Author has written 10 stories for Dead Space, Prince of Persia, Fallout, Slender, Misc. Games, Cartoon X-overs, Borderlands, Warcraft, Teen Titans, Mass Effect, BioShock, and Dragon Age.
Favorite Games: Mass Effect 1-3, Dragon age origins, Dead Space, Fallout 3, etc.
Favorite Books: Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Eragon, Pendragon
Hobbies: Playing video games, watching movies, writing (obviously), and reading
Favorite Game Character: Commander John Shepard (The Savior of the Galaxy)
Favorite Book Character: Saphira (The beast Dragoness)
1: Is it an animal? No. But it still need to be approached with caution.
2: Is it a mineral? No.
3: Is it a vegetable? Yes.
4: Is it smart? No.
5: Is it bigger than a breadbox? Sometimes.
6: Is it found in the forest? Yes.
7: Is it Furyfur? Definitely not. Nor is it M or any other friend that hates it.
8: Is it awesome? Never.
9: Is it hard to find? No.
10: Does it have purple hair? No, they usually have unnatural red hair.
11: Is it a hobo? Yes but no.
12: Are they dipheads? Oh yes.
13: Do they have bad taste? Yes.
14: Is it obvious that Ficthey've never read/watched anything good in their life? Yes.
15: Are they aware of how clueless they are? No.
16: Do other people know that they're looking at idiots when they walk by? No, because they're usually camouflaged, unless it's on their t-shirts.
17: Do they notice really obvious mistakes? No.
18: Will they ever get boyfriends/girlfriends? Boyfriends, no. Girlfriends, possibly but obviously they're not interested.
19: Do they think that all hot guys sparkle, they just use a lot of sunscreen so you can't see it during the day? I wouldn't know.
20: Is your word "Twilight fans?" Correctamundo!
--Copy and paste above on your profile if you hate Twilight fans.
20 Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In."
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks write, "for smuggling diamonds."
7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuations.
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is, "To go."
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme?
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream, "I won!, I won!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity... copy and paste this into your profile!
You know you live in 2008 when:
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave
2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don’t have a screen name or my space
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to your friends
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5, only to see that there is indeed no number 5
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly
12.) Copy and paste this into your profile if you fell for it, you know you did!
FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.
FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr./Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.
FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we really messed up … but that sure was fun!”
FAKE FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it’s yours.
FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”
FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
FAKE FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what’s wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!
FAKE FRIENDS: Make you say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will ignore this.
REAL FRIENDS: Will repost
I OWE MY MOTHER
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."
16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through say, "PICK ME, PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"
Things to Do in an Exam you Already Know That You are Going to Fail:
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
8. Come down with a BAD case of Torte’s Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when she/he is not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "F*k this!" and walk out triumphantly.
15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.
32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."
35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. Strike a pose first for added effect.
38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby.
40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.
41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it.
44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.
45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras.
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
RIP We shall remember
See that girl you just called fat? She is starving herself.
Re-Post this if you are against bullying. I bet 95% of you won't
Questions with Naruto fics
The executed fic
Okay, just out of curiosity where did this genre come from? Where did the whole idea that all of Konoha are dicks, kill Naruto, and he comes back to reap revenge? Who thought up the idea that every one but Naruto's LI are evil dicks and need to be cleansed from the world. It seems a forced way to put naruto against the "evil" of Konoha and how he must put them in their place. It looks like a means of avoiding the natural and already overused and moronic bashing of just the Konoha villagers and the seemingly nonexistent council. Now there seem to fics where some writers just give up and say "I don't feel like trying so, I'm going to make everyone evil." It's a little lazy.
then there comes the crossover fic that seems abundant. Kushina and Minato live and Naruto even has a twin/ younger sister. Sounds good so far right? Wrong. Apparently in every single one Kurama's (the nine tails) chakra is sealed in his sister and his soul in Naruto. If one ignores the impossibility of that scenario as chakra is physical and spiritual energy, ergo no soul no chakra. Therefor one cannot separate the soul from the chakra as it would be the equivalent of killing him. Even so the soul and power get separated, and then Naruto's parents neglect him for his sister. I'm going to allow the stupidity of that statement sink in. Minato and Kushina the two who were overjoyed with the very thought of having Naruto throw him to the side, forget that they never bought him anything, Naruto somehow self teaches himself to be an amazing ninja, cause he could do that in the show. And then there's the fact that the excuse for the neglect is that his sister needs more training because she has the chakra. Excuse me but it was deemed naruto wasn't ready to start learning to use the chakra until he was on the chunnin arc, what makes this bitch so special? And some how because Naruto has the soul he's beaten by the villagers (something that never happened in the actual show) but his sister, who has the power to LEVEL THE WHOLE VILLAGE gets a free pass. Then finally it turns Naruto into a whiny brat, sure being neglected sucks big time but the execution more than most times makes him look like a child.
Minato- what did this guy do? What atrocity has he commited to be bashed and called the bastard for sealing Kurama into Naruto. I'm sorry but for a moment screw the fact Naruto is the main character, it was either seal the nine tails or let the village he loves and leads burn. Sorry guys, but in a realistic sense this was the right thing to do. The needs of the many outweighs the needs of the few. And for those who say he could have come up with some other means of stopping the fox, I invite you to come up with another means of stopping the raging force of nature before it levels your home.
Kakashi- Really? This guy? People really feel the need to go after him, turning his enjoyable character into a cardboard cutout bad guy because he was "jealous Naruto stole his sensei's affections". Hmmm, nope. That's just stupid.
Sasuke- "He's emo! He's so arrogant an wants so steal all their Jutsu and never actually grow as a ninja. How can he be surrounded by all those girls and not capitalize on it?" The naysayers shout. One how about I have your brother slaughter whole family before your eyes and then physiologically torture you for god knows how long. Then why don't I force you to forever live in that house where your family was slaughtered with the festering hatred of the one person you looked up to and tell me how you turn out. Also arrogant? The whole Uchiha elite spiel is spoken minimally at best, and how many of the three times has he copied a jutsu? And on the subject of fangirls.
THEY ARE FANGIRLS!!!!
You want that fawning over you every single day of your school life? I thought not.
Fanfiction pet pevs
Main character good guy turns evil- this is something that really irks me to absolutely no end. The idea of turning the protagonist into a villain and thus is turned against the his friends and fights against them, or in some cases they all go turncoat and join the dark side. In every case I see this it is used as some kind of means to change things around, which is fine but I reLly can't get behind the idea that the main character is a bad guy who will inevitably win and do whatever he/she has set out to do. I don't want to see something about how the bad guy wins, if I did I'd watch the news or game of thrones. I expect my hero/anti-hero go go out and conquer evil.
On the topic of my stories.
Because I feel the need to explain this I have come to put this out to the world. All of the main character's in my fanfic's are OP.
Yeah I know its hard to put together what with Alex being able to lift a small car, use his Super Biotics(more or less), Jason being able to shoot the wings off a fly two continents away with a tank, Omega just going around slaughtering the general evil populace it must have been hard to see. Well I'm here to say that if any character of mine comes off as a bit Gary Stu (Which where the hell did that classification come from by the way?) it is maybe, perhaps, 90% of the time intentional. While I myself like the idea of their being a big struggle for the hero/heroine (Cuz some people will just eat me alive if I don't include that), I find it irritating the whole obligatory "Because I'm the villain I am stronger, faster, and always twenty moves ahead of you." I mean I'll use that from time to time to change things up a bit but god does it get dull when the villain is always one step ahead. Some times I just want a hero who bashes in the door, kills the bad guys and gets the girl/guy/loot/ect. Sure those kinds of stories can be stale and usually aren't that interesting. Well that is what I aim to change. The majority of my Fics are an attempt to take an OP character or a downright godlike character and make them interesting.
That is my goal with this. So if I pop out a Walking Dead where the main character is god, or a Naruto where he can take on the whole planet, and so on don't be surprised. Because I'm either going to try my hardest to make it interesting for you the reader.
Or its just me acquiescing to my inner five year old who just wants to see the bad guys lose. One of those two. So here's to the OP characters who are insulting labeled Gary Stu (For some reason), I shall strive to make you out to the fully fleshed character I know any 'Gary Stu' can be.