Author has written 2 stories for Naruto.
Well, since you're hear on my profile I'll tell you a little bit about my good self.
Name: Hmm... I need a good alias. Let's go with Tiberius Maximus Decimus Meridius VIII. Just because it's badass. I also go by Bossman, Psycopath, P. Diddy and Bob, the Destroyer of Worlds.
Sex: Hell yeah (Male)
Likes: Bacon, animals, reading, music, TV, writing, day dreaming, anime, Philosophy, Xbox, suckers.
Dislikes: Assholes, arrogant people, stupid people, people in general, being interrupted, gravity (I've sworn to go down in history as The Man Who Broke Gravity) and sunlight in the morning.
Shows I like:
Scrubs (A perfect blend light hearted comedy and drama)
How I Met Your Mother (Barney Stinson, Need I say any more?)
The Big Bang Theory
Two and a Half Men
Films I like:
V For Vendetta
Blades of Glory
The Chronicles of Riddick
Never Back Down
The Three Colours Cornetto Trilogy
Books I like:
Harry Potter series
Skulduggery Pleasant series
The Hunger Games (Mockingjay was disappointing and Catching Fire would have been if not for the magnificence that is Finnick Odair)
Percy Jackson and The Olympians
The Heroes of Olympus
The Kane Chronicles
The Book Thief
The Inheritance Cycle
The Shadow of the Wind
Games I like
Assassin's Creed series
Star Wars the Force Unleashed I and II
Fable II and III
The Elder Scrolls Oblivion and Skyrim
Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning
Slender (Scary as hell but that's why I love it)
I don't really trust people that much. I'm pretty polite to people I don't know and I'm really talkative around my friends. I hate large groups of people and well... people in general so I guess you could say I'm somewhat of a misanthrope. I'm more of a pessimist than a realist as that way I can only be pleasantly surprised. I'm also really lazy and laid back to the point where I look like a stoner.
Fun Facts about the author:
I've been told that I have a serial killer's smile.
My bestfriend once told me he sometimes worries that I'll become a serial killer when I am older.
I laughed through the Saw movies.
I've completed Slender twice.
Once when I was in school one day this guy in my class wouldn't stop annoying me so I threatened to rip out his spine and shove it so far up his ass that he's going to be brushing his tailbone along with his teeth. The look on his face was priceless.
The Resurrection Of Lord Vile
Naruto x Skulduggery Pleasant Crossover
(Contains major SPOILERS for The Deathbringer, book six in the Skulduggey Pleasant series). What if Skulduggery never came to his senses when he was fighting for Mevolent as Lord Vile. What if Lord Vile, the greatest of Mevolent's Three Generals, was the last to fall before the Sanctuary. What if he swore with his dying breath to return, and bring death to the world once more. What if the prophecy that plagued his descendants for centuries foretold of his return to the world of the living once more with the last living male of the clan. We all know Skulduggery abandoned his last name in the books. What if that name was Namikaze?
Naruto x three girls, undecided on who.
Naruto with the power of the Armor Of Lord Vile.
The Fallen Hero's Return
Sacrificed as their salvation. Persecuted for something beyond my control. Punished for my loyalty and everything I did for them. Executed as a reward for returning their greatest treasure. Killed by a family I thought long dead. Betrayed by the ones I loved and thought loved me. Every gesture of kindness was merely an attempt weaken me, to get me to lower my guard. I should have died that day. But I didn’t. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. I told them as they tore out my heart, laughing as I did so, “The Gates of Hell may hold me but not for long, and once I return Kami-sama herself won’t be able to stop me from having my vengeance. I will make you watch as I destroy it all. All that you hold dear, taking delight in your agony as it all burns to the ground. And once it is all naught but ashes, once you are all on your knees before me, beaten and broken I will kill you. Beware the day when sun burns with obsidian fire and crimson lightning tears the night asunder for these signs shall herald my return to this world and you will know your reckoning is at hand. Prepare for it my beloved friends and family and take Konoha to even greater heights. Prepare for the coming storm. Prepare for the return of Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze”. And with those words said, I died. It’s been four years since then.
Four long years but I’m back and Konoha can’t stop me now.
The male equivalent of the 10 Commandments
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.
16: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down.
2. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.
3. Don’t make us guess.
4. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
5. Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. He’s never thinking about “The Relationship.”
7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat.
8. Dogs are better than cats.
9. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
10. Shopping is not everybody’s idea of a good time.
11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
12. You have enough clothes.
13. You have too many shoes.
14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it.
15. Your brother is an idiot.
16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.
17. No, he doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
18. Share the bathroom
19. Share the closet.
20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like sex in the morning.
23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
24. Check your oil.
25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
26. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.
27. If you think you’re getting on the heavy side, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
28. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.
29. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.
30. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
31. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
32. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
33. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.
34. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
“GUTS” is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, “are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”
“BALLS” is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, “You’re next!”
We hope this clears up any confusion,
The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.
Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:
1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.
3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.
6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.
7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after me lucky charms."
8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month."
10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.
12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force."
13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."
14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.
15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.
16) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.
17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.
18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."
19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.
20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.
21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort.
22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.
23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.
24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full."
25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell.
26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.
27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.
28) I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bees."
29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
30) I will not go to class skyclad.
31) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core."
32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion.
35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends."
36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends."
37) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.
39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts.
40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"
41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck.
42) I do not have a Dalek Patronus.
43) I will not lick Trevor.
44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey."
45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.
46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously.
47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.
48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.
49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice.
50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.
For those who know not my name,
I whisper it softly so they do not hear.
For those who know not my face,
I hide in shadows so they not see.
For those who know not war,
I rage it fiercely so they do not break.
I am called a demon.
I am called a saint.
I exist only in the minds of children not born.
The fear of the dark, Th smell of decay,
The death of a lover, The birth of a child.
I do not exist, I simply AM.
When the war of the beasts brings about the world’s end
The Goddess descends from the sky
Wings of light and dark spread afar
She guides us to bliss, her gift everlasting
Infinite in mystery is the Gift of the Goddess
We seek thus, and take to the sky
Ripples form on the water’s surface
The wandering soul knows no rest.
There is no hate, only joy
For you are beloved by the Goddess
Hero of the Dawn, Healer of Worlds
Dreams of the morrow hath the shattered soul
Pride is lost
Wings stripped away, the end is nigh
My friend, do you fly away now?
To a world that abhors you and I?
All that awaits you is a somber morrow
No matter where the winds may blow
My friend, your desire
Is the Bringer of Life, the Gift of the Goddess
Even if the morrow is barren of promises
Nothing shall forestall my return
My friend, the fates are cruel
There are no dreams, no honor remains
The arrow has left, the Bow of the Goddess
My soul, corrupted by vengeance
Hath endured torment, to find the end of the journey
In my own salvation
And your eternal slumber
Legend shall speak
Of sacrifice at world’s end
The wind sails over the water’s surface
Quietly, but surely
Even if the morrow is barren of promises
Nothing shall forestall my return
To become the dew that quenches the land
To spare the sands, the seas, the skies
I offer thee this silent sacrifice
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole.
I thank whatever Gods may be,
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance,
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears,
Looms but the Horror of the Shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the Master of my Fate:
I am the Captain of my Soul.
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