CrazyasAmidgetOnskittles13
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Joined 07-27-12, id: 4158686, Profile Updated: 08-05-12
Author has written 2 stories for Twilight.

Hi there!!! Are you lost? OK good! Now listen to me! So I'm CrazyasAmidgetOnskittles13 and I am as crazy as I say I am (or am I?)! Sometimes when I talk I can confuse the people around me and myself! I have the weirdest friends and I think I am crazy! When I first meet you I act shy but when I get used to you I am a loveable creature! But some people don't like me because I am all sugar and...stuff and they say I'm annoying. Of well fudge to them!

Favorite Color: Orange and dark blue/purple/black/maroon

Favorite Mystic Animal: Unicorns!!!!!! I love them...I have a pillow pet of one! It's purple...and named Draco...yes after Draco from Harry Potter...

Favorite Food: Zas and chocolate! Cotton candy, deep fried stuff...

Weirdest Fact I Know: There's a shop in Seattle, Washington that if you bring any food they will deep frie it for you! Say you brought pizza...fried! Pie, Hershey bar, root beer (idk if they would do that who knows), Resses Cup!

Do You Like Explosions?: YES!!!!

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile.

If you have ever had a crush on a fictional character, copy and paste this on your profile and add your penname and the name(s) of the characters you have crushed on: HollyluvsArty (James Potter, Sirius Black (when he was young), Artemis Fowl) comix-freak (Artemis Fowl (and Arty is my one and only!))scarilyobsessed(Fang, from maximum ride),TwilightNatalia(I had a crush on Ed from Fullmetal Alchemist for like 3 days then I got over it, if that counts), vampirechick123 (Edwrad cullen...even though he is real) snow in my coco (Edward cullen. Sexier than you! and all mine...I wish. I refuse to believe he isn't real.), Pepa333(Draco Malfoy, Edward Cullen, Damon Salvatore), SlytherinLuver(Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, Tom Riddle, Edward Cullen) Dark Jasmine (Draco Malfoy: evil and sexy & Edward Cullen: Sexy) CrazyasAmidgetOnskittles13 (Edward Cullen, Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Carisile Cullen, Jasper Cullen, Damon Salvatore, Stefan Salvatore, Emmett Cullen, Jacob Black and Will Turner! They are real!!!!),

Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this

Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27, 2006, because it was "too small" and "off its orbit" for some scientists' likings. If you think Pluto should still be a planet, copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!!.

If you have ever tried to go into the backyard and ran into the glass door that you didn't see, copy and paste this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

I have the kind of friends that if my house waz burning down, they'd be there making S'mores and hitting on hot firemen."

If you get really good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

"I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy and past this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica, PurpleBunniesWillRuleTheWorld, Roxxi-and-Ali, IsabellaMarieSwan123, Paper Hearts and Paper Cuts, mahalo4ursupport, Reader128, Lady Prince, LilyScorpius, Pepa333, SlytherinLuver, CrazyasAmidgetOnskittles13

If you or your best friend is completely insane, copy and paste this onto your profile.

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be one of the 8 percent that would be laughing your butt off.

A friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, THAT WAS AWESOME , LETS DO IT AGAIN!!

Try Not To Cry

Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool,

And when he pulled the trigger back,

It shot with a great, huge crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

When I went to school that day,

I never said good-bye.

I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,

And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,

And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now, And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best

Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest

Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass

Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,

But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest

When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could

please listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.

But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late, Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry I to cancel the date. I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true

And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"

In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech
Students Who Were Lost

Please if you would,
Don't smash this on the ground.

If you pass this on,

Maybe people will cry,

Just keep this in your heart,

For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye".

Now you have 2 choices,

1) Pass this on, and show people you care, repost as
"Try Not To Cry"
2) Don't send it, and you have just proven how
cold-hearted you really are...

IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE

Please pass it on.

True Poem Bout Actual Child Abuse

Her dad waz a drunk

Her mom waz an addict

Her parents kept her

locked in an attic

Her only friend waz a little toy bear

It waz old and worn out

And had patches of hair

She alwayz talked to it

When no one's around

She lays there and hugs it

Not a peep of sound

Until her parents unlock the door

Some more and more pain

She'll have to endore

A bruise on her leg

A scar on her face

Why would she be in such a terrible place?

But she grabs her bear

And she softly cries

She loves her parents

But they want her to die

She sits in the corner

Quiet but thinking, "God, why?

Why iz my life always sinking?"

Such a bad life

For a sad little girl

She'd get beaten and beaten

For anything she did

Then one night

Her mom came home high

The poor child waz hit and slapped

As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly

Grabbed for a blade

It waz sharp and pointy

One that she made

She thrust the blade

Right in her chest

"You deserve to die you worthless pest!"

The mom walked out

Leaving the girl slowly dying

She grabbed for her bear

And started crying

Police showed up

At the small little house

They quickly barged in

Everything waz az quiet az a mouse

One officer slowly

Opened the door

To find the sad little girl

Lying dead on the floor

It must have been bad

To go through so much harm

But at least she died

With her best friend in her arms.

If you disapprove of child abuse, put this on your profile.

(I just cried a little...)

"I have the kind of friends that if my house waz burning down, they'd be there making S'mores and hitting on hot firemen."

"When every little girl in kindergarten wanted to be a princess, I kinda wanted to be a vampire."

"Friends ask why you're crying...Best friends already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry."

"A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend laughs at you and trips you again."

"Me and You are Friends: You smile, I smile. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, well, I'm gonna miss your emails."

He said, 'I don't know why you wear a bra. You've got nothing to put in it.' Then she said, 'Well, you wear pants, don't you?'"

I'm smiling. That alone should scare you."

Things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts

145. It is not necessary to yell “BURN” every time Snape takes a point from Gryffindor.
143. I will not sing “we’re off to see the wizard” when I am sent to the headmasters office.
139. I will not dress up in a dementor suit and use a dustbuster on Harry’s lips to get him to do whatever I want.
126. I am not allowed to declare an official Hug a Slytherine day.
124. I will not wear my “DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT” shirt to school.
123. I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.
121. I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand.
120. I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles”.

119. Telling Slytherin first years that to enter their common room they must point their wands strait up and say, “Morsmordre” is just plain mean.

93. I will not enchant a scarecrow and suit of armor to skip through the halls singing, “We’re Off to See the Wizard”.
99. I will not under any circumstances ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.

93. I will not enchant a scarecrow and suit of armor to skip through the halls singing, “We’re Off to See the Wizard”.
80. I will not use Slytherine and Gryffindor first years as Christmas decorations.
74. I will not say, “Dude get a life” to Voldemort.

75. I must not point at Voldemort and say “I taught him everything he knows.”
65. A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or playing drums no matter how bored I become.

64. However tempting it may be, I will not send Voldemort a Christmas card telling him how much we all love him, even through these difficult times.
59. I will not tell Snape he needs to go to his “Happy place”.

58. I will not jump up, yelling “VOLDEMORT, RUN!” in the middle of a Order of the Phoenix or DA meeting.

50. I will not start singing and dancing in the middle of a class and blame that someone put the Imperious Curse on me.

48. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with “What’s new, pussycat?”
39. Asking, “How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?” and then walking away is only funny the first time.
36. The four houses are not the Morons, the Barons, the Smartelics, and the Junior Death Eaters.
30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.
23. I will not bring a magic eight ball to Divination class.
17. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me lucky charms”.

14. I will not tell Draco and Hermione to “Get a room” whenever they start to fight.
11. If a classmate falls asleep I will not take advantage of this fact and draw a dark mark on their arm

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DANG!" we messed up!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds but that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Witch drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this stuff!!

I killed a dog because I smoke crack! (It goes with the thing below...)

Pick the month you were born on...

1(Jan) - I shot
2 (Feb) -I ran shirtless with
3 (Mar) - I stabbed
4 (Apr) - I killed
5 (May) - I slapped
6 (June)-I robbed
7 (July) -I kissed
8 (Aug) -I smoked with
9 (Sept) - I needed
10 (Oct) - i hugged
11 (Nov) - I ran naked with
12 (Dec) - I banged

Pick the day (number) you were born on...

01 - a rock star
02 - my boyfriend
03 -a hobo
04 - a homeless guy
05 - the one that i love
06 -the trojan man
07 - the cookie monster
08 - a sexy girl
09 - a bowl of cereal
10 - a mop
11 - a tooth brush
12 - a hobo
13 -a dog
14 - a drunk
15 - a crack head
16 - a cat
17 - a bag of weed
18 - the kool-aid man
19 - an Easter egg
20 - tori the snowman
21 - a hottie
22 - my crush
23 -yo momma
24 - a mexican
25 - a teletubby
26 - a condom
27 - a gangsta
28 - paris hilton
29 - Barney the Dinosaur
30 - my ex boyfriend
31 -my lover

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing...

White - because im sexy like that
Black - because I love weed
Pink - because I smoke crack
Turquoise- because im good in bed
brown- because i like to snort cocaine
Polka Dots - because I hate my life
Purple - because im gay
Grey - because i have AMAZING boobs
Other - because im retarded
Green -because that bum stole my taco
Orange - because i still love him
RED- because the gummy bears made me
blue - because i like shoelaces
Tye dye- because Im a fucking scuba diver
graphic- because I am crazy like that
none- because i have a killer six pack!!

So You Want to Be a Death Eater..Your guide to everything evil!This list may contain spoilers!

Greetings, new follower:

If you are reading this letter then you have doubtless been accepted into the select band of professional wizards known as the Death Eaters. If by some unprecedented chance you are reading this and you have not been accepted into the Death Eaters then I suggest you put down this letter and leave now, or the consequences for you will be as terrible as my lifelong study into the Dark Arts can make them.

Please find enclosed a short introductory guide to Death Eating, which you must memorise and then eat, to prevent security leaks. (Due to an unfortunate fatality last week, it is now permitted to cut the guide into small pieces before swallowing).

The next meeting is scheduled for midnight, 11th June, when I trust we will have the pleasure of watching your initiation ceremony. Please remember to bring a clean handsaw and enough twine. It's so distressing when people don't prepare for these events properly.

Yours in infamy,

Lord Voldemort
So You Want To Be A Death Eater?

Welcome to this helpful guide to being a Death Eater. This leaflet should provide you with all the information you need to become a successful servant to the Dark Lord. It will if you know what's good for you. Please read every page before eating.

Aims of the society:

World peace
To be evil
To conquer the world
Elimination of all Muggles
Elimination of all Mudbloods
Elimination of Albus Dumbledore & the Order of the Phoenix
Elimination of (miscellaneous)
To serve Lord Voldemort (that's me!)
To create sanctuaries for endangered breeds of snakes
This statement is a lie.

List of Equipment required for new Death Eaters:

(Equipment marked must be obtained from Messers. Gorgon & Black Limited, outfitters to the intensely evil and terminally stylish since 12 BC. Their premises are on Knockturn Alley, but they now do mail order as well.)

Long Black Robes (Casual)
Long Black Robes (Smart)
Short Black Robes (for summer wear)
Long Black cloak (silk is preferable to velvet, as it is much more absorbent)
Black mask (informal)
Black mask (sequined)
Black boots (Stiletto heels are no longer permitted)
Black leather gloves (barbed wire ornamentation optional)
Wand
Extra wand in case of losing first wand
Plastic imitation wand in case of losing Extra wand

Cane (For favored members only. Unauthorized possession of a cane will result in a heavy fine. Before possessing cane, it is necessary to pass a rigorous series of tests to ascertain that your carrying-a-cane-in-a-nonchalant-yet-evil-fashion skills are up to scratch).

Coffin
Dueling sword
Disguise kit, containing: Nun's outfit, false beard, beekeeping veil, Muggle policeman's costume, etc.
Saw
Assorted chains
Handcuffs
Pointy stick

Recommended Reading:

Curses and Counter-Curses by Professor Vindictus Viridian
Evil: A Beginners Guide by Professor E. Maledict
The Illustrated Torturer's handbook by Bellatrix Black
What Not to Wear in the Torture Chamber by Narcissa Malfoy
Sex, Lies, and Unforgivable Curses: The Authorised Biography of Lord Voldemort by Peter Pettigrew
Caring For Your New Tattoo: An Informative Guide St. Mungo's Hospital Skin Department

Death Eater may also own snake or dragon or hippogriff. But only Lord Voldemort may possess a basilisk.

Death Eater Rules:

No Death Eater shall be a spy for Dumbledore.
No Death Eater shall play the harmonica.
All Death Eaters must be proficient in the Dark Arts: murder, Unforgivable Curses, yodeling etc. An annual examination will be made to make sure that all members are up to scratch.
No Death Eater shall behave with integrity unless it is a genuine accident.
A Death Eater must be pureblooded.
No Death Eater must ever mention that the Dark Lord himself is not pureblooded.
No Death Eater may kill another Death Eater without a very good reason.
All Death Eaters shall answer Lord Voldemort's summons immediately. (Unless you are having a shower, in which case it is permitted to don a bath robe first.)
All Death Eaters shall have vaguely sinister surnames.
All Death Eaters shall overtake on the left.

Frequently Asked Questions:

What happens if Voldemort is displeased with me?

As this is a fairly run (and currently short-staffed) organization, you will probably receive a warning. And some soul-destroying torture. A second offense and you will probably die a slow death. Options include:

Being slowly eaten by a manticore.
Being dissolved in a vat of basilisk venom.
Gradual impalement on your own wand.
Death by Mandrake (according to season).
The Pancake curse. (This newly developed spell will carve you into wafer-thin slices. Victims killed in this way are traditionally cooked in hot fat and served with maple syrup or lemon juice at Death Eater feasts.)
Being flayed alive and used as a life-sized glove puppet at Death Eater children's parties.
Avada Kedavra (if we're in a hurry/ feeling rather unimaginative).

What should I do if I decide to leave the organization?

Make your funeral arrangements as quickly as possible.

(See above)

What is the salary like?

You should be in this job for the principle of the thing, not for sordid reasons. So let's just say that it's much, much better than they pay at the Ministry. There will also be opportunities for pillage, looting, theft, etc., and Christmas bonuses are guaranteed.

Does the Dark Mark hurt?

Of course it does; this is an evil society after all. What are you, a wimp?

Can the Dark Mark be removed by laser treatment?

No. Only a moron would ask such a stupid question.

But it can be temporarily obscured by a good-quality concealer. (Make sure it's a shade darker than your skin tone, as a lighter shade will simply draw attention to the tattoo. Pat translucent powder over the concealer to make it last longer.)

Is there a retirement age for Death Eaters?

You probably won't live long enough to have to deal with this problem.

Can I kill personal enemies or just opponents of Voldemort?

Murder is encouraged on principle; however, personal killings should be reserved for each individual Death Eater's free time, as obviously serving Lord Voldemort is much more important. Occasional massacre outings/ dark revels may take place as rewards for good (i.e. bad) behavior.

What should I do if Voldemort is defeated at the height of his powers by a one-year-old boy?

This circumstance is so unlikely that there is no point devising a protocol to deal with it.

The Death Eater Anthem (to be memorised by each new recruit as soon as possible). Please note that this tune should never, never, never, never be sung to the tune of "Blackadder," an inane Muggle television program to which we are completely oblivious and never watch. Honestly.

Who lurk beneath the undergrowth?
When all is dim and dark?
Who murder people in their beds
Or sometimes in the park?
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
Our blood is pure as pure!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
We all love Voldemort!
We serve the Dark Lord every day,
We're always very loyal
And if with us you don't agree
We'll boil you in hot oil!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
We're evil as can be!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
But if we're scared we'll flee!
Our curses are incredible.
We're known for our Morsmordres
And though our leader is insane
We always follow orders.
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
We're wickedness collective!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
Yet rather ineffective!

Health and Safety:

Being a Death Eater is naturally a dangerous job. Lord Voldemort accepts no liability for any pain/suffering/torture/impalement/loss of limbs/grievous bodily harm/disintegration/insanity/imprisonment/loss of soul/death which you may experience while in his service. No good will come of any attempts to sue him as a negligent employer. Trust us.

However, in order to protect members, these safety guidelines have been developed for Death Eaters both during leisure time and on missions for the Dark Lord:

Don't try to take out Harry Potter yourself. It is extremely presumptuous. Leave it to Lord Voldemort, who has much more practice.

Employ masterly deceit to conceal your allegiance to the Dark Lord: e.g., if someone accuses you of being a Death Eater, laugh carelessly and say: "No, I am not a Death Eater. Would you like a cup of tea?" This Machiavellian trickery should be enough to convince them.

If this does not convince your accuser, have them discreetly murdered. (Sussex and Fox Ltd, of 13, Knockturn Alley, run a very efficient assassination service and are currently offering cut-price deals for friends and associates of the Dark Lord. Present your membership card at the counter for further details.)

Keep your wand on you at all times, even if you are asleep/on a hot date/in the bath/on the beach/wearing very tight-fitting leather garments (or all of these at once).

Ostentatious indicators of evil, such as manic laughter/dressing entirely in black swooshy robes (Snape, this means you)/ making sinister comments/killing people should be practiced only in private.

If you suspect someone of being a spy, kill them and their family at the first opportunity. If it turns out they were not a spy at all, pass it off as a light-hearted practical joke.

Only eat food prepared by yourself or your faithful minions. Do not trust your spouse(s)/partner(s), no matter how pretty he/she/they may be.

Similarly, do not accept drinks from anyone. This may cause offense when visiting a pub or bar but it's better than being dead. Obviously.

Do not take off your mask for any reason while on a mission. If people see your face while you are conjuring the Dark Mark/ massacring etc, they may suspect that you are a Death Eater.

Do not try to smoke while wearing your mask, as it is not fireproof.

Never address your colleagues by name while on a mission. Survivors may recall it at a later date. For the same reason, never mention your address or telephone number to anyone you are kidnapping/raping/torturing/killing, no matter how attractive they may be. Evil relationship experts have stated that romance is unlikely to flourish under such circumstances anyway.

Burn all sensitive documents. Not only will this deter spies, it is also amusing as it contributes to global warming.

Set up an anti-Apparating spell round your residence (but make sure you have a Portkey handy so you're not embarrassingly trapped there if the place is attacked by Aurors).

Prepare a secret hideout for yourself should your cover be blown. Failure to do this may lead to your sharing a hideout with another Death Eating family, which often results in friction over use of bathroom facilities, television, etc.

Don't upset Lord Voldemort. It will only end in tears. (And multiple burns, fractured limbs, mortal torment, etc.)

HAHAHAHA! I laughed SO hard when I read that! So you wanna be a Death Eater? HAHAHAHAHA

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Foundling by decidedlypale reviews
Scott and his mom move away. Stiles is heartbroken, obviously, but in a platonic and hetero-lifemate kind of way. He expects to be ignored by the pack since his best friend is no longer his in, and worries that Lydia will go back to ignoring him, and that Jackson will go back to sippin' on his haterade, and Derek might actually kill him if he continues to hang around.
Teen Wolf - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 19,291 - Reviews: 103 - Favs: 225 - Follows: 401 - Updated: 1/3 - Published: 7/9/2012 - Stiles, Derek H., Boyd, Allison A.
Hailey Jenna Salvatore by ShutUpGirl13 reviews
Hi. I'm Hailey Jenna Salvatore. I have a secret. I'm a vampire. The year is 2083 and I don't know my parents. Well, not really. I mean I know who they are. But I don't know what they're like. But, that is until I bump into them in Mystic Falls while visiting a witch. My life just gets turned upside down as soon as I bumped into them and that one person said, "Hailey?".
Vampire Diaries - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 6,858 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 11/23/2013 - Published: 8/2/2012 - [Elena G., Stefan S.] [OC, Klaus]
How to Belong by MissWillow reviews
On a dark and stormy night, a baby was adopted by Esme and Carlisle Cullen. Now, sixteen years later, Hale Cullen starts to feel left out. In a story about discovering oneself, Hale will go through different trials and errors to find where he truly belongs
Crossover - Harry Potter & Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 41,803 - Reviews: 316 - Favs: 698 - Follows: 1,035 - Updated: 11/22/2013 - Published: 12/4/2011 - Harry P., Felix
Last To Know by DrPepperDiva reviews
Derek/Stiles. MPREG. Kink meme fill in which every werewolf and shapeshifter in Beacon Hills is aware that Stiles is pregnant before he is. And the first baby!werewolf being born into a pack is apparently a big freakin' deal, and excuse enough for everyone to lose their damn minds. Stiles figuring out why everyone is being so weird around him is just the beginning.
Teen Wolf - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 21 - Words: 58,772 - Reviews: 178 - Favs: 556 - Follows: 593 - Updated: 7/23/2013 - Published: 8/26/2012 - Derek H., Stiles
Pretending by MakingChanges reviews
He doesn't correct his doctor when she calls them a couple; he's too busy relishing in the moment of a nonexistent relationship. Stiles & Derek's relationship before after and during pregnancy. Slash, MPREG *but not main focus* don't like don't read.
Teen Wolf - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 33 - Words: 24,258 - Reviews: 256 - Favs: 328 - Follows: 266 - Updated: 7/9/2013 - Published: 1/18/2012 - Stiles, Derek H. - Complete
Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust by cabbageoriley reviews
Never trust a pixie. When Derek and Stiles are struck with pixie charms, they wake up in a world where everything has changed. Fem!Stiles, Human AU, no fire, All the parents are alive (Mama Stilinski, Mr. and Mrs. Hale), Baby on the way (but it's not mpreg since it's fem!Stiles)
Teen Wolf - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,823 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 6 - Published: 12/19/2012 - Stiles, Derek H. - Complete
Best Thing by 74days reviews
AU TeenWolf - In a world where the supernatural is widely known, The Others (or werewolves) are treated like Royalty. Every year, they pick a handful of people from nearby towns to Serve - unpaid. Stiles was one of the 'lucky' ones to get picked, although he's not very happy about it... Rated M for later chapters, Sterek - with a side of 'group sexy times'.
Teen Wolf - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 21 - Words: 62,461 - Reviews: 764 - Favs: 970 - Follows: 457 - Updated: 12/4/2012 - Published: 11/6/2012 - Stiles, Derek H. - Complete
Hero by LowlifeTheory reviews
Stiles waits for Derek to come home.
Teen Wolf - Rated: K - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 484 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 9 - Published: 10/16/2012 - Derek H., Stiles - Complete
Breathe On, Like A Fool by TheSaintRyan reviews
The holidays bring Stiles and Derek together.
Teen Wolf - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,042 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 7 - Published: 10/5/2012 - Derek H., Stiles - Complete
Fate Is Playful by LostDemonHeart reviews
Harry is saved from the Dursleys by strangers, just to find out he is actually one of their kind. How many mates will he have, when no submissive ever has been as strong as he is? HP/LM/DM/SS/TMR Yaoi, smut, sex, mpreg, lemon, creature-fic. Enjoy!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 36 - Words: 63,137 - Reviews: 755 - Favs: 811 - Follows: 1,013 - Updated: 9/27/2012 - Published: 5/23/2012 - Harry P., Severus S.
He Loves Me Not by Hazard0us reviews
In which Stiles friendzones Derek, and the pack wants to fix it.
Teen Wolf - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,059 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 78 - Published: 8/29/2012 - Derek H., Stiles
To Build A House by The Red Hoodie reviews
It's senior year and everything is fine. Except that it isn't, but it will be. Or that's what Stiles keeps telling himself. And there's only one person who can make sure that everything really will be fine.
Teen Wolf - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 20,419 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 139 - Follows: 23 - Published: 8/22/2012 - Stiles, Derek H. - Complete
Press It Till It Hurts by fwuzzfwuzz reviews
Jenny is gone, Trevor is gone, Rachel is barely there. Mike feels alone, and blames Harvey. Harvey thinks Mike is being an idiot. This fight was long overdue. Some Mike whumpage and protective Harvey.
Suits - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,018 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 10 - Published: 8/15/2012 - Harvey S., Mike R. - Complete
Ghost of You by The Red Hoodie reviews
Derek doesn't like to leave Stiles' room.
Teen Wolf - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,164 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 13 - Published: 8/12/2012 - Stiles, Derek H. - Complete
Coldhearted by Maddyson Ruby reviews
Sequel to Hotheaded! 13 years later in the run up to the Lahote/Ateara wedding, trouble is once again in Forks. The peace is disturbed by the appearance of a new pack in town and the threat of vampires is once again present in La Push, threatening Simone Lahote, imprint to the other Alpha. What will happen? How will our favourite hothead handle his little girls growing up?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 13,468 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 8/9/2012 - Published: 7/5/2012 - Paul - Complete
Twenty Two by The Red Hoodie reviews
It's someone's birthday and Stiles may or may not be skipping school to surprise them.
Teen Wolf - Rated: K - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,577 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 6 - Published: 7/16/2012 - Stiles, Derek H. - Complete
A Rhapsody of Stars by Anonymous is a pretty bad name reviews
Harry has always had a strange obsession with stars, secret to all but his closest friends. But he never truly believed that someone could understand him... Until a chance meeting with a centaur. Firenze/Harry
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Spiritual - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,330 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 110 - Follows: 166 - Published: 7/12/2012 - Harry P., Firenze
Shared Hearts by JayColin reviews
SLASH Bill/Harry/Charlie The sequel to 'Package Deal'. A year after the afternoon at Grimmauld Place, Harry, Bill, and Charlie are successfully navigating their unconventional three-way relationship, of course they still haven't told their friends or family just how close they've gotten...
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,439 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 163 - Follows: 203 - Published: 7/7/2012 - [Harry P., Bill W., Charlie W.]
Saturday Morning by lostinspacexx3 reviews
Harvey's client meeting gets rescheduled to Saturday morning, Mike watches Harvey get ready to go. Harvey likes kissing Mike too much though. Light Slash, Fluff. One-shot.
Suits - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 838 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 4 - Published: 7/4/2012 - Mike R., Harvey S. - Complete
Scared of Blood? by Maddyson Ruby reviews
Slight AU. Set in Breaking Dawn. She's been running all her life, what happens when she finally is forced to make a stop in Forks? Hiding from her father had always been her goal in life, right next to survive. "You're scared of blood?" he asked with a grin. Seth/OC. Imprint Story.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 10 - Words: 15,928 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 7/2/2012 - Published: 6/20/2012 - Seth - Complete
Treasure by Tigertopaz-Titanium Banana reviews
Adopted from Animehunter08! After a not-so-freak accident, Harry finds himself with only two friends from his old life and half a horse's body. Luckily, Firenze is watching after him… Slash, bestiality kind of…language MINI-HIATUS!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 8,391 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 90 - Follows: 135 - Updated: 5/29/2012 - Published: 8/30/2011 - Harry P., Firenze
We Could Happen by agentdouble0negative2 reviews
Derek starts to leave things in Stiles' room.
Teen Wolf - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,151 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 173 - Follows: 28 - Published: 5/27/2012 - Derek H., Stiles - Complete
Package Deal by JayColin reviews
SLASH Bill/Harry/Charlie - Bill and Charlie made a vow years ago that has resulted in them having to date the same person in order to be truly happy. The question is can Harry Potter handle a package deal?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,761 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 263 - Follows: 66 - Published: 2/21/2012 - [Harry P., Bill W., Charlie W.] - Complete
Blood Red Lies by SoxIxWillxLovexYou reviews
Bella Taylor is the new girl in Mystic Falls. She dosn't talk much and her nose is ALWAYS in a book.. So why can't Damon Salvator take his eyes off her? Maybe it's because.. She holds a shocking resemblance to... Damon x Oc Crap summery TT TT
Vampire Diaries - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,954 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 1/25/2012 - Published: 1/17/2012 - Damon S.
Never Forget by I-am-a-slash-addict reviews
During the Tri-Wizard Tournament Cedric is sent back to 1918 where he meets Carlisle Cullen. 90 years later Harry and his family move to Forks after the war and find a vampire Edward Cullen who has no memory of his life as Cedric Diggory. Slash, mpreg
Crossover - Harry Potter & Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 7 - Words: 22,110 - Reviews: 344 - Favs: 664 - Follows: 1,132 - Updated: 7/10/2011 - Published: 2/21/2010 - Harry P., Edward
Red Geraniums by CarlWard Contest reviews
Carlisle Cullen wakes up with a man in his bed.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 12,652 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 102 - Follows: 19 - Published: 2/19/2011 - Carlisle, Edward - Complete
Cullen Family Secret by AuroraAvelon reviews
Edward and Carlisle have a deep family secret that will astound twilight fans.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,898 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/6/2010 - Complete
Cinderella by thelittlepixie16 reviews
1st fan fic : i got the idea from the song "cinderella" by steven curtis Chapman. i reposted it after stupid me deleted it. summary... not so good. story...good
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 870 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Published: 7/28/2010 - Carlisle - Complete
Can't Make A Sound by hipsandcars reviews
Slash, MALE PREGNANCY, sequel to "Can't Tell Me Nothing" Jacob and Edward deal with the aftermath of their bonding and the return of Amabel. Rated M for language, mpreg and safety.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 13 - Words: 18,667 - Reviews: 219 - Favs: 202 - Follows: 152 - Updated: 7/24/2009 - Published: 9/12/2008 - Jacob, Edward - Complete
The Rose In The Dark by ManhattanWitch reviews
DRARRY. Mpreg!Harry, Sneaky!Lovable!Snape, SEVERITUS, Bad!Dumbles, Bad!Voldie, Alive!Sirius, Alive!Remus, HGPP, BZRW, HPDM, REALLY F-ING LONG.... The summary is inside- it is too long to fit here. R&R!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 10 - Words: 22,124 - Reviews: 268 - Favs: 286 - Follows: 542 - Updated: 6/8/2009 - Published: 4/8/2008 - Draco M., Harry P.
Aftermath by Kitai Shinsei reviews
In the aftermath of the war, there's only one person Harry wants to see.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,736 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 7 - Published: 7/12/2008 - Harry P., Teddy L. - Complete
Shinigami by just-Felton reviews
Harry gets a special visitor, when he’s asleep. OneShot. implied Mpreg, Lemon
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,480 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 194 - Follows: 26 - Published: 3/12/2007 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
Secret Out by MindStorm88 reviews
This is the sequel to Little Secret In which everyone finds out..and random mayhem ensues! LOTS OF SMEX! BE FOREWARNED!Evil laugh XD rated M for fluff, LEMONS! LOTS of LEMONS! boyxboy and some language! THIS IS NOW COMPLETE
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 22,990 - Reviews: 105 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 11/6/2006 - Published: 9/17/2006 - Draco M., Harry P. - Complete
You're Worth It by Lady Bahiya reviews
Happy 26th Birthday, Harry Potter!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,547 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 4 - Published: 7/31/2006 - Draco M., Harry P. - Complete
Somewhere to call home by Screamingsorrow reviews
Harry is suffering yet another abusive summer...slash, rape, abuse...
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,662 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 106 - Published: 6/10/2005
Of Dreams and Nightmares by A Typical Snarry Fan reviews
Please, just kiss me once, professor, I won't tell. Chapter 2 is up! Review and I'll give you a lemon!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,506 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 1/3/2004 - Published: 12/22/2003 - Harry P., Severus S.
Another Goodbye by Viscountess Babbles-On reviews
The light is slowly and inexorably losing ground to the dark, and Harry knows they are fighting a losing war. Whose turn is it to say goodbye?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,163 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Published: 10/23/2002 - Harry P.
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Cinderella Story: Forks addition reviews
When I was little I always loved the movie Cinderella. But little did I know was that that my life would turn into a small version of that...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,441 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/1/2012 - Edward
Fantasy Academy
Everyone thinks their different in some way. But the people here...aren't like you. And in some ways they aren't like me. See were different, but in a good way. We go to a different school, eat different foods, learn different things and believe in different things. But me...I'm the most different thing of all. My choices changed my life.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,802 - Published: 8/1/2012 - Jasper