Author has written 1 story for Warriors.
Name: The Sea of Emerald
Age: 1-100 HAHA STALKERS!
Gender: Female or Fe = Iron Man = male. Therefore I am Iron man.
Status: Alive. Living in a shelter with food, water, and education. Oh and chocolate . . .
Living quarters: In a house with a roof and sturdy walls. And computers.
Diet: Lots of fresh chocolate and ice cream. Just kidding not really.
Really important message from the human: Just to tell you guys, I hardly ever go on Fanfiction. So that means this profile stays up for a while. If there are small grammatical or spelling mistakes, PM me. I go on my email often so I would be able to fix it right away. :PI know Fanfiction is a good website. Oh and I get 65% of my stuff on my sister's profile (Crystal Silvera). There are some side notes that are complete nonsense to my you.
Hey guys! I'm Sea of Emerald. My favorite hobbies are eating, going on the computer, reading Percy Jackson, and drawing! My sister is Crystal Silvera. Warning: I am a complete Percy Jackson nut. People usually think I'm older then I am. So yeah . . . I'm pretty young, and I do have some childish stuff on here. I just can't find it though. I like writing in cursive? There's nothing much special about me just another unique person. :) Note: I have an extended vocabulary (for my age). Since everyone talks like "I don't got no paper!" So don't be surprised when I start ranting in some old language.
Things I support: School, books, internet, Fanfiction, Percy Jackson, bookstores, sugar, chocolate, Howl's Moving Castle, and Spirited Away.
Things I disapprove:One Direction, Justin Bieber, One Direction, school lunches, and fast food.
Sorry guys :/ I have little explanations for each one, but alas, too lazy to explain. I'll somehow hint you in.
Well . . . Welcome to my profile. The stuff on my profile aren't very important. Minor details of my life. :P
Just another warning. . . I'm usually not canon. But I still like Percabeth.
PJO and HoO
Rick Riordan is a troll.
And this is my favorite series . . . yeah :P
Deltora Quest/Golden Door Trilogy/Rondo Trilogy
My sister sort of obsessed with this. READ IT. (I dare you) :) I am currently waiting to go to the book store to get The Third Door from the Golden Door Trilogy. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HAVE TO ORDER Battle of Rondo FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY!!
Hunger Games Trilogy
I liked the first book the best. Then it started getting kind of weird and Mockingjay was mainly about politics so it kinda bored me . . .
It's really good! :D Even though the plot is about the same every time. (Sea) rats attack, bloody battle, Redwall survives (with lots of food mixed in. SCONES!). . . But it is better than the Magic Tree House Series and the Rainbow Fairies. Only certain books have different plots.
Still haven't read the seventh book, even though I watched part one and part two at least twice.
Daniel X and Maximum Ride
These books for some reason never get boring. :T Daniel X is as good as Maximum Ride! }:3
I've stopped reading them . . . too many books. :P
Awesome books (some previously mentioned above) :D In no particular order:
The Hunger Games. Enough said.
The Golden Door (the Three Doors Trilogy)
The Silver Door (the Three Doors Trilogy)
Martin The Warrior (Redwall)
Legend of Luke (Redwall)
Key to Rondo (Rondo Trilogy?)
PJO and HoO
The Giver Quartet
Harry Potter series
Maximum ride series
Eragon (Inheritence Cycle or Eragon series which is not the right name)
Septimus Heap (Re-reading)
Daniel X series
The Adoration of Jenna Fox
The Skinjacker Trilogy
The Unwanteds (Looking for Island of Fire)
The Fault in our stars
Twilight saga??? (I'm not so sure if I like it or not. Do not judge young Potterheads, I am no Twihard)
I think that's it. I always have more but I never remember them. Ughh so frustrating.
Here's some facts about myself. Extremely vague.
Weirdness is epic.
I am the daughter of Hecate.
I exceed to fail at grammar.
Bd speling is ok.
My punctuation: is, terrible? (OK NOT THAT BAD)
I like Percy Jackson
I AM PERCY JACKSON. No that was a lie.
SWAG = Something We Asians Got.
Hope = Hoping that the next book that you are going to read is in the library.
SHUN ALL NON LOLS SHUN THEM ALL!
Bending the rules is good, breaking the rules is bad.
Pie is good for all!
I am a freak :)
Did I mention I like Percy Jackson??!! XD
50ish random facts about me (Much more specific)
1. I like Percy Jackson, a lot. It's my favorite series. I think HoO isn't as good as PJO... :P
2. Asian. Asian parents.
3. Crazy. I dislike being normal. Too hard. Short sentences easier. :)
4. I don't like pizza a lot. . . . I will eat it if I'm hungry. Then it magically tastes good.
5. Book nerd. Books are what I survive on. Other people: HOW DO YOU LIVE?! Me: Books :D
6. I am a half blood. Don't believe me? Check my wardrobe.
7. I love unicorns!
8. I have a pet coyote named Sam!! Or Bob . . . or Francis . . . I forgot. (Actually no, Bob is my awesome bloody wolf I drew . . .)
9. I like chocolate, a lot . . . even spicy dark chocolate. (don't ask)
10. I love flowers and cats! Even though I'm allergic to those things.
11. Movies I like: Rise of the Guardians, How to Train Your Dragon 1&2, Spirited Away, and Howl's Moving Castle. (I'm not a Jelsa freak)
12. Hate is a special kind of love I give out ;D Only made for certain people. It's usually wrapped in a really big, pink bow though.
13. Blue is my favorite color.
14. My favorite Harry Potter book is The Goblet of Fire.
15. If I could be any animal I would be a unicorn.
16. Favorite animal is a horse
17. Dictionaries hurt.
18. I need an editor for everything I write/type. :\ I utterly stink at grammar.
22. I'm pretty sure I'm not human. . . disregard 1/3 of 21.
23. Hecate is cool! But I :D
24. Libraries are awesome!
25. I have a hate/love relationship with computers.
26. Lives close to Hollywood. Haven't seen any movie stars.
27. Has a crazy family. (Almost brought a baby rocker to the beach . . .)
28. Books can be weapons. Books are actually the best weapons. EVER.
29. Why are you reading this? :/
30. I like to draw. :D Things normal humans should never draw. Ha ha ha . . .
31. I DISLIKE BROADWAY. THANKS TO MY SISTER'S ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY WONDERFUL FRIEND. (Ahem not.)
32. I have a life, I eat food, I live in a shelter! (Or do I??)
33. Favorite book: The Last Olympian
34. I LIKE FOOD!
35. I hate watching television. It burns brain cells.
36. Disregard 1/3 of 32 and 1/2 of 35. I have no life. :L And I like watching cheesy Chinese TV shows.
37. I could produce the same sound as a cat and a fork using a bagpipe. (Or a blender you know, but forks are more fun)
38. I show kindness by punching people really hard.
39. You don't want to meet my friends . . . }:)
40. Donuts are revolting. I only write about them because other humans seem to enjoy the sugary glaze on the deep-fried (EXTREMELY fatty) ring of dough. Does it sound so good now? And I eat donuts for breakfast. :) Aren't I confusing????
41. I HOPE I SAID I LIKE PONIES!!
42. I tolerate how adorable flamers are but, please don't leave me a long list about why you hate it and how much I suck and how boring it is. I will easily get bored with your little comments and chortle at your attempts to disgust me. If my fanfic is boring, I couldn't improve it in any other way. I'm sorry. I'm boring, yada yada yada . . .
43. I really dislike the modern popular songs in US now. I agree with my mom: It's just a bunch of screaming and hopping up and down people dressed like demons.
44. Why life so hard to find?!
45. My favorite number is 9. Who doesn't like the number 9?
46. The only things I even watch on T.V. are Korean/Chinese shows. Haha no I'm not Korean. They have Chinese captions below. Which I can read. Sort of.
47. My friends are absolutely crazy.
48. I'd rather go to school than stay home and sleep.
49. I hate needles.
50. I LIKE POTATOES! THEY TASTE GOOD! GOOD AND STARCHY. AHAHAHAHAAA.
(Found this on Crystal Silvera's profile so blame her if you don't like it :D)
I am a book freak, yes.
While I hole myself up in a good story,
you're off reading things from Facebook.
While I lose myself in unknown worlds,
you're off playing Minecraft or World of Warcraft.
While I learn things you cannot imagine,
you're off failing school and your teachers and family.
I know more about some characters than I do myself—
characters you will never know.
I can survive my whole life in a world—
a world you will never see.
I know the secrets of people, places, and creatures—
all of which you will never meet.
I could ruin your life, if I had the heart to and if you and I were in one of the worlds I know—
and you would never tell the difference.
I create worlds, people, creatures, but most of all lives with my words that you call another boring subject—
something you will never experience the joy and pride of.
I have ridden on dragons, outwitted darkness, eluded death a thousand times . . .
I have saved lives, used magic, unraveled deathly secrets that could start wars . . .
I have swum with the serpents, flown with the pegasi, howled with the wolves . . .
I have stood upon the moon, fought in great battles, discovered new universes . . .
I have relived long-gone lives, shaped new destinies, guided the paths of others . . .
I have stepped into other worlds, become other creatures, experienced unimaginable things . . .
I have lived through wars, living nightmares, the worst of tragedies . . .
I have felt the joy, pride, and elation of just—knowing.
Knowing the fact that you would never learn what I have.
And never have I moved a single inch, as long as I read.
Yet you claim that all of this is boring—
Boring, stupid, sad, uncool, dumb, and more.
You say that this is something no one can like.
And yet, here I stand, holding a book.
If you agree with what I have written, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name: Crystal Silvera, The Sea of Emerald
Scary Things Little Kids Love (XD I noticed Santa was a stalker!!) (BUT I LIKE RISE OF THE GUARDIANS)
1. Santa—A big fat guy sneaking down your chimney stealing your cookies and milk or whatever who knows when you're sleeping, when you're awake, and if you've been bad or good? Can somebody say stalker already?
2. Halloween—364 days of the year your parents tell you not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween it's encouraged? Also, who knows if one of those weapons are real?
3. Fourth of July—Children are allowed to play with fire and explosives. Real smart, parents, real smart.
4. The Tooth Fairy—A magical being who sneaks into your house at night and encourages kids to sell body parts.*
5. The Easter Bunny—A bunny who gives you candy-filled eggs. Well, actually this one isn't that scary. Just plain not right.
6. Barney—He's a big purple dinosaur who once took kids to the moon. Need I say more?
ONLY IN AMERICA...
...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance
...are there handicap parking spaces in front of ice-skating rinks
...sick people go to the back of Walgreens to get their medicine, while healthy people get their cigarettes in the front
...people buy hot dogs in packs of 10 and hot dog buns in packs of 8
...do the banks leave both doors wide open and then chain the pens to the counter
...can people order a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a Diet Coke
...do people leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway, and keep their junk in locked storage garages
...do people use answering machines to screen calls, and then have call waiting so they won't miss the calls from somebody they don't want to talk to in the first place
...is the word "politics" used to describe the progress so well; "poli-" in Latin means "many" and "tics" means "blood-sucking creatures"
...do we have Fourth of July, where explosives and fire are encouraged and treated as entertainment and a holiday
THINGS YOU NEVER WANT TO HEAR WHILE UNDERGOING SURGERY:
1. "Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy."
2. "Someone call the janitor—we're going to need a mop."
3. (My favorite XD) "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!" Cough Hades.
4. "Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad dog!"
5. "Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?"
6. "Hand me that . . . uh . . . that uh . . . uh . . . thingy."
7. "Oh no! I just dropped my Rolex." Pause. "Shall I fetch it?"
8. "Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?"
9. "Damn, there go the lights again . . ."
10. "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of them."
11. "What do you mean you want a divorce?!"
12. And the by far worst one: "Oooooooops!"
Hilarious way to "learn" Chinese!
LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES (I saw this on Google Plus, too XD)
Say the words out loud. Have fun! :D
Things to Ponder:
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? (VAMPIRES! ZOMBIES! YES THERE IS A REASON! For believers)
I wonder why people say "life is so short" when life is the longest thing that you will ever experience?
You can't have everything . . . really, where would you put it?
If curiosity killed the cat, then what about its other eight lives? (Haha, only if it were a leader!)
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that doctors call what they do a "practice"?
Isn't it funny how the word "politics" is made up of the words "poli" meaning many and "tics" as in the bloodsucking creatures?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, then is that considered a hostage situation?
So what's the speed of dark?
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station . . .
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food? (. . . Why are there two already about cats?)
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? (Cruel people! Couldn't say 'lisp' without showing I have a lisp-ish!)
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
If the opposite of "pro" is "con", then would "congress" be the opposite of "progress"?
If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
What disease did cured ham have?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do alarm clocks “go off” when they start making noise?
Why do we yell “Heads up!” when we should be yelling “Heads down!”?
How can something be both “new” and “improved”?
Why do we shut up, but don't quiet down?
How did the “Keep Off the Grass” sign get there in the first place? (LEVITATING HUMANS!!!)
What happens when Pinocchio says that his nose is going to grow?
What color does a Smurf turn when you choke it? (Hot pink . . . duh)
Do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
If knees bent the other way, what would chairs look like? (Backwards obviously)
How come Superman would stop bullets with his chest, but ducked when people threw stuff at him?
If it's zero degrees today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why is it an adult with the mind of a child is locked up and put in an asylum, while children are allowed to run in the streets?
How come schools say they don't allow weapons but give all students textbooks?
So when did time begin, and when will time end?
Why do parents tell their kids not to accept candy from strangers 364 days and then on Halloween they encourage it?
If two foots are called feet, then why do we say "footballs" instead of "feetball"?
Why is the word "cheese" considered random?
How come people say that "the sky's the limit" when people have been on the moon?
If silence is golden, then what color is loud? (Oh you know . . . hot pink)
How do scientists know the colors dogs see in? They're not dogs, are they?
Why are apartments called "apartments" when they're all stuck together?
How come we drive on parkways, and then park on driveways?
If swimming is so good for your figure, then how do you explain whales?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Nothing rushes, right?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah just swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that's used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular pencil, why is it still #2?
If sleep is so good for your brain, why isn't it allowed in school?
Why are snacks called "fun-sized" when there's nothing "fun" about getting a smaller potion of food?
If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?
Why are pregnant goldfish called twits?
Who made up the word "awkward"? And "pianist"?
Whoever thought of the words poco ritardondo?
How do you know if your pen's out of invisible ink?
If Walmart is lowering prices daily, then how come none of it is free yet?
Why does the psychic hotline ask for your credit card number? Shouldn't they already know it?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
Why is it called quicksand when it sucks you down very, very slowly?
Why are they called marbles if they’re made out of glass?
If everyone lost five pounds at the same time, would it throw the Earth out of its orbit?
What color hair do bald men put on their driver’s license?
How do you know when it’s time to tune your bagpipes?
How do you throw away a garbage can?
Why do we put our suits in a garment bag and our garments in a suitcase?
When two airplanes almost collide, why is it a “near miss”? Shouldn’t it be a “near hit”?
Is there another word for "synonym"?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If truth is stranger than fiction, then how strange are lies?
If a taxi has to go backwards, does the driver owe you money?
Why losing your pen is a death sentence
Lost your pen = no pen
QUICK BUY ALL THE PENS IN WALMART!!!!
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space -- Reader's Digest
Letters the Mailman Forgot to Deliver
(Same goes for Bing . . . LOL, LET'S BING IT! . . . Ha, Yahoo! still sounds more stupid.)
Dear Twilight fans,
Dear Lost Keys,
Dear Cursed Black Hole At the Bottom of My Backpack,
Dear Slowest Walkers in the World,
Mental Hospital Phone Menu
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn
If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just
(XD the last one is so mean!)
Ever come up with an idea that will make you a fortune, only to discover that some jerk's beaten you to it? Stinks, right? Here are examples from
I was wearing sunglasses, but the sun was still too bright. It gave me an idea for a portable roof-like device over one's head that could be propped up on the shoulders. Better yet, it could be worn on the head and extended forward to keep the sun our of one's eyes! Then it hit me: I'd just invented the hat.
I was playing disc gold when I threw the disc into some underbrush. I told my friend, "We should make a device that could find the disc, grab it, and bring it back to you." And that's how I invented the dog.
I was paddling a canoe when I came up with this: a machine that rows for you! My buddy said,"They already have those. They're called motors."
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.
If you're a person who is longing for an adventure like the ones you read in books, copy and paste this to your profile.
Lief: *gasps in shock* "Barda, I think we're in the wrong story!"
If you believe in magic, copy and paste this into your profile
98% of the world would have a breakdown if Justin Bieber was on the top of the Eiffel Tower saying he's gonna jump. Post this if you're one of the 2% sitting in the front, eating popcorn while yelling, "DO A FLIP!!!!"
95% Of the girls in the world would cry a river if Justin Bieber was chosen for the Hunger Games, repost this If you are the 5% that would just volunteer just to chase him around with a (very) pointy stick!
If you actually like math copy this onto your profile!
IF YOU WANT A WARRIORS MOVIE, COPY AND PASTE THIS TO YOUR PROFILE AND ADD YOUR NAME TO THE LIST: Squirrelflightlover, Dreamnorn.uplate, Nianque, AuthorAnomalous, Mosstail21, Brightsun, A Harry Potter Lovin Girl, RainEpelt, SwiftStar1, The Sea of Emerald
cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs cpoy and psate it in yuor pofrile
Ninety-five percent of kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley bored, Gem W, Bara- Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Carzy Billie Joe loving freak, shadow929, The Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/ fairy to be, The Gypsy- Pirate Queen, MCR Rocks, Andrew Laplante, MajorDxSFanatic,teh queen of randomness, Xannijn, powderedsugar, Black Wolf-Dog, Fluff's Lady, night flame miko, TinaFrostDahMuffinburger,SwiftStar1, The Sea of Emerald
If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you wish you were a Clan cat, copy this to your profile and add your name to the list: Troublestripe, Loyalflame, Firestar's Gal, Amberstar-Leader of SkyClan, Sparkling, The Sea of Emerald
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, evil or annoying, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you ever wished you could live in a story, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, copy this into your profile
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.
If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you're a girl and get sick and tired of guys assuming that you're weak and can’t fight, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you know how to laugh at yourself, copy and paste this onto your profile
If you are random, and you don't care, copy and paste this to your profile
If you love rainstorms, copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever wondered what the afterlife is like, copy this into your profile
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. A lot of times XD It takes skill :3
If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.
I would slap you, but that's animal abuse.
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. I am Weird and PROUD OF IT!
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it..
It doesn't matter whether the glass is half empty or half full, just drink it and get it over with!
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.
If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then copy and paste this in your profile.
If you hug cute toys when no one's looking, paste this to your profile.
If you wish you were a Clan cat, copy this to your profile and add your name to the list: Troublestripe, Loyalflame, Firestar's Gal, Amberstar-Leader of SkyClan, ExplosionsAreFun, The Sea of Emerald
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. Quote it. Now! "As he leaped, Finn had thrown a small object back onto Deck 4." From Kingdom Keepers Dark Passage by Ridley Pearson.
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What's there? Printer.
3. What is the last thing you watched on T.V? Uh . . . Chinese T.V. show . . .?
4. Without looking, guess what time it is! 3:10?
5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 3:11
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? My little sister playing with bells. O_o
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? Yesterday at 4:50-ish going for swimming lessons.
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at? Looking through my sister's profile looking for things to copy and paste. :l
You like being in charge. (Half, I got used to being a younger sister)
You often wish you could just zap someone with a thunderbolt. (:D Fun. Never thought of that before though.)
You were voted Class President. (Nope I don't even attempt)
You do what’s best for everyone.
You think you have what it takes to run for President.
You think every problem has a solution. (Half)
You love showing off. (Hehe)
You like plane rides. (Fun but tiring)
You are hydrophobic. (WATER IS MY FRIEND!!)
Total: 4 1/2
You feel at home in the water. (TOTALLY!)
Your favorite vacation place is at the beach.
You enjoy snorkeling, scuba diving, surfing, etc.
You want to do something about the marine species being abused today.
You visit the local pool on a regular basis. (I don't have a pool where I live ;-;)
You swim professionally. (I wish)
You hate seafood. (Some I like)
You never get seasick. (After two hours I get a little)
You are acrophobic. (Scared of heights)
Total: 6 DARN.
You’re not that much of a people person. (What?!)
You like staying in the dark and writing poems. (I don't write poems O.o)
You experience bad moods on a regular basis. (Hmm true)
You like listening to loud, angry music. (No. Just no)
You spend most of your time alone. (Half)
You like to keep to yourself.
All your closets are padlocked.
You write in diary/journal.
You feel most active at night.
Total: 2 1/2
You own a garden.
You like the great outdoors. (More of an indoor person)
You have a green thumb. (Everything I touch, dies)
You’re an environmentalist.
You’re a vegetarian. (I like meat)
You like going hiking, camping, and looking at the natural wonders of the world. (It is beautiful)
You always check a product if it’s environmentally-friendly.
You love going to flower shops.
You think global warming is a threat that must be dealt with
Total: 3 Meh
You often start fights.
You’re a very aggressive type of person. (Sometimes)
You like watching wrestling.
You’re competitive. (Yes, but I usually lose)
You like reading about war.
You don’t take crap from anybody.
You have anger management.
You never back away from a fight.
You don’t always think before you do something. (Do that a lot)
Total: 2 1/2
You have an insatiable thirst for knowledge. (I personally think I'm dumb)
You’re one of the only people who visits the library on a regular basis.
Half of your Christmas presents last year were books.
You like reading about war, mostly about the reasons and controversies behind it.
You’re the valedictorian in your class.
You’ve never gotten a grade below 90 in your report card.
You get political jokes without asking people to explain them. (Whaaaa. . . ?)
You have a huge shelf of books at home.
You think vinyl pocket protectors are useful. (What ARE those?!)
Total: 5 Not bad. . . . :(
You’re very creative and artistic. (Sure)
You like listening to all kinds of music in general. (I don't listen to music)
You always feel sunny and optimistic. (Nope, deep, damp, and sad)
You are talented at drawing. (People say I'm really good, I think I draw terrible. Better than most people though)
You like writing poetry. (My sister does that)
You can play at least 3 musical instruments. (Can play two)
You like going to art museums. (Perrty!!)
You have straight As in Art on your report card. (Don't have Art in my report card)
Your school notebook has more doodles than notes. (XD)
Total: 4 Meh
HUNTER OF ARTEMIS
You dislike boys in general. (Uhh. . .)
A deer is one of your favorite animals
You like silver.
You like the moon better than the sun.
Zoe Nightshade is awesome.
You love wild animals.
You spend most of your time outdoors.
You love to move around the place.
Hunting is not cruel.
You have a way with tools.
You build awesome things during your free time.
You’re the best at Woodshop in your class. (Don't have one)
Metalworking is your forte.
You have your own toolbox.
You’re a techie.
You often have carpentry projects.
You dream of being a carpenter.
You aren’t afraid of fire.
Total: 0 SORRY HESPHAESTUS!!
Every guy/girl swoons for you. (I exceed at failing at that!)
You like putting on makeup. (UGH)
You naturally smell good. (I smell terrible)
You never experience a bad hair day. (O.o)
Your favorite activity is clothes-shopping. (BLEH)
You’re always at the front of every trend. (Actually, my clothes are at the end of every trend. Oh you know . . . fashionable around the 1900)
You’re the popular girl/guy at your school. (Popular among the unpopular)
You love romance (Yuck)
You look at yourself in the mirror on a regular basis. (I try to not stare at the mirror too long)
Total: 0 No love for love!
You like pick pocketing your friends.
You’re a prankster.
You’re a speed demon. (Slow D:)
You consider yourself restless.
You like thinking on your feet and using your wits.
You’re inventive and resourceful.
You often start arguments.
You’ve never lost a debate.
You like making witty and sarcastic statements.
Total: 2 Heh. . .
You’re the life of the party.
You like wine. (Underage)
You’ve probably tasted every alcoholic drink out there. (Underage)
You can finish a martini in less than a minute. (Underage)
You have a happy, cheerful disposition. (What?)
You’re a foodie. (Food is good!)
You like going to social events and mingling with people. (Mingling? Fail)
You like trying out new food. (le hobby eating food)
You feel that you’re abundant in life.
You think that too much of anything is bad.
Total: 2 mainly because I like food.
Being called "crazy" is a compliment (No freaking duh it is!)
You like magic (I like Harry Potter)
You like Harry Potter and/or other fantasy books
You hate when people think you're the bad guy (Bad guys aren't really 'bad.' They have reasons you know . . .)
You dress dark, but your personality is cheerful and happy (I like black :3)
You couldn't care less about fashion
Teddy bears are lethal in your hands
You like being different from everybody else
You can spend hours a day debating something ridiculous (With my sister. Always my sister, always will be)
Total: 9 YAY! =D
Quotes I see on this site:
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
I write for the same reason I breathe—if I didn't I would die.
Flying is easy. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
We should all take a lesson from crayons: Some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, some are new and some are old, all are different colors, but they still learn to all live in the same box.
Weird people are like rainbows—colorful, unique, interesting, and mysterious against the plain old sky. The sky is like normal people—same old, same old all around, at first interesting but then boring after too long and always being covered up by clouds.
SHUT UP VOICES OR I'LL POKE YOU WITH A FORK!
Be nice to people. They outnumber you 6.5 plus billion to one.
It doesn't matter if the cup is half full or half empty—it's poison both ways!
Dinosaurs getting wiped out wasn't an accident! Barney came along and they all committed suicide.
There are three types of people in this world: those who can count/do math and those who can't.
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me!
I tried being normal, but I didn't like it.
I don't obsess; I think intensely.
Not obsessed. Just extremely dedicated.
I'm not paranoid . . . WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense. Reality, I'm not so sure.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away . . . if well aimed.
WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps . . . I tend to walk into walls and off the occasional cliff.
At my lemonade stand, I used to give the first glass free and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote.
The Mustache Life and Lemons:
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
The statistics of insanity is that one in every four Americans is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If it's not them, it's you.
I didn't fall, I just threw myself on the floor!
Doctors say I have multiple personality disorder. We disagree with that.
Don't mess with me: I've got a stick. (Jayfeather . . .)
Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
Forgive your enemies—it's what will annoy them most.
Real girls aren't perfect, and perfect girls aren't real. You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie or make up a Mary-Sue.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.
If at first you do not succeed, destroy all evidence that you did.
Think about perfection this way: If everyone was perfect, we'd have a world of Mary-Sues and Gary-Stus. Now that, my friends, is what I call scary.
Best friends are the people that know all about you and still put up with you.
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.
The world is full of crazy people. They made me their leader. MUAHAHAHAHA!
Bending the rules is good . . . breaking the rules is bad.
I dream of a better tomorrow—a tomorrow where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned.
People tell me I'm weird and I say, "You just figured that out? Wow you're slow . . ."
Just say no to drugs. Because if drugs are talking to you, you've probably had too many.
In order to lose your mind, you have to have one in the first place.
I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
Two things are infinite; human stupidity and the universe. Not so sure about the last one, either.
They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well I think guns help. I mean if you stood there and yelled "BANG!" I don't think you'd kill too many people.
Whoever said words don't hurt never got hit by a dictionary.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed, I tell you!
Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner! Person #2: Too bad the world is round!
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
I've got ADHD and Magic Markers. Oh the fun I will have! (More like Oh the destruction I will wreak!)
Whoever said "nothing is impossible" has never tried slamming a revolving door.
Wanna know how to keep an idiot busy? Take him into a round room and tell him to sit in a corner.
Chocolate is the answer no matter what the question is. Sorry, I didn't hear your question . . . wait, CHOCOLATE!
If you're reading this then you're not dead. Good for you.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
I'm a lover, not a fighter, but I'll fight for what I love.
IT'S THE SUGAR TALKING, I SWEAR!
Money does not truly buy happiness, but it pays for my Internet, which is pretty much the same thing.
That, my children, is called a wall. But beware—the wall is solid. Yes, be afraid! Be very afraid for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before.
You say I'm not cool. Cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.
We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!
I used to think that the whole world was against me. Now I know that's not true. Turns out some of the smaller countries are neutral!
Some people are like trees—they take fifty years to actually grow up.
I don't think I can ever stab someone. I mean, let's be honest. I can barely get the straw in the Capri Sun.
When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half!
Please note: Christmas is canceled—apparently you told Santa you were good this year . . . and he died laughing.
"Sir, we're surrounded!" "Excellent, we can attack in any direction!"
Don't you dare tell me the sky's the limit when there's footprints on the moon!
If you don't like me, there's nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash honey: I don't live to please you.
Normality will be restored as soon as we figure out what it is.
Okay, I'm weird! But I'm saving up to become eccentric.
Don't knock on death's door. Ever heard of ding dong ditch? He hates that.
I used to have superpowers, but my therapist* took them away.
-*Speaking of therapists . . . therapist: the/rapist (scary thought O.o)
I'm not insane . . . I just do whatever the voices tell me to. See, they're talking to me right now . . . yes, voices. . . . Okay, time to kill you!
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.
The newscaster is the person who says, "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
Forecast for tonight: Darkness.
A recent survey stated that the average person’s greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you’re telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy. Wow.
I don't have a short attention span, I just—ooh, a kitty!
Boys don't fall for me. I trip them.
Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.
I am NOT saying you're stupid . . . I'm just implying it.
My imaginary friend thinks you have some serious mental problems.
I'm not lost, I'm exploring.
Last night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars and I thought . . . WHERE THE HECK IS THE CEILING?!
Smile—it makes people wonder what you're up to.
Always proofread to make you sure you don’t any words out.
It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces.
When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's actually a meteor hurtling toward Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.
"There are 1000 ways I could kill you, and 941 of them hurt." "So what do the other 59 of them do? Tickle?"
One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you.
Be insane—well-behaved people never made history.
Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and heck is afraid I'll take over.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it!
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who'll be laughing then, eh?
Of course I'm not normal! Where have you BEEN for the last two decades?!
I didn't lie! I just created fiction with my mouth!
Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa (or cacao) beans, and all beans are a veggie?
I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
It's you and me versus the world . . . we attack at dawn.
Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you just keep on talking.
If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
Sarcasm isn't an attitude, it's an art.
Knowing I had to crawl all the way up the mountain makes the view so much better. (Happens to me a lot)
I've reached the top of the mountain. It's time for me to make a pair of wings and GO HIGHER.
If you don't understand how someone could love their sibling and want to wring their necks at the same time . . . then you were probably an only child.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Sometimes I lie awake at night asking myself what I've done wrong, then the voice in my head (ANGEL!! XD) says, "This is going to take more then one night . . ."
After Monday and Tuesday, the calendar always says: W T F (SO defines our life)
Move on. It's just a chapter in the past. But don't close the book, just turn the page.
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present.
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people seem bright until they speak.
If I had one wish, obviously I'd wish for unlimited wishes!
Whatever you do, always give 100% . . . unless you're donating blood.
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
If zombies eat brains . . . you and I are safe.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils in the end . . .
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Mothers, the best thing in the world. We love them.
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me MORE IRONY.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity:
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"
5. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. When you drop a pen, don't pick it up. When someone reaches to pick it up for you, scream, "YOU THIEF, THAT'S MINE!!!"
7. (My favorite) Finish all your sentences with, "In accordance with the prophecy."
8. Skip down the hall rather than walk and see how many looks you get.
9. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
10. Specify that your drive-through order is "To go."
11. Sing along at the opera.
12. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
13. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.
14. When the money comes out the ATM, scream, "I won!! I won!!!"
15. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives! They're loose!!"
16. (Another favorite, as it sounds like something that could happen to me XD) Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
17. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity . . .
Copy and paste this to make people who read bios smile.
Note to self x100 (really, really weird but usually funny):
1. Do not introduce self as roleplaying character in public
2. Do not talk to fictional characters in public
3. Do not answer fictional characters in public
4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public
5. Do not go out in public
6. Disregard above note. Perform numbers 1 to 4 (LOL)
7. Note expressions
8. Don't die alone. Take many people with you
9. Floor is slippery when wet
10. (My favorite) Lake is slippery when dry
11. Only talk to strangers you know
12. Strangers you don't know are spies. . . . Kill them all
13. For legal purposes be sure to delete above note
14. Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you
15. Kill them for security purposes
16. Crying does not solve anything. Try violent mood swings
17. Make a scene whenever humanly possible
18. The men in white coats are not your friends
19. Ask them for a room with lots of sharp, pointy objects
20. When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket
21. Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning
22. Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing . . . right?
23. Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age
24. Always remember, um . . . um . . . Darn
25. Train an army of flying monkeys
-. . . This ring a bell to anyone? Flying monkeys? (Then again, I have an Ozian friend . . .)
26. Goldfish don't like milk. Rather, they will die upon contact
27. Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits
28. Find out who invented the word "pianist"
29. People are staring at you
30. So act insane
31. People are weird, but not as weird as me
32. Do not taunt animals at the zoo. They have feelings . . . and teeth—lots of it
33. Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people
-Side note: That reminded me of something my amazing (not) friend (Elphaba Lynn Daae) told me about Les Mis . . . "There's this ten-year-old kid and he's like, 'LITTLE PEOPLE ARE STRONG!!!' Guess what? Five minutes later into the movie, he dies."
34. Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experience. Do this as much as possible
35. You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry. It's only me . . . bonding
36. Never pet a burning dog
37. Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you are wearing a parka
38. Naked men dig parkas
39. Beware the naked man who offers you his parka
40. You know what would look good on you?
41. Immolated cockroaches
42. Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug
43. The size of Danny DeVito
44. Making an amusing facial expression. Like this
45. Numbers are evil. Count in clovers
46. Stalking is fun. Do it more
47. Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree!"
48. (Another favorite) No matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world
49. . . . And that way is rum
50. You cannot kill the elements
52. Likewise, you cannot kill the snow
53. But the elements and the snow can both kill you (LOL SNOW)
54. Grass can also kill you
55. The leprechaun on the cereal box said I can't get his lucky charms . . .
56. Catch and castrate leprechaun
57. HE is real. . . . No matter what the men in white coats say
58. Staple paper in the middle of the page
-Side note: That happened in my class once . . .
59. In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally
60. You are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that
61. Pretend to be so around teh n00bs
62. Do not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul sucking demon
63. Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?
64. Ask Senior Diablo for a bigger pitchfork
65. Remember to kill HIM . . .
66. Tell the small children in Toys 'R' Us that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood
67. Note reactions. Avoid parents and their lawyers
68. The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory
69. Scream, and if the doctors don't like it, they'll give you a shot of something nice
70. Hide the bodies, otherwise people ask embarrassing questions
71. Eat all evidence
72. But not if it's broken glass
73. When in the presence of someone much wiser than you, point in a random direction and yell, "Look, a distraction!" Then run
74. Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats kids
75. Disregard last note
76. Note reactions and avoid parents
77. On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year
78. Stock up on ballpoint pens
79. Learn to fly. Tell no one
80. The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing
81. Do not stick fingers into blender
82. Blender . . . Bad . . . Ouch
83. Blood loss is bad
84. Find way to reattach fingers
85. Scream as much as humanly possible at 2 A.M.
86. Answer every question with a question
87. Ask people what gender they are
88. Note reactions
89. Refer to people as "mortals"
90. The Seagull From Hell is out to get me
91. Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible
92. Start by drowning them in fire ants
93. Find the creators of pop-up messages and annoying ads
94. Kill them
95. Brutally (as described in 91 & 92)
96. Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination
97. Dunk head in boiling water
98. Disregard last note. Was written by Voice #7
99. Gullible IS written on the ceiling!
100. Investigate this whole "critical mass" thing when the klaxon dies down. . . .
Epic stuff from Reader's Digest (yes, I read some it . . . in the past tense. Our subscription—well, my dad got rid of it. DX)
From Laugh! :) [page 184 of RD March 2011]
If you are always straightening things, you have OCD. If you are always eating things, you have OBCD.
Huh?? Dumb Book Titles [from page 124 of RD June/July 2011]Collectible Spoons of the Third Reich An Intellectual History of Cannibalism Father Christmas Needs a Wee The Changing World of Inflammatory Bowel Disease Afterthoughts of a Worm Hunter
The 411 on 911 [from page 82 of RD October 2011]
Dispatcher: Nine one one. What is your emergency?
Dispatcher: Nine one one.
Oh, Sweet Justice!: A Facebook mom teachers her son a valuable lesson [from page 98 (Life's Funny That Way) of RD October 2011]
Hi, this is XXXXX's mom. I wanted to let all of you know that he is no longer allowed on Facebook because of choices he made today. He posted on Facebook personal information about someone that, regardless if it was true or not, was rude. Because he chose to try and make her mad by spreading personal information, I thought he should know how it feels when the tables are turned. He wet the bed until he was eight.
Also from "Life's Funny That Way" of RD October 2011 [on page 115] :
After an enthusiastic recommendation from my wife, I began listening to the audio-book version of Frank McCourt's Teacher Man.
From At Ease!: The RD/Stars & Stripes contest for the funniest military story [on page 138 of RD October 2011]
It was Easter Sunday at our military chapel. The pastor called the children to the front and told them the story of how Jesus was crucified by the Romans, his body placed in a tomb, and the front covered by stone. "But on the third day," he said, "the stone was rolled away, and Jesus was not there. Do you know what happens next?"
(XD Romans! HoO)
Actual court dialogue that proves human stupidity:
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Nothing but the truth!
PROSECUTOR: How fast was the car coming toward you?
WITNESS: I am not a thermometer, so I can't tell you the speed limit
ATTORNEY: What did the doctor tell you was the condition of the body when he performed the autopsy?
WITNESS: He described it as dead.
PROSECUTOR: Do you see the defendant in court today?
WITNESS: Yes, I do.
PROSECUTOR: How is he dressed?
WITNESS: He looks pretty sharp.
PROSECUTOR (addressing the court) The People have evidence that the life of the witness is in heopardy, and it is reasonable to apprehend he will not be able to attend the trial if he is not alive at the time
COUNSEL (to man in hallway) Are you a witness, victim or defendant?
MAN: I'm the guy who did it.
Q: Were you involved in a romantic relationship with her?
A: I ain't involved in no romantic relationship with her. I'm married to her
COUNSEL: (to witness) are you tell the truth?
PROSECUTOR: Objection; irrelevant
Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not disturb.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the ends of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I could see you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and i together. Woman: Really? I'd put f and u together.
Man: Your eyes, they're amazing. Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.
Man: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Woman: About as much as when you got kicked out of Hell.
Girls, copy and paste this on your profile! ;D
A VERY WELL DONE EEVEE!
... ... .HHH ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...H;H ... ... ...
Eevee Power! Help Eevee take over the world by pasting this on your profile. Credit goes to EeveeInHeat! Crystal Silvera made a few edits of her own. Find original on EeveeInHeat!
TWO THINGS I ADAPTED FROM Google POSTS:
THIS IS AMAZING!
COPY AND PASTE THIS MESSAGE TO YOUR PROFILE
within 3 minutes
I TRIED IT TWICE AND IT WORKED BOTH TIMES
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENED!!!!
THIS REALLY WORKS!
PASS THIS ON MORE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW
Who are we? MOTHERS!
What do we want? TO ASK OUR KIDS TO DO STUFF!
When do want it? WHEN THEY'RE PLAYING ON THE COMPUTER!!!
-Come on, we all know that's true! XD
Our beloved Common Sense . . . we will miss you.
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Kissing is healthy. Bananas are good for period pain. It's good to cry. Chicken soup actually makes you feel better. 94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers. Lying is actually unhealthy. You really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes. It's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you. 89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move. It's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed. Chocolate will make you feel better. Most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing. A good friend never judges. Boys aren't worth your tears. We all love surprises. Now... make a wish. Wish REALLY hard!!WISH WISH WISH WISH! Your wish has just been received. XD haha not. These kind of things amuse me.
OoOoOooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOcOoOoOoOo FIND THE C!
Blah Blah Blah. WELCOME TO THE END OF MY PROFILE. Find a longer version on my sister's profile. That will keep you entertained. One last thing. . . . I like Percy Jackson!! Have fun with whatever you're doing! Always remember to read! Even if it's in the middle of the night or in the bathtub!! Oh and I like exclamation marks!!!!!! And cookies!!!!!!!!! And chocolate!!!!!!!!! You may leave now!!!!!!!! :DD PEACE. (:) And I'm hungry.