Poll: at the end of the whole hunter charm insadent. Zero gets together with one-plus Night class member, when this happens what should Zero do Vote Now!
Author has written 2 stories for Vampire Knight.
Hi my name is Thornn Dennet
I LOVE Yaoi, Im a Yaoi Fangirl
Im a ?? years old (I wont tell)
I love writing and art
101 THINGS TO DO WHEN IN WAL-MART
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. (it's actually quite amusing to see people's reaction to a 15-year-old girl pushing a cart full of candy, chocolate sauce, whipped cream and condoms into the toy section)
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in. (Sixteen! Booyah!)
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. (Even better, bring your own bokken(woodensword))
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. (Your fly's down)
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens. (he looked at me funny)
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10″.
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!…" etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a "test drive." (actually, I used a tryke)
17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
20. Put M&M’s on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles. (Well, almost, Dad took away the deep-sea fishing pole right after I caught some TP)
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,"…I’m Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won’t you people just leave me alone?"
30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
32. Take bets on the battle described above.
33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him " I need some tampons!!" (I got my brother to do it too)
36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department. (Again, I got Apollo to do this)
37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: "Marco Polo."
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD’s in Electronics.
45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms
46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out. (I took a thirty-minute nap)
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It’s those voices again!"
49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
51. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "sex and candy" (better yet, sing "sexy back" or "date rape")
52. Try putting different pairs of women’s panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
54. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!" (Note: this actually started a game)
56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
57. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!) (Actually, mine was Marvel heroes vs barbies)
58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
59. While no one’s watching quickly switch the men’s and women’s signs on the doors of the rest room.
60. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone’s jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.
61. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them
63. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Ex: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions. ("Sweetie, about your "problem"... No I am not about to nag. Well, no! Fine! Be that way! -smacks the air, grabs it- Oh, I can't stay mad at you! -falls to the ground writing and making out with self-)
64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."
66. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
67. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
68. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!! (giggle) What’s your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!! (giggle) What’s your sign?(giggle)."
69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they don’t realize it!
70. Walk around the perfume department with a bottle of super strong perfume and spray people as they walk by. Lean in and sniff them then jump back and wave your hand in front of your nose and saying "Oh god, your over powering the perfume!!"
71. Hit on the elderly.
72. Hit on 5 year olds.
73. In the food aisle, pretend like there’s a little bug, slowly move your head to the right, then swing your head to the left as if your trying to follow it. Slowly lower your head to the ground, then start spinning around in circles stomping like crazy. Then finally yell out "Yes!! I got it!! Wow, that was the biggest Cockrouch I’ve ever seen, i think it was pregnant!! Hey look, there’s another one!!" Then Repeat.
74. Repeat 73 with a can of bug spray.
75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat. Meow when people walk by, rub up against their legs, etc.
76. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to people who walk by. And don’t forget to have perfect posture.
77. Start grunting like Beavis and Butthead while chasing your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don’t know you.
78. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if your on a hoarse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc.. And If a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying.
79. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and "accidentally" hit the people instead of your friend.
80. Excesively use anything thing that says "Try Me". (I set a bunch of singing valentine's day monkeys up the other day and got my friends to press the trye me buttons on all of them)
81. Start pocketing any and all free samples.
82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.
82. Walk up to the customer service and when they say "Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I’ll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of french fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say "Oh, to go". Then when they say that they can’t give it to you say "Oh, This is because I’m gay isn’t it? I’d expect this from Caldors, but not Walmart. People who are gay are just like everyone else your know. You digust me" Then walk away mumbling to yourself. If your a guy, try to act as valley- girl- like as you can ('Pollo had fun with this one)
83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too.
84. When you’re alone, have loud conversations with your "multiple personalities". Have an English man, a Southern person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents. They should sound like this: "Great idea good fellow, we shall have a jolly good time.(English)" "Look, oall I wanna do, is wok ta Stawbucks and git a cawfee(New York)" Etc.
85. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like your having some kind of massive seizure.
86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.
87. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn’t go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see who’s watching and run away as fast as your can.
88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song.
89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department
90. Put lingerie in the men’s department.
91. Put super sexy lingerie in old men’s carts when they turn around. (One guy saw the panties, shurgged, and bought them O.o)
92. When your alone, start screaming help and yelling that someone is trying to rape you. Then when everyone runs over, start crying and saying "All I ever wanted was a little attention" Then run away crying.
93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink every time it blinks. Don’t look away, just stay mesmerized.
94. Walk up to a lady and calmly say "Help me. The voices in my head are telling me to do naughty things." Then clap your hands over your ears, fly yell head around and start screaming "NO!! I DON’T WANT TO HURT THE NICE LADY NO NO NO NO!!" Then suddenly stop, look her straight in the eyes, and Calmly say "I…will start…a fire…" The pull out a zippo and start laughing hysterically in an evil way. But don’t light the zippo, just hold it closed.
95. Light a match under a sprinkler.
96. Walk up to someone and say "Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while i go get my shot gun". Then walk away.
97. Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!! I haven’t seen you in so long!!" Then kiss him. Then slap and him say "Why didn’t you ever call me??" Then walk away. Much more affective if you’re a guy. (Whoever made this up isn't lying. Trevor did this to some dude, because he can't say no to Peace's puppy face. Apollo saw and chased us both around with hockey sticks)
98. Stand next to a mannequin and pretend that your a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don’t get paid enough to do this"
99. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.
100. Act like your about to cry and ask people "Have you seen my mommy?"
101. Steal a Walmart shirt. The possibilities are endless.
BONUS Attempt all of the above during the same visit
If you have ever called any adult a fucking idiot, copy and paste this to your profile.
Most people say that life is good. But life is only good when you get what you want. If you agree, copy and paste this to your profile
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse
I see stupid people, there's so many
I see you're playing stupid again, looks like you're winning
Therapy is expensive, but bubble wrap is free
How are you? I'm f.i.n.e-
I'm F.I.N.E. Thanks for asking
If you KNOW that gravity hates you, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you know an anime character who should be real, then copy & paste into your profile.
If you're addicted to anime,copy & paste this into your profile.
If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! Mwahahahaha, I have a plate of peas and a spork! You know what that means... (everyone runs away again)
Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.
If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. (How do you spelL CPR?)
If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile. (IT's not my fault. It's the magic fish.)
If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile. (Sun, sun, go away, don't come back any other day. The dark is where I like to play. Sun, sun, go away.)
If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile:D
If you have ever crashed into a wall while you were sugarhigh, copy onto profile.
If you and/or your best friend is insane, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile
If you have ever been hit in the face with a ball and started laughing maniacally, copy and paste this into your profile.
You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the tv.
For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile. (The sad part is when you have thumbwar with yourself and lose :( Sucks don't it?)
Copy and paste this onto your profile if you've ever had a conversation with yourself while other people were around.
Copy and paste this onto your profile if you've ever started yelling random things as loud as possible.
Copy and paste this onto your profile if you've started a conversation with your pets.
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile.
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have weird friends, copy this into your profile.
If YOU are weird, please copy this into your profile.
Weird is good, strange it bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good! If you are weird and proud of it, copy this into your profile!
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend will be sitting next to you saying "Dang, we screwed up bad!". Put this in your profile if you have a best friend
Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song, Baa Baa Black Sheep, and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune.
If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.
If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever tripped over air, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you KNOW that gravity hates you, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer
If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile.
i'm the kinda person who walks into a chair and apologizes
i'm that kinda girl who will bust out laughing 4 sumthin that happened yesterday
If you are against racism, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE. The only race is humanity.
If you've ever totally screwed something up so bad it isn't even funny, copy this onto your profile.
If you have ever been totally embarrased by a parent, relative, friend or anyone else, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you ever laughed and then said, "I don't get it." copy and paste this to your profile.
If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!
If you could read that put it in your profile!
I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment),who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her (yet it would be nice) and knows the importance of the little things.
I am three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren’t ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can’t do a wrong
I can’t speak at all
Or else im locked up
All day long.
When im awake im all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren’t home
When my mommy does come home
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe ill just get
One whipping tonight.
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie’s bar.
I hear him curse
My name is called
I press myself
Against the wall
I try to hide
From his evil eyes
I’m so afraid now
I’m starting to cry
He finds me weeping
Calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault
He suffers at work.
He slaps and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And run to the door
He’s already locked it
And i start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken,
"I’m sorry!", I scream
But its now much to late
His face has been twisted
Into a unimaginable shape
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
O please God, have mercy!
O please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door
While i lay there motionless
Brawled on the floor
My name is tiffany
I am three,
Tonight my daddy
And you can help
Sickens me top the soul,
And if you read this
and don’t pass it on
I pray for your forgiveness
Because you would have to be
One heartless person
To not be effected
By this Poem
And because you are effected,
Do something about it!
So all I ask you to do
Is pass this on!
IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.
BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.
FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"
FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.
FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.
FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"
FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.
FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!
FRIENDS: Would read ignore this.
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this shit!
When you dial a mental hospital:
Welcome to Psychiatric World. If you are obsessive-complusive, please press one repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the phone so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.
He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.
A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Don't take life to seriously, you'll never get out of it alive.
The dinosaur extinction wasn't an accident - barney came and they all committed suicide.
You can ask permission now or beg forgiveness later.
Stupidity killed the cat, curiosity was framed.
I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.
The difference between humour and tragedy is that humor is when it happens to someone else.
Pretty girls turn heads, My girls break necks.
Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them more
LOVE... the slowest form of suicide.
THERAPIST=THE RAPIST... scary thought.
Life is not passing me by, it is trying to run me over.
Shock me... say something intelligent.
Everyone's entitled to be stupid but you're just abusing the privilege.
Remember what you just said because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and then you'll be sorry.
You'er not yourself today; I noticed the improvement immediately.
Smile - make people wonder what you're up to.
If the truth will set you free, why is it that every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room for the next two weeks?!
If aliens are looking for intelligent life then Earth has nothing to worry about.
Judge me and I'll prove you wrong. Tell me what to do and I'll tell you off. Say I'm not worth it and watch where I end up. Call me a bitch and I'll show you one. Call me crazy and prepare to be laughed at for being right.
Heaven doesn't want me there and hell knows I'll take over.
The evening news is where they begin by saying 'good evening' then proceed to tell you why its not.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.
If you think it can't get any worse its probably because you lack sufficent imagination.
Most teenagers would have a meltdown if you called them a freak. However, I will simply ask, "What was your first clue?"
That is the truest sign of insanity--insane people are always sure they are fine. It is only the sane people that are willing to admit that they are crazy.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you
I'm the person you're mother warned you to avoid making friends with.
When the giant fluffy bunnies take over the world, I am NOT saving your ass.
At my lemonade stand I shall give you two glasses; the first is free, the second if five dollars because it contained the antidote to go with the first.
Happiness is when the dentist says it won't hurt a bit, and then gets his hand caught in the drill.
I like you; when the world is mine your death shall be quick and painless while the others are suffering.
I please only one person a day; today is not you're day and tommorrow isn't looking so good either.
I see you're playing stupid again, looks like you're winning.
One day, we will look back on this day, laugh nerviously, and change the subject.
I love deadlines. I like the whoosing sound that they make as they go by.
All the good ones are gay, married, or fictional.
My imaginary friend thinks you have issues.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is definately NOT for you.
Parents spend half of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and spend the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.
Im not insane, and my hand puppets argree with me.
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
If God intended for man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I'm the kinda person who walks into a chair and apologizes.
I swear, I didn't run into it! The pole moved on its own!
I'm not paranoid - WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!
Flying is simple; just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Beware! For my place of employment has give me a new weapon - the BUBBLE WRAP - OF DOOM!!
The world is out to get me. Hide me in your closet and cover me with clothes. Don't let it get me!
There's three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and my way, which is still wrong but much faster!
Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone.
My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marshmellows and flirting with the firemen.
If you know for a fact you have an evil monkey living in your closet, copy and paste this into your profile.
The Situation in Hell
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."
24 things to do in an elevator!
1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead while muttering: "Shut up, admit, all of you just shut UP!"
2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there."
4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go 'plink' at the bottom.
9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, no, not now, bleeped motion sickness!"
11. Meow occasionally.
12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to the other passengers 'through' it.
16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
18. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push the red buttons.
19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your 'personal space.'
21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
23. Wear 'X-Ray Specs' and leer suggestively at other passengers.
24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.
16 ways to maintain a Healthy level of insanity.
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars, see if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put a garbage can on your desk and label it "IN"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone is over their Caffeine addictions, switch to expresso.
6. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance to the Prophecy".
7.Don't use any punctuation.
8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
9. Specify that your drive thru order is "To Go"
10. Sing Along at the Opera
11. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
12. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
13. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I WON I WON!!"
14. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!!"
15. Tell your children over diner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
16. Send this to your friends to make them smile, It's called therapy.
Some people hear voices...some see invisible people... others have no imagination whatsoever.
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
Silence is not only golden, it's seldom misquoted.
You are never too old to learn something stupid.
I'm gunna put a curse on you and all your kids will be born completely naked!
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
We never really grow up, we just learn how to act in public.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Never get in fights with ugly people, they've got nothing to lose.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
People say motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recomend it daily.
It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about now a days saying things against one, behind one's back, that are absoloutly and entirely true.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
If you can keep your head while all about you are loosing theirs, Its just possible you haven't grasped the situation yet.
The pen is mightyer than the sword and considerably easier to write with.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Marriage: A friendship recognized by the police.
It's not the fall that kills you, it's the sudden stop at the end.
Don't steal, the government hates competition.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Politicians can do more funny things naturally than I can think of to do purposely.
A computer beat me at chess once, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Sigmund Freud once said, "What do women want?' The only thing I have learned is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that.
Always do some right. It gratifies some people and astonishes the rest.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask 'Where did I go wrong?' Then a voice says to me 'This is going to take more than one night.'
This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murderer chanted," Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiilling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.
Girls Don't realize these things;
But most of all
Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'
If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'
If you are a Proud Otaku, Copy and Paste!
It's not a comic book, it's "Manga"
& Most Importantly... I'm not a geek, i'm an "Otaku!"