Poll: The three stories mentioned on my profile are ones that are outlined and being rough drafted right now. Which one should be posted next? Vote Now!
Author has written 7 stories for Naruto, Walking Dead, Diabolik Lovers : Haunted Dark Bridal, Vampire Knight, and Bleach.
HEY, GUYS! I HAVE A POLL UP THAT WILL DETERMINE WHAT I WILL POST LATER ON! PLEASE VOTE AND TELL ME WHICH STORY YOU GUYS FAVOR MORE! :) THANK YOU!!
As you can see, my name is Kalafina94. I am 18 years old and am a Senior in High School. I am starting my first semester of College in the Fall of 2016 at Saint Francis University. I'm also in my school's Marching Band. I am a proud Color Guard member. :) I spin Flag, Sabre, and Rifle. I can toss a double and a quarter on Flag, sixes on Rifle, and fives on Sabre. :)
Name: Were you not listening when I just told you my name?
Location: I am in my cave.
Personality: Sarcastic. Quiet. Watchful. Ninja-like since I walk so quietly and scare the living shit out of everyone when I accidently sneak up on them.
Looks: Kinda short, I guess. Kinda below average, I'd say. Long hair. Brown eyes. Nothing really stands out on my person.
Search For Reason: She was going to get us both killed. I swear it was her goal to make all the important figures here be out for our blood. I flushed darkly when she further opened her mouth and actually insulted the greatest warrior here. "So am I allowed to call him Captain Shortshit now?"
So this is going to be an Attack on Titan story! I feel like it's pretty daring to attempt this kind of story since the fandom is so small. I have two OC's that are familiar to one of my stories. Both are sisters, but pairings will be iffy. Levi might be one interest cause he is love and he needs attention, too. The second is up for display if anyone has a personal favorite! Planning will take time cause this is my favorite show right now and I want to make it right. :)
Across the Ocean: It was said to be a legendary gem. One that pirates were desperate to find. Father said that the gem was long lost. Mother said that it was a hoax. I thought it was an adventure just waiting to happen. So what better way to start this adventure by sneaking onto the world's most notorious pirate ship?
This is the pirate story that I promised when I first joined Fanfiction. Pirate stories always fascinated me and I'm disappointed to see that there aren't that many pirate stories here on the site. This will be a Naruto story with the main pairing being Sakura/Akatsuki since I have a weak spot for the hot Akatsuki guys and Sakura is a favorite female character of mine.
From Devils To Angels: He was too watchful and uncaring for her tastes. Too interested in eating Pocky with his friend and attending boring classes that had no special importance other than that it was required that he attended them. But maybe...he could be the one that helped her escape the family destiny that she wanted absolutely no part of.
Another story that I promised was a Vampire Knight story dedicated to a certain maroon-haired vampire/model that doesn't receive the attention he probably deserves. Shiki is fun to write and my OC in this particular story is someone new that is difficult to write because of her personality and attitude towards people. This character will be a challenge since I have to fight the urge to make her docile and sweet and quiet.
The Rules of Hogwarts
1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.
3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick.
5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.
6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.
7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms".
8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defence against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus's "time of the month".
10) I am not allowed to make light sabre sounds with my wand.
11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals.
12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force".
13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work".
14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.
15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.
16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.
17) I will not charm the suits of armour to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.
18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day".
19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.
20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.
21) I will not use the phrase, "Get a Life" when talking to Voldemort.
22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.
23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.
24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full".
25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell.
26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.
27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways, not even on Halloween.
28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their colours indicate that they're "covered in bee's".
29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
30) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core".
31) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm, not even if they are in Slytherin.
32) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
33) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion.
34) I will not call the Weasely twins, "bookends".
35) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts.
36) I do not have an Emmett Cullen Patronus.
37) I will not lick Trevor the toad.
38) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labelled, "Firewhiskey".
39) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween and ask Harry if he forgives me for what I've done.
40) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself too seriously.
41) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.
42) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.
43) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice.
44) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape or Draco Malfoy is the Voice of God.
45) I will not ask Sirius if he's really serious.
Top 5 Favorite Anime Characters of All Time:
1. Ackerman Levi (Attack on Titan): I really only have to blame a friend here on Fanfiction for getting me into AoT. She's been bothering me for months to watch it and I kept putting it off because I had seen clips of the show before and was thoroughly disgusted with the Titans devouring humans so grossly, but I gave in to her pleads and gave the series a chance. Levi was that sarcastic, smartass bastard of a character that instantly made me attracted to him. He was cold and stoic and cruel and I just fell in love with him. His dubbed voice is quite sexy and his SUBBED voice is just...*Melts* He's so perfect in my mind.
2. Sakamaki Shu (Diabolik Lovers): This man is beautiful. Plain and simple. Though he could definitely not be so lazy and lethargic. I'm not even like that and I've been proclaimed the laziest person in existence. xD Shu was just one of those characters that took me a while to love. At first, I was all about the Raito and Subaru love even though Raito is the biggest pervert known to man, but when the series ended and I decided to do a bit of research (STALKING), Shu was the first one I looked up. Then the pictures came. Then the videos. So let's just say I slowly fell in love with this character after seeing many pictures of him with bored looks on his face or smoldering looks directed at the viewer.
3. Uchiha Itachi (Naruto): Itachi is simply a typical tall, dark and handsome character. Seriously, if Masashi Kishimoto didn't expect a bunch of rabid fangirls to shoot imaginary flames at him when he killed Itachi off, then he was a little slow in the head, especially after he revealed that little tidbit explaining the truth about the Uchiha massacre. RIP Itachi...and Deidara...and all the good characters in Naruto.
4. Sesshoumaru (Inuyasha): Isn't he just perfect? I think that Itachi and him should get together for tea sometime. They'd have a lot to discuss. Well, maybe not since they both have a lot to work on when it comes to social interactions, but it'd still be pretty entertaining. Another bonus about Sesshoumaru? (He doesn't even really need anymore bonuses) He doesn't die!
5. Schiffer Ulquiorra (Bleach): His description is seriously going to be the exact same as Itachi's. Except Ulquiorra's colder and more stoic than Itachi is and he couldn't give two shits if he had to kill an innocent in cold blood if he was ordered to. I'm not sure what exactly drew me to Ulquiorra. Maybe it was because of that special relationship that he had with Orihime? Or maybe it was the pictures of him and Orihime as a couple that actually got me into loving this character. I bet it was that. Either way, he's a VERY attractive male and that's something since it's coming from me.
Top 5 Anime Characters On My Hit List:
1. Sasuke (Naruto): One thing constitutes his place on this list...HE KILLS ALL THE GOOD CHARACTERS! I really don't give a damn about his stupid obsession with revenge. I can understand it, but I don't like what he does to get to that point. Besides, Itachi is still the better of the two, anyways. If he hadn't been sick and didn't care about you...well, Sasuke, you might be rotting in a grave, which is exactly where you belong, you ass muncher.
2. Naraku (Inuyasha): Well, seeing as I've recently started watching Inuyasha again, I decided a small change was in order. Naraku is a sick, twisted bastard. There's not much else to say! He sacrificed a little girl for crying out loud! I wish that he was drowning in a pit of blood...that was morbid...Anyways, the world will be a much better place without him in it.
3. Kabuto (Naruto): Ya know, Kabuto isn't even really worth the air it's taking me to breathe while I write this.
4. Orochimaru (Naruto): He may be the only character that I'm glad died. He deserved it! He looked like a snake, for fuck's sake! Who is he, Voldemort's twin? I hope he's rotting in the deepest pits of Hell. Oh, and you can take Sasuke with you.
5. Sakamaki Cordelia (Diabolik Lovers): Man, this bitch can rot in the deepest pits of Hell for all I care. I don't really have any words on how to describe my hatred of this woman. She's just a bitch, plain and simple. If it wasn't for her cruel lessons to poor Ayato and her disgusting ass teaching methods to Raito and Kanato, the triplets would probably be less sadistic, Shu and Reiji probably wouldn't hate each other since Beatrix would have no reason to compete with Cordelia, and maybe Subaru wouldn't be thinking such suicidal and depressing thoughts.
Ways to annoy your teacher
1. Walk into the classroom like a super spy. (keep your back on the walls as you walk, point your finger up like a gun, look around with shifty eyes, hum the mission impossible theme, etc.)
2.After everything your teacher says, ask why continuously.
3.If your teacher is yelling at a classmate, wait for them to finish their tantrum then ask" DOES SOMEBODY NEED A HUG??????" very loudly.
4. If your teacher starts blowing up at you for saying that, simply reply "wow I can tell you're a blast at parties"
5. Sit in a corner and wait for everyone to stare at you. When they do, grab your head and scream THE LIGHT! MAKE IT STOP! ARGH IT BURNS!!!!
6. Flick pieces of paper around the class.
7. When your teacher tells you to stop, cross your arms and say "Your racist against paper aren't you."
8. Don't do your Homework.
9. When your teacher asks you why you didn't do your homework say dropped it while beating up this guy for saying you're the worst teacher ever then sit there and smile sweetly.
10. When you have a supply teacher, wait for them to write their name on the board. Then when they say hello my name it Mr./Mrs (insert name here), you stand up and say PROVE IT!
11. When your teacher asks why you were late say My goldfish died Then burst into tears.
12.When handing in your homework, write this paper will self-destruct in 5 seconds at the bottom.
13.When you leave the class bow and say, May the force be with you, young one
14. When the teacher turns the light off, start singing opera as loud as you can. When they turn the light back on, look around pretending to be confused.
15. Whisper to the person next to you. When the teacher comes up behind you, scream ?OMG GET AWAY! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!
16. Walk into class dancing the Macarena.
17. Tell your teacher you heard the other teachers talking about him/her in the staff room
18. Raise your hand and say I totally agree after everything your teacher says
19. Spend the whole lesson trying to lick your elbow
20. Speak in French.
21. Come late to class in a Spider-Man costume; say there was a disturbance
22. When they tell someone to turn around have everyone in class do it as well
23. The homework's due now? Oh, give me a minute then.
24. Hand in an essay where every word is mispelled.
25. Run in the room screaming, THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!
26. When the teacher asks you why you are late, say, the queen is never late, everyone else is simply early or A wizard is never late. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to.
27. When a teacher asks you a question, say, I'm sorry, the brain you tried to reach has been disconnected, please leave me alone or try again later, thank you.
28. When the teacher turns on the overhead projector, scream AAH MY EYES!!
29. Tell yourself knock knock jokes, then laugh loads.
30. Hide under your desk and yell THE SKY IS FALLING!
31. When someone knocks on the door, shout OH NO, THEY'RE COMING FOR ME!
32. Bring in a year 7 and says he's your new pet.
33. In your technology lesson, when the teacher asks you what you are making, say a nuclear bomb.
34, when your teacher asks you a question just stare at them.
35. Constantly talk to yourself in a low voice.
36. Purposely fall off your chair and make a big scene about it.
37. If you're playing a really boring game, make a big deal if you win.
38. Glue all their scissors together.
39. Make paperclip jewelery. E.g. necklaces, earrings etc
40. Pull out one strand of someone's hair and yell DNA!
41. Wear a sticker or a badge that says I am retarded
42. Talk to a pen.
43. Put your hand up in a test and wait for your teacher to come over. When they whisper what's wrong, yell NO I WON'T SNOG YOU!
44. Yell LIAR! to everything they say.
45. Smile. All the time.
46. Draw a tiny black spot on your arm. Make it bigger everyday. Look at it and say, It's spreading, IT'S SPREADING!
47. When a supply teacher is taking the register, say everyone is missing. Then, if they ask who you are, say Your worst Nightmare
48. When you know the answer, bounce up and down a go OOOHH I KNOW THIS
49. When a teacher calls on you say, I forgot
50. If you have to blow your nose in class, blow your nose to the tune of your favourite song.
16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"
I OWE MY MOTHER
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. " There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me. "
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
33 Things to do in an Elevator:
1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
21. Swat at flies that don't exist.
22. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.
23. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
24. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
25. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
26. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
27. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
28. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
29. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
30. Tell people that you can see their aura.
31. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
32. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
33. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole.
When you were 5, your mom gave you a ice cream cone. You thank her by yelling at her that it's the wrong kind.
水 善 = Water
土 強 = Earth
火 烈 = Fire
气 和 = Air
Itachi -/ \-
·.(· Forever·).. ·.• •..• •..• •..•
_ _AKASTUKI_RULES_ _
·..· Itachi Uchiha·.
·.(· Forever·)..·.• •..• •..• •..•
ITACHI _ _UCHIHA _
The Akatsuki Classification
Zetsu (Carnivorus Planterius) Sasori (Fakeus Apparatus) Deidara (Explodus Homosexus) Itachi (Hazzardous Handicapus) Hidan (Smartus Assus) Kisame (Aquarlus Hybridus) Kakuzu (Freakous Phenominus) Konan (Vaginus maximus) Tobi (Reallyus Madaraus) Pain (Fearlus Leaderus)
A.K.A.T.S.U.K.I, stands for: Awesome Kittens At The Secret Undercover Karate Incorporation
D.E.I.D.A.R.A, stands for: Dangerously, Explosive, Idiot, Doing, Amazing, Reckless, Art
T.O.B.I, stands for: Totally, Obnoxious, But, Innocent
Mentally dating a character that doesn't actually exist (DEIDARA'S MINE, BITCHES! *grabs flamethrower* BACK OFF, YA FUCKING BITCHES!)
AQUARIUS- The Sweetheart (Jan 20-Feb 18) Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but can be original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality.
PISCES- The Dreamer (Feb 19-Mar 20) Generous, kind and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative. May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Doesn't like details. Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser. Beautiful.
ARIES- The Daredevil (Mar 21- Apr 19) Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse (easily angered). Lively, passionate, and sharp wit. Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic.
TAURUS- The Enduring One (Apr 20-May 20) Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings who are stable and secure in their own way. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to furious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous.
GEMINI- The Chatterbox (May 21-June 20) Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable but needs to express themselves. Argumentative and outspoken. Likes change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial and inconsistent. Beautiful physically and mentally.
CANCER- The Protector (June 21-July 22) Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome. Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feel kind of person. Needs love from everyone. Easily hurt, but sympathetic.
LEO- The Boss (July 23-Aug 22) Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Likes to help others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm hearted. Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. Doing the right thing is important to the Leo's. Attractive.
VIRGO- The Perfectionist Dominant (Aug 23-Sept 22) In relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hard working. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please. Harsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic.
LIBRA- The Harmonizer (Sept 23-Oct 22) Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible.
SCORPIO- The Intense One (Oct 23-Nov 21) Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hard working. Great kisser. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and emotional.
SAGITTARIUS- The Happy-Go-Lucky One (Nov 22-Dec 21) Good-nature optimist. Doesn't want to grow up. Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Sometimes hypocritical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside and out.
CAPRICORN- The Go-Getter (Dec 22-Jan 19) Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be good-looking. Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimistic. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be unfriendly at times. Hold grudges. Like competitions. Get what they want.
13 Things I Hate About Everyone:
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2 People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3 When people say "Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it too?". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4 When people say "It's always the last place you look." Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5 When people say while watching a film "Did you see that?" No, Loser. I paid 12 bucks to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
8 When people say "Life is short." What the heck? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does! What can you do that's longer?
9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?
10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? Ears? Wellington boots?
11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No, it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.
12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks, that's an image I really didn't need.
13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering. It has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well, I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking McTosser.
A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.
Your daughter, Judith
PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
Smart-ass Comebacks to those Corny Pick-Up Lines:
He: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
He: I would go to the end of the world for you.
She: But would you stay there?
He: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
She: Really, I'd put f and u together
He: Your eyes are amazing.
She: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.
He: What's your number, beautiful?
HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually, I'd rather have the money.
HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.
HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I'd never make the same mistake twice.
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.
HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.
HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.
HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?
HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.
HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.
HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.
HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.
HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.
HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life: in your wildest dreams.
HE: Your place or mine?
SHE: Both, you go to yours and I'll go to mine.
HE: Does beauty run in your family?
SHE: Well it obviously doesn't run in yours.
HE: I can see forever in your eyes.
SHE: But all I can see is never in yours.
HE: I looked up beautiful today in the thesaurus and your name was included.
SHE: Thanks! I saw your name next to jerk.
HE: You're like a dream.
SHE: Go back to sleep.
HE: What do I have to give you for one little kiss?
HE: I want to give myself to you.
SHE: Sorry, but I don't accept cheap gifts.
HE: Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again?
SHE: Yeah, but this time, don't stop.
HE: I think you're the best looking girl here.
SHE: Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then.
HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Sure, but only if you buy my girlfriend one, too.
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when your crush rejects you
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.
FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"
FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.
FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Won’t tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you’re not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Ask why you're crying
BEST FRIENDS: Already has the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry.
FRIENDS: Comfort you when you fight with your boyfriend
BEST FRIENDS: Go over to his house and kick his butt
FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail
BEST FRIENDS: Sit next to you singing the jail song
FRIENDS: Will pick out a cute chick-flick to watch with you on movie night
BEST FRIENDS: Will pick out "Signs" for movie night then scare you in the process
FRIENDS: Tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house
BEST FRIENDS: Best friends are the ones getting fined by the police with you
FRIENDS: Come over every couple of months for a sleepover
BEST FRIENDS: Are your weekend boarders
FRIENDS: Are shy around your boyfriend
BEST FRIENDS: Will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine
FRIENDS: Don't see you if you're sick
BEST FRIENDS: Are there when you're sitting in a bed under a blanket with a thermometer, book, and your phone
FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and say nice to meet you
BEST FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and scare the Hell out of him by threatening to break every bone in his body if he hurts you
FRIENDS: Will tell you they know how you feel
BEST FRIENDS: Will sit down and cry with you
FRIENDS: Wait to call you at a reasonable hour
BEST FRIENDS: Will call you at two in the morning
FRIENDS: Won't let you do stupid things
BEST FRIENDS: Won't let you do stupid things 'alone'.
FRIENDS: Will not try anything that will embarrass you while near your crush.
BEST FRIENDS: Will cackle evilly and try to push you 'by accident' into him while standing next to him.
FRIENDS: Would read and ignore this
BEST FRIENDS: Would re-post this
BEST FRIENDS: Are forever