Author has written 15 stories for Hetalia - Axis Powers, and Great Gatsby.
November 2016 Update: I haven't posted here for a while and as of this date, I am inactive and probably won't be writing any new fanfic unless something happens to respark my interest.
In the meantime, you can look me up on Fictionpress and Archive of Our Own. Hopefully, you won't be disappointed.
Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dyslexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.
THE TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH :
1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN :
1. You can have a woman president without electing her.
TOP 12 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH :
1. Glorious history of killing North American tribes.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN :
1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH :
1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN :
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING MEXICAN :
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH:
1. You've got to be kidding, right?!?!?!?
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH :
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN :
1. It beats being an American.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN:
1. Know your great-grand-dad was a thieving bastard that no civilized nation on earth wanted.
An American, a Russian, and a Pole were riding on a train. The American man pulled out a case of the finest cigarettes, took one drag on it, and proceeded to throw both the cigarette and pack out the window. His response to the shocked looks of the others was, "In America, we have lots of these." The Russian man, not to be outdone, pulled out a case of premium Russian vodka. He took a sip, and proceeded to throw the bottle and the entire case out of the window. His response to the boggled looks of the others was, "In Russia, we have lots of these." The Pole, thinking quickly, picked up the Russian and threw him out the window. His response to the American’s startled look was simply, "In Poland, we have lots of these."
Three men are driving through the desert, but their car ends up stalling and breaking down. Each decides to take something with them to aid them in their trek through the desert. The first, being a practical Englishman, grabs a bottle of water from the car. The second, being a staid Scotsman, grabs an umbrella. The third, being an Irishman, grabs the car door. The others question his decision, but he mocks them saying, "This way I can always roll down the window when I get too hot walking in this desert."
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Belgium: A country invented by the British to annoy the French.
Funny how movies depict Italians as ruthlessly efficient when they're mobsters, and hopelessly inept when they're soldiers.
The Japanese take snapshots of everything, not just everything famous but *everything*. Back in Tokyo there must be a billion colour slides of street corners, phone booths, fire hydrants and overhead electrical wires. What are the Japanese doing with all these pictures? Its probably a question we should have asked before Pearl Harbour.
The Irish are a fair people - they never speak well of one another.
Do you know why the harp is the symbol of Ireland? Because Irish people are always pulling strings.
Ireland : The land of ire.
"You disapprove of the Swedes?"
Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign.
You have perhaps heard the story of the four students - British, French, American, Canadian - who were asked to write an essay on elephants. The British student entitled his essay "Elephants and the Empire." The French student called his "Love and the Elephant." The title of the American student's essay was "Bigger and Better Elephants," and the Canadian student called his "Elephants: A Federal or Provincial Responsibility?"
God has made Canada one of those nations which cannot be conquered and cannot be destroyed, except by itself.
In America only the successful writer is important, in France all writers are important, in England no writer is important, in Australia you have to explain what a writer is.
Americans are benevolently ignorant about Canada, while Canadians are malevolently well informed about the United States.
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up.
He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK.
But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN
When you go in the sun you turn RED
When you're cold you turn BLUE
And when you die you turn PURPLE
And you have the nerve to call me colored?"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism.
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 Celsius. The Russians used a pencil.
(A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Kid: Dad, what’s an idiot?
Warnings that should be placed on alcohol bottles:
Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.
Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.
Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball.
Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".
Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Americans: Drink weak, bad-tasting beer.
Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect.
Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance...
You know you're from Manitoba, Canada, when...
Concerning bagpipes: The Irish invented them and gave them to the Scots as a joke, and the Scots haven't seen the joke yet.
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
Four guys were out golfing and one guy hit his ball out into the rough. He goes to look for it. The other three start to talk about their sons. The first guy says, "My sons' a doctor and he's doing so well that he's taking someone to Europe." The next guy said, "Well my son is a car salesman and he's doing so well, that he gave a car to someone." The third guy says, "Well my sons' a contractor and he's doing so well, that he built someone a house for free." The forth guy comes back and the others ask him what's going on with his son. He says, "Well he's gay." And the others say, "Oh, we're really sorry." The guy says, "Oh no, we're not upset. We're glad he feels comforable enough to tell us and besides, one guy gave him a free car, one guy built him a house, and another ones' taking him to Europe."