"-The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, when I grew up I was BLACK, when I'm sick I'm BLACK, when I go into the sun I'm BLACK, when I'm cold I'm BLACK, when I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, when you're born you're PINK, when you grow up you're WHITE, when you're sick, you're GREEN, when you go in the sun you turn RED, when you're cold you turn BLUE and when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored? Post this on your profile if you hate racism."
Matsuda Takato Facts (taken from Daneel Rush's story, Ruins of Babylon)
"-Lucemon chuckled at the sight of a quietly furious Makino Ruki seated across the table.
"Very well," the angel continued. "What I want from Takato, you ask?" A pause. "I will put it this way."
His smirk became so naughty Jenrya considered covering his sister's eyes.
"If I were a woman, I would bestow upon him a bounty of copulation feats that would rival the gods, and let him lay his head upon my bosom of such impressive majesty—because I would be a woman so hot, no other woman would compare and he would LOVE ME—, and we would talk the world away of his immortal adventures between my copulation feats, and greatly feast in his honor."
An eloquent pause to let those words sink in.
"And the harem of willing second-tier women who would have sworn to assist in spreading his seed to the four corners of the Earth would be his protection and comfort as I went forth and spread the word of Matsuda Takato to the masses."
The sight his eyes captured, Lucemon knew, would be engraved in his DigiCore as a precious memory that would live through the ages. He would have to share this memory with Takato one of these days.
The sound of a lighter slipping off Yamaki's fingers and falling to the floor.
Katou Juri had sunken her body in her chair, her legs fidgeting and her face dropped and hidden behind her long hair. Lucemon wondered just what was in her mind.
"Lilithmon, it appears I have broken the Tamers," he suggested, her eyes never leaving the fish-out-of-water looks on the young humans' faces.
"They merely cannot appreciate your unique brand of humor, milord," Takako replied. "More importantly, milord: would I be one of those second-tier women allowed to carry onii-sama's seed?"
"Of course, dear."
The two great lords of the Dark Area calmly waited for the pitiful humans to regain their bearings. Takako even had the time to pull out a nail file from…somewhere, and began to manicure herself. At the sight of the young girl fixing her nails, Lucemon took a good look at his own. Naturally, his were perfect and needed no retouching.
Of all the people he expected to speak first, Lucemon had to admit he never considered Terriermon. It made a lot of sense in retrospective, though.
"…that's so going into the blog."
"Oh, it should," Lucemon replied, offering an amiable smile to Jenrya's partner. "Lilithmon here and I have plenty of those."
The gleam in Terriermon's beady eyes was a cue Lucemon did not really need. With a glance to his fellow Demon Lord, he commanded Takako to put her file away and contribute to the important discussion.
The little girl cleared her throat and spoke while wearing an angelic face.
"Matsuda Takato does not need Twitter. He's already following you."
Lucemon nodded as if approving of the demoness' performance. His turn.
"Matsuda Takato can make female breasts grow by massaging them."
Makino Ruki twitched.
She twitched some more when she noticed Katou Juri glancing down at her chest with something resembling melancholy on her face. Anyone would believe Katou Juri's breasts are large enough for her age, really.
"Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass, at night. Matsuda Takato can light a magnifying glass on fire with an ant, from outer space."
"Ooh, technical!" Terriermon giddily commented while he took notes…somehow.
"When Matsuda Takato looked in the mirror, the mirror shattered, for no one gets between Matsuda Takato and Matsuda Takato."
An eager Takako offered a new fact not even a second after Lucemon was done with his.
"The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is an obscure reference to Matsuda Takato's four limbs."
"If you add Matsuda Takato to your friends list in any social network, all your other friends will instantly disappear. You don't need them anymore."
"Practice doesn't make perfect. Matsuda Takato does."
Terriermon chuckled giddily, and Lucemon nodded in approval once more. Makino Ruki looked like she intended to rip her hairs out, which was always a plus in his book. When she spoke, it was in an ominous voice that clearly belied her exasperation.
"Will…you…knock it of alrea—!?"
"Quiet, doll," Lucemon declared without even bothering to look at her. "Now come the Digimon-themed facts. Lilithmon?"
"Umm…ah!" Takako cutely let her right fist fall on her left palm. "It is said that nobody can escape from Alphamon's attack. Alphamon has yet to escape from Matsuda Takato."
"Hmm," Lucemon uttered. "Might be hard to top that one. How about…Matsuda Takato and Alphamon once made a bet. The loser had to become a Royal Knight."
"Pzzt!" Takako made a sound like a buzzer going off. "Not good enough, Lucemon-sama!" Smirking with confidence, she continued her word assault. "When you play the Matsuda Takato card, you win every game within a 144-kilometer radius. Even if it's not the Digimon Card Game."
"Hmm…pretentious little one. Very well," Lucemon retorted, before easing back on his seat and switching the way he crossed his legs. "The reason three Royal Knights still remain unknown is because they're afraid Matsuda Takato will beat them again."
"Oooh, that's a smart one!" Lilithmon squealed, revealing in the sudden competition. "The Royal Knights would all dress as Matsuda Takato for Halloween, but they reserve that honor for Alphamon. Then Takato beats him for his insolence."
"Matsuda Takato can whistle in Digi-Code."
"Ahaha, that doesn't even make sense" Lilithmon laughed. "It is believed the Seven Great Demon Lords are imprisoned due to the Royal Knights. That's true if by 'Royal Knights', you mean 'Matsuda Takato's stern gaze'."
Lucemon recoiled as if physically hurt.
"Ooh, you want to play that game, girl? As you wish." Lucemon's wings wagged behind his back. "'Alphamon' and 'Omegamon' are just petnames for Matsuda Takato's left and right testicles."
"Pffft!" Not only Terriermon, but Hirokazu, Kenta and—much to everyone's shock—Juri as well, burst into unbridled giggling. Ootori Reika joined in upon catching a glance of Yamaki face-palming by the door. Of course Hypnos had been aware of Terriermon's ridiculous blog.
Before Takako could have her turn, however, Lucemon continued his merciless offensive, for no one but Lucemon is allowed to have the last laugh.
"The reason Examon attacks from orbit is because he believes Matsuda Takato cannot reach him all the way up there. He is obviously a delusional fool."
"When Omegamon fights Matsuda Takato, the only future he sees is pain."
"Chrome Digizoid is made of Matsuda Takato's discarded skin cells."
"The 'Warrior Ten' is just a fancy name for Matsuda Takato's fingers."
"Yggdrasil is the 'God' of the Digital World. Matsuda Takato is Yggdrasil's God."
"Matsuda Takato once took a picture of what's inside his pants. Thus was born Leviamon."
"The reason Matsuda Takato never wins at the Digimon Card Game is because Matsuda Takato does not play games."
Lucemon paused, his eyes drifting to Akiyama Ryo for a moment.
"Matsuda Takato once defeated Akiyama Ryo at the Digimon Card Game. His winning move involved a Joker, a 'Get out of Jail Free' Monopoly card, the Yu-Gi-Oh! Card 'Dark Bribe' and a green #4 card from the game UNO."
Lucemon then looked at the ceiling.
"The reason Matsuda Takato allows the Seven Great Demon Lords to escape from the Dark Area is so he can beat them back in there."
Finally, his smirking gaze fell on the poor Tamers, conflicted between screaming in outrage and laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.
"…the last fact was killed by Matsuda Takato."
All eyes followed the flight path of the large conference table after it was flipped by Makino Ruki.
Her frustrated scream made the windows of the Metropolitan Government Building vibrate ominously.-"