella & Emmett by BlackMoon29 reviews
In 1935, 55 years after her "Change," Bella Swan moves to Gatlinburg, Tennessee, where she meets an enormous bear of a man with a dimpled grin and hypontic blue eyes. A human—Emmett McCarty. The chemistry is instant. Will either life be the same again? RATED: MA FOR LEMONS! SEE THE FULL, WIDE-SHOT VERSION, OF THE STORY BANNER AT THE LINK PROVIDED ON MY PROFILE PAGE!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 86,248 - Reviews: 738 - Favs: 297 - Follows: 321 - Updated: 8/23/2012 - Published: 3/5/2012 - Bella, Emmett
The Orange Complication by Mismatch-lover reviews
A few obsessions begin the destruction of a certain woman's life, despite how far back her and the Auditore's go. Can she find some way to redeem herself once given the opportunity to start new? Assassin's Creed AU M for Language and Lemons.
Assassin's Creed - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 33,341 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 7/30/2012 - Published: 1/23/2012 - Ezio A.
The Dark Whisper Continued by In Treatment for OCD reviews
Alice tries to save Bella from a dark world of promiscuity, but things go astray! Dominant Carlisle & Jasper! Multiple Lemons! Adopted/Continued w/Permission. AH/AU, Completely OOC. Graphic Slash, Unusual Kink, Anything Goes! Rated M for a Reason! D/s.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 83,745 - Reviews: 935 - Favs: 611 - Follows: 666 - Updated: 3/29/2012 - Published: 6/30/2009 - Alice, Bella
Back Alley Deals by YouStoleMySocks reviews
"Not the sound I was hoping for. I much preferred this one." Smut for smut's sake. A slashy oneshot.
Assassin's Creed - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,246 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 216 - Follows: 28 - Published: 2/22/2012 - Ezio A., Desmond M. - Complete
The Lemon Series by insaneartist reviews
We be in the bed, girl, getting all wild, effin like it's going out style. You be like yea, yea, getting all loud, effin like we tryna have a child. Got you up against the head board, got yo body singin like rew-er, rew-er. Baby grab the head board...
Crossover - Harry Potter & Twilight - Rated: M - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 13 - Words: 43,833 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 52 - Updated: 1/6/2012 - Published: 8/15/2008
Special Treatment by Moonlight Escape reviews
She wasn't expecting to wake up on his bed with him sleeping beside her, she didn't imagine on having the pounding headache in her head, she wasn't anticipating finding her clothes across her room and finding fang mark hickeys all across her body One-shot
Adventure Time with Finn and Jake - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,426 - Reviews: 65 - Favs: 278 - Follows: 52 - Published: 12/11/2011 - Marshall Lee, Fionna - Complete
A Bunch of Hot Air by McGinnis INC reviews
"I don't love you either," he replied. "Good," she relaxed, "just so we've gotten that out of the way." Because sometimes falling into another realm isn't half as fun as you'd think it would be. EzioxOc
Assassin's Creed - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 23 - Words: 113,715 - Reviews: 117 - Favs: 241 - Follows: 109 - Updated: 6/24/2011 - Published: 7/10/2010 - Ezio A. - Complete
One Night by Butterfly Betty reviews
A One-shot about Bella and Emmett. AH&MA
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,562 - Reviews: 62 - Favs: 187 - Follows: 41 - Published: 6/17/2010 - Bella, Emmett - Complete
Surprises When You Least Expect Them by MyLifeIsEdwardCullen reviews
Set before the fifth book. Annabeth pays Percy a visit and she tells him her feelings. What will unfold? JUICY LEMON. M
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,590 - Reviews: 168 - Favs: 292 - Follows: 73 - Published: 5/5/2010 - Annabeth C., Percy J. - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Love and Lust, My Mayfly reviews
A story of Cassie and Evan's first time. Pure smut, so not read if under age of 18. (THE FIFTH WAVE)
Misc. Books - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,409 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 4 - Published: 1/1/2014 - Complete
Justice for All reviews
Achilles had his heel. Too bad Connor is burdened with the same fate. One difference. His heel has a name. Sarah. She is invited to join the brotherhood and aid Connor in the battle for justice... and revenge. Are they ready for the challenges ahead? Obviously not. Violence, lemons, and more, oh my! Connor/OC
Assassin's Creed - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 15 - Words: 33,289 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 5/4/2013 - Published: 2/1/2013 - Connor K.
The Fire Within reviews
Edward broke Bella's heart. Jacob was there to mend it. But, will things ever be the same? Obviously not, idiots. An enemy they never expected, intense love, a suprise imprint... They don't know what's coming for them. Rated M for lemons. For you pervs ou there, the only lem chapter as of now is chapter 16.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 16 - Words: 15,402 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 2/1/2013 - Published: 7/17/2012 - Bella, Jacob