Author has written 1 story for Percy Jackson and the Olympians.
HTTYD IS MY LIFE!!!!! IM OBSESSED!! The second film is coming out!!!! PM me if you love it tooooooo.
NORMAL PEOPLE: rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast
NORMAL PEOPLE: say OMG!
NORMAL PEOPLE: go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings
NORMAL PEOPLE: say shut up or i'll tell on you!
NORMAL PEOPLE: think that PJO fans are stupid
NORMAL PEOPLE: when being chased yell HELP ME SOMEBODY!
NORMAL PEOPLE: get nervous/scared during thunderstorms
NORMAL PEOPLE: would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation
NORMAL PEOPLE:don't have this on their profile
The Percy Jackson pledge:
I promise to remember Percy
Whenever I'm at sea
I promise to remember Annabeth
Whenever a spider comes at me
I promise to protect nature
For Grover's sake of course
I promise to remember Luke
When my heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Chiron
Whenever I see a sign that says ''Free Pony Ride''
I promise to remember Tyson
Whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side
I promise to remember Thalia
Whenever a friend is scared of heights
I promise to remember Clarisse
Whenever I see someone that gives me a fright
I promise to remember Bianca
Whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother
I promise to remember Nico
Whenever I see someone who doesn't get along with others
I promise to remember Zoe
Whenever I watch the stars
I promise to remember Rachel
Whenever a limo passes my car.
I promise to remember The Stolls
when my home is beginning to unsettle.
I promise to remember Bekendorf
whenever I see someone working metal.
I promise to remember Silena
whenever a friend takes one for the team
I promise to remember Michael Yew
whenever I see a smile that gleams.
I promise to remember Briares
whenever I see someone playing hand games.
I promise to remember those lost in the Battle of the Labyrinth
whenever I see a cloth in flames.
I promise to remember those campers who fought against Kronos
whenever I see someone go against the odds.
Yes I promise to remember PJO
Wherever I may go
Now swear it on the River Styx
You Know You’re Obsessed With Percy Jackson When…
There’s a thunderstorm going on and you scream, “CALM DOWN, ZEUS!”
Every time you use the Internet, you thank Hermes.
When you see Harry Potter, you think of Percy with glasses.
You burn food to see if it smells good.
You see an owl, you go, “Hi Athena!”
Everyone else is creating a Twilight family and you create a PJO family.
You go on a cruise and you hope the boat isn’t The Princess Andromeda…
You sometimes try to control water.
You don't read anything but PJO for 3 months.
You've gone to Google maps and looked up Camp Half-Blood’s address.
Even though not diagnosed, you claim you have ADHD or dyslexia and blame it on your God parent.
You yell "Annabeth!" everytime you see a NY Yankees hat.
You make the PJO characters on Sims, as Miis on the Wii, and other video games.
Anytime you see an orange shirt, you look at the front of it to see if it is a Camp shirt.
You are a PJO character for Halloween.
Recite lines randomly from the books.
When you see/hear about anything myhtology-related, you talk about how it was in PJO (what page, book, etc.) and what happened to it.(all the time!)
Buy anything New York or San Francisco-related.
You are suddenly obsessed with Adidas shoes because they have the Hermes symbol.
You claim that Percy IS real and lives in New York no matter how much your friends argue with you.
You have dreams about PJO characters/events.
You carry a ballpoint pen in your pocket.(I want one:D)
That everytime you pick up a pen, you think it'll turn into a sword.
In the beginning of your first History class, you burst out "Will we be studying Greek mythology?!"
You pretend faint when someone asks "Who's Percy?"
When someone mentions the name Percy (like Percy Weasley) you scream "JACKSON!"
You are known to scream names of the characters at random times.(CHRIS!!)
You've got any copy of any book in all your backpacks/binders incase of emergencies.
You make a list of characters never to anger, like this one and why:
Thalia- Want her for your friend, hate her for your enemy. also shes a hunter, her aim with an arrow is very accurate...
Athena- She scares Percy more than Zeus. Also, she cannot be distracted and her plans always work.
Hades- Um, this one is rather obvious- also you might not be buried with a drachma in your pocket.
Hermes- Cutting off your internet access would be slow and painful torture. Also I blame the economy crisis on Luke's stealing federal funds.
Aphrodite- She's preoccupied with Percabeth and trust me I dont want to waste her time!
You write fanfiction constantly, even when you're not at your computer.
You give all your siblings god parents (Poseidon, Zeus, Hades.)
You call the "Ares kids", or school bullies, Martians.
You quiz fellow fans on the minor gods and win.
You spend time doing pointless research at , just because Rick Riordan linked it on his site.
You plan several statements to avoid Apollo's lines and remember he's a player, should he ever hit on you, and several ways to get out of being cursed.
You imagine the gods alone, and what they really do on the Superbowl.
Your mother thinks you need to get a boyfriend, as does your father to cure your obsession.
You read page 203 of BotL over and over again or say the lines in your head (PERCABETH!!)
You know exactly what someone means when they say LT, SoM, TC, BotL, tLO PJO and use it in conversations.
You find yourself saying things like "Oh my gods!" and "What the Hades?"
When your boyfriend dumps you, you take the oath of the hunters (I do not have any expierience)
You go to the empire state building and ask for the 600th floor.when the dude at the desk looks at you wierd,you announce that your a demigod.
You curse out the gods when something bad happens.
You watch the film and read the book every chance you get.
You claim that you are a demigod and need to go to camp in New York.
You go to New York and ask for a man named Chiron and that you need to go with him.
Lou look for a Latin teacher that is in a wheelchair and loves to throw greek field days.
You try to find Rachel and ask her for a prophecy.
Everytime a major water storm or earthquake happens you scream at Poseidon
Everytime somthing or someone dies that you are close to, you blame Hades.
You talk about them nonstop.
You’re in a running/swimming race and you’re praying and sacrificing to Hermes/Poseidon.
You think that your favorite singer is a child of Apollo.
Someone close to you dies and you give them money (and lots of it) just in case…
You’re on a boat and you pray that Poseidon is in a good mood.
You’re in the air (hang-gliding, cliff-diving, bungee jumping, flying, in a plane, etc.) and you hope Zeus is in a good mood and won’t blast you out of the air.
You go to Aunty Em’s and say you’re camera shy.
You find your true love and thank Aphrodite for sending him/her to you.
You think George Bush is a son of Ares.
You know Muse is the best singers. Get it, the Nine Muses??
Bring a blue plastic hairbrush with you everywhere.
When it gets really cold randomly, blame Kronos.
You get really mad at Hades when a family member dies.
Everytime you play dodgeball, you bring a suit of armor.
You go to San Fransisco looking for the Old Sea Man.
Whenever your internet slows down, you yell at the sky and say "HERMES! WHY DO YOU LOVE ANNOYING ME?!"
You pray to Athena when you don’t study for a math test.
And when you flunk said test, you blame her irritation on Percabeth.
You want Hephaestus to fix your iPod when it breaks.
When someone gets married, you say: "I hope you shall not anger Hera."
You cried when you finished TLO.
You eat, sleep, and breath Percabeth.
Every school book you own has PJO stuff scribbled on each page.
You're in love with a fictional character.
You and your BFF call yourselves geeks because you sit around and talk about PJO.
You own homemade replicas of things from the PJO series.
You dream of going to Camp Half-Blood.
You buy everything you see with an owl or trident on it.
You yell “Burrito Fight!” whenever you’re in a Mexican restaurant.
You checked to make sure your vice-principal doesn’t have a tail.
You know which pages the good parts are on.
You start hearing Percabeth in every song you hear.
You started calling your dog Mrs. O’Leary.
You start figuring out who your godly parent is.
You never look at a ballpoint pen the same way again.
You ask the cashier at the store if they stock Mythomagic cards.
You start doing pro/con lists in your head. During Math. When you’re supposed to be taking notes.
You start spelling character names out of your spelling words.
You start loving blue plastic hairbrushes and anyone who wields them.
Each day you check every fan site you know of for new information.
You try to figure out how much food dye you need to turn chocolate chip cookies blue.
You make references to it in school reports and/or to friends that haven’t read it.
The first thing you ask someone when you meet them is, “Have you read PJO?”
On your trip to Washington D.C. you thought of Annabeth every time you saw a monument.
You yell “Mizzenmast!” whenever you enter a boat.
You have one (Or more) pictures relating to PJO in your room
You know PJO better then most sane people
You have links to every great PJO site
You add things to the list every day
You know what you would do if you were Percy
You argue with your friends about if Nico should turn evil or not
At least half of your friends have read all the PJO, or are going to in the very near future
You wish you could find a rainbow to see if Iris messages work
For April Fools, you put a piece of paper over a card/cards and told your friends that they were Myth-O-Magic cards and they understood
Your friends all have a godly parent, and so do you, and your family, and your extended family, and your far, far, far away cuzs'
You are trying to learn Greek
You keep thinking about one of the PJO books when you go on a trip.
Every language you know is some form of Ancient greek.
You shriek everytime you see a guy with black hair and green eyes.
You just have to research more about greek mythology
You call up the Camp Half Blood number in LT.
You want to learn Latin
"Percy Jackson Series: “Because a bunch of ADHD godlings so beat sparkly corpses."
"You named him Festus? You know in Latin, 'festus' means 'happy'? You want us to ride off to save the world on Happy the Dragon?"- Jason Grace, The Lost Hero
"With great power... comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later." - Nico di Angelo, The Last Olympian
"Percy: "Don't I get a kiss for luck? It's kind of a tradition, right?" Annabeth: "Come back alive, Seaweed Brain. Then we'll see.""- The Last Olympian
""Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can."
Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?"
Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?"
"Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries."
Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom."...I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. "I do not understand."
"I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said.
"And..." Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam t-shirt.""- The Titan's Curse
"'It's him,' I said. 'Typhon.' I was seriously hoping Chiron would say something good, like 'No, that's our huge friend Leroy! He's going to help us!'"- Percy Jackson, The Last Olympian
Favorite Quotes (From Percy Jackson and the Olympians Movie): "
This is a pen." -Percy when Chiron hands him Ripetide
"Is it me, or is it raining cows?" -Grover after the Minitor throws a cow at their car
"Why are you taking your pants off?" -Percy
"Ha! She would squash you like a bug." -Grover on Annabeth
"That's a sword, that's a sword!" -Luke
"Oh, you guys take camp way to seriously..." -Percy
"I always lose...maybe we're both wrong." -Percy
"You're being followed!" -Grover
"Journior protector." "Was that really nesciassary?" -Percy and Grover
"Needless to say, she hates it there... It's hot, he's a wierdo..." -Luke
"Aww! Guys! I can't pee with her watching me!" -Grover
"Those are working class Americans!" -Grover
Kisses Medusa's head* "Eww...That's nasty..." -Grover
"Okay guys, remember: always put the eights and never the tens..." -Grover
"Um, maybe on a cocktail waitress or a showgirl...we should start there!" -Grover
"We're heading to the chapel! We're getting married! Wait, which one did I propose to?" -Grover
"That's how you get out of a casiono! That is how your drive!" -Grover
"Okay, we won't DIE and come back..." -Grover
"Great, they smell goat..." -Grover
"Or what? What will you do? I'm already in hell..." -Pershephone
"NO! Stick to the Mick Jager thing...it works for you!" -Grover
That was some nice demigod driving, girl. -Grover
Let's get out of here before Homeland Security shows up. -Annabeth
I'm going crazy! Ohhh, I'm going crazy! I need medicine. -Percy
Come on, man. That's my mother right there. Have some respect. -Percy
Cool... Very cool. -Annabeth
Ooh, double team. -Grover
Chiron, you still got that wheelchair? He'll need it. -Luke
Shouldn't we stop her? She's killing him. Grover
Are you kidding? This is the best part. Chiron
Percy Jackson and Heroes of Olympus Quotes:
"Go chase a donut!" - Percy Jackson
"I wasn't sure where the Latin came from, i think it meant 'Eat my pants!'" - Percy Jackson
"Your pretty smug Lord Ares, for a guy who runs from Cupid statues." -Percy Jackson
“It only works on wild animals.”
“So it would only affect Percy,” Annabeth reasoned. -Grover and Annabeth Chase
"New lesson, class. Most monsters will vaporize when sliced with a celestial bronze sword. This change is perfectly normal, and will happen to you right now if you don't BACK OFF!" - Percy Jackson
"You drool when you sleep." - Annabeth Chase
"How did you die?"
"We er...drowned in a bathtub."
"All three of you?"
"It was a big bathtub." -Ciron and Percy Jackson
I nodded, looking at Rachel with respect. "You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush." - Percy Jackson
"Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die." -Percy Jackson
"Humans see what they want to see." - Chiron
"Knowing too much of your future is never a good thing." - Chiron
Our English teacher, Dr. Boring (I’m not kidding; that’s his real name), adjusted his glasses and frowned. Percy Jackson
"Remake the world, a little at a time, each in your own corner of the world." - Someone from the Battle of the Labyrinth
"Wow," Thalia muttered. "Apollo is hot."
"He's the sun god," I said
"That's not what I meant."
— Thalia Grace and Percy Jackson
"Die human! Die silly polluting nasty person!" - Grover Underwood
"That's right, you smelly bucket of nose drool!" Percy Jackson
She's (Sally's) funny that way, celebrating special occasions with blue food. I think it's her way of saying anything is possible. Percy can pass seventh grade. Waffles can be blue. Little miracles like that.-Percy Jackson
“So Zeus sent this magical flying ram with golden wool, which picked them up in Greece and carried them all the way to Colchis in Asia Minor. Well, actually it carried Cadmus. Europa fell off and died along the way, but that's not important."
"It was probably important to her." Annabeth Chase and Percy Jackson
"With great power, comes the great need to take a nap. Wake me up later."- Nico di Angelo
"Beacause I'm your friend Seaweed Brain. Any more stupid questions?"- Annabeth Chase
"Let us find the dam snack bar."-Zoe Nightshade
"Don't I get a kiss for luck? Its kind of a tradition, right?"- Percy Jackson
"Well...sure good to be together again.
Arguing. Almost dying. Abject terror. Oh, look. It's our floor." -Grover
Jumping out a window five hundred feet above ground is not usually my idea of fun. Especially when I'm wearing bronze wings and flapping my arms like a duck." -Percy Jackson
"The cafe windows wrapped all the way around the observation floor, which gave us a beautiful panoramic view of the skeleton army that had come to kill us." - Percy Jackson
"Now, if you have never been hit by a flying burrito, count yourself lucky. In terms of deadly projectiles, it's right up there with grenades and cannonballs." - Percy Jackson
He fished out his acorns and threw them onto the sand, then played his pipes. They rearranged themselves in a pattern that made no sense to me, but Grover looked concerned.
"That’s us,” he said. “Those five nuts right there.”
“Which one is me?” I asked.
“The little deformed one,” Zoë suggested. -Grover, Percy Jackson, and Zoë Nightshade.
Fortunately he’d shrunk back to normal size, so his hug was like getting hit by a tractor, not the entire farm. –Percy Jackson
“Apollo?” I guessed, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.
“I’m incognito. Call me Fred.”
“A god named Fred?” -Percy Jackson and Apollo
“He looked… nervous. He told him monsters to spare me. He wanted to tell me something.”
“Probably, ‘Hi, Annabeth! Sit here with me and watch while I tear you friends apart. It’ll be fun!” -Annabeth Chase and Percy Jackson
We only came close to dying six or seven times, which I thought was pretty good. –Percy Jackson
You deal with mythological stuff for a few years, you learn that paradises are usually places where you get killed. -Percy Jackson
"Yay!" he said. "Now we can eat peanut butter sandwiches and ride fish ponies! We can fight monsters and see Annabeth and make things go BOOM!"
I hoped he didn't mean all at the same time, but I told him absolutely, we'd have a lot of fun this summer. — Percy Jackson
“It is a day when things…stir.”
The way he said it, stirring sounded absolutely sinister-like it should be a first-degree felony, not something you did to cookie dough. -Percy Jackson
“Okay,” Annabeth said, glaring at the centaur. “Thank you, Captain Sunshine.” -Annabeth Chase to Chiron
“It’ll be dangerous,” Nyssa warned him. “Hardship, monsters, terrible suffering”
“Oh.” Suddenly Leo didn’t look so excited. Then he remembered everyone was watching. “I mean… Oh, cool! Suffering? I love suffering! Let’s do this.” -Nyssa and Leo Valdez
Even that horrible zit at the base of her nose, which she’d had for so many days she’d started to call it Bob, had disappeared. –Piper McLean
"See, lady, that's what happens to snow in Texas. It freaking melts!" -Leo Valdez
In loving memory of...
...Luke Castellan, who died to save Olympus and will always be remembered as a hero
...Zoe Nightshade, who went on a quest knowing very well that she would die
...Bianca di Angelo, who sacrificed herself to save her friends
...Daedalus, who died to prevent Luke's army from using the Labyrinth
...Silena Beauregard, who died a hero
...Charles Beckendorf, who let himself die for the sake of a mission's success
...Ethan Nakumura, who redeemed himself in the end only to be killed by Kronos
...Everyone else who died in the Titan War
Ways to get kicked out of Wal-mart!
Walk up to an old person and ask them why their skin doesn't fit their face.
Barge into the store wearing a Target shirt and scream, "SALE AT TARGET!
Whenever the announcements come on, tell someone, "There they are... the voices!! They will not stop!!
Kick the manager in the shin.
Walk up to an employee and tell him, "Code red in aisle six." Then see what happens.
Fill up your shopping cart with various items, and while you're checking them out, say, "Oops. I forgot, I don't have money." Then ditch the cashier.
Open bags of skittles and throw them everywhere, shouting, "TASTE THE FRICKIN' RAINBOW!
Go into the dressing room, wait a few minutes, then yell "THERES NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!!"
Go to the dressing room, rub melted chocolate over your hands, and put it under the stall, where there's a person next to you. Ask for toilet paper.
Shake up bottles of pop, and open them as fast as you can by the electronics area.
When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?
Hide in clothing racks and jump out when people pass by.
Pick your nose in front of a security camera.
More than 10 people are killed each year by vending machines. (Who would think our suppliers of candy could come to kill us?)
Ice cream is Chinese food.
You are about 1 centimeter taller in the morning than in the evening!
Things to do in an Elevator
Walk on with a cooler that is labeled "HUMAN HEAD" on the side.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
Crack open your briefcase of purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?
Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
Say "Ding" at each floor.
Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
Stare, grinning at another passenger for awhile, and then announce, "I have new socks on.”
When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."
When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock, smile, and go back for more.
Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on; ask if they have an appointment.
Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
Swat at flies that don't exist.
Tell people that you can see their aura.
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now... motion sickness!"
Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
Leave a box between the doors.
Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.
Start a sing-along.
Do Tai Chi exercises
Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
Bring a chair along.
Lean against the button panel.
While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
Call out, "group hug!", and then enforce it.
Ways to Annoy Your Parents
Follow them all the time
Say "Muu" when they call you
Pretend you got amnesia
Keep walking backwards
Run all over the house with a bulb in your hand and saying "The Sun! It's dying!"
Stay in front of them at four in the morning and with a big smile in the face say "Good morning, sunshine!"
Run in circles
Recite a whole movie. Three times.
Pretend you're fighting yourself. Lose.
Pull somebody's hair and scream "DNA!"
Wear jeans on your heads, a t-shirt on your waist and say it's a new fashion concept
Try to find another way to drink something in a glass
Glue your finger on your nose with Super Glue
Talk to a pen
Have imaginary friends. Talk to them all the time.
Pretend you're a viking
Scream really loud "WHERE-IS-MY-MOTHER!?"
Put an ice-cream cone on your forehead and say you're a beautiful unicorn
Do what they tell you to
Stay turning the lights on and off and after 5min say "ooh! I get it now..."
Eat non-eatable things.
Sit in front of the fan with your arms wide open and sing "I believe I can fly!!"
Hold their hands and say "I see dead people..."
When taking a shower, scream "I'm drowning!"
Pretend you're 268 years old
Pretend you're a telephone
Try to swim on the ground
Knock on their door all the night
Pretend you have multiple personalities
Deny everything they say before they finish saying and say "Why what? Are you trying to find a reason to punish me?". Take a long breath, blink three times and say "Can I help you?"
Ask "What?" for everything they say and pretend you don't understand
Look at you father for some time and then say "I'M USING NEW SOCKS!"
Always repeat "What would give you that idea?"
When your mother start talking to you, say "Lo siento, No hablo Inglés"
Tell them you have a very imporant secret that you can't tell to anyone, they'll insist on you to tell the secret, then you whisper "I'm Spiderman/Catwoman!"
Stay looking at nowhere for some time and quickly look at your parents with a scared expression and say "Did you feel that?!"
Write "Will you really eat this little bird?"/"Eggs are friends, not food!" on every egg you got in the freezer
When having dinner, stand up and say to one of your siblings: "Due to economic problems, you will be banished from this house."
Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking (What? We don't have hard teeth to eat raw pizza?!)
Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado (no blanket for a tornado? Meanie!)
Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep Out of Children (I guess making little kiddies cook isn't such a good idea then)
Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. (wow the dead can be prosecuted! Won't that be joyful!)
Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping (they must have a colorful taste! Bad pun.)
Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regular soap (use soap as soap is basically what it says)
Sleeping Pills: Warning: May Cause Drowsiness (Isn't that the point?)
Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required (what the cabbage?)
Question to Ponder
Since the pen is mightier than the sword, that must make the sword the second mightiest earthly thing, right? Riptide is a pen that turns into a sword, so where is it on the mightiness scale?
Friend v/s Best friends
FRIENDS: Will help me find my way when I'm lost. BEST FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions
FRIENDS: Will help me learn to drive. BEST FRIENDS: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.
FRIENDS: Lets me make an idiot of myself in public. BEST FRIENDS: Are up there with me making an idiot out of themselves too.
FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and say nice to meet you. BESTFRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and scare the shit out of him by threatening to break every bone in his body if he hurts your bestfriend
FRIENDS: Will say you can do better. BESTFRIENDS: Will call him and say "you have seven days to live"
FRIENDS: Ask why you're crying. BESTFRIENDS: Already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry
FRIENDS: Will help you move. BESTFRIENDS: Will help you move a dead body
FRIENDS: comfort you when you fight with your boyfriend. BEST FRIENDS: go over to his house and kick his ass
FRIENDS: tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house. BEST FRIENDS: already have the eggs and Toilet Paper
FRIENDS: Think your insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline. BEST FRIENDS: Are jumping right after you
FRIENDS: call you retarded for running through bleachers yelling "IT'S PICKLE TIME!" (don't ask you don't want to know) BEST FRIENDS: are screaming and running with you
FRIENDS: help you up when you fall. BESTFRIENDS: keep on walking saying, "Walk much?"
FRIENDS: help you find your prince. BESTFRIENDS: kidnap him and bring him to you.
FRIENDS: offer you a soda. BESTFRIENDS: dump theirs on you.
FRIENDS: help you move. BESTFIRENDS: help you move the bodies.
FRIENDS: tell you she knows how you feel. BESTFRIENDS: just sit down and cry.
FRIENDS: tell you that you’re a great singer even if you're terrible. BESTFRIENDS: tell you that you suck.
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!
7 Reasons Not to Mess with Children (small children)
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE . God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Girl: Do you like me?
Boy: not really.
Girl: Do you want me?
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Girl: Would you live for me?
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Girl: Choose me or your life.
Boy: My life.
The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says:
Boy: The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.
The reason why I don't want you is because I need you.
The reason why I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.
The reason why I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.
The reason why I wouldn't do anything for you is because I would do EVERYTHING for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.
Today I answered a question in school. The person behind me called me a nerd. I asked her "What is a nerd?". She said "It's someone who knows things." I asked her how that is an insult. She's still confused. I win.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
I'm the kind of girl who gets straight A’s in every subject, but still can't operate a fan by use of a simple knob.
I'm the kind of girl who laughs at... nothing.
I'm the kind of girl who gets on the bad side of a teacher by correcting their grammar.
I'm the kind of girl who looks at Twilight and laughs at the cheesiness.
I'm the kind of girl who has a picture of Joe Jonas pasted to my dart board. DIE YOU STUPID JONAS BROTHER!
I'm the kind of girl who walks into the Mental Hospital and greets the receptionist by name.
I'm the kind of girl who is willing to drop-kick Twilight books out of my apartment window.
I'm the kind of girl who can hold a conversation with you for fifteen minutes and then ask, "What was your name again?"
I'm the kind of girl who reads rather than watching television.
I'm the kind of girl who is considered weird.
I'm the kind of girl who would've let Stupid Edward commit suicide.
I'm the kind of girl who thinks that Stephenie Meyer and all of her little vampires should be charged with first degree murder for the death of good literature.
I'm the kind of girl who doesn't care what you think.
I'm the kind of girl who doesn't care if you care what I think because I don't care what you think, so you needn't care what I think and I don't care.
I'm the kind of girl who plots against fictional characters.
I'm the kind of girl who would scream "Boo!" at a football game and then ask what the bad call was.
I'm the kind of girl who believes in equal rights, and doesn't care if I sound cheesy.
I'm the kind of girl who wishes there was a law against stupidity.
I'm the kind of girl who finds what's lost where I already looked.
But I'm also the kind of girl who is
So maybe being this kind of girl isn't so bad after all.