TheKissOfDeath21
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Joined 08-07-12, id: 4184008, Profile Updated: 01-25-13
Author has written 4 stories for Vampire Academy.

Favorite books:

- Vampire academy

- Twilight series

- Hunger games

Girl Comebacks!

Man: "Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do Not Enter"
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized!"
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"
Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy." Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you. Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. (why wait that long)

2) Thou shall not do drugs. (alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)

3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart. (Walmart has a bigger selection)

4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism. (destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)

5) Thou shall not steal from your parents. (everyone knows grandma has more money)

6) Thou shall not get into fights. (Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)

7) Thou shall not skip class. (just take the whole day off)

8) Thou shall not strip in class. (Hooters pays more)

9) Thou shall not think about having sex. (like Nike says, "just do it")

10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street. (just leave 'em in the middle)

The Six Truths of Life:

1. You can't lick all of your teeth with your tongue.

2. You just tried to do the above.

3. The first truth is a lie.

4. You're smiling now because you're realizing you're an idiot.

5. You'll copy this into your profile for some other sucker to read it.

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Home for the Holidays by MadameRozaBelikova reviews
Rose is engaged to one of the most eligible bachelors in New York, Adrian Ivashkov. He's the heir to one of the top fortune five hundred companies and she's a model who's career has just taken off, but before she can say I do, she has to take care of some business back in her hometown of Baia in the form of her childhood sweetheart, Dimitri Belikov to whom she is still married.
Vampire Academy - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 29 - Words: 108,272 - Reviews: 1634 - Favs: 424 - Follows: 311 - Updated: 3/17/2013 - Published: 10/14/2012 - Rose H., Dimitri B. - Complete
Battle Scars by Tauntingly Haunted reviews
Rose Hathaway has been tortured and left scarred, but the worst thing is that Lissa has disapeared. Can she find her before its too late? Will the gorgeous Dimitri Belikov distract her?
Vampire Academy - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 11 - Words: 11,791 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 12/27/2012 - Published: 10/6/2012 - Dimitri B., Rose H.
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A Siren's Hymn reviews
It's almost been a year since Rose and Dimitri have last seen each other. Rose's and Christian's wedding has been postponed because of the baby she's carrying. Lissa's and Dimitri's wedding is getting closer to date. What happens when rose shows up again? Will Dimitri fight for Rose? Especially when they are on the brink of war? SEQUEL TO SIREN
Vampire Academy - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,139 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 9/4/2014 - Published: 8/18/2014 - Rose H., Dimitri B.
Stranded reviews
All Human Sort of . A company's workers go on a cruise to celebrate a successful year. What happens when a few employees fall overboard and end up on a strange island. What happens when they realize they are not alone?
Vampire Academy - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 38 - Words: 138,780 - Reviews: 203 - Favs: 98 - Follows: 111 - Updated: 8/18/2014 - Published: 8/10/2012 - Rose H., Dimitri B. - Complete
Wolf's Cry reviews
rose has a hidden past that only lissa knows. her temper is high these days, and add the darkness and she's out of control. they go on vacation and soon enough she snaps. what happens when she runs into and old friend?
Vampire Academy - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 36 - Words: 132,447 - Reviews: 418 - Favs: 156 - Follows: 188 - Updated: 6/9/2014 - Published: 8/12/2012 - Rose H., Dimitri B.
Siren reviews
Based on the olden days. Dimitri Belikov; future king of russia and captain. he doesn't belive in fairy tales or stories of the sea like sea monster or mermaids. so what happens after his ship is wrecked after a storm?
Vampire Academy - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 14 - Words: 18,004 - Reviews: 113 - Favs: 98 - Follows: 104 - Updated: 11/8/2013 - Published: 8/11/2012 - Rose H., Dimitri B. - Complete