Poll: How would you all feel about a series of oneshot fics where my best friend and I end up in random universes of your choice? No Mary Sues or the like (Registered Sue Hunter here), just two insane young women baffling all your favourite heroes like they've never been baffled before, and the odd wacky/dangerous/awesome adventure thrown in for good mesure. :) Vote Now!
Author has written 20 stories for Transformers, Transformers/Beast Wars, Walking Dead, Invader Zim, and Code Geass.
Basic facts about me;
Name; Zoe (That's Invader Zee to you smelly human wormbabies!)
Age; 16 and counting...
Human disguise; Brown hair, marblely-greeny-grey-eyes with brown and blue flecks. I am short and slim, but I make up for my lack of height with my wealth of insanity and loudness!
True Irken form; Short, green skin, slightly curled antenna, large ruby red eyes. Invader uniform is dark crimson with black gloves and boots.
Level of Insanity, scale of 1-10;
Level 100. "I GOTZA GET ME A MONKEY WEARING A WAISTCOAT MADE OF BACON, RIDING A CYBORG UNICORN ABOUT TO CRASH LAND ON MARS!!!!! Now...WHO'S STOLEN MY MINI-PIZZA'S!? I need them if I am to save this world. Sanity is the enemy, it must be eliminated!!! TARGET FOUND!" *picks up a packet of cheese slices* "CHAAAARGE!!!"
What I love with all my squeedlyspooch;
Inspirational people, Transformers (WHO DOESN'T?!?!), Ayumi Hamasaki (DAMN STRAIGHT!), babies laughing, Invader Zim, Assassins Creed, St Trinians, The Walking Dead, cakes, horses, chips and beans, fashion design, ancient cultures and anything historical, teddies, rainbows, my family and friends, PIGGIES, my hair, staying in bed until the afternoon, mysterious people...the list is...ENDLESS!
What I hate with all the FURY OF THE IRKEN EMPIRE!;
Justin Beiber, (BOO! DIE! DIE A AGAONIZING DEATH!), Twilight books, films and cast (KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!), bananas, child beauty padgents *shudders in disgust* , racism and sexism, world leaders, girls who sleep around, snotty rich kids, rude people in general, annoying children that you would quite happily shoot, people who don't read books, people who complain about how bad their lives are when they lead better lives than other people in the world who literally have nothing.
Fave Singers/Bands/Musical Composers
Ayumi Hamasaki, Thomas Bergersen, Two Steps From Hell, Adrian Von Zeigler, P!nk, Breaking Benjamin, ACDC, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Bon Jovi, Owl City, Avril Lavigne, Yang Mi, Ruby Lin, Three Days Grace, My Chemical Romance, Taylor Swift, Shontelle, The Banned Of St Trinians, Adele...phew...I think that's most of them...I have a very wide musical taste!
Fave Movies/TV Shows
Absolutely anything to do with Transformers (not Kiss Players. No, just NO! There are lines you just DO NOT CROSS!), The Walking Dead, Castle, CSI, NCIS, St Trinians, Invader Zim, Merlin, Doctor Who, Horrible Histories. Gah, I'll get back to you on this one...SO MUCH TV, SO LITTLE TIME!!
RAGE Corner. A collection of random rants.
QUIT IT WITH THE MARY SUES!!! Argh! This is driving me INSANE(er)! Will you all just stop writing overly perfect characters that have such ridiculously 'tragic' lives, never make mistakes, are so 'beautiful' that they burn people's eyes out, have magical or god-like powers, and are loved by all. Creating a Mary Sue will gain you absolutley no popularity on this site, it will instead drive readers away, simply because contrary to the Sueish Rule, nobody actually likes Sues in any way shape or form. GOT IT?! Good.
For the love of soapy waffles, will people STOP writing down the exact height mesurments of their characters? Seriously, pack the hell in with it. I don't particularly care if Janey Doe Charlston is 5'6 when she's not wearing heels, just get on with the damn story!
Homophobia isn't a real word people. A phobia means you're AFRAID of something. People who are 'homophobic' are not afraid of gay people at all. They hate them and want to make their lives hell simply because they chose a different lifestyle, but they're not scared of them. Stop making hatred and predjudice into a medical issue. Because it's not. It's just a bunch of narrow minded bellends that can't see past their own nose end.
Religion is fine. I'm very inclined towards Buddism myself. Just don't shove it down my throat or anyone else's, okay? Stop telling the world that you're Christian/Catholic/Muslim/ or whatever. Nobody cares, and filling up your whole profile with bible an other holy books quotes, 'jeebus/allah/ect is my saviour' things, 'true' stories about god(s) ect, is not going to make you seem any better than the rest of us. My very best friend is Christian, and she never bothers to tell anyone, because as far as she's concerned, what difference does it make? If you're religious, then be religious, but please don't advertise it to the rest of the world. That's just going to make you a target for any tossers out there who love to troll people.
Enjoy this little glimpse into life with Cybertronians. :D
1. Optimus Prime
What would you do if...
1 woke you up in the middle of the night?
Me; *still half asleep* Urgh...*mumbles incoherently* No I don’ have your cheese...Huh, wha? Whuzgoinon?
OP; Sorry to bother you, but this is rather urgent.
Me; *sits bolt upright* Is Elita and the baby okay?! Did someone die?! Are you hurt?! Are Wheeljack’s secret army of giant mutant hamsters attacking the base with missile guided jars of dirt that explode on impact with cream cheese?! *genuine panic*
OP; Yes. No. No. And...what? Actually, Sam sent me. Apparently he and Carly had a major argument which resulted in Carly punching Sam and then throwing him out. I think he needs you to reconcile them. Again.
Me; *folds arms* Optimus, you’re the awe-inspiring leader of an entire race, have a beautiful, kickass sparkmate, two gorgeous children and another on the way. I on the other hand, am sixteen, have the mental age of a hyperactive unicorn at a pixie family reunion, have never had a serious boyfriend and have no intention of getting one for a while yet. You are far more qualified to settle problems with relationships than I am.
OP; But Elita and I have never quarrelled! Sparkmates do not get even angry with each other, let alone physically harm their bonded. I have no idea what to do. Please, I am begging you! He’s crying, and you know how I hate it when humans cry!
Me; *gets out of bed* FINE! *mutters* I'm gonna start charging for this...fifty quid a fragging time! That’ll stop them from arguing...
2 asked you to go out with him/her?
Jazz; Listen hon, we’ve known each other for ages, and we’ve had some good times yea? And since tha’ last brilliant prank, I kinda realised I like you, like, like more than a friend. So how about it babydoll? *pulls out irresistibly adorable expression*
Me; You know what? Yeah I’d love to! How many people out there can say they're going out with an alien? But don't get too hyped up, you know it’s not good for y-
Jazz; Was...was that a yes? *begins dancing* WOOHOO! Ah gotta tell EVERYONE I KNOW! EVEN THOSE I DON'T! INTERNET, HERE I COME!
Me; *facepalm* What have I let myself in for?
3 walked into the bathroom while you're showering?
Me; *drops shampoo for sixteenth time* Oh for Primus sake! *talking to Arcee on a comm. link.* I get woken up by Optimus at half twelve at night to sort out Sam and Carly, practically the whole planet knows I’m going out with Jazz thanks to my Twitter account and a certain over-excited super sexy silver Pontiac, and now my hair products are launching a rebellion! Is it just me, or does the universe have something against my soul?
Bumblebee; *has heard me talking and walks in* Oh, what's this place? I’ve never been in your quarters before and – OH PRIMUS I’M SO SORRY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! *runs out with hands over eyes*
Me; *pokes head out from behind shower curtain* Eh? What’s he so embarrassed about? There's a curtain between us, it’s not like he can see anything.
Arcee; *on comm. link.* This is Bee we’re talking about. He blushes when he sees Hollie in her swimsuit. The full one.
Me; *rolls eyes in despair* Primus help him when he wants to know where babies come from. That’ll be an interesting talk.
Arcee; Ratchet’s doing it. I refuse.
4 announced he's/she's going to marry 9 tomorrow?
Me; *dramatically kicks open door* What the frag!? Ironhide, dude, you’re BONDED!! It’s not physically POSSIBLE for you to be in love with another! And Hollie, I can't believe you! You home-wrecking whore!
Hollie; WHAT?! No, no no! Zoe, really! It’s not like that!!!
IH; Slag it to the Pit! I knew I should never have agreed to help you with your drama homework!
Hollie; But ‘Hide, you make a great Prince Charming! Don't give up on me now!
Me; *falls over laughing* HAHAHA! Prince Charming?! There's not a charming metal bone in his body!
IH; ‘Course there is. I got charm comin’ right outta my aft.
Me; Uh...yeah. Real charming ‘Hide, real charming.
5 cooked you dinner?
Me; Aw! Thanks Ratchet!
Ratchet; Humph. No problem.
Me; Uh...Ratch? Are there...VEGETABLES in this?
Ratchet; Yes. All five of a human’s guideline daily amount. You never eat anything even remotely healthy, so I figured I should completely fulfil my duties as CMO and give you a healthy dinner.
Me; *look of purest, most disgusted horror* THE...THE VILE GREEN POISON! OH IT BURNS US! IT BUUUUUURNS US!!!!! WHERE IS THE MEAT?! WHERE IS THE PRECIOUS!? *flails around*
6 was lying next to you on the beach, sleeping?
Me; *snickers* Heehee. Now’s my chance! *sneaks off and returns with Jazz*
Jazz; Wow, she really is asleep!
Me; Duh! Now honey, do you remember the plan?
Jazz; *holds up trusty prank kit* Need I say more?
(Two hours later, an enraged Moonracer is chasing Jazz and I around the beach with the words ‘I’m a naughty nurse. Come give me my nightlong treatment, doctor.’ written over her chestplates.)
7 suddenly confessed to be part of your family?
Elita; Zoe, could I talk to you for a moment?
Me; Sure boss! How’s the baby? Doing okay?
Elita; *pats stomach* The little one is developing very nicely. Ratchet thinks it might be a little mech.
Me; Aw! Too cute! You already have two girls, so a boy will be a new adventure.
Elita; Yes, anyway, there’s something I have to tell you. *hesitates* We’re, um, well, you and I are related. I’m your older sister. No joke.
Me; O.O Whutdafuc!? My mother better have a damn good explanation for this! Elle-you...how...I don't-how would a Human and a Cybertronian even...O.o Ew, CANNOT. UNSEE!
Elita; Hahahahaha! FOOLED YOU! Oh Primus! You should have seen your FACE! *laughs so hard she falls off the chair*
Me; *glares* You won't be laughing during childbirth missy. Hope you like pain, because the Agony Express is heading right your way. Choo! Choo! Ticket for one please!
Elita; *sobers up* Frag! Will you stop reminding me about that?!
8 got into the hospital somehow?
Me; If Chromia ended up in the medbay? I wouldn’t react. She’s usually in there for one reason or another.
Chromia; Oh, nice to see you would have some concern for my wellbeing then.
Me; ‘Mia, you’re damn force of nature. As far as I’ve seen, you can’t be harmed past the occasional bump or dent. No point being concerned, where there is no concern needed. *smiles like a rainbow*
Chromia; Well, when you put it that way...
9 made fun of your friends?
Me; Gee Hollie, that was uncalled for.
Hollie; Not really, two of them stole my cola.
Me; Harley and Sarah didn't know that can was yours! You should have put a label on it before sticking it in the team fridge.
Hollie; One of them nearly hit me with one of ‘Jacks grapple things!
Me; Okay, Kirsty didn't see you walking past! She said she was sorry and everything.
Hollie; What about the other one, you know, the one that nearly killed me. Twice.
Me; Don't worry, that's Kelsey, she almost kills a lot of people during the course of a day. It’s nothing personal, she’s just a little bit clumsy sometimes.
10 gives you a bagel. Do you eat it?
Me; A bagel? Off Sam? Are you mad!? You never eat anything Sam gives you. Usually, it’s either well past the sell-by date or he’s trying to prank you somehow. Case closed.
Wheeljack; *peers intently at bagel* No, no prank in this one. It looks fine actually.
Me; *points* Oh yeah? So why does it have a giant patch of mould on the side?
Wheeljack; Huh. Well, I guess you were right.
Me; You see!?
4 kisses 8. What's your reaction?
Me; AWWWWWWWWWW! ‘HIDE GAVE ‘MIA A KISSY!!! TOO CUUUUUTE!! *squee attack*
IH; Pipe down squishy.
Chromia; Yeah, we’re trying to have a romantic moment over here!
Me; *is still squealing* OMIGOSH! WHERE’S MY CAMERA!! I needs to capture this moment forever!!
7 is missing. Where do you go to look for him/her?
Me; Uh duh, wherever OP is. And if OP is missing, then you just have to keep an eye out for Elita. Those two are always together. Well, I suppose it makes sense, they are sparkmates after all.
Jazz; Yup. Nothin’ else to say about that really.
Me; And if you can't find either of them, then most likely they’re...*ahem*...otherwise engaged...if you know what I mean.
Does 9 trust 1?
Hollie; What kind of question is that!? How could anyone not trust OP? That has to be some kind of unbreakable universal rule or something!
Optimus; Why thank you.
Me; Wow, this is a polite conversation.
Optimus; I know. What in the name of Primus is wrong with us?
Hollie; We have to stop this conversation before, Primus forbid, we all turn...nice.
Optimus and Me; *shudders*
10 hates you, why?
Me; It’s Sam. He hates anyone who threatens his overblown ego.
Sam; You ever thought that maybe it has something to do with the fact that you threw custard all over me, then ran off and told Ratchet that I’d contracted a very rare disease that caused the human body to produce yellow mucus from the pores.
Me; Well, you said you were bored. So I gave you something to do.
Sam; Spending four hours in the medbay with a hysterical Ratchet is NOT what I had in mind when I said I needed something to do!
Me; Drama queen.
2 and 6 are fighting. What do you do?
Me; Place your bets, place your bets here ladies and gents!
Prowl; I do not believe that gambling is allowed on base.
Me; Aw ‘cmon, Moonracer has been itching to kick Jazz’s aft since that time on the beach. I’ll bet you fifty quid I’m next on her hitlist.
Prowl; Fair enough.
10 ignored you all the time?
Me; Oh, goody! No more over-dramatic cousin whining on in my ear. Oh happy days! Such joyous rapture hath never been borne!
Jazz; I thought you hated Shakespeare?
Me; I do. His plays are rubbish and make no sense, his sonnets need a lot of work before they’re even vaguely intelligent. And as much as the experts try and deny it, he was so obviously gay too.
Jazz; He was?
Me; Oh yeah, totally. We’re talking about the guy who wrote a love poem to another guy. Do the words ‘how can I compare thee to a summers day’ ring a bell?
Jazz; Okay so, he was telling the other dude that he thought he was hot?
Me; Pretty much.
Jazz; Deep. *sarcasm*
You're about to marry number 10. What's 6's reaction?
Moonracer; WHAT IN THE NAME OF PRIMUS!? YOU’RE RELATED!
Sam; Chill out ‘race. She’s helping me practice proposing to Carly.
Moonracer; *raises optical ridge* You need to practice that?
Me; He keeps getting the words wrong. Sad isn’t it?
Number 1 is all you've ever dreamed of. Why?
Me; Uh, do I even NEED to answer that? *ticks reasons off fingers* He’s hot as hell, he’s got an amazing voice, he’s a perfect husband and father, is also the leader of a whole race, looks sexy when even when he’s depressed and especially when he’s angry, *continues to list reasons*
Elita; I agree with everything. He’s also good in the-
Me; OKAY! WAY too much info there Elle.
Elita; What? I was always to taught to tell the truth while growing up.
Me; The word 'tact' is utterly lost on you isn't it?
Off all ten, who is the most intelligent?
Me; Hmm. Hard choice. Hard choice indeed. It’s impossible to chose to be honest. They’re all clever in their own way. Bee is an amazing scout, Jazz is a brilliant saboteur, Ratchet is the best doctor in the universe, Ironhide and Chromia are the toughest and most protective fighters ever-
Hollie; Aw. That’s nice of you.
Me; I'm not finished yet! Moonracer is the best sharpshooter in the galaxy, Hollie and Sam are the most infuriating, lovable and confusing beings the ‘bots have ever encountered, and Optimus and Elita are the greatest, bravest, most compassionate leaders the universe has ever seen.
Hollie; Don't forget yourself.
Me; Oh moi? I'm just the nutty comic relief who always survives because her sheer dumb luck and stubbornness forbids anything less.
You know you are a true Invader Zim fan when:
1. You have a sudden craving to squeeze a rubber piggy.
2. You don't listen to politicians speeches anymore... you just vote for the tallest one.
3. Martians existed. And you know exactly what happened to them.
4. You pass out meat on Valentine's day instead of candy.
5. You talk in third person.
6. You block up your chimney on Christmas because you fear San-Ta's 'jolly boots of doom'.
7. The most terrifying image you can come up with is a moose eating walnuts. *shudders*
8. You check your soap for bacon... just in case.
9. When you get a zit, you name it Pustulio and insist that he has hypnotic powers.(LISTEN TO PUSTULIO! HE IS YOUR MASTER!)
10. When a dog follows you, you're frightened that you're turning into baloney.
11. Chihuahuas are frightening creatures...
12. Tuna is worth NOTHING anymore.
13. Waffles are the best food in the world. Period. Full stop. The end.
14. Being 'normal' is important beyond all else. *I AM NORMAL, NO ALIENS HERE!*
15. You've begun to wonder if your teacher can survive in the sun or not.
16. You've suspected that the nearby hot dog stand is controlled by aliens.
17. You wear a trench coat everywhere.
18. You don't eat proper meals anymore; only snacks.
19. You've tried to convert your basement into a secret base.
20. When someone calls you stupid, you respond with 'I'm not stupid. I'm ADVANCED'!
21. You quote GIR at every possible moment.
22. You get angry when people say Invader Zim is 'dark'. Stupid wormbabies with their pathetic excuses for brainmeats. They just don't know when they're watching a masterpiece.
23. When faced with an awkward situation, you respond with one of these quotes;
- "HEY LOOK! Someone's making doughnuts!" *runs off*
- "AHM DANCIN' LIKE A MONKEH!" *dances around*
- "Imma roll around on the floor for a little bit, kay?"
24. You gave OHP and Project; Massive all your support.
25. You do fanart about the characters.
26. You've begun to wonder if that kid you never liked at school was Dib in disguise...
That's all for now folks! Channel Odd is officially signing off for tonight! Tune in every so often, you might get a surprise!
INVADER ZEE, OVER AND OUT
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