Two-Eyed Charlie
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Joined 07-07-12, id: 4112154, Profile Updated: 02-27-17
Author has written 42 stories for Justice League, Wonder Woman, Avengers, Batman, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Daria, IT, Slaughterhouse-Five, Dead Zone, Sandman, Big Lebowski, Shining, and It.

Co-Named "Favorite New Author" at the 2016 Daria Fanworks Awards

-My one and only accomplishment in life, beyond telling Stephen Harper that I thought he was a tosser.


Praise for the author:

"Nope, sorry sweetie, but I didn't like it. “I've actually had this idea rumbling around in my head for a while”. Oh, I bet you did. Thing is, sweetie, in your head is where it should've stayed, because this story of yours is garbage. There, I said it.
The writing was pure and utter trash. Let's take a closer look at this sentence, for example:

“He pounced from his position and landed on the hood of the cruiser, cackling and waving an oversized silver revolver, tapping on the window like he was a lost puppy begging to be let in.”

Urgh... that's gotta be one of the worst similes I've ever fucking read. Absolutely dreadful.
Also, your characterisation is totally abhorrent and especially Batman appears to be all over the fucking place.
And then there's this sentence: “"No fair!" he said, pointing. "That's a literal Deus Ex Machina!” Urgh. Seriously, listen to me, sweetie: Writing something moronic and then acknowledging it's stupid doesn't absolve you of any guilt. If you agree that something in your story is shit (and this particular part really is shit), try and fucking fix it! Using Deus Ex Machinas is something only hack authors do. Now, sweetie, do you want to be a hack author? No? Well, then try harder, for fuck's sake!

Now that I'm done reviewing your actual “story”, I'd like to take the time to applaud you for choosing such a magnificently moronic pen name. Yes, I can picture you in my head right now, sitting in front of your fifteen year old boxy computer screen in some Canadian hinterland slum and going “OAH, CLEVER!” at the idea of calling yourself “enter your desired username". How pitiful..."-Zonnenkreeger (Highlighted because this is my new favorite. I love everything about this review. Finally, someone out there actually gets me!)

"[The artist formerly known as] Enter your desired username is a bitch. Go bag on on a deserving story you no talent hack. Push your bullshit someplace else" -Guest

"You know if you have no intention of finishing this story why bother with it loser .in the future don't bother to write anymore ahole"- Guest

"I came here for fluff and love stories. I did not come here for leftwing social-political satire. Keep your politics to yourself and don't write Diana off as some American Democrat." -Darius

"Pretty dumb. You've distilled a chapter full of hope and made SM into a whiner (his life is just beginning that was made clear in the book but you define his happiness and his future by a love interest?) because you're a hater. Yeah good thing you never wrote it." -Guest

"read and re-read your notes: hypocrite much?" -eydu

"Dumb"- Guest

"Seriously? Can't stop shaking my head. Not even taking the time to read the Alfred bit. What a shame." -disappointed

"U do realise that ww finger will kill batman how does they to" -Ag

"U do realise that ww finger will kill" -Ag

"Batman with daughter of zeus is like mouse under the mountain, the new 52 is doing perfectly sm and ww are perfect for each other, .ww need a strong man who can take care of her in every ways, who make her a woman, who can take care of diana not as angel and superman also need a strong woman who loves clark ,kal not only superman like lois lane
power couple is perfect and for the last time superman is more humanity comes from his parent not a bitch like lois lane" -Ag (my biggest fan)

"Eat a dick." -Donald J. Trump


As you can see, I'm a very popular person.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Nethescurial reviews
Bruce, concerned about Diana, asks her what's the matter. Diana responds in terrible, terrible detail. Inspired by the Thomas Ligotti short-story of the same name.
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Horror/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,994 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 11/10 - Bruce W./Batman, Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman - Complete
IT: Face the Face
Pennywise finds a challenge.
IT - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 837 - Favs: 1 - Published: 11/6 - Complete
The Bargain Bin: Shorts, Dumb Parodies, and Misc
Random vignettes that wouldn't find a home anywhere else.
Daria - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,061 - Published: 9/9
The More Things Change reviews
A novel-length (yikes) answer to Roentgen's Iron Chef challenge: "The New Canon". Featuring: most of the cast of Daria 20 years later as they confront the inevitable truth that despite being free from High School, life - yep - still completely blows. To be updated with the reliable speed of a dying mule. Filmed in 70 mm Panavision! [COMPLETE]
Daria - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 90,478 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 7/20 - Published: 5/2 - Daria M., Quinn M., Jane L., Trent L. - Complete
We All Float Down Here, Joker reviews
The Joker makes a new friend, and pays for it.
Crossover - Batman & It - Rated: T - English - Horror/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,402 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 5 - Published: 7/12 - Complete
The Sirens of Conformity reviews
A science fiction-alternate universe plagiarized wholeheartedly from Kurt Vonnegut's short story "Harrison Bergeron". [COMPLETE]
Daria - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,875 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 2/9 - Daria M., Quinn M., Helen M., Jake M. - Complete
Daily Planet Headlines reviews
"The Daily Planet is a daily, editor-free newspaper proudly serving the Metropolis area and abroad since the last time our building was destroyed by Darkseid. Comments are free."
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 6 - Words: 5,522 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 1/4 - Published: 10/24/2015
Down By the Bay reviews
A response to Brother Grimace's Iron Chef challenge "Conversations Whilst Being Otherwise Engaged" over at PPMB. Further details and words constructed in sentences are inside. Don't worry; it won't bite.
Daria - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,825 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/2 - Daria M., Jane L. - Complete
Saved By the Bell, or: The Unexpected Virtue of Sarcasm
Christmas shopping goes a little haywire for an unnamed resident of Lawndale, and the town's two chuckleheads might just be his last hope.
Daria - Rated: T - English - Humor/Crime - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,492 - Published: 12/24/2016 - Daria M., Jane L., OC - Complete
Justice League: This Inhuman Place reviews
Stressed and increasingly distant, Clark manages to land the position of caretaker at an isolated Colorado hotel known as The Overlook. Lois is relieved and hopes Clark will find the peace he so desperately needs, but their son John senses a great evil lurking in the Overlook's halls. A Halloween treat based off a novel that I'm sure you can all guess.
Crossover - Justice League & Shining - Rated: T - English - Horror/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,520 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 3 - Published: 10/7/2016 - Clark K./Kal-El/Superman, J'onn J./Martian Manhunter
Batman v Superman: An Alternate Ending reviews
A funeral for a friend, more or less...
Crossover - Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice & Big Lebowski - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 869 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/31/2016 - Bruce W./Batman, Lois L. - Complete
WONDER WOMAN: DC ENSLAVEMENT reviews
Turnabout is fair play. Dedicated to you, ULTIMATE POWER COUPLE - my sweet, tender flower.
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,302 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/7/2016 - Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman - Complete
The Seventh Seal reviews
Diana has a conversation with a very special guest.
Crossover - Wonder Woman & Sandman - Rated: T - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,918 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/25/2016 - Death, Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman - Complete
Special Relationship reviews
Four-Part story. The JLA has a dangerous job; Batman knows it, Wonder Woman knows it, everyone knows it. And they know just as well that danger is often tragically unpredictable. Very loosely inspired by "The Sandbaggers" episode of the same name. [COMPLETED]
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 17,743 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 5/21/2016 - Published: 4/22/2016 - [Bruce W./Batman, Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman] Clark K./Kal-El/Superman - Complete
Mr Pennyworth's Rough Morning reviews
Alfred finds himself ill-prepared to meet Bruce's house-guest...
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,733 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 14 - Published: 3/30/2016 - [Bruce W./Batman, Diana P./Wonder Woman] Alfred P. - Complete
Ever Since Jason Died reviews
The Dark Knight undergoes some painful introspection...
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,248 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 15 - Published: 2/23/2016 - [Bruce W./Batman, Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman] - Complete
The Dead Zone reviews
Jason Callahan has the ability to see into people's futures, including their deaths. So what happens when he runs into a famous billionaire by the name of Thomas Wayne? Inspired by the Stephen King book: "The Dead Zone"
Crossover - Batman & Dead Zone - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,108 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 2/11/2016 - Published: 2/10/2016 - OC - Complete
JLA: Behold a Pale Horse reviews
COMPLETE-to an extent. Details inside, along with a free prize (last part's a lie)
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Suspense - Chapters: 8 - Words: 64,308 - Reviews: 83 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 2/7/2016 - Published: 6/4/2015 - [Bruce W./Batman, Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman] Clark K./Kal-El/Superman, Kyle R./Green Lantern - Complete
The Enemy of my Enemy reviews
Batman has been captured, and there's only one person alive who can help him now...One-shot with a little note thingy at the end.
Batman - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,029 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/1/2016 - Bruce W./Batman, The Joker, OC - Complete
A Very Merry Ruined Christmas reviews
Just when you thought you were all settled for the holidays...
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,398 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/23/2015 - Complete
The Great Shipping Wars reviews
The "War to End All Wars" boils over into a nightmare, and a journalist finds himself on the cusp of the carnage with one very special guest. One-shot.
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,310 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 3 - Published: 12/7/2015 - [Bruce W./Batman, Clark K./Kal-El/Superman, Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman] OC - Complete
The Fabulous Adventures of Richard J Grayson reviews
Or: how not to best use your innate gifts.
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,891 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 7 - Published: 11/6/2015 - Clark K./Kal-El/Superman, Oliver Q./Green Arrow, Dick G./Nightwing, Donna T./Troia - Complete
So It Goes reviews
A little Halloween treat. Batman is dead, and he is forced to confront some tough questions and even tougher answers. I think you can probably guess who this was inspired by.
Crossover - Batman & Slaughterhouse-Five - Rated: T - English - Horror/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,000 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/31/2015 - Bruce W./Batman, OC - Complete
Dance in the Pale Moonlight reviews
Inspired by a recent little photo from an upcoming film that went and blew up the internet...*Now includes a second chapter dealing with a different, yet related, movie.*
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,619 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 10/28/2015 - Published: 7/4/2015 - [Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman, Bruce W./Batman] - Complete
Friends in High Places reviews
Clark and Diana help pull Bruce's rear from the fire.
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,410 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 11 - Published: 10/16/2015 - Clark K./Kal-El/Superman, Bruce W./Batman, Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman - Complete
What Do You Need Me to do This Time? reviews
One-shot. An alternate meeting between the JLA, Batman and Wonder Woman. Lovingly inspired by Kurt Vonnegut's short story "Who Am I This Time?"
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,045 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 18 - Published: 10/5/2015 - [Bruce W./Batman, Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman] - Complete
Fair Verona reviews
A series of interrelated one-shots exploring the budding (and often times laborious) relationship between the Dark Knight and Wonder Woman... Warts and all. Will explore what amounts to several years worth of interactions, with each chapter focusing on a theme of their relationship and a new way for Bruce to nearly get thrown into the upper atmosphere. Hubris, it'll kill ya.
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 43,443 - Reviews: 71 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 52 - Updated: 10/1/2015 - Published: 5/11/2015 - [Bruce W./Batman, Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman]
JL Eh? reviews
Justice. Canadian style.
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,827 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/29/2015 - Clark K./Kal-El/Superman, Bruce W./Batman, Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman, Barry A./Flash - Complete
The Once and Future Thing: Epilogue reviews
What really happened after the credits rolled and Bugs Bunny chowed down on his trusty carrot.
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,206 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 6 - Published: 9/25/2015 - [Bruce W./Batman, Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman] - Complete
The One where Ra's Al Ghul isn't the Bad Guy reviews
He just isn't, ok? Seriously. What, you don't believe me?
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,035 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Published: 9/15/2015 - Bruce W./Batman, Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman - Complete
Dark Knight III: It's Miller Time reviews
Crazy Steve, Bonker's Betty, Superboy-Prime and the Artist Formally Known as Robin face their ultimate challenge, requiring their ultimate sacrifice, and all without a name that implies Nazi Imagery. The finale of the "Let's Parody Frank Miller" Trilogy.
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,019 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/9/2015 - [Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman, Clark K./Kal-El/Superman] Bruce W./Batman - Complete
Publishinghouse-Five, or: The Amazon's Crusade reviews
Diana has come unstuck in time, and now finds herself in the middle of a pitch meeting for DC Comics. So it goes...
Wonder Woman - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,094 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/28/2015 - Complete
Streets of Madness reviews
Only the good die young...
Batman - Rated: T - English - Drama/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,844 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 8/26/2015 - Published: 8/25/2015 - Alfred P., Bruce W./Batman - Complete
Continuititus reviews
Continuititus: a debilitating disease suffered by characters who's different characterizations are at risk of tearing said character apart. The W.H.O ranks it as the single greatest pandemic to hit the DCU since the "Crisis-Gulf A" strand during the mid 2000's.
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,489 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7/20/2015 - Clark K./Kal-El/Superman, Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman, OC - Complete
Civil War: The Reckoning reviews
When allies become enemies, the universe may be split asunder...
Avengers - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,384 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 7/10/2015 - Captain America/Steve R., Iron Man/Tony S. - Complete
OOC Is Serious Business reviews
A powerful member of the DCU learns a lesson in messing with characters...
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,859 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/8/2015 - Clark K./Kal-El/Superman, Bruce W./Batman, Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman - Complete
What Ever Happened to the Princess of the Amazons? reviews
"Despair Event Horizon": The line, event or sight that, when crossed, destroys any and all remaining semblance of hope. When that involves the Spirit of Truth, it can only result in disaster. Inspired by "What Ever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow" and "What Ever Happened to the Caped Crusader".
Wonder Woman - Rated: T - English - Horror/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,077 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/23/2015 - Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman, OC - Complete
Kingdom Come: Epilogue reviews
After the fire has finally settled, and the bodies have finally been counted, the Trinity gets a long overdue moment to reflect. More detailed description inside. One-shot.
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,051 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 6/18/2015 - Clark K./Kal-El/Superman, Bruce W./Batman, Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman - Complete
Reign of Terror reviews
The Justice League battles a brutal regime in a dystopian universe led by the most dangerous man on the planet. Unfortunately, this man is far closer to the League than any other villain they've ever faced. And as one member will soon find out, its excessively difficult to fight against the person who holds your heart. An Elseworld's story based around an alternate DCAU
Justice League - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 60,797 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 6/2/2015 - Published: 4/2/2015 - [Bruce W./Batman, Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman] Dick G./Nightwing, Barbara Gordon/Batgirl/Oracle
The JLA and the Comic Book of All-Evil reviews
The Flash discovers an evil artifact that threatens to rip existence asunder...or so Batman says. Filed under 'Horror' due to the fact that the only things scarier than this comic book are the Necronomicon and the US Tax Code. Co-written with NewbieWW
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,340 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 5 - Published: 5/18/2015 - Bruce W./Batman, Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman, Wally W./Flash - Complete
The JLA and the Fight Against Drugs: For Your Health reviews
The best way to speak to your kids about addictive substances is to let an all-powerful alien, a talking mold of clay, and a PTSD sufferer with violent tendencies speak to them over the most truthful of all mediums: the television. Rated 'T' for "Grant Morrison Inspired", which should terrify you beyond comprehension...
Justice League - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,787 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 2 - Published: 5/7/2015 - Clark K./Kal-El/Superman, Bruce W./Batman, Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman - Complete
All-Star Batman and Robin Part II: The Electric Boogaloo reviews
The long awaited continuation of Frank Miller's award-losing series "All-star Batman and Robin", detailing the completely and inarguably psychotic adventures of the [insert curse word here] Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder (age 12). When a well known Superhero comes to town, will Batman and Robin (age 12) be able to defend themselves and their methods from inquiry? Probably not...
Justice League - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,856 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/3/2015 - Clark K./Kal-El/Superman, Bruce W./Batman, Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman, Dick G./Nightwing - Complete