Author has written 3 stories for Batman Begins/Dark Knight.
Hi guys! Quick overview of my geekiness. I'm a Bat-fan, Superhero Nerd, Potterhead, Tribute, Superwholockian, Trekkie, and a Star Wars fan. Too bad no one came up with a name for Star Wars. I feel like Star Wars would've been Warheads but then Potterheads would have gotten mad and there'd probably be a war between the fandoms that none would survive...probably. The Joker is my favorite character ever! As you can probably tell... by the giant quote list below... I apologize for my infatuation.
Joker Hall of Fame: The Best Quotes from the Worst Villain
Heath Ledger's Joker, The Dark Knight (2008)
-Gotham National Bank Manager: "Think you're pretty smart, huh? The guy that hired youze, he'll just do the same to you. Oh, criminals in this town used to believe in things. Honor. Respect. Look at you! What do you believe in, huh? WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE IN?"
-"Come on, I want you to do it, I want you to do it. Come on, hit me. HIT ME!"
-"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are tonight's entertainment!"
-Lau: "For obvious reasons, I couldn't wait for your permission. Rest assured, your money is safe."
[From outside comes the sound of loud, fake laughter. The mob bosses turn and see the Joker enter]
The Joker: "And I thought my jokes were bad."
-"Well, hello, beautiful. You must be Harvey's squeeze. And you are beautiful."
[he walks around her]
The Joker: "Oh, you look nervous. Is it the scars? You want to know how I got 'em? Come here. Hey! Look at me. So I had a wife. She was beautiful, like you. Who tells me I worry too much. Who tells me I ought to smile more. Who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks. One day, they carve her face. And we have no money for surgeries. She can't take it. I just want to see her smile again. I just want her to know that I don't care about the scars. So... I stick a razor in my mouth and do this..."
[the Joker mimics slicing his mouth open with his tongue]
The Joker: "...to myself. And you know what? She can't stand the sight of me! She leaves. Now I see the funny side. Now I'm always smiling!"
[Rachel knees the Joker in the groin; he merely laughs it off]
The Joker: "A little fight in you. I like that."
Batman: [off-screen] "Then you're gonna love me."
-"I like this job, I like it!"
-"You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!"
-[to Det. Stephens] "Do you want to know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can't savor all the... little emotions. In... you see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are. So in a way, I know your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which of them were cowards?"
-"This town deserves a better class of criminal, and I'm gonna give it to them."
-"I'm a man of my word."
-[climbs up to the cab of a semi truck, the driver of which is dead or unconscious]
-"It's simple. We, uh, kill the Batman."
-"If you're good at something, never do it for free."
-"[over the PA] Tonight you're all gonna be part of a social experiment. Through the magic of diesel fuel and ammonium nitrate, I'm ready right now to blow you all sky high. Anyone attempts to get off their boat, you all die. Each of you has a remote... to blow up the other boat. At midnight, I blow you all up. If, however, one of you presses the button, I'll let that boat live. So, who's it going to be: Harvey Dent's most wanted scumbag collection, or the sweet and innocent civilians? You choose... oh, and you might want to decide quickly, because the people on the other boat might not be so noble."
-Gambol: [explodes] "Enough from the clown!"
-Gambol: "You think you can steal from us and just walk away?"
-The Joker: "Tell your men they work for me now. This is my city."
-[During a bank heist, the Joker has tricked all his men into killing each other, one after the other. One of the last ones, getting wise, points his gun at another thug, who still has his mask on]
-Gambol: [to The Joker] "Give me one reason why I shouldn't have my boy here pull your head off."
-Batman: [as Joker is holding Rachel out a window] "Let her go!"
-[to Gambol's thugs, being held helpless by his own] "Now, our operation is small, but there's a lot of potential for "aggressive" expansion. So, which one of you fine gentlemen would like to join our team? Oh, there's only one spot open right now, so we're gonna have..."
-"Now there's a Batman!"
-The Joker: [the Joker has Brain Douglas captured and is recording him] "Tell them your name."
-Gambol's Bodyguard: "Yo, Gambol, there's somebody here for you. They say they just killed the Joker."
-[Batman slams The Joker's head on the table]
-"Why so serious?"
-Harvey Dent: "Your men. Your plan."
-[Is about to unmask the unconscious Batman but Gordon suddenly points a gun to his head] "Arrrgh! Could you *please* just give me a minute?"
-[talking about crashing the helicopter] "Okay, rack 'em up. Rack 'em up, rack 'em up, rack 'em up."
-The Joker: [Joker walks into a meeting with a slow, mockingly false laugh] "And I thought MY jokes were bad."
Jack Nicholson, Batman (1989)
-Grissom: "Jack, listen. Maybe we can cut a deal."
-[talking to a gargoyle] "What are you laughin' at?"
-The Joker: "I've recently had a tragedy in my life. Alicia..."
-"I have given a name to my pain, and it is Batman."
-"Hello, Vinny. It's your Uncle Bingo. Time to pay the check!"
-Vicki Vale: "You're insane!"
-"Where does he get those wonderful toys?"
-[reciting his poem to Vicki] "I'm only laughing on the outside / My smile is just skin deep / If you could see inside I'm really crying / You might join me for a weep."
-The Joker: "Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?"
-"Now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives. But, as my plastic surgeon always said: if you gotta go, go with a smile."
-"And now, folks, it's time for "Who do you trust!" Hubba, hubba, hubba! Money, money, money! Who do you trust? Me? I'm giving away free money. And where is the Batman? HE'S AT HOME WASHING HIS TIGHTS!"
-Vicki Vale: "What do you want?"
-The Joker: "My balloons. Those are my balloons. He stole my balloons! Why didn't somebody tell me he had one of those... things? Bob, gun."
-"As though we were made for each other... Beauty and the Beast. Of course, if anyone else calls you beast, I'll rip their lungs out."
-Bruce Wayne: "Let me tell you about this guy I know. Jack. Mean kid. Bad seed. Hurt people."
-[reaches for a pair of glasses in his pocket and puts them on]
-Vicki Vale: "What can I do for you?"
Batman: The Killing Joke
-"Life's a bowl of cherries, and this is the pits."
-"All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once, am I right? I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day and everything changed. Why else would you dress up as a flying rat? You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody else... Only you won't admit it! You have to keep pretending that life makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling! God you make me want to puke. I mean, what is it with you? What made you what you are? Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? Brother carved up by some mugger? Something like that, I bet. Something like that... Something like that happened to me, you know. I... I'm not exactly sure what it was. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice! Ha ha ha! But my point is... My point is, I went crazy. When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was, I went crazy as a coot! I admit it! Why can't you? I mean, you're not unintelligent! You must see the reality of the situation. Do you know how many times we've come close to world war three over a flock of geese on a computer screen? Do you know what triggered the last world war? An argument over how many telegraph poles Germany owed its war debt creditors! Telegraph poles! Ha ha ha ha HA! It's all a joke! Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for... it's all a monstrous, demented gag! So why can't you see the funny side? Why aren't you laughing?"
-"See, there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum...and one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight...stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend daren't make the leap. Y'see...y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea...He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... he says 'What do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!'"
Batman: Arkham Asylum
-"Over!? Why my dear, delusional dark knight, it hasn't even begun."
-"Anyone seen the big bad Bat yet? I warn you, he may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you, he really is an idiot!"
- "Plans, plans, plans. They always have their plans. But the problem with their plan... is that when you take an insane person to the asylum,you're just taking him home - the very place he knows best."
-"Tell me, Bats. What are you really scared of? Not finding the Commissioner in time? Failing to save this cesspool of a city? Me, in a thong?!"
-"Five... Four... Three... Two... One... BOOM! Just kidding!"
Batman: Arkham City
-"Nice of you to say, but you of all people should know, there's plenty wrong with me. Take my blood, for example. I wish somebody would - this stuff is killing me!"
-"It's ok to die Bats, I'll be here to protect Gotham! I'll do a real good job."
-"There's two things Lex forgot to tell you about me: I don't CARE what happens to the world, and I DON'T play nice with others!"
-"If I weren't crazy, I'd be insane!"
-(to Superman) "More powerful than a locomotive, and just about as subtle."
-"Lady, you're harder to kill than a cockroach on steroids!"
-(to Batman) "Quick question. When the clock strikes twelve, do I get a little kiss?"
-"Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants. I come before you, to stand behind you, to tell you a story I know nothing about. One bright morning in the middle of the night two dead fellows stood up to fight. They stood back to back, facing each other, drew their swords and shot one another. If you don't believe my lie, it's true, ask the blind lady on the corner, she saw it too."
-"If I weren't insane: I couldn't be so brilliant!"
-[Trying to patent "jokerized" fish]"But the fish share my unique face! If Colonel What's-His-Name can have chickens, when they donť even have moustaches-- And you deny this to me!"
-"I did it! I finally killed Batman! In front of a bunch of vulnerable, disabled kids!!! Now get me Santa Claus!"
-"In my dream, the world had suffered a terrible disaster. A black haze shut out the sun, and the darkness was alive with the moans and screams of wounded people. Suddenly, a small light glowed. A candle flickered into life, symbol of hope for millions. A single tiny candle, shining in the ugly dark. I laughed and blew it out."